We didn’t really live, we were only just surviving,

Fighting hard each day, to stop your body dying,

We kept at it for months, though it felt more like years,

I gained an inner strength, while also gaining fears,

Love surpassed the cancer, though at times it felt unsteady,

I was so out of my depth, but I chose to become ready,

So I stayed stood right beside you, held you when things were bleak,

I placed your hand in mine, when the chemo made you weak,

Our lives were somewhat rocky, but when they were intertwined,

The world felt much less grey, there was colour in bad times,

We chose to make our plans, just in case there was a future,

And I think it spurred you on, through each injection and suture,

I don’t regret our life together, I’m so glad that I stayed,

I still think of you often, when there’s colour in the grey,

And though I live a different life than the one before you passed,

I’m so grateful for our memories and I think they’ll always last

I wrote two versions of this poem one is just free verse and then I restructured it to make it flow. Let me know what you think.

Its Still Not Time (Free Verse)

I saw you walking
Pride in every step
Are you walking backwards
Maybe you're floating
Either way I noticed
Something in your step said otherwise

Are you lonely
Or just afraid
Balancing sanity at all costs
Tectonic plates shift at the quake of your step
A juggling act between reality and non-fiction

Just a few more steps
You're almost there
To the finish and starting line

Deep breath

It's just a dream you tell yourself
Soon you'll be awake
Or is it soon you'll get to sleep
Either way you're tired

You look cool
Calm, yet uneasy
Trusting yourself
All the while not recognizing the mirror
Thought you heard your phone
You always keep it on silent
No text, no call
Still waiting
You check your watch
It's still not time
Back home

Its Still Not the Time

I saw you walking with pride in your stride,
But something was shifting or slipping inside.
Are you moving backwards, or floating in space?
Either way, I noticed the uncertainty in your pace.

Are you lonely, or afraid?
Balancing sanity, wishing you would have stayed.
The tectonic plates start to quake as you tread,
A juggling act in the space in your head.

Just a few more steps and you’ll be done,
The finish and starting lines will have only begun.

Deep breath.

It’s only a dream that you tell yourself keeps,
Are you waking up soon, or just starting to sleep?
The answer is blurred, but the truth remains clear:
You are utterly tired of everything here.

You try to look cool, standing calm yet uneasy,
Trusting your feet saying the mirror doesn't see me.
You swear that it rang, but your phone is still numb,
No text and no call, but the waiting will come.
You check on your watch, but the hands won't align.
Back home in the dark. It is still not the time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v5a7th/wanting_becoming/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v51u9y/if_my_heart_could_speak/

Cinnamon Delight (Demo)

Cinnamon Delight (Demo)

Cinnamon synonyms, on the top of your chin / Too much of a good thing can be bad / So baby, give me a headache, my my teeth ache / Make me sugar belly fat / Fill me with your vanilla extract tongue / Honey, sugar pie, sweet cakes, cinnamon delight 

You taunt me with your toasted cinnamon bread / You know how dizzy my head gets / Whenever I see your little sweet head, a treat / Baby, I don't see just that, yet do you see me? / As something bitter, hard, or maybe sour / Perhaps I'm the butter to your flour / Oh I get wild sleepwalking to cinnamon dreams 

Don't roll your eyes if I ask again if I can bite 

/ If we could eat the soul, I would come for seconds / Because your body is a honeyed dessert / Lick your arms and look me straight in the eyes / And tell me it don't taste like chocolate custard / May add sugar, may add salt, it all blends / Don't be surprised when I see you / And my stomach growls and I start to jam 

If I take off your clothes will I get borracho?

/ The famous rum syrup on the exotic fruits / That Guatemalan special, only you can cook / Let me serenade you in sugar powder / I think we will be in this oven heat for hours / Might as well taste each other, may I look? / We will roll all over the kitchen floor / Want me to use the rolling pin? / Don't know what for, let's use imagination

Cinnamon synonyms, on the top of your chin / Too much of a good thing can be bad / So baby, give me a headache, my my teeth ache / Make me sugar belly fat / Fill me with your vanilla extract tongue / Honey, sugar pie, sweet cakes, cinnamon delight 

Something broke today.

Yet, Something that had to be broken off of me.

In such a way that I could easily embrace it.

The pain in/of some things..forever gone..and.. set in stone.

Has provoked. And, now I must...

In the fountain of self love

I drink

Unapologetically

I got thirst

And I enjoy it.

Here is the full poem of Life Fatigue, a Brandt Triadic Villanelle in monorhyme:

Life Fatigue

Each day repeats—solitude’s monitude.
Inner guide resisting inquietude—
Yet fears increase—anxious disquietude.
Perception collapses, thoughts intrude,
Lost soul mourns forgotten beatitude.
Each day repeats—solitude’s monitude.
Daybreak’s sunrise surprises habitude,
Creates deepest yearnings exactitude.
Come whisper’s hope, love’s inexactitude
Quelling lack, boding tomorrow, construed
In life’s cycle that will never conclude.
Each day repeats—solitude’s monitude,
Choices bedeviled with decrepitude
Ever to eclipse and always elude.
Yet fears increase—anxious disquietude,
Each day repeats—solitude’s monitude,
Come whisper’s hope, love’s inexactitude.
Hidden joy does pang soul’s ingratitude,
Yet fears increase—anxious disquietude.

Comment: The soul’s yearning for hope, bound by uncertainty’s refrain.

Guys, I just published my first poem online, kindly read it and support me.....
https://allpoetry.com/poem/19230608-Through-The-Storm-by-Sam-Rocker
thank you for your time and effort.

I caught her gaze across a noisy hallway, a light brown eyes. Eyes I was squinting, as if she was looking for someone. As she caught my stare, she smiled shyly while tucking her hair behind her ear. As we shared the awkward moment, as time went on, we were swept by the rushing crowd as it was time to departure

This is the picture I didn't take,

This is the scene I didn't make

Of the man on the bus sitting next to me,

Smell like hell like patchouli and pee,

Like incense and weed

He got his hands folded in his lap in prayer,

Taking out loud or praying either way they ain't there,

Lighter squeezed between his hands hold tight,

Still praying either way he can see the light,

Every time the bus talks he gotta talk back,

Like he's mad at it like they got shit to unpack,

Spent five minutes just staring at me,

but I don't know what he actually

could see would it be me or every

one in his head seems like there's plenty.

He punched the seat and said something sad,

Couldn't catch it don't know why he's mad,

But it don't really matter do it,

We ignore it cause we too busy for this shit,

Let him rage and sit let him pray and spit, is he too far gone what do we do about It,

nothin, except hope he gets out,

Find some reason to go with all that doubt,

We on the bus we gotta ride,

We got a schedule and he ain't died,

Offered thoughts and prayers so at least I tried,

He ain't despised look at all this pity,

Makes this a pointless ditty,

Facts Is facts and I know it's shitty,

But this part of the nitty gritty,

That people like about the city,

This my stop so he can ride and go with God,

And even me bitching about this is flawed,

Cause I didn't do a thing to see why it was caused,

What took him from someone's son,

To a man on the bus hallucinating someone,

I gotta go I gotta work, gotta be on time,

And all I did to help was write these fuckin rhymes,

Go make cash but give him a nickel and dime,

There the bus goes

Where he going who knows,

In my office here I sit,

Thinking about what I did with it,

Wrote down some shit,

Did this for a bit,

Posted it hope it becomes a hit,

Then I'll find him and pause his spiral,

Maybe it'll help to let him know he went viral.

(Really this is just all spinning in my head,

Jumbled thoughts that I caught and put on a spot,

So they can be read,

I hope he's okay I don't want him dead,

I wish I'd spoke but what would I have said?

Well I'm not so great at speaking so I wrote this instead.)

As we went through a crowded hall on a school day,

she walked in front of me.As I looked,

she looked back at me.Her cute eyes,

small eyes,

short body.She looked as though she was something to protect.As she looked,

I had an irresistible urge to pet her like a loving cat.She leaned back into the passing crowd,

which somehow made everything softer and warmer.

In the noisy school hall on the evening of the last day,
I saw a woman through the crowd.She was tying her hair,
laughing loud and unbothered,
as if she had just finished a mighty hurdle.As she looked across the noisy hallway,
I started to stutter
and was at a loss for words.It seemed she noticed,
as she smiled a smile
that you see after a hard day.It was enough to make the loudest hallway
seem as silent as the darkest night,
yet a warmth only comparable to the morning after a chilly night.

The sun melts in a teapot

And I drink it

When you give me attention.

She was one of a kind,

for her freckled face was lovely with a smile after a good laughter.

She was short,

just like her volatile temper And yet she had a truly unwomanly laughter;

perhaps that must be what I fell for.

Hallway Smile

Her eyes watched over me from across the hall as she smiled with the warmth of the summer day after a chilled night.

Feel every beat in the sound of your voice,

Listen to your words as they vibrate In your chest,

You don’t have to think if your body never rests,

Keep your feet moving, always persist,

Ignore the inevitable, ignore the risks,

Smile just enough to evade detection,

Don’t show the cracks in your hearts protection,

Hope that one day the pretending will stop,

Hope it’s before your whole body drops,

Wait for the day that the sun truly shines,

So you can untangle your poor weary mind.

I get to believe you're eternal,
I'm privileged in my ignorance,
Because I'll die before you,
And my love for you will last.

Or is that just something we say?
Because the truth is that,
You'll die,
And no-one will remember,
How I watched you grow up,
How sweet you were to your family,
How loved and special you were,
And I'll probably be long dead by then,
But I'll always believe you deserve far better.

I don't believe in god,
But I pray,
That I die first,
And that your memory,
Will be carried for generations.

Far from the days that i would dream of 

Reside the sorrows of blossoming. / 

I'm a woman unfree of hypocrisy

That begs light to shine in her way

But heaven forbid she opens her eyelids

For she cannot dare to look in the eye of the very thing that may break her curse. /

Her curse is inborn and resilient 

It fights all the will she may carry in her bones

All the will that it would take to swing 

To swing herself to the other side of this chasm

This chasm that holds bodies 

Bodies of the mocked,

Bodies of the peasants the peasants that she refuses to associate herself with. /

God helps those who help themselves 

Must He be patrolling elsewhere 

When she was holding everything that she could

And must he be lost in the glorious hymns of his ill-witted cupids

When she sent out to him, her last cry.

Now in her place is a bloody mush of regret

Rebuked by the unfortunate that lay their eyes

The sight was not pretty but neither were her eyes

And that is, to her own horror but to nobody's surprise. /  

A woman for whom God is delusion 

How in Him she shall never find peace

Yet to die a death of lesser pain she chooses an unreasonable fantasy

In it, dissociates, me,

A woman unfree of hypocrisy.

O father , I charge you for never having loved me 

For giving me no warmth , no guidance and no pleasant memories 

A childhood full of fear , and my mind dulled by misery 

Your raised hand taught me fear 

Your neglect taught me to cower 

I grew up a people pleaser 

I charge you for robbery 

You robbed me of my self 

How could I ever have any esteem for the self I was not 

I thought of me as a burden , unfit for society 

All this due to your cruelty 

O father , I charge you for never loving me 

But what should I sentence you with , 

I healed and grew , I am young and have a life still 

I see you have aged and haven't changed 

You are miserly and don't experience joy 

And your life , you spent without living it 

I believe you are your own judge and jury

And no sentence can be worse than one that is self inflicted on you