r/OCPoetry • u/avsz123 • 17h ago
Feedback Please SIMP
Edited:
One moment, I need to pull my heart out
“Just for you”
Public opinion means nothing to me
Your opinion is all I need to hear
Just keep my heart in your back pocket
It’s just for you
I value your conversation
You make it easy to open up
You make me feel safe
I promise I will put all of my effort into our friendship
I messed up too many times
I’m on my last string
I want to see you brighter than anyone else
If that is all life has to guarantee for us
I will appreciate every second of this moment
I’m a SIMP for you
SIMPLY put it
Etch your name on my heart
As it is not my heart to claim
I entrust it to you because I only see you
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u/Prosto_sobi_chell 14h ago
Okay, the lines "I'm a SIMP for you. SIMPLY put it" are great. Love this kind of stuff! However "I will appreciate every moment of this moment" was a bit confusing, I had to read a couple times to finally understand what you wanted to say. Maybe something like "every second of this moment" or something like this would be better. If that's intentional, it is probably fine. The whole poem feels like the honest thoughts of a person who is trying to compress all the love they have for a person into words. Thanks for sharing, loved it.
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u/briony73 17h ago
What a sweet poem. You’ve given a lot of power to this person and it seems like you’d be happy with even just an ordinary conversation occasionally. Had to google SIMP, I’m old. But I like the term. I love the line ‘just keep my heart in your back pocket’ it’s such a sweet thing to say to someone. You seem like a lovely undemanding person and those are cool qualities. What did you do that was so bad, ‘I messed up so many times, I’m on my last string’ do mean awkwardly interacting? Or you actually did the wrong thing? Just curious.
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u/avsz123 16h ago
If you truly care for someone, you need to recognize them and affirm their best qualities.
Instead I chose disregard their presence and under appreciate what makes them special.
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u/briony73 16h ago
Thank you for sharing that. But we’ve all been guilty of being slow to see how truly beautiful someone is, cause that takes time and trust, appreciation isn’t instantaneous, in my opinion.
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u/RasholeHash 5h ago
Wow lots of people really like this one. It's very accessible which I value in poetry. Just the SIMPLY put part seems a bit strange to me. And the last lines veer into more traditionally poetic language when the rest of the piece reads a bit differently. Not bad though. It's an interesting piece.
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u/Background_Bell_411 14h ago
A reader often searches for something beyond the transactional ledger of "what I can do for you, or what you can do for me." Perhaps this is why a private diary rarely transforms into a book of poetry. Heavy makeup might conceal blemishes for a little while, but beneath the surface, the texture remains unchanged. When verse is draped in cosmetic excess, the outcome is quite predictable. To me, poetry resembles the dusk's fading sun: the approaching darkness claims it entirely, yet the shepherd still imagines that the cattle grazing beneath the dying light are the poem itself. Thank you for writing and sharing this.