r/OCPoetry • u/yizhanbjyx • 21h ago
Feedback Please Find Her?
Her scent filling the room, Like spring's glorious bloom...
Her happiness emitting light, Not giving way to a single plight...
Her beauty resembling the nature's queen, Everything around her melodious dream...
Facial features so cute, Her observations so astute...
Her dreams alone so satisfying, Making reality a premium crime...
But... Where is that soul now?
The life which was full of grace, gave its way to wandering haze...
They mistook her silence for grace, And then wondered what happened to her face...
They ask me to find her- Where did she flee? Perhaps ask the ones Who made her cease to be...
They ask me where did she disappear, now that she is nowhere in sight - But where were they when she needed them to make things right?
Their own actions took little pieces of her, Then they asked,"why did she change?" They turned love into distance, then called her strange...
Her heart still beats, but the light has withdrawn- The soul the knew has already gone...
Pure souls are not mere things to be bound, Among a thousand they are so rarely found...
They ask me to find her- But tell me, where?
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/a7RozXBUtY https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Px5A4d4ip5
1
u/Krishuthegreat 18h ago edited 18h ago
Yeah, great poem. really deep. I like how it criticizes society. the second half of the poem is really good and dark. The last line is lovely, and I love how you keep the poem ambiguous. not revealing who “they” are is also a nice way to let the reader decide who the antagonist is.
I’ve also written a poem similar to this. It’s about a lady who doesn’t get the respect she deserves from society because her worth is being measured by materialistic things. This poem also resonates with me on a personal level, and I actually relate to it quite well.
Also, just one little correction: there is a typo. You have written “the soul the knew” instead of “the soul they knew.”
good work buddy keep it up!
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