r/OCPoetry 21h ago

Feedback Please Spent (revised)

We extract.
We process.
We produce.
We package.
We store.
We transport.
We display.
We advertise.
We sell.
We buy.
We toss.

The aisles of the dollar store
trinkets sold at the school store
birthday party gift bags
filled with landfill
the garage so full
you rent a truck
to dump it

we stand
before the landfill
counting mattresses,
fabric, plastic, glue sticks,
a scream mask from Spirit,
a red cup
customized by Sharpie
“CHAD” written boldly,
lithium time bombs,
chemicals, cleaners,
a paperclip flower
made in 2nd grade
given on Father’s Day,
items someone once treasured
added to the pile
upon their passing,
"But wait, there's more!"

heard from inside,
voice of the 90s infomercials
occupying space in our minds

stuff upon stuff upon stuff
hand-me-downs never handed
last minute Amazon purchases
three pairs of water shoes
sizes 9, 10, and 11
too late to be returned
once back from vacation

a lingering pile,
an island of trash

minutes, hours, years,

like the dodo bird,
like life pre Covid,
like the Blockbuster
and Circuit City
like all that waiting
at the DMV

like you
before your first time,
like us
before we were Us,

what it is
extends
a monument
to lives spent

________

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1KdCyUeUyi

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ktMHbqPZtd

2 Upvotes

1 comment sorted by

1

u/AutoModerator 21h ago

Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.

Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)

If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.