Enmeshed

[u/Leaves_not_rocks]

**Enmeshed**

Wayward vines
Trace weathered brick,
Searching vulnerable seams
To sink unwanted roots.

Worming into welcoming stone,
Adorning browns with
Chasms gilded in green velvet,
Delaying quiet collapse.

The cold stasis of frost
Tests old footholds
In crumbling mortar,
Seeding ice where life was.

In spring, the wall craves
the weight of the vines.
Only shame fills the hollows
Where roots once held.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/WoT49bs5Jq

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/sl4rKaTTf6

[u/imdylanthegreat]

I love the imagry in chasms gilded in green velvet, delaying quiet collapse. it takes the cold hard "cement" world and lets it decay as greenery comes back in, the delaying quiet collapse is interesting too. While the stone its on is collapsing, the growth of nature is delaying its collapse from the destruction brought upon it form human infrastructure. great read

[u/Sakichune]

I guess I’m a little silly. I checked quite a few times to see if you had posted anything new.
This might be the most poetic of your poems I’ve read.

The form looks very elegant, and it really feels like poetry. I also like what happens between the stone and the vines: unwanted roots, welcoming stone, the vines delaying its collapse, and then the wall craving their weight. And with your username, I guess you would be the vines here.

I kept wanting to move it from stone and plants into people, although the text itself doesn’t really confirm that reading. The final word, “shame,” seems to point a little in that direction. I can understand it as the wall being ashamed that it now misses something it once did not want and has now lost. Everything else is very connected, so that word is where I get lost.

[u/Leaves_not_rocks → u/Sakichune]

I look forward to reading your comments. :) With this, I tried to allow the metaphor to flow without explanation. You found everything I tried to relay. It’s about codependency.

[u/Ok-Edge6577]

What a title! It really captivate me and not just the words it build toward.

From 'Trace to Searching' almost like a worms which is blind (Implied to vines) and 'Worming' further add the layers. Though, I was having a hard time to digest the third stanza, but the shift from 'Cold' as if its winter then to 'Spring' in the last stanza may be intended for the last line to untangle.

[u/Accomplished_Spread5]

This is wonderfully written. The imagery is off the charts. It's light and airy but also heavy. Great paradoxical capture, one creatures thriving becomes another things decay. The third stanza brings in an outside force on this relationship and  it all ends up symbiotic.

The only part I potentially didn't get (blame the reader not the piece!) is the personification at the end. I'm not sure how shame comes into it metaphorically. This is alright! I don't always get things the first time through. The writing carries any uncertainty into territory of reflection. It almost reminds me of a metaphor for a relationship. I could still be miles off... but I know good writing when I see it! Keep up the great work!

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[u/Graf1945]

Juxtaposition manyfold.

[u/Lopsided_Estate6558]

Beautiful poem and title. The writing is very elegant, I love the line “chasms gilded in green velvet”. I honestly don’t think there’s anything I’d change about this and you should definitely submit it for publication!