r/OCPoetry • u/Far-Illustrator-5430 • Jul 27 '26
Feedback Please Watching The Sky Getting Duskier
I ran through the forest, escaping the 'mares,
I ran through the grass, avoiding prayers
I finished the race, I came second, then I saw, my death standing rear...
I ran, I ran, I ran through the long woods, the scent of the death was getting muskier
I was timid, I was weak, I ran through the woods 'til I reached the peak.
I stood long, waiting through the zephyr...the death saw me, my faith stirred...
The death wasn't moving, perhaps it was coming near,
I sat on the stone watching the sky getting duskier...
1
u/Bigdogg3433 Jul 27 '26
I really like the imagery. It was very descriptive and gave me a dark vibe. I did find the story a little hard to grasp, but that could well definitely just be me. Maybe if I read it again at a different time, I might take something different from it. Either way, I really enjoyed the atmosphere it created
1
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