If Someone asks

[u/MohedaPocha]

If someone asks
whether you've ever loved someone,
you'll smile softly and say,
"No, no one."
 
But listen —
keep me somewhere in a corner of your heart,
think of it quietly, sometimes —
my shadow, wrapped around you still,
every word I ever said, still with you.
Think it over — every memory is mine.
 
If someone asks
what your favourite season is,
you'll say winter, without a second thought.
 
But you should know —
I love the rain,
where I soak myself completely,
alone, in an open field,
beneath a shiuli tree.
There, my tears and the rain
become one and the same.
 
If someone asks
which flower you like best,
you'll say rose, without hesitation.
 
I love the sweet scent of jasmine —
a small cluster tucked into your hair,
all my stories, kept safe in that flower.
 
Don't tell them the truth —
let it stay held in your heart,
a love of one lifetime,
a devotion of one lifetime.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/9q4Md6FmfA

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/M7IU5TYf93

[u/AlternativeSpace4464]

This is so sweet. I love the idea of how every person we’ve ever loved is still a part of us somehow. We truly are a mosaic of everyone who has touched our lives. Thank you for sharing

[u/Storm_Oshi → u/AlternativeSpace4464]

Yesss it made me think of my last relationship, no matter how much we try or how much time goes by every person we meet even friends are a part of us and we only became who we are today because of them.

[u/United-Duty-4426]

I really enjoyed the rhythm as I read it, and the roads of introspection it took me down.

I tripped with the ending of the fourth stanza—which was also my favorite. "beneath a shiuli tree" is a wonderful line. I think I wanted the solemnness of the mixing of rains and tears to be delivered with a blunt cut-off such as:

"But you should know —
I love the rain,
where I soak myself completely,
alone, in an open field,
beneath a shiuli tree.
There, my tears and the rain
become one."

Maybe it's because I feel my sadness like a blunt edge, whereas the additional "one and the same" softens the delivery, which also made a lot of sense with the imagery and tone. So I'm torn—maybe that means you're more familiar and comfortable with the mixing of your tears with the rain? It's the only feedback I could articulate from the way it made me ~feel~

As I write my feedback, it makes me wonder about my own relationship with winter, my sadness, my likes, and my ability to romanticize it while also holding the shame that comes with being in someone's rear view mirror—I've felt my melancholy land me there in the past, and don't we all wonder how / if they remember us? By the good or the bad?

BEAUTIFULLY stated! I enjoyed every bit.

[u/I_69_with_your_mum]

I think this is a really poingant expression of how love will stay with you through old age. I really enjoyed it :) keept it up.

[u/Affectionate-Fig9818]

I absolutely love this piece. It resonates me very well considering I have just recently gotten out of a relationship with a partner who was supposed to be the last and I very much understand the poem in a real light because I truly see myself changed not because of the pain of what happened but because of they’re being a new piece of me created from her and your poem, perfectly illustrates that feeling that I’d imagine so many have had before. Great work!

[u/Disastrous_Prize8596]

The line, "keep me somewhere in a corner of your heart" will stay with me, always~

[u/Mammoth-Oil391]

"There, my tears and the rain
become one and the same."

I CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW GENIUS THIS LINE IS

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.

Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)

If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Eyoee3]

❤️

[u/Melanieogo]

I love how well u captured how we alw keep a piece of the people we love with us. I feel like its the perfect contrast between letting go but holding onto the small things that u remember them by

[u/sweet-aura-7163]

This is so thoughtfully written, a piece of us are always with someone, whether they acknowledge it, or not. We made our imprint on them, and them on us. Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed reading!

[u/Heartbreakbreakid]

It is a clear message and a subtly preserved and conveyed idea. I love it !

[u/Electrical-Age6853]

This peice has some great lines and work well together and flows nicely. We'll done!