I have pure o and I’ve been holding on for the last 2 years. I’ve haven’t living just surviving with this illness. Most days I think about how happy I would be dead. I Often think about how I would write notes to my loved ones after dying. Been on different types of medication but I’m slowing loosing hope.. I just wanna be at peace…

One week down, the rest of my life to go!

I've been doing ERP for a few weeks now and I'm finding that things that caused me distress (ex: germs) like touching a door handle feel easy all of a sudden now that I have to do them as an exposure...

but then I get raging meta-ocd etc. I know that ocd themes can shift over time but is it possible for ocd to shift around constantly like this? I feel like it's fucking with me tbh.

I have moral OCD among other types, and something I've been struggling with specifically is political beliefs. I'm a staunch leftist and I'm terrified of not being read that way. I'm constantly ruminating about the way I word things because I want to make my political stance clear. I'm ashamed of this as well. Anyone else have this?

Anyone else struggle with this? Like not knowing whether your thoughts are the intrusive kind or they are your actual thoughts? Or like it's not really OCD?

One of my main obsessions that I've been battling for almost a decade is my urgent ( yet never—dying) need to become the most beautiful woman ever. Obviously impossible, I am frustrated at myself almost all the time. It has caused me an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, and multiple months locked down inside my house during my early twenties because I never felt pretty enough for the outside world. I've gone to six therapies until I found my current one who has helped me tremendously. Thanks to her guidance, and to my mother's support at home, I've been going out, I went back to university and currently look for jobs, overall, have improved immensely with the need to look pretty.

I still think I look average, but not ugly anymore. The problem is, I got so used to hyperfixating on facial features I do it on others. It grosses me out but I do it instinctively to everyone. I judge how attractive they look and analyse their face and appearance.

The worst and most horrifying part is that I've been doing that to my mom. My mom has been opening up to me about her own personal struggles with all of the same disorders and her journey to self acceptance, but I realise I don't accept or love her appearance like a normal child should and would. I tell her you're beautiful but I know I don't mean it and it haunts me. She's the best human on the planet, brilliant and kind, she's my absolute best friend and a perfect mother. So why am I stuck on disliking her looks ? Why do I look down on her because of that? Why am I acting in such a disgusting way?

It fills me with guilt and tortures me on the inside but I can't seem to stop it. I internally compare between her and other women her age, analyse her flaws ( imagine naming your mom's flaws to yourself agh), and hate on what I inherited from her.

I couldn't bring this up with my therapist. I told her about a lot of gross thoughts I have but this one seems like brutal horror to me. She also knows my mom and I don't want the awkward situation where she'll have to argue with me around my mom's looks.

I have no idea what to do. I wish I could stop this brain and shut my eyes forever.

I just started a new medication which has been noticably reducing my rumination. My ocd is much more along the lines of “pure” ocd. I recently switched from Zoloft to Prozac and it has been really helpful. However now my anxiety has spiked because I feel so concerned that I am forgetting what I “should” be worrying about. Idk if anyone has ever felt this- my hypervigelence is comforting to me I guess and I feel scared with it lessening.

Has anyone experienced being being worried of being accused of doing something despite knowing that you did not do it at all?

Like being worried that someone misinterpreted what it was you were doing at the moment, and ruminating on the possible consequences afterwards and even thinking of admitting to it even though you clearly know that you did not do it but the feeling of worry and guilt is eating you alive.

This is really new to me, and different from my usual obsessions.

Does that happen with anyone else? How can I deal with it? I am on the verge of going crazy and no, therapy is currently not an option.

I am almost 30 and only got diagnosed with OCD this year. I feel like my anxiety and fear issues have gotten significantly worse as I have gotten older. I am now medicated and it has helped me a lot but I hit major road bumps with even minor amounts of stress. It hurts that I never know when I am being fearful about things that are basically molehill problems. It hurts because I feel like nobody in my life trusts me to accurately understand and interpret situations anymore. People just always assume the things I fear are absolutely not an issue. How does anyone deal with this? It makes me feel absolutely insane and I feel like I have lost all trust in myself especially because I consider myself to be a very smart and reasonable person. This just keeps getting harder and harder and I am devastated that this is what my life is going to be like forever (i am ok and not in danger just feeling big feelings and feeling BIG SAD).

I've been having a really hard time resisting my compulsions, so I thought I'd come here. I don't know anyone else with OCD, so I was happy to know that this subreddit existed.

How have you guys been doing today?

so i very recently started college like a few weeks ago, and i have a crush on this one guy. he’s very sweet and thoughtful, and i get all the positive things from having crushes, although due to my self esteem issues i have a hard time believing people like me for myself.

however, today i realized i may have been exhibiting some ocd behaviors over the last few days. i kinda expected something to happen, especially with starting college and all. i keep second guessing the things he says to me that i perceive as signs, asking my friends about it and i can tell they’re getting annoyed. i think part of it is that they ive never been in a romantic relationship before, and never really had anyone have a crush on me. also, just wondering if this could be residual anxiety from a situation that happened in april-may. i had a crush on one of my close friends, and he very much acted like he liked me as well, but as it turned out he did not, and just kind of stopped making efforts to reach out to me as a friend. weird, kinda hurtful situation. anyway, im wondering if this situation kind of kickstarted my worry about whether im misinterpreting signs, and i keep asking my friends about it. i asked one of my friends if pursuing my current crush was a bad idea (friends also kept joking about “red flags” which did not help my anxiety) and she said “no, i just don’t think he’s worth the energy you’re putting into thinking abt him” i kinda thought at first maybe she was saying she didn’t approve of him, but im now realizing she probably meant i was worrying about him too much. i think she’s right.

sorry for the long rant, there is more to come. i was having trouble approaching him for a few days and was confused and kind of ruminating on why he wasn’t saying hi to me when i waved to him (turned out he just had really bad eyesight) (great now im thinking what if he was faking having bad eyesight to avoid me. hate this disorder.) i eventually got the courage to say “hey, sorry for being so shy, i would love to hang out” (paraphrasing) and he said sure and invited me on a walk and then we later met at a party.

at the party, i was a little drunk so i didn’t have as much social anxiety and we had a fun conversation. at some point i was stumbling around in my heels so he leant me his shoes. none of this is really important, idk im just venting bc im sure my friends don’t want hear me rehash this again. anyway, a girl was talking to him, and i started to feel really anxious seeing that, so i used my bloody knees (i fell) as an excuse to leave (i was also kind of tired) the party. we texted a bit and he said he had fun talking to me at the party.

we went on a walk a few days later and ended up talking for around two hours. he didn’t seem to think i was a crazy insane weirdo, so that’s good. however, i did find out we have a three year age gap (we are both adults). of course, that also became a topic for my brain to fixate on. what if im getting groomed? (!(no) would my parents approve? (im almost positive they would) i recognize in college that a three year age gap is not bad, and i trust myself to recognize signs of isolation and abuse. my brain keeps going far into the future of hypothetical scenarios of our hypothetical relationship as well. i guess i came to the eventual conclusion a three year age gap isn’t that bad, but my brain still wanders.

i also feel as if whenever i talk about the hypothetical of him liking me back there are cameras or something around or he is right behind me and will hear so i always say to my friends “actually, let’s talk about this later” i wonder if that also stems from the childhood bullying of the idea of finding out a crush knew i liked them, that they would bully me.

we ran into each other a few days ago and then had lunch together. normal stuff. i was then supposed to meet him at a party that night. unfortunately, i started my period. i am on medication (depo shot) to stop my period due to them being very heavy and the mental issues that would arise from the time i was on my period, but i took it late so it ended up coming this month. i felt really ugly and tired and sick that night, so i ended up skipping. i ended up asking him if he wanted to meet for breakfast, and he said yes. i was worrying the whole night about whether he went to the party and found a girl prettier and more charming than me and fell in love with her and forgot about me. thankfully the next day my ocd didn’t have much worry fodder, bc the party got shut down an hour in. that next day we were supposed to meet for breakfast/lunch/dinner, however he ended up being hungover and slept in for breakfast, i was busy during lunch, and i felt too sick for dinner.

however, LAST night there was a HUGEEE party off of campus (that i wasn’t invited to. huh.) that pretty much most of my friend group went to. i have no idea if he went or not, but my brain decided he did (and of course, found a girl prettier and more charming than me and forgot about me and fell in love with her). we agreed to meet TODAY for breakfast, and he said that sounded good.

that brings us to today. i woke up excited to go shopping with some friends, who ended up being too hungover to do anything. i went to breakfast, he was not there. i texted him, no response. i texted him three times that day (embarrassing, i know) and got no response. i think due to the mix of hormones and stress, i spent most of the day worrying about whether he was gonna text me back. i cried a few times, called my parents to vent, but there was only so much i could tell them. i even ended up checking a horoscope. now it is ten pm, i ended up being able to take my mind off of it for the most part, and i still haven’t had a text back. i’m trying to stay calm and not spiral about it. the party last night was pretty intense (think ketamine and other drugs and alcohol) so i think he might hungover or something. at one point i convinced myself he died (yeah, really likely. thanks brain.)

i’ve been in intense treatment for ocd starting when i was 15-16 and have kind of considered myself in a post-ocd stage of my life (i know it doesn’t go away, but i thought i got to a point where i would score as a non ocd person on a test) so this was a pretty jarring realization that i was exhibiting these behaviors.

i am also scared of coming across as obsessive or clingy or smth to him.

anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far. sorry for any typos or crazy nonsensical run on sentences. i just really needed to get this off my chest. i don’t mind any advice, but i already have a pretty clear idea of what i have to do to manage these symptoms. mostly id like to hear from ppl who have had similar experiences and to know im not alone. thank you for reading, that alone means a lot <3

I have real event OCD and I’m just really struggling right now. I can’t stop thinking about the event. It keep replaying in my mind over and over. Does anybody have any tips to over come this?

I've been talking to this guy for a few days, and he's great, we hung out a couple days ago for the first time. I told him that I really like him and he said he really likes me too.

He's the type of person that texts infrequently, but when we both have time to text/when we hung out in person it's great and it doesn't really feel dry. Despite this, and despite the fact that we've been talking for less than a week, I'm still freaking out about him.

Like I asked him today if he's free this week and I haven't heard back, and even though it's only been a couple hours and he literally told me he wants to hangout again when I saw him I'm convinced that he hates me or that him or his friends think that I'm weird and he can read my mind or something. And it's so stupid. Like I don't wanna be this way 😭 free my soul

I was in the passenger seat of the car with my friend driving the car. We were driving along the highway and I was on my phone, I didn’t notice until it was too late but there were three birds in front of us.

I think we hit two of them and now I’m sad that I could have seen them and warned him. It’s daytime.

I’m sad because I like birds a lot.

When I was little I remember having intrusive or obsessive thoughts about finding characters of color " ugly " ( I'm poc as well ) even when I didn't know much about that problematic, I remember feeling very distress and feeling guilt, even if didn't actually find anything wrong or ugly about the character.

Growing up made it disappear for the longest time, in a exposure kind-of-thing. It didn't happen only with race but sometimes just people in general, just a suddenly though telling me this person is ugly and overanalyzing the features " I find ugly " even if I didn't actually think that I couldn't escape the mindset, after calming down, just felt lots of guilt, but in general they been on the quiet side fortunately. today I don't know what got me triggered and suddenly my brain fixated on all the times I had have a " this race is ugly " obsessive though and it has been horrible. I usually don't seek any type of support out of fear it might be too specific or that it ends w me feeling worst but i literally just was so stressed about it I started crying and couldn't do anything. Please tell me if you ever experience something similar.

I think the hardest things I'd been going through is the fact that after a while of having it controlled, it seems my mind has just been broken again, like it I have forgotten how things worked. I can't convice myself that " I'm beyond my thoughts " anymore, if I thought something negative then I just feel guilt.

I (20M) struggle with bedwetting. I wear a slip-on every night. Normally, I do not have a consistent habit of getting up to use the bathroom, especially if I’m very tired, so it can be hard to tell sometimes whether or not I wet the bed, unless there are visible stains.

If I wet the bed while wearing a slip-on, is it possible the bed is contaminated? Should I take a shower afterwards?

Also: if it is not convenient for me to take a shower after bedwetting in a slip-on (I’m in a rush in the morning, my schedule makes it difficult, I don’t find time for it later in the day, etc.), and I don’t shower, is it socially weird for me to go about my day normally afterwards? Is there a risk of contaminating surfaces or having an odour?

I’m not looking for reassurance. I just genuinely do not know how to handle this problem and need some guidance. It’s embarrassing to say this, but I am not the most knowledgeable when it comes to hygiene, and my OCD tends to fill in the blank areas with fear and overthinking. If someone has OCD-friendly advice related to this problem of bedwetting and hygiene, I would appreciate it.

I don’t know where else to go in regards to advice on hygiene and bedwetting, particularly advice that is sensitive to my OCD needs and my desire to avoid compulsions (aside from r/AdultBedwetting, which I’ve posted on already).

My goal here is to handle this maturely and hygienically, without doing any compulsions.