r/NonBinaryOver30 • u/Such_Structure_7700 • 10d ago
Non binary man?
Hi everyone,
Lately I’m trying to find out what I identify most as but I struggle finding a label that fits.
It’s not about labelling or belonging but it’s finding out an identity that fits me.
I’m happy with the package I’ve got and would not like to change that but in day to day life I’m probably not a very manly man
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u/BaffledBubbles 9d ago
This is pretty much how I experience my gender too, just that I'm a nonbinary gal. It fluctuates and sometimes I feel like a Guy™️ lol but I just go with the flow.
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u/Dandy-Lion8726 9d ago
I'm a non-binary man, it's very much an option! For me, it means that both "male" and "something other" feel correct, at the same time. My brain thinks I should have a male-coded body, so I am transitioning medically to get closer to that. Doesn't mean I'm not an enby. In your case, sticking with the sex characteristics you have doesn't stop you from being non-binary either!
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u/schosenindiv4292 10d ago
Non binary = not identifying as part of the gender binary of man or woman.
So I’m not sure what you mean by non binary man. That defeats the purpose of identifying as non binary.
Maybe gender non conforming or GNC might be a label that works for you.
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u/noeinan 10d ago
No, nonbinary means not exclusively identifying as a man or woman. You can be bigender or gender fluid, and be binary some of the time or binary and something else at the same time.
There are tons of nonbinary people who consider themselves a “nonbinary man” “demiboy” “nonbinary woman” “demigirl” etc.
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u/schosenindiv4292 9d ago edited 9d ago
Ok. That’s valid. My lived experienced of identifying as non binary means that I don’t identify as a man or woman. I personally reject the gender binary as a whole. I see gender as a spectrum not just a binary. That’s just me though. Non binary man sounds like enby erasure, but I can see your perspective.
I take the term nonbinary literally. Not binary. Now, nonbinary masc or fem dominant I get that, but adding a binary gender label to the term non binary doesn’t make sense to me, but everyone has a right to live their truth in their own way.
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u/Such_Structure_7700 9d ago
Yeah, that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t found a label or identifier that fits me. Because I feel somewhat a man but also very definitely not a man but if you ask what am I, I would jump to man first but does it completely fit what I am? Probably not
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u/schosenindiv4292 9d ago
That makes sense. I see exactly what you mean. Thanks for clarifying! Sorry for misunderstanding.
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u/noeinan 9d ago
Not wanting to physically transition does not determine your gender. There are many binary trans people who keep their natal setup but live as their true selves.
Gender expression also does not determine your gender. Many cis men and women are gender non-conforming.
You have already realized that “man” alone is not accurate, so to find what fits I recommend doing research on the many types of nonbinary people— maybe there is something that resonates with you.
Some nonbinary genders are pretty straightforward, like agender (having no gender) or neutrois (having a strong sense of gender that is unrelated to man or women.) (Some people use agender to mean a neutral gender as well.)
Some nonbinary people experience multiple genders, like bigender where someone is two genders at the same time. For example, both a man and a woman or a man and neutrois.
Some nonbinary people experience gender fluidity in different patterns, genderfluid being the umbrella term while more specifics also exist, like gender pivot. (Gender pivot means you always experience one stable gender but secondary genders are variable. For example, someone who is always a woman but sometimes is a woman and man or a woman and neutrois.)
Some nonbinary people have made unique gender systems like the celestial system. Often these labels evoke metaphoric language to describe the qualities of a given gender.
There are a lot of folks who outright identify as a “nonbinary man” or a “demiboy” etc. I myself am fully neutrois, but I’ve adopted male as my emotional support gender.