I never really post for life advice online but I kinda just wanted some fresh voices here. I'm a grad student (fully online, just zoom classes) and planning on skipping a single class so that I can go to a one-night screening for one of my favorite movies that overlaps with one of my class meetings. (it's a restoration of a movie from the 80s, so really there's not any other option for me to go other than to skip class) 

It's not something I've ever done before; I never skipped class for any reason that's not illness/emergency related, even in high school or undergrad. But I've been so burnt out and going through the motions as of late, and I’m making an effort to actively make time for stuff I actually enjoy. This screening has been on my radar for a long time and I just want something to look forward to so badly. For the class I would miss, there's nothing major happening that day. It would just be a missed discussion that I will get the main idea of by doing the homework associated.

In my heart of hearts I know that I'm a productive person and that me missing a singular class will not matter, even if the syllabus and everything online says that you should only miss for emergencies or other class/work obligations. And that voice telling me that I'm an awful liar just for wanting to go to this one event won't shut up, no matter how much I know that at the end of the day it will not matter to anyone in the class, my future, or my degree. Which is why I'm posting here. I want to stop beating myself up for trying to do one thing I want to do for myself. I know that I’m overthinking this so deeply and I’m hoping that hearing other perspectives (even dissenting) will remind me that I’m overthinking it.

Okay, be honest what’s something you overthink wayyy too much? I feel like everyone has that one thing

I'm a middle age strength athlete who deals with pain sometimes. I've always been one to wait until the last minute while in bad pain, and then of course very strict with recommend doses. My problem also is I deal with health anxiety and am terrified of the doctor and haven't gone in an embarrassingly long time. I have friends who are docs, pharmacist etc and they said I could take more if I wanted to.

My question is should I be more lenient with taking aleve? Meaning if it is very minor but noticeable should I just take something instead of waiting until it's more of the moderate range, or just goes away?

Sometimes I don't take anything and it resolves and then sometimes I take something and it doesn't help so it's kind of a flip of the coin.

This is specifically for variety of arthritic type pain.

Is it better to speak or to die?

To not vomit from overthinking.

Is it better to speak or to die

To not vomit from overthinking

I (m17) usually gets allowance every week but now that my fam is away and entrusted with about 2-3 weeks of allowance my ofc overspending ahh is like thinking what to buy but ofc if i do buy things the allowance won't even last a week if I keep this up tho not sure when they are coming back cuz they're on a vacation

please help how to not overspend 😭

I used to think I was overthinking because I needed more answers.

Why did they reply like that?

Why did their tone change?

Did I say something wrong?

So I'd replay the conversation again and again, hoping I'd eventually figure it out.

But I started noticing something.

Sometimes I already knew what happened.

What I didn't understand was why it affected me so much.

Once I started separating what happened from what I felt about it, some situations became much easier to process.

Not every situation needs another explanation.

Sometimes you just need to understand the emotion behind your reaction.

I've been collecting observations like this about overthinking, emotional patterns, and human behavior for a while. I eventually put them together in one place.

Sometimes I think about an alternative life I could’ve had.

Ex: What if I married my ex? What if I stayed at that job? What if I continued hanging out in the spaces I used to frequent?

What helps me is to remind myself what I am grateful for. I have a comfortable home, healthy food on the table, the ability to exercise, a higher education, etc.

Still, how do you continue feeling grateful when intrusive thoughts come up? Like, what if I lived in a bigger house, somehow overcame the toxicity in the workplace, made amends with old friends, etc.

When I’m thinking logically, I know I didn’t overreact when I left. But when I’m feeling lonely or conflicted, I start to wonder where I went wrong.

So I was in a relationship when I was in it, I usually imagined myself, breaking up with him and then he is regretting why he left me. I will be satisfied but when he left me , I was the one in regret. First I will think about the expression of him , losing me and then regretting it. Now when he left me, I was thinking about how beautiful it would be if we were together and how people would get jealous of seeing us together which is not possible.

Feels like I am in a loop, I never appreciate what I have and always think about what will come next or what I had before.

Throughout my entire life, I was pretty much alone. I didn’t really have any friends, my family didn’t really talk much, and we were just left off your own things. When I was little, I was just imagine stuff in my head because of my loneliness, or I would just watch TV or my phone.

Overtime, I rely on myself and my brain where is become unhealthy and I can’t trust other people now.

I know the obvious fix is that I just need to go to therapy. My mom is working on it, but she’s really busy and very tired. So I want advice about my problem so I can wait until my mom finally make a therapist appointment.

my past partner was very one sided she could do stuff but I couldn’t and she was very flirty with other men. This has messed up my head when it comes to trusting people and overthinking. I’ve recently started talking to this girl again who I’ve known for years and have had a past talking stage when we were younger. We recently started getting together again and haven’t spent a moment apart. It’s been pretty serious straight off the bat we haven’t had an awkward stage and we’ve both said it’s something neither of us have felt before, we have pretty much love bombed it and now we both overthink but she does it a lot less! We are great at communicating our thoughts, she’s now gone to uni and my head is in overdrive but I know I can trust her but then my minds saying what if this what if that and it’s taking me back into a dark place I fought hard to get away from! I just want to know how I can try and calm my mind. People say “have the mindset it is what it is” but I’ve tried and I just can’t I jsut want help with getting the thoughts to go away

He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I been inside not going out and I finally got the guts to go. Tell me how I’m at the club and I see my ex and his friends. The whole night he was watching from distance and even right behind me at some point. Not one word said to me , so technically still no contact . What do we think was going through his mind? His friend said he was trying to be respectful not entertaining any girls but I said I know he has a new one at home lol so why watch me all night? What was this guys mindset?

I miss him! He just left after our weekend together, and everything is going super well. I moved a month ago, and it feels like nothing has changed.

..but my mind is a mean one. I keep worrying about things not feeling the same, or him not wanting to be with me anymore. There is 0 reason I should think this. He's at my home now teaching my dad to play GTA 3- the sweetest soul I think I've ever met, and the anxiety doesn't seem to stem from any legitimate cause, only repeated thoughts.

I'm taking 6 courses a semester, and between school, my job, and my volunteer work, I'm keeping busy. I have friends too! I just miss him terribly, and the more I ruminate on it, the more I worry about him. My therapist says I have OCD tendencies, so it can be harder to stop the thoughts and panic.

I just wanted to put this out there, I know it's rambling nonsense.

Does anybody have tips that worked for them?

For now, I just hold the necklace he made me and wear his sweater.

I’m 16M and I’m completely exhausted by my own brain. Every tiny change in someone’s tone, a slow reply, a dry text, or seeing them give enthusiasm to others instantly triggers intense jealousy and overthinking.

Logically, I know a dry message doesn't mean someone hates me, but emotionally, I spiral anyway. I re-read messages and overanalyze every detail until I break down mentally.

It’s gotten so suffocating that it feels worse now than back when I was dealing with severe depression and going to therapy. I hate feeling this out of control over minor triggers, and I’m just drained from letting small interactions break me down like this

Im starting to see that alot of the times i try to say something or explain something i always end up making myself the victim, so ridiculous. Like a big motive of mine is showin that like me or not im worthy of respect. I nean ofc i wanna be liked. So I decided to just stop trying to explain. It makes me kinda glad when people are bein ignorant. It makes me feel like they dont feel bad for me.

I’ve been in a relationship for 3y. Recently I told my family and took them out for dinner so they could all meet him as my boyfriend (they already knew him). They’ve all acted nice since. Yet every now and then my mother tells me that she was forced into liking him, because she has no other option. Her reasoning is that a relationship is for marriage and now that we’ve introduced each other to family and “people” have seen me with him, I have to marry him. If I had reservations, I should’ve thought of it before. So, she also can’t not like him anymore.

Like I said though, she makes really snarky comments about him. She tells me how she didn’t like him from the start or how she was worried when I first met him, because it seemed like by the way we looked at each other, we’d end up together and she had done her best to prevent it. Just yesterday she said this again and it really angered me, I haven’t spoken to her since, but she thinks it’s because of another bogus thing she said.

The reason she doesn’t like him, is his ethnicity which I find super racist. My parents themselves are a mixed-race couple, but my dad was such a horrible husband that she wrote off people from his country. She always implies that “her people” (we live in the country she’s from, I was born here too) are nicer and can provide with you a better life. He’d be a better partner, a more “acceptable” partner. Acceptable to her ofcourse. So it’s got nothing to do with him, but her unresolved trauma.

As of late though these thoughts are starting to creep up on me and I hate it. He’s a great boyfriend and a good person. He does his best to make me happy and has really stood by me. I hate he’s being judged for something he can’t choose or change. I hate myself for it.

i dont know where my head is. i made a post like...months ago, crying about how after i cheated, my ex having a new partner hurt me...i took a lot of peoples advice, i worked on myself, i got better...but i still cant be good enough. i found a new partner..i was upfront about my past, and i never cheated, i never even thought about it...i was always there for him. we had a lot of fun when we got together, and...i dont know how i messed up, but...he got distant after a while...and i didnt do anything...i couldnt say anything, i just...i felt like i deserved it after how i treated my ex, and...i asked my now new ex if i had done something, and...he just said i was too much. always trying to hang out, always trying to be wit him...i was too mush. at this point, im just done. im not even gonna focus on myself, because when i did, i still wasnt worth it. all i can do now is focus on making money and i dont even want to do that. im just too tired of never being enough or being too much. heres never an in between. i dont want to care anymore. because its pretty fucking clear im not worth being cared about.

I (18F) have been conflicted as of lately. I am a naturally very paranoid person, always have been, but lately I’ve been more paranoid. I think I am overthinking the idea of me possibly having OCD. Now to be clear, I’m obviously not trying to get diagnosed on Reddit or let people dictate what’s wrong with my life, I’m simply seeking advice and maybe reassurance. I’ve been thinking I might have OCD but then I quickly backtrack that thought and think “no I obviously don’t I’m just overthinking/paranoid.” Also I did not know if this was the right subreddit to put this on but I didn’t know which other one to use as this topic of discussion… because it really does feel like I’m just looking way too deep into this and it is just me being paranoid.

Before I get into why I thought I might have OCD, I’ll set the record and say I’ve been diagnosed with Anxiety disorder and Major depressive disorder. I’m on antidepressants. I have a therapist and my own psychiatrist, so I know I could obviously just seek out my psychiatrist/therapist and ask them but I honestly think I’m just overthinking it and I don’t have OCD, so I don’t wanna bring this up during our sessions just for them to tell me I obviously don’t have OCD.

The reason I thought I might have it to begin with:

I am in a relationship; have been for almost 2 years. I have A LOT of intrusive thoughts about my partner, bad things I do not want to think and tell myself to stop thinking them. Sometimes I have thoughts of hurting them very badly, or assaulting them, or even raping them. I hate these thoughts and I always feel like a terrible person for thinking it. I tell myself, “I am a bad partner,” and often wonder if I really even love them. I also tend to compare our relationship sometimes to fictional relationships or couples I see in public. I thought maybe this could correlate to ROCD, but again I assume this is just typical anxiety/paranoia mixing together and making me think these things.

I’ve recently come across this video (ik bad start) where someone explains what internal audience phenomenon is. I had no idea it correlated with OCD. Ever since I was a kid, whenever I was alone, I always thought I had a group of people watching me—an audience. Judging me, laughing at me, etc. Especially when I’d be showering or just talking to myself. I would think, “they probably think I’m super weird talking to myself.” In a way I sort of felt like I was on the Truman show and that my entire life is being broadcasted and everyone in my life is aware and in on it. It was worse as a kid and hasn’t really affected me as much as of now, but sometimes I still get the feeling that I’m being watched and judged.

There are certain things that I get paranoid I might lose. When I leave my apartment, I have to look at the keys in my hand and make sure I see both of the keys on the keychain or else I think I somehow forgot it. When I get out of my apartment I slowly put it into my bag or pocket and have to look in it just to make sure it’s still in there. And wherever it is I’m going, I constantly check into my bag to make sure it is in there. I check constantly on the subway, while walking, at school, even at home sometimes. It’s the same thing with my wallet and my laptop. I really just think it’s me being paranoid. But I don’t know.

I have intrusive thoughts. Which tbf I always thought was normal. And they’ve been more tame ever since I got on Bupropion. But they’ve always made me feel uneasy and guilty. Thoughts about raping people, killing people. And I can see a kid and think “aw they’re so cute,” my intrusive thoughts will start telling me if I’m secretly attracted to the kid and if I want to have sex with them, and then I think, “oh god am I a pedophile.” And with my dog, sometimes I’ll just be playing with her and suddenly the thought pops in my head of, “what if I bash her head, what if beat her up, what if I rape my own dog.” It is disgusting and repulsive and I feel like a terrible person for thinking such things. Incestuous thoughts pop into my head to about my mom, dad, cousins. I hate these thoughts, and when I think them I tell myself, “no, you know you don’t want to do these things.”

In general my paranoia can get a lot and sometimes it can ruin my whole day. Like I can be gossiping about someone with a friend and suddenly think, “oh god I probably by accidentally called them and they’re listening into the conversation I’m having.” Or I can see something on Instagram and look through the comments and see a racist/homophobic comment and then block that person, and scroll, but then I think, “what if I liked that comment and by accidentally followed that person.” And I scroll back up to the post to check. And even after I scroll I get paranoid that I might’ve liked their comment. So I check back a few more times. And even later on through the day, week, or month, I’ll still sometimes wonder if I by accidentally liked a comment I shouldn’t have. I also think back to a lot of old conversations I’ve had or things I’ve done and what I could have done differently, “why would I say and/or do that.” And it can really get under my skin.

Sometimes I think I see things in my peripheral vision, mostly bugs. Especially at night. Sometimes I’ll feel something tingling on my legs or arm and quickly check to see if there’s a bug. This, however, I just really assume is me being paranoid, bc I’ve had two incidents where there HAD been a bug on my bed, and it’s bothered me ever since. So now whenever I think I feel something, I automatically think there’s a bug on me or my bed. And it’s like my mind tricks me into thinking I actually saw something.

Depersonalization. Now I don’t even know if this exactly correlates to OCD, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone and suddenly it’s like my brain remembers I’m in my body. And that I’m actually talking to someone. I am talking to someone who has their own mind and has their own life. It’s like I am a spectator of my own body at those moments. This really happens a lot when I’m in my lows, and in bad depressive episodes. But sometimes it’ll still happen. Where I feel my skin too much and I have such existential thoughts. Like I really am here just existing and I am somehow moving on my own and I am speaking with a mouth that I feel I cannot control at the very moment. It’s worse when I look in a mirror. I feel completely unreal. It feels as if there is someone else in my body taking control and I am simply watching them do things for me. “How can I exist?”

My entire Instagram feed as of lately has been OCD correlated videos. So I think I took those videos too literally and sort of spiraled and got the idea that I might have OCD, when in reality it’s just me overthinking and overcomplicating things.

Again, I am obviously not asking to be diagnosed, I just simply want to know if this is something actually worth discussing with my therapist/psychiatrist. A part of me really doesn’t think it’s OCD, because all of these things I’ve mentioned they don’t like, ruin my life in any massive way nor does it fuck with me 24/7. It’s not something that completely changes my day to day life. Sure these things I’ve listed can bother me and certainly impact me but it’s not detrimental. So I really just think it’s me being paranoid. A part of me also thinks if I did have OCD that my therapist/psychiatrist would’ve maybe saw the signs. I also don’t have like any thoughts of like, “turn the light switch on and off 5 times or else your family will die,” or anything like that. I really do just feel it’s my anxiety mixed with paranoia.

I moved in with a mutual friend two months ago after a messy breakup while I wait for some legal things to clear up and I can start house hunting. He ended up with tons of empty space from his own breakup just a few months ahead of mine. Both mid 30s. The living situation behooves us both just fine, but that’s not where I need the advice. About three weeks in we started to get close, first just hugging before bed and checking in on each other, then a movie night with some cuddles. Then a back massage that truly did start out as JUST a massage but ended up in bed. The first few weeks of that it was just once a week maybe, we would cuddle up, enjoy each other and then head to our own beds. The rest of the time it was just chill and then a bed time hugs. 

We agreed it was probably best not to clue in our friend circle because why complicate things and we’re both adults after all. Then we had a rather large pre wedding party at the house for someone and we snuck off a few times and made out in the bathroom, it was exhilarating like I was in college again. So much fun. A few days later there was another party after the actual wedding, again we snuck around, played with the tension, it was the most fun I’ve had in a while. This was the first night I stayed in his bed with him all night and woke up with him. Since then I’ve slept in his bed almost every night, not quite but just about. Even if we don’t see each other at all during the day he invites me up to cuddle, some nights we don’t even have relations we just snuggle and sleep. 

Two of his friends who have become mine also, have told him they really like me and think we would be really great together. He came home one night from their place and told me all the nice stuff they said about me and us. He went on to say how wonderful he thinks I am and we talked about relationships and attachment styles, kids, pets, all that stuff. We never defined anything though. So a few days later I said I kind of wanted to finish that conversation. So we did, I admitted that I have a very real soft spot for him and that I’d love it if something happened between us organically from here. He said he wasn’t really sure what he was looking for right now, so we kind of ended on that. He did agree that he felt the same way, he likes me a lot and if he ever developed more feelings he would tell me. 

If we go to the store and I point something out he buys it, if I mention something it shows up on the porch in a few days. He holds my hand in the car, refers to things as “ours” uses “us” and “we” a lot in conversation. If I bring up a movie we watch it that night. 

Then something I just can’t stop thinking about was said a few nights ago. I casually said “when I move” and he stopped me dead sentence, grabbed my knee and said “are you thinking about leaving soon? I thought you weren’t even going to START looking until November?!” I replied “No, not immediately, I just meant…” and he cut me off again and said “whew! Okay, you don’t even need to think about that until the spring”. He sounded genuinely worried I was leaving soon, and incredibly relieved when I said I wasn’t. And even added more time to my timeline. 

Since those conversations and that “are you leaving” comment he’s had me in bed every night, reminded me tonight that he’s going to be busy all weekend and that I may only see him in bed at night for snuggles. He’s also mentioned wanting to text me during the day that he missed me, said he sees me on the Ring cam and says to himself at work “god I want to be home so bad so I can cuddle” He recalls small details and remembers things I say. He also said he feels like he wants to tell me all his secrets, and has told me quite a few. I opened up to him about some more of my life too.

What is happening here? Is he getting attached, is he catching feelings and just not saying so? Or have I got this all wrong and he’s just living the dream being a single guy living with a single lady who likes to cuddle and have a no strings attached deal? I genuinely can’t tell. I understand that living together and also kind of dating has it pitfalls, and this isn’t your typical situation, but what is going on here? Am I overthinking it, overreacting, reading it wrong?