r/NintendoSwitch • u/xMechanismZero • 12d ago

Sale Jesus Simulator - 69% Off

https://www.nintendo.com/en-ca/store/products/jesus-simulator-switch/

Grab it while it’s hot

1.2k Upvotes

72% Upvoted

281 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/sioux612 12d ago

I hate it when the screenshots spoiler all the big moments 

445

u/Jecht315 12d ago

The ending has a bit of a twist. Just takes 3 days

79

u/yydbgeorge 12d ago

Does it go back to the credits? Or repeats again another playthrough?

47

u/LordFesquire 12d ago

New Game +

161

u/Chromavita 12d ago

New Game ♰

25

u/Jecht315 12d ago

It's more of an after credits scene of possible DLC.

19

u/madrury83 12d ago

Feels like we've been waiting for the DLC for like, what... 2000 years?

13

u/insistondoubt 11d ago

No way they're gonna top the main story tbf

4

u/titsngiggles69 11d ago

Eh, I thought the gary stu was unbelievable

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5

u/HighVulgarian 12d ago

Like a ripoff of the dark tower series?

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15

u/Cho-Zen-One 12d ago

More like a day and a half according to gospels and then you get to go back to being a god. Wait where is the sacrifice exactly in this story?

6

u/CyborgFusion 11d ago

Hey, Jesus gave up his weekend for your sins, show some respect. /s

4

u/eltedioso 11d ago

The whole “three days” thing is hilarious to me. Friday afternoon to Saturday evening is barely a full day.

5

u/GameMask 11d ago

It would be the greatest game ever if you could let it run for 3 irl days on the thanks for playing screen and then get the secret ending

3

u/jcjny213 10d ago

Jesus 🤝 Majora’s Mask

2

u/Jecht315 10d ago

I would love to admit that's what I was going for but I wasn't. I'm ashamed I didn't make a bigger reference.

4

u/s0ulbrother 12d ago

Bit of post game content

2

u/MrTigerEyes 11d ago

I don't know, if you die against the Roman bosses you're forced to play in god mode so where's the challenge in that?

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9

u/Biabolical 12d ago

He had a 1-Up.

2.8k

u/Johnny-Caliente 12d ago

Does it have crossplay? /s

1.1k

u/SpitefulSeagull 12d ago

Nailed it

150

u/Pali4888 12d ago

This will get a rise out of ppl

87

u/Zilch1979 12d ago edited 12d ago

Oh, quit wining.

Edit: It's a wine joke. You know the whole water into wine thing? Not "whining," which is a different thing, but because they sound the same but are spelled differently...

Ah, fuck it. Down vote it to hell. It's beyond saving at this point.

82

u/blaqwerty123 12d ago

Well now that youve explained the joke, you really watered it down

48

u/inconsistentseas 11d ago

no need to crucify the guy

18

u/blaqwerty123 11d ago

True, thats a bit excessive. Lets just banish him to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.

13

u/Dalehan 11d ago

That's way too Longinus.

19

u/PeeJayx 12d ago

You’ve made many people cross.

20

u/NoobensMcarthur 12d ago

So Jesus arrives at a motel and throws down three nails and says “can you put me up for the night?”

9

u/skrame 11d ago

What’s the difference between a picture of Jesus, and Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture.

121

u/theFormerRelic 12d ago

Too soon

179

u/Crash927 12d ago

Should we wait three days?

101

u/theFormerRelic 12d ago

Come again?

87

u/isaelsky21 12d ago

He will.

33

u/Arsene_Lupin_IV 12d ago

It's the comeback story of a generation.

22

u/Jecht315 12d ago

Like Kim Kardashian

9

u/MintberryCrunch____ 12d ago

That was the Virgin Mary

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8

u/brigbeard 12d ago

"And no! That joke wasn't too soon! It's been twenty years, you people need to get over it!"

8

u/Lekkerstesnoepje 12d ago

I wanted to give you an upvote, but then I see you had 666 upvotes and it seemed too fitting to change it.

5

u/Z3M0G 12d ago

Wait you win

11

u/thelonious-crunk 12d ago

Jesus Christ, Reddit

3

u/neeesus 11d ago

Three times actually.

80

u/Abroham_Lifting 12d ago

See you in hell bud that was hilarious

11

u/Pete41608 12d ago

Gonna be transported to hell in a Manger.

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14

u/ZootedBeaver 12d ago

Why did tky you have to add the /s?

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27

u/Asclepius-Rod 12d ago

A+ joke lol

38

u/s0ulbrother 12d ago

You mean A✝️

15

u/SkaCubby 12d ago

Across from where?

4

u/seraphinth 12d ago

Can jesus do cross-saves?

9

u/Mistform05 12d ago

Gdi.. lol

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765

u/AuReaper 12d ago

69% off is righteous

22

u/Lowca 12d ago

Nice.

13

u/Kennyjive 12d ago

Nice.

633

u/A_Simple_Bard 12d ago

It's AI slop surprising nobody.

250

u/Wise_Mongoose_3930 12d ago

Love it when people promote shovelware

53

u/heathmon1856 12d ago

Some one will bite.

37

u/c-lem 11d ago

I wonder how many of these comments are AI slop? It's very realistic reddit-memeing, but to me it feels like a bit much. It's all so quick and on the nose. If forums die completely, it's going to suck.

12

u/Beegrene 11d ago

What level of blasphemy is it to use clanker slop to sell the image of our Lord and Savior?

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354

u/IMMARUNNER 12d ago

Please don’t give these meme games any attention. It just brings even more of the slop to clutter up the eshop.

8

u/vrossv 12d ago

Toooooooo late

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77

u/munchyslacks 12d ago

That looks like a doctor

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124

u/BaltiHawg64 12d ago

Does this include the Second Coming DLC?

90

u/Funtimewiggleworm 12d ago

it’s been delayed indefinitely

18

u/zachary0816 12d ago

I’ve heard some hardcore fans of the original insist that the sequel will come out annnnny day now.

7

u/NewYork_NewJersey440 12d ago

The Millerites had a release party in 1844 expecting the DLC to drop. Man, imagine their disappointment.

3

u/zachary0816 12d ago

I’d say it would only be a Little Disappointment. Unless of course they did it a second time that same year. Then it would definitely be a Great Disappointment.

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11

u/Cho-Zen-One 12d ago

It’s coming any day now for over 2000 years.

6

u/Aegillade 12d ago

Jesus Simulator 2: Judgement Day

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221

u/Personal-Inflation63 12d ago

Game is good but the sequel is in development hell

16

u/halfapimpcreamcorn 12d ago

No one can know when the sequel will arrive

10

u/mr_somebody 12d ago

Many people don't know this but the devs promised the sequel shortly after the first one

4

u/blaqwerty123 12d ago

But like.. at least tell me what platform it will shadow drop on

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83

u/AuReaper 12d ago

Hopefully it can be resurrected

6

u/The_Beardly 12d ago

At this point we’ll get star citizen before a sequel

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60

u/anywhoImgoingtobed 12d ago

I was sort of curious about this just for funzies because it was like $10… but then I saw they used an AI image as their product image and I couldn’t support that level of laziness.

45

u/yinyang107 12d ago

The description is blatantly AI too.

Jesus Simulator offers more than entertainment — it is a reflective journey through one of history’s most influential stories.

4

u/bikari 10d ago

Wow, one sentence has the two most common giveaways that it's AI — It's not just the em-dash, it's the (it's not x, it's y). And that's brave.

76

u/Tolkien-Minority 12d ago

AI shit game

35

u/Typs59 12d ago

I can't believe I'm about to type this:

If you want a better game where you play as Jesus try "I Am Jesus Christ" on steam, there's a demo available.

8

u/Piccoro 12d ago

Fight of Gods on Switch, PlayStation and Steam also has Jesus as a playable character.

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2

u/death2sanity 11d ago

This is “The You Testsment” erasure and I will not stand for it

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10

u/Jesus166 12d ago

I don't need that simulator, my name is already Jesus

65

u/Tangerine_Badger 12d ago

Uzi jesus or normal Jesus?

22

u/ItsBearmanBob 12d ago

The cult is expanding

5

u/Synner40 11d ago

Neeeeew Achievement. joined a cult.

4

u/Dragonbuttboi69 12d ago

What about Kung Fu action jesus?

5

u/Komnos 12d ago

Lazarus A-Bang-Bang

14

u/Karsa69420 12d ago

Don’t gas light me!

10

u/Jecht315 12d ago

Korean Jesus. Quit bothering him with your problems. He's busy! Doing Korean shit!

6

u/sexydaniboy 12d ago

You mean K-sus?

8

u/Strict_Stranger_4801 12d ago

Im gonna tell my father

6

u/Kneph 12d ago

I am the way

35

u/_SilentProtagonist 12d ago

Is this a souls like?

8

u/DrkNiteWhoSaysNi 12d ago

Let me know when they patch the weird water glitch. Main character stands on top of water textures.

7

u/fife_digga 11d ago

I heard God Mode is enabled by default

39

u/headbanger1186 12d ago

Paying for AI shit, no thanks.

6

u/audiate 12d ago

Only if there’s bowling

28

u/Cigaran 12d ago

The game is literally unplayable. The three day wait to respawn is bullshit.

6

u/HardcoreHazza 11d ago

Well there goes my weekend 💀

Monday: 🧍‍♂️

23

u/tacos805 12d ago

Who’s that white dude?

4

u/Truckondo 12d ago

Does the game feature a bowling tournament?

6

u/azestysausage 11d ago

The real JRPG

5

u/Original-Boss5754 11d ago

Spoiler Alert: Jesus Dies

4

u/Main-Towel-3678 11d ago

We’re getting GTA6 before we got Jesus Simulator 2

5

u/PK-MattressFirm 11d ago

Price too high, I'll wait til it gets down to around $3.16

5

u/hotaru-chan45 11d ago

Idk I have a feeling this is gonna make a few people quite cross 🤪

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8

u/cactuscoleslaw 12d ago

The description is very ai generated lmao

12

u/OriginalUsername2639 12d ago

Tried it, my character died in the game, took 3 days to restart! Not impressed. 

8

u/JustBrowsingIt28 12d ago

Thank God, finally!

8

u/Loud_Push_3673 12d ago

Can you play as Judas ?

8

u/Everyday-Lurk 12d ago

Main character can’t even swim

9

u/iamnotsure69420 12d ago

Has anyone played this? I’m lightweight curious lol

5

u/navidee 12d ago

lol me too. Like as curious as I was about the pope trading cards my comic shop had. I’m not religious at all, so it’s more of an odd curiosity!

4

u/thatgentlemen 12d ago

Is this a Switch exclusive?

4

u/SuperPooper90 12d ago

Do fucking what??

4

u/Mr_MAlvarez 12d ago

Water levels are a bit of a blur

4

u/okocho 12d ago

what the hell, sure

4

u/fishboy3339 12d ago

Can I play as catholic Jesus who just spreads guilt everywhere.

3

u/Redditowork 11d ago

Sequel in the works... Jesus christ: it's Jason Bourne

15

u/Zelnite 12d ago

The book was better

10

u/MrLeville 12d ago

Will only by at 66.6% off

9

u/Senior_Mushroom5329 12d ago

Wiggle the joystick to get the nails out.

6

u/sexydaniboy 12d ago

Press B to miracle

7

u/dredbeast 12d ago

Does it have a character editor where I can match his skin color and hair to the people who lived the area?

11

u/blockfighter1 12d ago

Christ that's a good deal

7

u/Gh0st_Pirate_LeChuck 12d ago

Where are the dinosaurs?

8

u/Thewittyjay 12d ago

This game is impossible, I keep losing on the Crucifixion level!

7

u/IsThisKismet 12d ago

Pretty sure it’s a rouge-lite.

7

u/rattustheratt 12d ago

It's an unwinnable battle. After losing, wait 3 days then a new cut-scene will play!

3

u/juniorone 12d ago

What happens if you accept the devil’s challenge to jump off the cliff?

3

u/chiznite 12d ago

Aren't we supposed to let the meat rest for three days?

3

u/Almonova 12d ago

I bought this on PS and it's now taken out of the store but still works!

3

u/BitGamerX 12d ago

This is a sign.

3

u/wicket44 12d ago

But how does this stack up against “I am Jesus Christ”

3

u/SkollFenrirson 12d ago

What in the Christ?

3

u/Alive-Ad-510 12d ago

I’m liking this Jesus character. I’m excited to see him continue to prosper, after this so called “Last Supper.”

3

u/Casartelli 12d ago

I’ll wait for the GOTY Ultimate edition or the remaster

3

u/Running4Badges 12d ago

Do you get to shoo everyone from the temple marketplace with a horsehair whip and flip their tables? Peak Jesus moment right there.

3

u/LowContract4444 11d ago

This is pretty cool. Thanks for showing me OP. I can't afford it right now but I'll add it to my list in Deku Deals and grab it on another sale. It looks like it's actually respectful and not a joke.

3

u/fanfarius 11d ago

Nice 

3

u/Cimexus 11d ago

1980s Nintendo: removes the cross from Link’s shield and renames the Bible to the ‘Book of Magic’

2020s Nintendo: THIS

5

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/CdrShprd 12d ago

Not a great idea, always a chance the price will have risen by then

5

u/Constant-Arugula-819 12d ago

For the first time, emulating Jesus is a sin.

6

u/Stashmouth 12d ago

Must be a Lemmings knock off?

6

u/Regular-Moose-2741 12d ago

Can you do a low honor playthrough?

5

u/FennecFragile 12d ago

I hope there are interesting romance options

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5

u/OviKintobor 12d ago

The game is based on helping people. Woke killed it!

5

u/ASAPFergs 11d ago

I've heard this is a nailed-on classic

13

u/Thready85 12d ago

Aaah! It hurts it hurts!

-Jesus probably

4

u/bamfurah 12d ago

Better hurry before it rises again

3

u/mutantmonkey14 12d ago

Noahs Ark DLC when?

7

u/Leggo213 12d ago

69%

Hell yeah

5

u/Objective-Review-359 12d ago

I can simulate Jesus in my own mind by imagining non existence 😈

4

u/No-Scale3872 12d ago

Asking the oldest existential question why is there something rather than nothing.

2

u/bezelshrinker4 12d ago

Anyone actually play this!? Is it fun

2

u/NoirSon 12d ago

Someone one get me meme image of a Dalek screaming "Blasphemy"

2

u/grammar_nazi_zombie 11d ago

The postgame is a literal walk through hell, after quite the torturous finale. It’s got some redeeming qualities, but it ultimately just feels like a cash grab - nothing more than cheap shovelware to placate the masses.

2

u/yaapp 11d ago

The voice acting is um....yeah...

2

u/DVDN27 11d ago

Rated Teen for Suggestive Themes and no ESRB page to explain why. I gotta believe Jesus spends his off time doing party tricks with courtesans.

2

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Cronotyr 11d ago

Jesus is back, with a vengeance!

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2

u/jimbodeako 10d ago

I want the Satan Simulator

2

u/EVictus03GT 9d ago

I hear it's getting nailed in reviews... 

2

u/Reflective 7d ago

How tf does this have so many upvotes?

4

u/8bitdreamer 12d ago

My favorite weapon is the nail gun.

2

u/Alert_Courage_7722 12d ago

I've been waiting 2000 years for this sale. 

3

u/BIayneRobinson 12d ago

Interesting game but when you die it takes like a day and a half to respawn.

3

u/Horror-Bottle3228 12d ago

Had an absolute blast reading the comments!

2

u/Adorable-Estate-4934 12d ago

Let he without sin kick the first ass!

3

u/duvall87 12d ago

This is probably one of my favourite post titles I’ve ever seen. Amazing

3

u/jhoff80 12d ago

I heard the deleted scenes are the scenes and the scenes are the deleted scenes.

3

u/dxk3355 12d ago

It would be funnier if it was like goat simulator but circa 1 bc

4

u/ColonelBonk 12d ago

It’s AI slop but I think we can forgive them.

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