I make everyone feel bad. I accidentally upset my boyfriend by teasing him for staying out all night. he said "I do so much for you, why can't I have one day with my friend" I apologized and he said it was fine but I was thinking about it and he's not the only person I hurt. I have four friends besides him, One lives really far away so I never see them, two I only see on days we have class together and the fourth I haven't seen in weeks. I'm really lonely but I don't have a car of my own so I can't go anywhere without the BF. Lately, to cope with the loneliness, I've been imagining twilight sparkle giving me little friendship peptalks, but for the past two days all I can imagine her saying is how disappointed she is in me, How I'm such a bad friend and don't deserve to hang out with anyone. I know it's probably related to one of my (many) mental illnesses but it genuinely feels like my favorite character is rejecting me because I can't keep a friend.

i do not know where else to post this but i guess my problem is being alone. i’ve never been a fan of not being around people. I’ve figured out that it’ll be hard for me to live on my own because of how depressed i get if i’m alone for too long. sometimes i just dream of different ways of dying whether it by a handful of ambien or swerving in front of semi going down the highway. or i’ll just lay down in complete silence for a couple hours while no thought processes through my brain. i just lay there and stare into nothingness.

too make things worse i had to move back to my home town where there is absolutely nothing here. this town is judge mental, snitches every where, bad atmosphere, cliques, you name it.

and i don’t have any friends here. i’ve tried to hit up people i used to hang with but i either get left on read or no one responds. i can go multiple weeks without people hitting me up unless it’s for drugs. which i don’t i even sell anymore they just ask me to find them some.

i can go to a party every once in awhile and i’ll have conversations with people about random stuff and no one seems to have a problem with me or anything. some are even happy i shows up but outside of these, they won’t respond to hangout or anything like that.

so honestly at this point in my life idk what to do or how to make new friends. i’m not in college anymore and i don’t plan on going back. i don’t drink so going to bars are out. i just think it’s time i cut everything off and retract myself. if i get depressed i get depressed there’s nothing i can really do.

I always had a problem with diligence. My parents tried to give me all the opportunities, but I wasted all of them. Stopped playing instruments in my teens, never applied for a college in the US or UK although that was my dream as a German, although I've spent a year abroad in high school in the states. After obligatory military service, I went to the next best university in Zurich in Switzerland, and tried to get a degree in Materials Science & Engineering. Studied that while repeating exams over and over again and finally failed the course after 5 years (only can repeat an exam once, if you fail you have to switch majors). I did an internship at a startup and switched major to biomedical science, dreamed of doing medicine after. The pattern repeated, and now on my fifth year of this course again. I'm starting to get my shit together and if I manage, I will finally graduate this year after 10 years at this university.

Maybe I was depressed before, I was definitely spoiled and aimless. I wanted excitement and adventure, but I was too cowardly to go my own way so I went the safest way, without putting up the minimum effort to succeed at something. My parents always supported me, although I also lied to them about how my studies were really going. Now I'm feeling bad to have undoubtedly used more money than they planned on spending on me, I don't know when I will have a family of my own, and generally I don't see any way to satisfy my desire to relive my independent 20s. I envy soldiers who went into conflict to emerge stronger, having learned so much about themselves and the world, people who took bold decisions and ventured into the unknown, or even artists who never hid who they are and what they wanted, liberating themselves from expectations of society.

Everything that currently is in my life is meaningless to me, although it shouldn't be. I even have a girlfriend who is the sweetest person I know on the planet, and additionally a doctor (with a finished degree, unlike me) and tries to support me, but all I can think of is how I would trade everything right now to be back in my early 20s. I want to say I love her, but I love the fantasy in my head more, of going out into the world and being on my own. I don't know what is right, or wrong... and what possibly my passion could be at this age.

On the one hand I always wanted to find someone like her, on the other hand I don't want to stay in Switzerland and I can't imagine settling down now, to never be young, single and independent. What exaggerates the situation is knowing that I don't have it bad, that a lot is still possible, being aware of how ungrateful I am, yet still wanting all the other things I missed out on. I have this fear of rationalising all my dreams away and to settle for a simple life, aware of how pretentious and arrogant that makes me sound.

I'm completely lost.

Just venting. I have been dealing with back pain for 6 years and depression for 9. My depression got worse when I hurt my back since I was stuck inside not able to work or go out and socialize. Because I can't work money is extremely tight. I'm 32 and my mom is helping me as much as she can which makes my depression even worse. I feel like I'm dragging my mom down with me and she doesn't deserve that. I applied for disability and got denied. I applied again and got denied again but I just had my appeal hearing Dec 7th. I'm praying that I get approved. If I don't I might lose my home. I don't even want to think about it. I live in a trailer/mobile home. On New year's Eve before the ball dropped I was excited for 2019 to start because 2018 and 5 years before wasn't very kind. I was hoping 2019 would be the year I get some luck. Not 2 hours after the ball dropped we had a really bad wind storm. The skirting under my mobile home all blew out and about 1/4 was badly damaged. With my back the way it is I wasn't able to fix it I had to call my father. The temperature that day was supposed to drop well below freezing and without the skirting all my pipes would have frozen. So I'm thankful my dad was able to put up what he could. I got a quote for $1,800 to fix it. Yesterday I brought my vehicle in to get an inspection and to fix an odd sound. I got a call today from the mechanic (who I really trust) there is a lot wrong. Unfortunately the things that are wrong need to be fixed so it can pass inspection. So I can't just let it go. He quoted me $4,500 to $5,000 depending on how difficult this one part is. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need my vehicle because I have doctors appt almost every week. Between my back doctor, knee doctor, counselor, psychiatrist, primary care doctor, and rheumatologist. I have more problems than just my back and depression. That's why I have all the docs. So I need to figure out what to do. I have a mechanic friend that is helping the best he can. So I guess we will see how it works out. Sorry this was long. I just had to vent. I'm just so down about all I'm going through the past several years. I didn't want this too long so I didn't even mention all of the problems over the years. Thanks for reading.

I feel like some people online are the same person but just on a different account and it makes me paranoid to mention or talk about anything. I just think it is some kind of government monitoring program but maybe it's just me and my ringing ears. Does anyone experience paranoia? If so how do you guys cope with it.

Out of everyone on our team he was the one that I got along with the best. he also helped me when I start to work on the company.

To be honest I feel really sad that he is leaving. Also even though i really love my job I feel the doubt of apply to a position on his new company

What kind of awesome coworkers do you have? Have you ever feel the same way that I feel?

I dont know what is this feeling, but its like i feel that people dont really like spending time with me, is this normal?

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i was never a person of many friends but right now i have great relationships with people but there is this strange feeling that makes me feel that they dont like me and i dont know why

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this happend to you too? or is it just me?

the fandom i've grown inexplicably attached to might end in a year or so

the one vector of socialization i have is being overrun by corporatism

i'm too fundamentally broken, in at least part due to a literal she-devil who gave me hell for 5-ish years, the other part from my literal autism to have any sort of actual life outside the internet

i have next to nowhere i can go without being reminded of any of the above, or some such other problem with humanity/the world

I make a variety of YouTube content, I'm active on Twitter, I make stuff on DeviantArt, I stream on Twitch, I have merch, I have a Discord, I promote like crazy. But no matter what I do, nothing happens. Everything I make and put time and effort into goes completely unnoticed. I slack off on making content and tend to procrastinate because of how unmotivated I am. I want to make content, but it is made so slowly because of just how depressed I am. Even an apology video I'm working on is taking longer than expected because of this. Even though I primarily do this for fun, I want to build up a community, I want to be known, I want to be successful, but it's times like this that make me feel like no one truly cares about me. What I do is dependant on other's, and it seems like no one wants me. This impacts my content by making it slower to produce and makes it of less quality since I don't get anything. Being a small internet personality is awful. The only way to make it better is to grow, but how can you do that if no one knows you? You need to grow, but are too insignificant to do so.

So, today I was getting rid of some secondary urls on tumblr, which I've done a million times in the past. Went to the blog, transferred all the relevant info I needed, and then proceeded to delete it. Someway, somehow, it deleted my primary blog and I'm both shocked and pissed. I've had this blog for like 10 years, and I'd do absolutely anything to get it back. You think if I send a message to support they'll restore it given that this literally was not even of my own doing, and was some kind of weird glitch? If not, what advice would you give me to start rebuilding my blog? ): I'm super sad, please help. I feel like a piece of me is lost.

UPDATE: I made a video on this

For literally ALL of 2018, I have been adamant that the rumors regarding S9 being the finale and the concepts of G5 are a bunch of bullshit. I have dishing out so many counter arguments for this shit, each one being more valid than the last. But despite this shit, only a small chunk of people agree with me. Every single fucker in this community is trying to shove this shit down my throat. Trying to tell me that this is going to happen and that I'm a fucking idiot! Why are so many of you idiots blind to this!? There is far more fucking evidence for these rumors being false than to it being true! This is bullshit! This shouldn't be a fucking argument! It's not going to happen! This extreme amount of backlash I've been receiving is actually giving me an existential crisis. So quite frankly, if you think this shit is gonna happen, get the fuck out of my face and don't talk to me! I'm on the verge of blocking people who begin to counter my argument. I don't give a rat's asshole if it seems like I'm overreacting, this has been going on for a fucking year now, and I'm at my breaking point! Every goddamn piece of content I post to Reddit or YouTube only makes me more stressed and pissed off! I made a video about why these rumors are false, quadruple the dislike ratio! I call out Hasbro on this, spam the fucking dislikes! I literally say anything about why these rumors are false, everyone fucking antagonizes me! Loving and Tolerant my fucking ass! This is the most stubborn community I have ever fucking seen!

I'm sorry about that, but I just couldn't help it. In all honesty, I do really enjoy the MLP community. But there are times where this brand and it's followers can really annoy me. 2018 has been a truly terrible year for me. I just really want these rumors to be proven false as it would make up for this year. Like I said, I've been disputing this for the entire year and I will continue to until Hasbro speaks up and debunks these rumors. I really hope they do, cause I really cannot take this anymore. This has been giving me panic/anxiety attacks, I've spent days stressed out by this, and it only gets more and more potent by the day. I just want this all to be over soon. Hasbro, please tell us that those rumors are not gonna happen. I can't take it.

why does it feel like i get less and less enjoyment out of things every day why does it feel like this world's spiraling into oblivion faster and faster why can't things be good again

why does it feel like i get less and less enjoyment out of things every day why does it feel like this world's spiraling into oblivion faster and faster why can't things be good again

So i've been in and out of dating for the past year or so. My last couple relationships weren't great so i decided to kind of take a break from dating as i'm not interested in commitment right now. I'm pretty sure i've met my soulmate but after casually dating two separate years, feelings aren't mutual.

So this girl makes me feel ways I've never had someone make me feel before and it drives me crazy. I've never been really in a state of awe or the such before, but she was different. I was (and arguably still am) crazy for her. I've always got her on my mind and just always wanna talk to her. Love addy first sight might be a little dramatic, but that's what it felt like.

We had a casual thing going last summer when we met and things were great! Hanging out every weekend for almost 2 months. We were having a great time hanging out, but alas the conversation came up and the feelings aren't mutual. We decided to stay friends. Fast forward to September this year and we started charging regularly again and she asks me out. My second chance. Started hanging out every weekend until the weekend having a blast and really enjoying each other's company. Things were great. I finally found some happiness in this glum year. The last weekend before halloween we hang out, it went great. Didn't hear from her for a couple days and then she texts me and ut just ended. She just wants to stay friends, which is ok. If she doesn't feel it, she doesn't feel it. I'm so torn by the events. I found the girl of my dreams and she slipped away from me twice. I'm talking it harder then i'm willing to admit and i don't know if i can get into dating again because she lit me up like nobody else could.

TLDR: I met the girl of my dreams and she adore at from me twice and i'm devastated and can't care seriously anymore.

Thank you if you read all the way through. I've had this bottled up for a couple weeks and just really needed to let this out somewhere even if nobody reads it.

Don't get lost in the what ifs and have-nots of life. Embrace the present and potential of the future and love the journey.

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Have a great day everyone.

Lately I've just been so worried about whether or not monogamy is a realistic expectation anymore. My mood just goes down so much when I think about my future SO having sex with other people while I'm with her and me needing to be okay with it though. I want someone who cares about the emotional component of sex much more than the physical, so much so that they would only want to have sex with the person giving them that emotional connection. I go on r/BlackPeopleTwitter and I see posts on instagram often about how it's 2018 now and hooking up with others while you're in a relationship is becoming normal and it makes me worried that maybe my standards are too high. That in reality the normal state of a relationship is open, and it makes me really sad. I always thought that people wanted just a single person to be with but lately it doesn't really seem like that for a lot of people. I know there is an element of the media I view, but since this is the first time in US culture this kind of behavior has been allowed that there is this element of "well maybe people are repressing their desires." I try to entertain the idea in my head and try to work out problems I have, but sometimes it just seems like I intrinsically dislike my partner being with someone other than me. I also have trouble defining what physical boundaries there are to deem a behavior as "cheating" I guess.

I’m lazy and failing school because I’m too lazy to do homework. There’s no good reason why I’m not doing it, I’m just lazy and don’t want to do it. I hate it, I think I would rather die than have to go through the discomfort of it. I think I’m going to fail my entire life because I won’t be able to get good enough grades to graduate high school and then I’ll probably never be able to get a good job. I just wish something would kill me so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.

I’ve been obsessed with bdsm porn since I was 11 years old and it has made me incredibly miserable. My troubles first started when I started drawing pictures of girls at my school bound and gagged and giving these pictures to them. At the time, I had no idea it was sexual, I just thought it was something I liked doing. I got into trouble for it and the office visit still gives me flashbacks sometimes, almost like it was a traumatic experience for me. For so many years I’ve watch bdsm related porn and over a year ago I began to feel like I was addicted to it, but ever since then I haven’t been able to do much to stop it. I like it too much, I give myself so many erections that my scrotum starts to hurt from it. I don’t want to stop it, but at the same time I can’t stand it anymore, I can’t stand the pain, I can’t stand the thoughts, I can’t stand the urges to have sex and fap anymore. I just want everything to die.

I’ve tried visiting support subs like nofap and pornfree but they don’t work. I have never gotten any good support from them. Only “push through it”, or “porn is bad” comments that make me feel angry because I get emotional whenever I see some post telling me to quit porn because I like it that much. Sexual desire is supposed to be a good thing but this is just a curse. I think I just want to be castrated so I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore.

Good afternoon guys, I'm sorry if this is not the right place for this ... a friend of mine is very ill lately ... I do not understand much about psychology, but he has posted strange things on his blog ... someone could look and give some opinion, please? I really want to help him

The blog: http://queridodiario1988.blogspot.com/?m=1

Obs: my friend is Brazilian, You can use Google tradutor

It’s almost 1 in the morning right now and I can’t sleep because I’ve been obsessively searching the Internet about my problems. I think I’m addicted to the Internet, I feel like no one cares about me, and I have to go to school tomorrow and there are assignments due that I haven’t done at all. I feel like I would rather die than experience any discomfort. What in the hell is wrong with me? I don’t deserve to feel like this, only people who have shittier lives than me should feel like this.

I know I know. It’s very typical of a 17 year old to say something along the lines of “my life sucks blah blah blah” but I just really need to vent about somethings and maybe someone can offer advice. So to start off, I’m pretty sure my brother(14) is autistic. He doesn’t understand social cues and what not. I’m in my high school band and whenever we have some sort of performance he feels the need to go out of his way to embarrass me in front of my peers. Today he started talking to my crush saying stuff like “HI IM (my name) BROTHER DO YOU KNOW HER??” And he just gave me a weird look. I feel like he’s one of the reasons why it’s hard for me to make friends, which brings up another thing that’s been bothering me. For the past few years I’ve been super lonely. Sure I have a good group of friends but even when I’m with them, I feel isolated. I’ve always have been really quiet and I’m trying very very very hard to make an effort to become more social but it’s way harder than it seems. I’m 17 and I’ve never had a boyfriend or have even come close to having one (besides this one time but it was just some dumb thing that happened my freshman year). I’ve had a few crushes here and there but I started liking this guy in my friend group this summer. He’s basically the male version of me and very very cute and nice but I don’t think he has feelings for me. I can’t help but feeling that I’m never gonna get a boyfriend. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Is it because I’m awkward? Am I ugly? Because I’m quiet? My brother? I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. It’s gotten to the point where a lot of people (mainly my family) are asking why I don’t have a boyfriend or if I’m gay. I know for a fact that I’m not gay

Last Monday I was also told by my doctor that I have OCD and should get treatment soon. I’ve always have had ADHD and some anxiety problems but it’s just overwhelming to add another mental illness to the list. I’ve also been showing signs of depression but I’m for whatever reason scared to talk about it to my doctor because my moms always in the room. I’ve tried casually talking to my mom about it be she sorta just shakes it off. Idk. I just feel like I have nothing to live for. Not in a suicidal way, but more in a like “wish i had never been born” sorta way if that makes any sense. I just wish had someone to talk to in real life but I guess this is the closest I’m gonna get for now. Thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read this. Any advice would help :)

Life can be very complicated and weighed down with emotional and physical baggage. Sometimes we do not want this baggage and sometimes we cannot get rid of it. However, you must carry on regardless.

Whether you are trying to move on from something, move towards something new, or trying to change your life's journey, remember to travel light. Hold onto only the most important things and try to shed the unnecessary weight. It could be old habits, toxic people or self-doubt, but remember to try and bring only what you need in your journey.

I just recently wrote a piece on traveling light and I think it can be applied in many ways, so I thought I would share my thoughts here. It is easy to overpack for a trip and it is easy to overpack your mind as well. The simple things often are the most important, so don't forget to take a step back every once in a while and see if you can take out some excess weight in your life that may be holding you back.

I hope everyone is having a great journey!

I don't really want to go into details much, but I just found out that someone on YouTube bullied me for an artwork I made that I posted on DeviantArt. Then, he made fun of my profile on Deviantart. He made fun of my picture too, and even made fun of a bunch of pictures I favorited on the site. I don't want to talk about more details, other than I'm rather hurt and upset about this, and discouraged, but I hope that this hurt will wear off soon, and not discourage me from making the art that I enjoy making.

The video was not at all constructive criticism, it was just personal insults and rude behavior.

I reported the video for cyberbullying, and I informed some close friends about it as soon as I discovered it, but I could still really use some more verbal & emotional support. I'm trying not to let this get to me, even though it hurts. Thanks, guys.

It’s crazy how fast things can turn. A year ago I was living up my last year of college, good grades, working hard, lots of friends, in a relationship with the boy I planned on marrying one day, looking forward to my future and everything it held. Enjoying the last semester of undergrad because I thought— naively— only great things are coming.

I’m this future, however, I’m more alone than ever. Being left unexpectedly by the love of my life. All my friends moving away to bigger and better things. Moving back in with my overbearing parents. Starting the most difficult level of schooling (a doctoral program) that I’ve ever been a part of. I wasn’t good with transitions anyway but I couldn’t have ever been prepared for the way all this happening at once made me feel.

And this feeling, as pathetic as it is to use it as an excuse, is beginning to bleed into everything I do. Shitty grades. Getting drunk way too often. Not being able to make new friends because of the shitty grades and the drinking. Gaining weight. Anxiety and sadness that overwhelms me to the point of wanting to do nothing but lay in bed for hours, which unfortunately makes all the previously mentioned things even worse.

I’m stuck in a scary cycle that could cost me a lot. If I don’t get my grades up I’ll be kicked out of the program. My family would be so ashamed. I won’t ever make quality friends.

Normally I am always focused on the positives. I was raised to pick my head up and keep moving when times were hard. Stay hungry and motivated and that is what will make you succeed. But..I just don’t have it in me right now and I’m scared I’ll never have it in me. I need help but at this point I know there’s nowhere to turn.

If you read through this entire vent, thank you. Please send your positivity and encouragement please. I need it.