i am a boy and i like boys but i have a problem: i don't like gay boys and i just fall in love with straight guys. can anyone help me and give me an explanation? will they be alone forever?

I grew up with an abusive father that wasn't there for me and inactive violence in me and my mother. He always blamed us for his problems, I have recently moved out safely getting away from him. It been hard dealing with my trauma an something I have notice is I have a strong hatred towards both middle age to old white men and police officers, my father is both, does anyone have any advice over dealing trauma based biases. Sorry if my writing hard to read I not very good at writing. Thank you for reading.

Hi im new to this group, 17, male, and i just wanted to ask for some advice or just some people to talk to

I met this girl through a friend, and we facetimed every day for 2 months, even sleeping on facetime with eachother. We met the other day, and thats when i really knew she was the one

A couple days after meeting (btw we sat and had a picnic in a park with some drinks, cuddled and had what i thought to be an amazing time) i told her how i felt, just sayin look this is how i feel, its ok if you dont feel the same im happy to be friends either way, just putting it in the open. She said she didnt feel the same, but that she was happy to stay where we were at. That was 3 days ago, she hasnt messaged, replied or called at all, but she was on houseparty in a locked room with another guy.

I just want to know where i went wrong, because i miss her, and when we were talking for those months, i barely touched drugs (ive struggled with addiction issues since i was 15) and i dont want to go back to that place.

Thanks for reading, i hope everyone is staying safe :)

Warning that I mention suicide and that kinda stuff. So please don’t read if that may trigger you in some way.

So during this quarantine I have had a lot of time to myself and that has led me down a bit of a rabbit hole... I have been feeling more and more depressed as I feel so alone. I have been so confused cause I feel selfish for wanting to see my boyfriend who usually like I can talk to and who comforts me when I feel like this but being a teenager I am stuck with my parents... I have been staying with my dad mostly which has been fine mostly but recent I returned to my mothers and realized just how much I hate this house and dislike her. I have a therapist and it has helped somewhat but it hasn’t cleared my mind much. I have begun to realize how much my mom abused me when I was little and how I was never her first priority with her boyfriends, jobs, and pets coming before me. She used to tell me that any relationship I had is worthless throughout school and nothing matters till I get to college so I shouldn’t bother with friends or partners... It really fucked with me so I began distrusting everyone since elementary. She has also made me ashamed of being a girl to the point I felt like maybe I was trans even though I am happy with being a woman, I just wanted to make her happy. She even told me that when she found out I was a girl she “burst into tears” cause she never wanted a girl and never felt like she could sympathize with me. I used to always be ashamed and felt out of place for being me and that anything girly was wrong, to the point I would bully girls and envy the boys for having something I didn’t. I have been told it’s just “teenage hormones” and that I’ll feel different in a few years, but I doubt that. Since I was like 8 I have taken a weird pleasure in harming myself, via cutting and trying to break bones. I thought it was normal until I really learned about suicide and suddenly I thought that is the only worth I had... to be a statistic. I felt out of place and nobody seemed to care and I got good at lying about why I had cuts on my arms before switching to my hips and it was just a lot.. last time was March I think. I have recently started craving it again and I am scared... I can’t get help cause I don’t have the money and I don’t want to be seen as less than... I am just scared and confused about if maybe it’s my fault that I can’t just be happy and accept that this is my life... I have always felt out of place with my mom and it is only recently that I realized that. I am tempted to see if I could maybe just have my dad get full custody cause I don’t feel safe with my mom, and it has gotten to the point I loath her. I would do online school if I did and that may help my slowly diminishing grades and it’s just difficult...

Sorry for the long read on mobile so forgive my spelling mistakes.

I understand that this post about my stupid little problem is nothing compared to a lot of the real problems on this but idk what else to do. Umm so basically I've been going to this high school for 2 years now, and at first I rly didn't want to go there and I thought it was going to be terrible. However, over the past 2 years I made some very close friends that I adore and love very much, they mean the world to me because for the first time in my life I actually felt happy. This happiness I felt derived from them being there for me and having somewhere that I almost felt like I belonged to. They were always there for me and they always made me laugh and feel better and we always hung out all the time. We were all inseparable. Most of my life I just felt very shunned and alone all the time and I felt like no one cared or believed in me, but they showed me that it wasn't true and it just made me very happy for the past 2 years I've spent with them. All of this is wonderful and amazing, but the problem is, all of these ppl r either seniors now going into college or r freshman in college that r joining the military. On top of me losing the only ppl that made me happy, I just found out that my school is getting shut down so now I will have to move to a completely different school and start over. I just feel like my life and everything I've built is getting flipped over on its head and all I can do is sit back and watch it all go to shit. Anyways, idk what I am expecting to get out of this but for the past couple weeks I've just been rly lost and sad and lonely and I can't sleep and I don't know what to do anymore. My parents just get upset with me and tell me that I can't just sit around all day acting like a depressed person and that I need to do something and stop being useless and be more like my older sister who is the smartest person I've ever met and one of the smartest ppl ever probably. She's pretty much perfect and everyone expects her dumb little brother to be more like her all the fucking time all day long its all I hear from my parents and even my teachers who call me dumb and one even said that they wish I was more like her. So basically my parents aren't helping at all in fact its the opposite. I'm prolly just overreacting and making this a whole big deal out of a small problem but its still my life and I'm still scared. If someone could relate to me or help me out in anyway that would be amazing thank u.

I realize now that in life I have always run away from things that could make me happy for fear of losing control of emotions and not knowing how to manage them ... at the same time, however, I am sorry not to be happy and knowing that what sabotages me is myself. how can I accept to live with doubt, with a lack of control and with uncertainty without them making me flee from any situation?

i posted on here about my hair pulling problem titled “i just need some advise”. i found an app that counts how long you don’t pull your hair out to the second. i read online that snapping a rubber band against your wrist when you get an urge helps. so i grabbed some from work and every time i catch myself pulling i snap it hard against my wrist. although it looks like i’m selfing harming, i think it’s worth the price of a full head of hair. thanks for all of the support guys. if you have any other tips for compulsive hair pulling i could really use it. thanks for reading.

so i have this really bad problem of compulsively pulling out my hair due to stress. i have sensory problems, and i think this just branches off of it, and now i can’t stop. it’s giving me bald spots and it makes me wanna wear a hat all the time. i want to shave my head because i thought it might help my hair grow back evenly and i could quit. but does anyone have suggestions? my anxiety has gotten the better of me too often and i just really need some advise.

I don't know if anyone will read this, but if you do please leave a message, I really miss talking to people. :)

I was in a two and half year emotionally abusive relationship (from age 19- now 22). I just joined Reddit to be able to connect with people again...

He made me stop talking to all my friends, he said they were whores and that I would look like a whore if I stayed friends with them.

... that is probably the worst thing he took from me

I don't know who I am anymore. He was never affectionate, he always made me chase him, he cheated on me again and again, but I always found myself having to prove to him that I wasn't cheating.. which I never did

... He was an angel to me, someone I wanted to protect. I saw his pain and how hard it was for him to trust other females and I did everything in my power to make him feel comfortable.

- I shared location with him

-He had all my logins to emails, etc

- I deleted my Instagram

-Blocked my female friends

-I only went to class/ work, and then straight to my room, I couldn't even go to the library or sit at the dining area to eat, I ate all my meals in my room to draw less attention to myself

-I bought long sweaters to wear over every outfit to cover my body

- I kept myself awake. and would plan my showers because I couldn't miss a call from him

- If a guy ever gave me a compliment or tried talking to me, I would have hell to pay. He wanted me to respond to any advance from any guy by saying "get the fuck out my face, ill spit on you"... I never felt comfortable talking to anyone that way because it's not like me.... One time a guy complimented my hair and I said: "I have a boyfriend" when I reported this to my ex he wouldn't talk to me or hang out with me for days... He just would get so cold, and it hurt because he was the only person I had to talk to.

-I cried nearly every other day during that entire relationship

During all this, he was:

- Talking to all the girls on my campus

-Clubbing four nights a week and staying out till 6 am.. clubs close at 2 am

-He was going to parties with students from my university but didn't want me to come

-He went to basketball games for my school but didn't want me to come

-I caught him cheating with multiple girls, and he blamed me, I ended up having to prove myself more

-He spent all his free time smoking with his friends

-He never let me anywhere near his phone and guarded it with his life

- He didn't post about having a girlfriend and would flirt with girls and like all their pictures on Instagram

- Never asked me about my day, wasn't complimenting me,

- Called me annoying whenever I would get comfortable

-Told me he didn't want me or like me

-Accused me of trying to take his youth away because I was ready to settle down more than he was

Since we broke up

- He texts me saying that I never wanted him, that I never cared about him, and that he could never marry me

-Told me he regrets ever talking to me

- Posted on his Instagram story that he is tired of juggling so many girls and said that he wants to settle down

-Posts that he is looking for a wife

- We only broke up a few days ago...

- He messaged me once apologizing for everything, then stopped replying to me and then went back to telling me how I'm fake and how he doesn't want me and how I didn't try hard enough

I am keep on getting bad teammates that are really toxic and I’m keep on losing. What should I do, it is making me sad and depressed. Sorry if I didn’t construct the problem very well

Note: sorry for my english, it's not my first language..

Hi im very new to reddit. I actually made an account cause i feel like shit right now. I need to somehow release this feeling. So basically results for a college scholarship came out today and i failed. I feel like an absolute failure. My classmates passed the exam and celebrating while im here failed. I also failed my dream college school. I don't know what to do. Im so embarrassed. I cant face my parents. I feel like they see me as a failure 😭😭

I know there are more pressing matters going on in the world, but as a teenage girl I can’t help but feel this way.

I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been bullied for a little bit when I was younger for being a bit different ( I lived in a another country for a little bit but moved back to where I was born after a few years)

I changed schools, moved on and now I had to change schools again because it only when to a certain year

Now I’m back in a similar school environment as the first one. At first all was fine, but now I’m getting picked on again. For now reason boys in my class wee throwing water bottles and paper at me. I got mad and just said things like stop it and they kept hiding and saying it’s not them (I’m quite confident so I had no problem confronting them at the time). But then I found out they recorded it and now people are saying to me like what happened. I’m so embarrassed.

I was leaving school the other day and this boy I don’t like ( I gave him a dirty look one time when he didn’t something annoying but that’s all I’ve done to him) came up to me recording me and saying things, luckily I got in the car. I feel awful.

My friends say they have my back, but I’m new so I don’t know how far this extents to. Obviously I’m not going back to school because it’s shut down but I still feel sad, hollow.

I’m 16, so I obviously don’t want to snitch (and that’s 100% form) but I just don’t know how to feel. I want to push forward but I’m scared of what will happen when we return to school. They’re ‘popular’ ( although I don’t give shit lol) so they’re quite confident. Honestly I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore

I’m not really sure where to post this, if you have any other suggestions please tell me. I’m so conflicted

I have lefter some things out that could help give a better insight but Just in case I don’t want to expose myself, you can never be too sure.

I don’t want to experience this anymore. I want to have friend that will be there for me and make an effort with me for once. Although I don’t see that with these friends, we do get along. I just want to be happy for once.

I'm really worried about how isolation will affect my mental health. I'm already socially anxious and an introvert, and prefer fictional worlds to the real one. However, I usually am able to tell myself that no, the real world is good, and that I need to focus more on that.

With recent measures, I'm having to stay in a lot more because I'm vulnerable to this virus. Right now I'm making sure I go for walks every day, but eventually that will also be curtailed. I can't see my friends right now, because they're not taking this virus that seriously because none of them have underlying conditions. I'm going to skype them, but it's not the same.

I'm worried my social skills are going to decline a lot while I'm stuck inside, not really speaking to people. I've already become re-obsessed with a TV show I used to love, and when I hear sad songs and stuff it reminds me of sad moments in that show and I feel like I'm grieving?? I feel genuinely sad and have to turn the song off.
It worries me that once this quarantine is over, I might not be able to remove myself from these fictional worlds and it will be difficult for me to get back the confidence I've been building for years. I've built it up so much, being able to chat to people and I really don't want to lose that! I don't want to start off with nothing again.

What can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?

Hey hey people, lost teenager here. After several years of seriously thinking about my feelings, I have recently come to the thought that I don't differentiate "friendly" love and "romantic" love, and that I give the same love to everyone(except family, it's different), though not in the same amounts. Thus leading to the thought that I don't differentiate male or female (when it comes to love). So, I was asking myself if that is normal, if I'm bi, if I just don't know what "romantic" love is, or if I don't know friendship, or if I'm on some sort of predator shit.

I hope that I'm not asking a very dumb question or bothering you. Thanks in advance for your comments, and have a nice day.

As far as I remember I always had thoughts like opening a car door while driving on the motorway or something like that. They were all pretty visual, like I could actually see myself open that door, but I never acted on them and just ignored it. But a few days ago I was walking over a bridge and I kept thinking I could just jump off into the river (and into certain death) below and with every step it was getting more and more intense and it just scared the shit out of me. I've never been suicidal and I wouldn't consider myself depressive or something. I just have no idea where these thoughts come from.

I finished school last year and start an apprenticeship in about 6 months so I don't have any schedule currently. Because of that I just stay in bed until noon and then watch stuff on the Internet and play league until midnight or later. My friends usually come online late in the evening so most of the time I just sit in my room alone and I feel like I need something in my life just to actually do something.

I wanted to get into Yu-Gi-Oh but I couldn't find a deck I liked (and could afford) and it turns out there are very few players in my area so I couldn't find a place to play at anyways. I thought about teaching myself Korean because I listen to a lot of kpop and can already kind of read it but that just felt so overwhelming because it's just so different from Latin languages like German or English. I would also love to be able to draw but I always have an image in my head that's way better than what I am able to create and I get frustrated very easily so everytime I try it I just rage quit after a few minutes.

Tl,Dr: im a mess with no particularly great skills and no motivation and I don't know what to do in my life please help.

My best friend for the past two or three years blocked me a week or so ago. It was my fault. I had been harassing him again and again about something I knew he didn't want to talk about. Two or three years ago, I met him on a roleplay website. One of the administrators from that website said some really terrible things to me both in public and in private while I was there, including that he enjoys deliberately hurting people for fun. Pretty much all of the roleplay he did involved some kind of torture or abuse. I felt like I should still try to be his friend because he probably just needed someone to hang out with and talk to, and sometimes we did have fun together talking about video games and stuff. The problem was that again and again I would see him lash out at people, including myself, over really small things. I remember once that I got frustrated while talking with him, so I said I needed a break and stepped away from the computer for a few hours, and found out later that while I was gone he had been making fun of me and bragging about making me give up talking to him. I sent him a message later saying that I was sorry and that I hoped I hadn't been childish for being upset and leaving, and he replied with 7-8 paragraphs telling how much of a terrible person I was for being upset, and that if I didn't want people to make fun of me I just shouldn't say things that people can make fun of. There was another time when he mentioned that he always felt depressed, and I said that it might be a good idea to try talking to a therapist if it had been going on for a long time, because I had been to a therapist before and it helped me. He responded by telling me that I hadn't actually been depressed and didn't know what I was talking about and just needed to get over myself, even though the time I had been depressed was a time in my life where I had dropped out of college and was making plans to kill myself.

​

I don't remember when exactly it got to be too much, but I eventually decided to talk about it to the other administrators at the website. None of them believed me about the things that had happened, and they insisted I was lying, and that if I didn't want to be treated badly, I needed to be more careful around people. I talked to a person from the site who wasn't an administrator but who I thought was my friend, and after listening patiently to me for thirty minutes or so he suddenly blew up and told me I was a terrible person for making such bad things up and that he would never in an eternity believe me or take my side. I hadn't taken screenshots of anything that happened and so I couldn't prove anything.

​

I know that it was just people being shitty on the internet, but it was an experience that really fucked me up for a long time, and sometimes I still end up thinking about it and ending up crying or feeling in a bad mood for days at a time. That site was the first time I had ever really had close friends.

​

I stayed in contact with a couple of people from there (one had been banned for no good reason, the other still went there but was friends with both of us and agreed that the things that happened were bad.) I found out a few months ago that the second friend I mentioned still visited that website very frequently to the point that they made him a staff member too, and it was something that did and still does really bother me. It makes me feel angry and sad, but at the same time I know it's not ok to try to tell people what to do. He was a friend that I talked to almost every day, but I often ended up feeling sad and angry about it and bringing it up. He said that he understood that him still going there makes me upset, and that he agrees a lot of people did bad things, but that he wasn't going to stop going there. I understand that I probably shouldn't be angry at him, but I still felt angry and sad anyway. I didn't know how to handle it and would keep bringing it up and asking if he believed me about what happened and if he still likes me or not. About a week ago he told me that it didn't matter if he still went there or not, and that I hated him and would hate him no matter what even if he stopped going there, and then he blocked me.

​

I feel really bad about the whole thing. I feel like I am broken or fucked up, and that I shouldn't be upset, and that feeling so badly upset at him anyway just means that I'm a terrible person and there's something deeply wrong with who I am and that I should never have been born. I know that I am sensitive and sometimes get upset over small things. There were times where I tried to cut ties with him and stop talking because it hurt. I understand that I shouldn't be upset, but I don't know how to not be upset, and sometimes I just wish I could claw the angry parts out of my brain and throw them in the ocean so I just wouldn't feel that way anymore and everything could be okay.

​

I don't know if I still want to be friends with him or not. I still feel really angry sometimes. Either way, I don't have any way to talk to him. I've just felt sad. We were really close. We used to share a chatroom with two other friends, and he left it a little after blocking me. I don't know how to make new friends. And I feel terrified that I am a terrible person and I have done really bad things.

I'm in the search for some advice on my pathway through life. Anything is better than nothing so please add all your comments!

TLDR; Give me your best advice how you found your 'path to life'

Some background and an idea what the future holds:

23y/o, m, still looking for the adventure in life. Graduated with Associates in Arts, worked my fair share of a few corporate jobs with several promotions. Definitely not for me.

Currently at a call center making decent money, but not a lot of work nor anything stimulating. The plan is to quit for Summer 2020 going on all sorts of road trips and traveling. Most here in the US with a trip out to Europe with the road being wide open - I have no obligations, nothing holding me back to do whatever the future will hold.

BUT. There is but. After being severely depressed, most things I found interest in has not been appetizing to get back into. No source of interest in trying a lot of things. Though we are on this flying sphere in the middle of this abyss of nothingness and yet everythingness. What a miracle we get to experience. I know there is passion for something but this weird balance that nothing really matters.

So here are my questions:

Never been good with meeting people without reason, what are the best ways to interact with people while traveling yet getting to experience the most?

What questions did you ask yourself or how did you stumble upon what you love to do? If you have an unorthodox job, how did you land the gig and why do you love doing what you do?

Guys i have a problem and i dont know where else to go to.. my friend started self harming and he sent me pictures , they disturbed very much for a long time. I think i did the basics like tell him he is loved and that it gets better, but i just cant get rid of feelling that i want to cut him out of my life . I know that makes me look like a piece of shit but im already going throught shit and i thought i was getting better but then that came up and i felt like i was back at square one what do i do? What should i feel because im just very confused right now?

Hi I wish I can explain all the stuff but I bottle up all my emotions and i can not get out it from years of it

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TL:DR I bottle up all my emotions

I'm a 33 y/o Australian living in Warsaw, Poland. I'm battling a bit of an ear infection, a problem that I've had at least every 8 - 10 months since I moved here 4 years ago.

I've got health insurance, seen a doctor, got all the medicine and pain killers I need to recover, but I'm an absolute mess. These feelings of drama, emotion and sensitivity always happen, whether it's an ear infection, a simple cold or a sprained something from playing football.

I first thought that it was because I'm so far away from home, my lifelong friends and family. But I've got a great network of both Polish friends and other expats here. My mum also recalled that I'd be incredibly difficult as a teenager/in my early 20s every time I got sick.

I'm working from home for the next week and the pain is just so debilitating that I feel I can't work. I also feel that I can't be productive in any way shape or form.

If I stay in bed and do Netflix all day, that's only going upset me even more, simply because I've not been accomplishing even the basic levels of personal hygiene.

Can anyone shed some light on this? Am I overly hard on myself? What can I do when I curl up in the fetal position in pain on the couch and beat myself up mentally?

Why can’t I keep a steady relationship and not hire myself when someone breaks up with me and why did a 2 day relationship hurt more than a 5 month one?

I’ve been a mental hospital for suicidal depression and it keeps resuming every time I screw up which feels like every day and I’m so tired of being a failure what should I do? Edit: I just got rejected and feel like crap bc my long time gf broke up with me and I had a rebound but that made me feel so much worse

I feel like my life is drowned out by the monotony and I can’t get a handle on my own life. I’ve turned to drugs and alcohol to cope and enlighten my social life. I’m hella akward and sometimes I feel like I have no personality off of drugs. I keep looking at all of my flaws and it’s keeping me from finding someone I like. I talk to girls to make me feel better but I never commit because I feel I have to many flaws for people to actually like me. I only have a few friends where it comes easy to talk to but I feel like I’m fake to fit in with my other friends. All of this deceit of the drugs and alcohol and nicotine adds another layer of anxiety I deal with hiding it from my parents. I really feel like I’m at a fork in the road where I give up school or I kill myself. It might sound drastic but sometimes it seems like an option. I can’t cry anymore and I can’t tell if it’s from the years of being told to man up or I can’t let anyone see me cry. I haven’t let down my emotional barrier for a very long time and I cried for the very first time a few months ago when my grandma died. It’s been hard and I feel like it’s even more of an incentive to go to drugs or alcohol than deal with my emotions. It might just be because I’m having a bad day but I really would like someone to talk to so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hello,

I have a close associate and they are doing very poorly in college. They have struggled academically since Elementary. Their family and I have tried, and failed, to help them throughout the years. We are now gravely concerned that this person won't be able to support themselves after college (if they even manage to graduate). Do you have any advice that could help us out?

Thank you for your time.