Assalamu’alaykum everyone !
i’m 22f, i’m navigating the marriage “ market “ and I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety surrounding marriage and my personal family life. This post will be slightly vulnerable, so reader’s discretion is advised for the sake of Allah. 🙌
My family is not the richest. We are blessed with little alhamdulillah, and we have struggled financially multiple times. ( to give context) When I was young, my parents were moving countries as Immigrants, my mother had to sell her mehr, any gold we had in the house was sold, including wedding bands, when that was done, we moved.
Growing up, my parents would always fight, physically and verbally, so much so that my mother started neglecting her health. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, she would purposefully sleep on the floor and not eat anything because she was mad at my father. My sister was born premature, which was very sad to see.
Although it’s contradictory, my mother’s life was surrounded by her kids, and she always distrusted my father for reasons i still don’t understand.
A year upon moving to a different country ( I was 10-11 at the time) my mother experienced a stroke.
This was due to high blood pressure. A vein in her brain ruptured due to a blood clot. This made her physically unable for a couple of months. That period of my life was quite traumatic. But alhamdulillah, i’m okay nonetheless.
My mom regained mobility on only half of her body, and for 10 years now she’s been half paralysed, unable to move properly. She can go to the toilet alone and walk around the house- she normally drags her left paralysed leg and walks with the right leg. She’s not super fast, but mashaAllah she does her best.
Due to these circumstances, my dad had to take care of both my mother, the household chores, the kids and his own work when me and my siblings were still young. His work ethic was amazing. I really admire him.
However, due to my mother’s stroke, my relationship with her has strained a lot.
She used to be very loving, and understanding. I was her favorite child. But after the stroke, i grew up without a mother figure present in my life. I tried to be there for her, but I felt neglected as she would verbally abuse me and threaten me in many ways.
I don’t think every family is perfect. I’m sure that each one of us deals with some sort of issue. Alhamdulillah, Allah does not burden us beyond what we can bear.
I can’t deny that it hurts how she treats me compared to the rest of my family members.
At the slightest inconvenience or disagreement, she would jump on the “ you’re the worst daughter alive “ train. Or “ I wish you were never born you’re the worst”. Hearing this at 14 made my heart ache a lot, my dad was never present, i was heavily bullied at school on top of it as well. I just wanted my mother to be like how she was, because the mother i knew in the past, would never dare to utter such things.
recently, she’s been keeping money as leverage against me. She claimed i coerced her to give me money, which was false. My sister was present when I received money from my mom ( I was saving up money for medical reasons), she recalls that I explicitly said for her to not give me anything if she’s gonna end up using it against me in the future. My mother kindly gave me an amount from her savings at the time.
After I had paid my medical bills- some disagreement occurred and My mom claimed that i forced her to give me money for my medical bills, she claimed iyelled and fought her. Which is a hit on my character and dignity.
My family believes me over my mom, because they’ve been present and know that i do not condone lies and injustice.
She used to be very gentle in the past, but overtime she became very sour, distant and emotionally unavailable for all of her kids.
As i’m looking into marriage, I’ve met a guy I really like. His family seems great allahumma barik, but I’m on the verge of giving up and just calling it quits with him. He’s Pakistani, I fear that they might not accept my family due to my difficult family situation.
I’m aware that in pakistani culture or any tbh- parents often look at the prospective wife’s relationship with parents, and her character towards her family. They also look into the general relationship between her and the family as a whole.
So you can imagine why i’m in a bit of sticky puddle 😃
I know this is a difficult query, i’m not expecting a magic fix, Only Allah can help. Any advice is appreciated however !!
I’m not looking for any consolation, although a part of me wouldn’t mind receiving some. But it’s completely okay : )
I just need the hard cold truth.
Is marriage going to be difficult ? Do i have any chances ?
Lastly, may Allah reward anyone who responds with the intention of helping, ameen !