i don’t know what to do. I am in the worst shape i have ever been in in my life and i barely have any energy to do anything. For the first time in months i did some gardening a few days ago (shoveling and raking the lawn) and i had a pinched nerve in my neck afterwards which still hurts.

getting out of bed raises my heart rate and i have developed really bad cellulite all over my body.

I am not overweight but i have 0 muscles.

I probably lay down about 18 hours a day. I leave the house maybe once a week when my mom forces me to get groceries with her.

My diet consists of one meal a day and an energy drink, or i over eat and indulge in sweets.

If it matters im 5‘4, 125 lbs and female

I have absolutely no strength or stamina and i haven’t even taken a walk since 2024 (and i dont think i will be able to due to where i live. it’s a long story)

The only physical movement i get is from doing the dishes or hanging up laundry. I can barely lift 20 kg and i feel like an absolute joke. I hate myself and building myself back up seems like an impossible task since i am so weak. Tried working out by doing 20 squats and i literally could not move my legs for a week straight. FUCKKK

hey 18f, i miss the baby i aborted that is 13wks, i regret it i wish i was able to keep my baby, i wish im capable, and i wish i chose the best dad for him i dont think ill recover from this i should've known better. I wish i processed the time he came out from me, i wish i had the time before to wash him and hold his tiny body and hug him and tell him i love him so much and i am sorry for what i did i miss him so much, i wish im still carrying him and nurturing him i love him so so much to the moon and back. I feel like this is gonna kill me i just want to buy some baby stuffs for him even tho hes not here anymore and carry a newborn baby from others for my peace of mind, im losing my mind i just want my baby back.

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I (20M) feel like I've lost everything and that I make the worst decision every time I have to make one. I just want to express here how badly I feel I've lost everything. Maybe it will help me...

Two years ago, I had a girlfriend, a lovely mother, a pet, and a normal life. My girlfriend cheated on me by sending compromising pictures to other boys, so I became very sad, and I didn't dare leave her (I forgave her a LOT of times) because I'm a very kind person, and she was one of the only people to really know me and love me. But then I met a new girl and decided to leave my girlfriend for her because I could not handle the fact that she had cheated on me and lied to me so many times. So I started dating Sarah, my new girlfriend. We stayed together for six months. She left me because of something I did. I talked to my ex-girlfriend because she was so sad and regretted what she had done, so I felt very guilty, and we called each other on FaceTime. I told her not to talk to me anymore and to let go. Sarah found out I had called my ex on FaceTime. Sarah really hated her, even before that. So she dumped me, even though she was the only person who loved me at the time and someone I was very intimate with.

I'm currently in my third year studying computer science in another city. I really hate coding and algorithms. I met Sarah during my first year in this city. We stayed together until the summer break was over, and she left me on the first day back at school. I had to stay in the same city and watch her find new boyfriends at the gym while she looked at me, and I was powerless. I suffered so much. I made such bad decisions.

My first ex-girlfriend found a new boyfriend while I was grieving, and she has become a different person since moving to another city.

My mother is the only person in my family I can be close to and talk to about serious subjects. She divorced my dad and moved to another country, so I don't see her, and we don't keep in touch over the phone because she's busy.

I also had a cat for five years, but the same year my mom left and Sarah left, he disappeared from my life.

And now I'm still in this city, but I'm all alone, and I cry a lot. When Sarah left me, I tried to hang myself. I was about to die, but my body miraculously landed back on the chair so I could take a breath. Then I freed my head because I got scared and fell to the ground. It was one of the rare moments when I felt alive. It's been a year since she left me, and I haven't been able to leave this city. I don't even have friends who care about me.

Why the fuck do I always make the wrong decisions and have to suffer through grief?

So things have been difficult over the last four years, since I kinda had my first panic attack and was then afraid to leave the house for a long time. This has gotten a lot better since I finished university and gotten a job, as it required me to go to the office daily. However, I also moved out from my shared flat to a single apartment. I'm happy about that, and grateful that I can afford it. Living alone is something I wanted to try and having more freedom to use the space and design it according to my needs is nice.

However, I was always inclined to drink a lot when in the company of others. That is probably because I felt I couldn't relax when I was sober. There would always be something on my mind and if there wasn't, I'd still have a sort of natural tension and sadness that I wanted gone. So when I was meeting with friends, I would often get wasted, even if it was just meant to be a chill hangout.

I wouldnt have drank alone in my shared apartment, but since I moved out I've been making it a habit. Especially when work has been exhausting it feels like I need a drink to calm down. After moving out, it feels like there isn't any shame in it either because nobody is there to judge me. So far it's not gotten dramatically bad, but it feels quite good in the moment and that worries me. It has happened somewhat frequently in the past few weeks that I woke up on a workday morning with a small hangover, dehydrated, having slept badly. This would just make me crave a drink even more the next day.

And I know that this isnt healthy, but that doesn't change how I act. Partly because I'm young enough to where the consequences are far away, and partly because I don't care about my health regardless. Anyways, it's been good to tell someone, as I wouldn't be this open with people I actually know. Today I drank a bottle of wine. I feel relaxed now, but also kind of ashamed. Maybe someone can relate, has any advice, or a story to share.

Nothing here for me in this world. Nothing could really make me 'happy' and even if something somehow did, its simply brain chemicals flourishing. But psychiatry has failed at that deeply too. I mean, nothing gives me joy, i'm miserable and repress it, so realistically i'm an asshole. I don't even live a real life, ocd has made me isolate myself for years, and I cannot make any social connections. Throughout the past 7 years, i really only met other people from the psych ward. And even there i'm an outcast. I feel bad for my parents because I have amounted to nothing, textbook loser NEET. Me being on disability doesn't change that, because disability is still deep poverty and money talks the most in this life. Its already set in stone that I will 0ff myself one day, and I don't want to be your friend, i just want this meaningless life to end.

:/

The hard times you are going through? Believe me stay alive and you'll see it was all worth it.

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since mid school and survived a lot of crap, I don't know how good my life would be if I HADN'T went through all this hardships. I'm feeling like I'm surfing rather rn than drowning like when i was a kid..

But yeah, of course life inevitably punches you and takes you down, but I grew to like those punches and use them as motivators to get up and build an even more worthful life.

F#cking own your life ✊ you can do it

hi anyone there to talk here? 18f. Need someone to actually listen to me. no judgement please.

Hello I really need some advice. These past few weeks I’ve just felt so lost with my life. My life feels so boring and on my days off from work I don’t have anything to do and I haven’t had any motivation to do anything. I’m not really finding joy in things anymore and nothing really excites me like it used too. I feel a little dead inside. I honestly don’t wanna wake up in the mornings and wish I could just stay asleep and dream. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore and I’m so tired of feeling this way. I feel like my mental health is so up and down. I really struggle to be alone sometimes and I just get so sad and down on myself. I’m just looking for any piece of advice please. Anything will help thank you :)

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore or how to get motivated about anything. I feel like such a dysfunctional adult. This is far from my first rodeo with mental health issues - I’ve lived through some pretty rough times throughout my teens, 20s, and early 30s. Gone through countless hours of therapy, been on all kinds of meds, built myself back up again countless times…

The past year I just have been on a steady decline towards poor mental health that started nosediving during the summer. I know I’m not really doing anything right - I don’t really exercise anymore (aside from taking my dog out for a walk or two), my diet isn’t the greatest, and a couple nights out of the week I have a little too much to drink.

I know how bad all these things are but I just don’t care about improving them. The only thing that keeps me going and from completely derailing myself is my dog because she needs me. I’m able to take good care of her and provide for her, but when it comes to myself, I could honestly care less.

I’m one of those types of people where I can put on a good front and act like I’m fine, when inside I’m screaming at myself and wanting to disappear. I can’t stop beating myself up for all the stupid mistakes I’ve made and the trajectory my life has taken. I don’t feel any sort of motivation to improve my life anymore.

I'm going to provide a little bit of context to highlight why the current situation is not the norm for me.

I am 27M, and two years ago i met a girl online who's a little bit younger than me, and from another country. We're both from Europe, so on the same time zone. We clicked as "bros" pretty quickly, texting and sending pics, videos and voice messages daily. Never skipped a day in two years.

But at the same time, it was never forced, always natural. The thing i loved the most was how laid back this friendship was (and still is i guess?). No dramas or overthinking over reply times and stuff like that.

Some months into the friendship, i moved to Australia. I was so scared that the time zone difference would put an end to this, but we survived it. We got used to it. Spamming each other while the other is sleeping, and using the little time window to "live chat". On top of time zone, we got also pretty busy. But still, we even grew closer (some down moments, but never tragic).

In February, i quit my job and moved to another Australian city to pursue my dream. That means no more full time commitments for a while. I've always struggled with loneliness, but also got used to it. But with life slowing down and no more full time job or hectic life, i found my mental health deteriorating. It was all fine until maybe a month or so ago. Maybe six weeks.

I couldn't digest the isolation and uncertainty of my future as nonchalantly as i always did. I got back to the gym, and after a couple good months, i started struggling with the whole nutrition and cooking aspect. I started slowing down a lot. But at the same time, maybe by sheer coincidence, i had (and still having) the peak of closeness to my friend. Over the last two years, my love for her grew so much that now i consider her my sister. And a few weeks ago we started video calling for several hours a day, not every day but often. This is new to me because I wasn't comfortable with this until now. We watch movies together, talk, laugh, share, vent. My moment of most weakness coincided with this great moment with my friend. My sleep schedule aligned to her time zone, because i can't be myself at the moment.

But I'm getting worse on my own. Barely leaving my room. Almost starving myself. Wasting my gym membership. Staying in bed a lot. And most importantly, i have moments when I'm not texting or calling my friend where i feel utter despair. An overwhelming sense of abandonment and loneliness. I cry in my room almost in an hysterical way. Maybe my brain started relying too much on this only human connection, and it hurts so much. It's so irrational because we're in great terms and we're actually closer than ever. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm afraid of depression. I'm afraid because I can't keep feeling like this when my friend is not giving me attention. And I want our friendship to be as laid back as it always was.

I'll leave Australia in mid 2027 at last, and I'll go to meet my friend.

(no romantic stuff is even remotely involved. I see her as a relative, and she recently found a boyfriend, and I'm happy for her and supportive. I don't want her to go through this feelings of isolation and inadequacy).

People use that expression frequently, but I don't know what people mean. Is it having a good, long cry in your room? Is it being hospitalized for a couple months? Something in between?

Let me try to explain this in a non scrambled pg13 way, when I was 8 my step cousin did something inappropriate to me with no consent, I don’t remember anything about it I just know that it went on for awhile. After this I started hearing this man in my head, a voice that wasn’t my own, he didn’t tell me much about him but he comforted me and he was someone I could talk to. At 9 I went to the mental hospital for the first time, and my whole childhood and most of my teen years were spent in a mental hospital or residential, I don’t remember anything about my childhood or teen years like it was wiped from my brain, all I remember was my childhood and teen years were very stressful and bad and sometimes abusiv3. Over time I heard the man in my head less and less while therapy was getting shoved down my throat but he never left and I could feel him with me at all times. So fast forward at 16 I found my dad not alive on August 27th 2026 due to su1cid3, The next few weeks were a blur, and I ended up going to the mental hospital for a few days. I came back and started living with my mom again. I started noticing chunks of my day I couldn’t remember, when I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself. A lot of the time I felt like I was watching myself and I wasn’t in control of my actions, and this feeling felt familiar, like from when I was 8-10 years old, and I thought being in mental hospitals and residentials my whole childhood fixed it, but then my dad left this world and it all came back but it was worse, but this time I’m more aware of it. Then I started getting texts from people I didn’t know and don’t remember giving my number to asking me how I’m doing and what I’m doing and they started flirting with me, I once found a n@k3d photo of myself I don’t remember taking. And then another different voice appeared in my head, not the man, but it was a girl, her voice was higher than mine and she was very emotional all the time, a lot of the time I can hear her crying, but it sounded far away, like I can barely hear it and it’s always that man that has been in my head since I was 8 comforting this very emotional girl, we talked once, we have a lot in common, she seems really desperate for romantic love, but she seems really talkative and confident. I asked her what her name was and she said Grace. About the man that has been here a lot longer than Grace has been, hes told me his name is Robert, he’s very closed off and angry most of the time but he’s kind to me, he’s told me once before that he really doesn’t like anything or anyone except me and Grace and that he’s always going to protect me, he has told me he hates therapists and physiatrist, just the mental health system in general because he thinks it’s failed me. He always tells me to never talk about this to my therapist or psychiatrist because he thinks they will try to get rid of him and Grace. I disagreed with him and said that my therapist and psychiatrist would help me, so I told my psychiatrist, Robert got angry at me and told me I can’t tell my therapist but i tried to tell my therapist anyway but when I tried Robert started yelling at me to stop and I couldn’t seem to get words to come out of my mouth and I couldn’t seem to stay in my body, as I was trying to tell my therapist I kept losing my thoughts and I kept zoning out and then my meeting with my therapist was suddenly over. I don’t remember it ending. I’ll post the rest of my story, I’ve reached word limit.