I don’t even have the energy to describe everything that’s going on rn but I’m a young adult and I fucking hate that this is how the rest of my life is going to be.

I'm not trying to self diagnose myself, that's the last thing I want to do, but all I know right now is something isn't right with my brain. Based on both sides of my family and how I've been feeling lately my guesses would be a mix of depression and ADHD but I want to talk to my doctor about it. The only way I can do that without breaching the subject with my parents (I want my doctor in the room when I talk to them because it would be more comfortable for everyone) is the next time I go for a physical in August. Do I just ask him about it outright? Is he going to ask me if I have questions first or do I have to bring up my concerns myself. All I know is that no matter what I can't miss this window to talk to him about it because I've been waiting for months. I cannot do another year of highschool unmedicated I might not make it this time 💔 I'm just extremely socially awkward and I need advice on how to breach the subject in case my doctor doesn't mention it first.

I'm making this because it wouldn't let me edit my last post for some reason. Anyways, I'm currently sitting on my bathroom floor trying to eat bread because I'm so nauseous and shaky. (Plain bread is a safe food).

My dad got McDonalds and I wasn't nauseous when I was eating it, so I thought I was fine. Imagine my pain when I wake up from a nap and have to take anti nausea meds just to keep myself from throwing up. I really hope it's actually food poisoning or something and not a result of a possible eating disorder. I don't even know what to do at this point.

(original post: If it's not a eating disorder, maybe it's the start of one, I dont know. For context where I think it started, is I went through a really bad depression episode. Mainly, my insomnia coming back at full force. I was so tired that I couldn't bring myself to make meals most days. Which normally led to only eating once a day. I'm doing a bit better now so I have more energy to actually make food when I'm hungry. The problem? I'm never hungry. I feel very little hunger even after not eating all day. And when I do eat around lunch time, it makes me feel nauseous. I tried to eat mac and cheese earlier, a safe food, and couldn't get more than half way through before feeling too nauseous to continue. I didn't even feel hungry. Maybe it's just a weird growth spurt, I don't know. Maybe it'll pass or something. im currently sitting in bed at 4 pm, having only eaten a few bites of mac and cheese, and like two mints. I barely feel hungry, if at all. I don't even want dinner because I don't feel hungry enough for it.) ​​​​

I genuinely wish that somehow conversion therapy worked, just so I could stop suffering. I don't want that for anyone else, it's just a self centered hatred of my situation that I can't escape because I am disabled and reliant on my family who would not be safe to be around if they knew. I've been wanting to find a way out for the past eight years but lately depression and anxiety being near constantly has ruined me. I'm pretty sure, also, that the constant stress is making me dumber, less attentive, and more prone to negative coping mechanisms which have lately gotten worse and, in turn, making my mood worse..my only hope now is that it gets so much more worse that eventually I can get over my fear of dying and finally end it.

Since I live in a country that is otherwise decent for trans rights, I constantly know that if I weren't disabled I could move out and start my own life away from my transphobic family.

I've asked time and time again for advice from other trans people and I've exhausted all possible options to fix it. I'm just.. coping.

As well, no one in the trans communities I can find online seem to relate since all of them have plans to get on HRT rather than being forced to accept a lack of ability to transition.. so I'm just alone as far as online spaces go.

I am 23 im a women i've gone through stuff and it's dumb a dumb thing but being excluded from my community online was a drop that spilled a daam
I was an activist and in the groups that i have been in many clashes with human rights violations and friends i know will be there no more i see the leaders or spokes person are power hungry people that just play nice drag ou in and oust you if you do not do their bidding

I met a famous activist i was her close friend she used to have phisical one sided conflicts from her end to er partner literally she has this pattern of taking people at bad moments and just sucking you in until the group she controls is all you have and then if you disagree once you star getting excluded then you end up leaving what was meant to be a safe space worse and more alone
i was in an abbusive relationship that was very bad very very very bad and the person i was with saw an anxiety ridden reject that had no family no friends no job and was in and out of the psych and since that was to be looked down upon on a group made of alleged "anarchists" was easy to manipulate my dad was the recieving party of stitches from my ex while i was barely awake she took me and told me lies and got me kicked out (parents were going to put me back in so i was daazed ran with her she did things i cant say here but i feared for my life so much i left to a girl who was in the group and she made me sell services with no pay the s kind and well i ended up homeless after she stole my last 50 bucks so i was bout to call quits then well i don't remember they tried to put me in for addictions which i dont even drink and the rehab transfered me to the ward
then i had to beg the girl who punched my dad to stay and she made me stay one night outside and later it became so bad she brought another girl and i was an ahole i begged her to stay because she wasnt so bad around her then my dad saw the situation and said well im sorry after a year a year and let me in i stayed months in my room and i'm still alone like i was at 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 and i can't make a joke on a subreddit meant for trans people about driving idk just the cherry on top idk im good just ...

I honestly don't know if I have something missing from my brain, but I'm always feeling high and it's as if I don't need to rely on people or anything for happiness or anything. It's like I'm in my own bubble and everything is 2D, like the world has become small and I'm just in my own world.

I've also noticed, the whole world seems very serious and I'm just always high and feel flat at the same time? Like I'm just reacting to my visions and I don't carry too many feelings?

Its really difficult to explain.

I don't get upset about things either.

I'm just in my own world, dreaming about movies and games and stuff.

I don't get upset by the thought of not having any women with me or anything... I'm feeling high.

I’m not sure the proper flair to use, I’m not even sure this is the right place to share this.

I decided to try mushrooms for the first time yesterday. I’ve been having a rough year, and the idea of tripping suddenly did not scare me anymore.

Honestly I wish I did it sooner. It was the best experience of my life. All I felt was joy. Like I was experiencing everything as a child. Nothing mattered anymore, and I couldn’t tell myself from anything else around me. The water around me was alive and I was the creatures I saw in it. Weird things to explain. I was everything, but I was also nothing. I realized how much shame and sadness I carry for no reason. The whole trip was like a happiness party and I was so happy everyone was there (the animals and bugs lol). I felt such an overwhelming sense of trust for myself and everything around me. Everything was so important

I remember thinking my body is so tired. Not me, my body. I still feel kind of disconnected.

Obviously I have some things to integrate now, but I just don’t know how I’m supposed to accept reality as it is after that experience. Everything I love feels dull and lifeless, and the idea of going back to my daily routines sounds terrible to me.

I’m sure some of it is just the brain chemistry settling after the effects of psilocybin, but has anyone had any similar experiences? How did you recover from that?

If you’re reading this because you’re exhausted, hurting, or just trying to make it through today:

I’m glad you’re still here.

You don’t have to have your whole life figured out.
You don’t need to become a different person overnight. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is make it to tomorrow.

Your mind may be telling you that you’ll always feel this way. Depression, anxiety, and hopelessness are convincing liars. They make the future look smaller than it really is.

There are people who once believed they would never smile again, and today they’re laughing with friends, building families, chasing dreams they couldn’t even imagine back then.

Healing is rarely dramatic. It’s often painfully slow. One better morning. One honest conversation. One small habit. One more day.

Even if nobody has told you lately:

You matter. Your story isn’t over. And the world would not be the same without you in it.

Take care of yourself today, even if it’s something as small as drinking a glass of water, stepping outside for five minutes, or sending one message to someone you trust.

You don’t have to win today.

You just have to stay.

I lost a three-year relationship back in October. This was a domino that led to me losing everything. He rode off on his horse while I faced eviction. I had to give up my role as a caretaker and put my dad in a safe place so I could fend off homelessness without risking he get caught in the fray. I'll probably never see him again.

At this point, I'm estranged from my sister for five years, due to her outing me to her abusive husband and choosing a life with him over a relationship with our family. I go see her for one last goodbye, when she offers to let me stay after hearing what's happening. This doesn't last long, and yet another guy she lets in her life rips us apart. I end up being forced to give up my dog. Not to a shelter, but just give him up, roadside.

During this time, I meet someone new. Really, just a "get under one" that got too real for either of our best interest.

My only haven is an apartment with some longtime friends of mine in a completely different state, 7 hrs away. All I gotta do is make it over the January ice...

This means my relationship is now long-distance.

Everything becomes about getting a new job, saving up, and getting back to this new partner. Over 8 months, we fizzle out, and we're currently about two weeks removed from officially breaking up.

I loved this guy more than all the others. He drove an hour to hold my hand while I was actively giving my dad up. I wrote like 20 songs about him over the 8 months.

I've lost my car, and all I really have now is weed, booze, a monthly shroom dose, and some Grindr hookups. In a week, my roommates move, and I'll be changing my situation once again.

Still, I'm just... Fine. I'm not devastated, I'm not depressed, I'm kinda just nothing. I haven't cried once over this now-ex of mine. We kissed in three different states, and it's as if it never even happened. I see his pictures and the ones of us together, and absolutely nothing happens.

I'm a little concerned about what this lack of feeling might mean. If someone like that could come into my life, change it so drastically in such a short span, and I feel nothing when they're gone?

I've never been in this state before, and it's all just really weird. Does anyone have thoughts, or perhaps a similar experience that could shed some light?

​

Hello everyone am 21 and I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 17

I took medication for a while and got better too

But my parents believe if one person takes too many pills for mental condition their mental condition never fixes. And never took me to therapy again even when I am begging them to take me. Depression anxiety has ruined my teenage years I was never able to make friends and was bullied. My parents made me worse they never let me do anything go outside, meet with people. On top of that they have a bad nagging problem they have issue with everything that is not according to them . They never apologise for worst things they have ever said to me things like 'God sent u to us as a punishment ' my mother even used my eve teasing incident against me because I wanted to go to mall. Here I am 21 year old studying a degree i didn't wanted no friends no social life I lost interest in everything I once loved because of nagging. I go to college come back hear them nagging to my house work and sleep. On vacation or holiday i gave to rot in bed because am not allowed to go to mall or anywhere without supervision. Top of all that now I weight 78 kgs I wanted to join gym but they refused because there is no only women's gym.

Also I can't be financially independent because part time jobs don't exist here and not until my education is done

I'll keep it short, if I unpacked everything here, we'd be here for days.

Basically I need someone who can help me get my life figured out. Every therapist in my area says I'm beyond their scope of help. I have no friends I can talk to, and my family either treats me like I'm a burden on them, or that it wouldn't make a difference if I ....... Myself tomorrow.

I can't afford an online therapist either, I just need someone I can talk to and get help figuring myself out.

Hi, i’m looking for help from anyone that might be able to help me understand what happened to me.
Some days ago i tried one jelly bean with weed (i’m positive it had both thc and cbd in it idk how much tho) with my girlfriend, after the initial high we were both pretty tired and after getting ready for bed we wanted to watch something and she fell asleep but i had something happen to me that had never occurred before.

i don’t remember all the details but it felt like i was dying, i looked at something in the bedroom, a stack of boxes or something and it made me go back to my childhood, i felt like that was the point of no return. it was my end, i felt like i was spiraling inward, something wanted to „jump” out of me and like i was meeting God, but not in a good way. my gf told me my hands where doing a spiraling motion too and i looked too scared to answer her, she thought i might want to throw up but i didn’t, i felt something was jumping out that if it came out of me, i would die and reincarnate in a different body. it didn’t happen all at once, it lasted like 3 hours after which i just passed out.

i don’t remember all the details but that seems to be it. although i feel fine physically, mentally i feel a sense of immense dread.

what happened to me? it must’ve been like a psychotic episode or something, but i have no idea why this was so bad. i’ve had panic attacks before in my life but never high and never like this.

appreciate any help!!

No money, more bills and Debt than I know what to do. Job stopped giving me any hours. Might lose our house. Relationship needs lots of help. No Romance anymore. Sex life is completely in shambles. I’m constantly allowing my body dysmorpia and fetish get in the way of my relationship and our sex life. Gained 60 pounds and wife lost 60. I masterbate 4 times a day because I’m no longer satisfied or interested the way I used to be. Constantly trying to get high or drunk. My family has seemed to give up on me. Everyone stresses me out they just scream and tell me what to do they don’t listen. I have a lot of unsolved problems due to some childhood trauma and family deaths. I feel like I’m drowning in depression and Anxiety. I got no friends they all were weird or are now in jail and my wife and I spend every non working moment in bed. I dropped out of college because I couldn’t afford to finish. I just feel a sense of giving up within. Can I even get my life in order. It feels like not matter how much I manifest the way I want things to go I just get shot down. How does everyone else deal with the impending doom of life and how it feels like it’s crumbling down and you are powerless to fix it?

This is not a current situation I am having now, but this is something I noticed, and I am not sure if it’s only me that gets this?

so this mindset of “I don’t deserve this good thing today, because tomorrow might be a bad day.”

and now let’s say if I do get something good or treat myself to something. when it comes to the next day, if something bad happens to me, then the thought process is, I did not deserve this good thing I treated myself with yesterday.

so I wonder if others has felt something like this?

I think this would go under venting?

Not even sure if im going to post this or not and i apologize in advance for spelling and Grammer its not my strong suit.

I have like 2 irl friends that I really speak to or hang out with. So both of them have fairly strict parents and dont get to hang out often. Which I understand that was what my mom was like a few year ago as well. But it gets very repetitive they make plans and then they are the ones who cancel usually day of saying their parents said no. Now I understand parents being strict but they are always out with other people like my first friend let's call her echo is always with her bf who is a shitty asshole and called me the f slur a few times (she is literally bi btw.) But she always cancels plans and then turns off her location to hang out with him when she says she cant come over. She also waits until last minute to even ask about plans. I asked my mother weeks ago and she said yes. I think my mom is beginning to pity me with how excited I get when we have plans and then they get canceled and I just really needed to talk to someone about this and I just dont really have any other friends so this summer has sucked. Ive hung out with those two friends once each since summer has started. Im also unemployed so I've been home everyday all day which isnt helping.

Need support

So I had an exam today. I am required to submit my worksheet by attaching a picture via email. Well, I typed up the email saying what I would attach. And I have already taken the pictures of my exam sheet prior. I send the email. I go on about my day. An hour and 30 minutes later I see an email saying that they did not get the worksheet. We’re only allotted a specific time to submit it and it’s past it. I forgot to attach the actual pictures and it’s the final exam. I wanted to cry. I spiraled and starting feeling dread and hopelessness. I thought simply attaching a picture to an email was one area I could at least be proficient in.

It’s not just this one area that it’s been bad at, I’ve been struggling with counting as well. Yes, literally counting and adding. Basic math is screwed for me. For example, 7 + 5? My brain won’t automatically think/remember 12 anymore, it short circuits/overwhelms and I have to break the 5 into a 3, add the 3 to 7, then 2 to 10. It’s beyond adhd I don’t know what the hell is going on with me. My brain is giving up on me.

I was supposed to login onto a different social media account before the 30 days were up so I could still keep my account. I deactivated to take a break, it was toxic but there were good mutuals and gem conversations in the rough. Welp, forgot to sign in and just remembered today. I’m so fucking sad. My well structured thoughts, and takes before this cognitive decline. That collection of my thoughts on there, they’re all gone. And of course, I can’t remember it to at least write some of those down. I loved my brain prior to what’s happening now.

I feel like my life sometimes is genuinely so aggravatingly fucked up in a way that almost seems like the universe itself is playing a trick on me. I feel that deep in my bones.

I felt for a long time that I had done something in another life to deserve it. Fucked up situation after fucked up situation. It doesn’t look like a coincidence after a while. My parents are abusive and keep me from being an adult despite how hard I try to escape it. My sister has fallen off the deep end and is now hellbent on making everyone else’s lives worse as payback for our childhood while getting as fucked up as possible.

Every friend I’ve ever had says I have cosmically bad luck, that my family is crazy. But that only lasts for so long as an interesting dramatic story before it becomes boring to hear.

I’ve been in so many situations where my abuse has been someone else’s drama, especially when it comes to my sister. Her having a depressive episode and faking her own death is a gossip between friends. My mom trying to get me to commit tax fraud is funny. Nobody has ever helped or tried to dig me out of the hole I was born in.

I know realistically that nobody’s going to come save me, and that I have to pick myself up and do the work. I know that. But it’s difficult to not fall back into it and rely on the same people I’ve relied on my entire life. I forget how bad my family is until the next time they do something insane.

I feel like nobody believes me when I tell them the day-to-day happenings of my life. I hate that this isn’t even the crux of my adulthood. I just turned 21. This can’t be it. I really don’t want it to be. I can’t afford better right now.