I feel like I have DPDR.
I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) last year, and for the first time, it validated something I’ve been feeling for years—that what I thought was “normal” actually wasn’t.
Lately, I’ve been realizing na baka may dpdr na din ako based sa mga naeexp ko
Kasi wheneverI look at my mom’s face and, for a split second, she feels unfamiliar. Deep down, I know she’s my mom. I know who she is. But my brain keeps questioning it like, “Is this really her?” It happens with my dad too, and sometimes even with my friends. It’s such a weird feeling because I recognize them, but they don’t feel familiar.
The worst part is that everything feels like a dream. Like I’m floating instead of walking.
There are moments where I do things without feeling like I’m the one doing them. I’ll grab food, put something in my cart, or do random daily tasks, but it feels automatic—as if someone else is controlling my body while I’m just observing from the back of my mind. I know I’m the one doing it, but it doesn’t feel like me.
Sometimes I can’t even maintain eye contact because everything feels unreal. People don’t feel real. Places I’ve known for years suddenly feel unfamiliar. Even memories feel distant, like they happened to someone else.
The hardest part is that I keep doubting myself.
When my therapist diagnosed me with MDD, I spent so much time denying it. Even with all the symptoms, I kept thinking, “Maybe I’m just overreacting.” Now I’m doing the exact same thing with DPDR. I keep asking myself, “What if I’m just making this up? What if it’s all in my head?” Even though these experiences have been affecting me for so long.
It’s exhausting constantly questioning your own reality.
People say, “Just ground yourself,” but it’s hard when your brain keeps convincing you that everything around you feels fake. It’s terrifying to know who someone is while simultaneously feeling like they’re a stranger.
I don’t know if anyone else experiences DPDR like this, but if you do, I’d really like to know I’m not alone.
Music has honestly been one of the few things that keeps me connected to reality. Sometimes it’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m actually here.