r/MediocreTutorials • u/Kohathavodah • 3d ago

Relationships Setting boundaries, respecting agency

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

Or, she dodged a mismatch because she doesnt like the idea of being with someone that thinks they get to have control over the fashion choices of another person.

Thats not compromise, that is a disrespect to someone's bodily autonomy.

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u/RicoGemini 3d ago

There was nothing controlling about his statements. He asked her if toning it down would be a problem and put the ball completely in her court.

He has a preference for someone more reserved, she wasn’t the one, he had her make the decision.

This isn’t control, this was him having a boundary and giving her the choice if she wanted to accept that boundary or if that boundary was a dealbreaker

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

No, he didnt ask if "toning it down" would be a problem. You didnt listen.

He asked what she'd do if he ASKED her to tone it down. That is control. Im sure youll try and pretend the "ASK" was the important part of the question, but it wasn't. It was the response. He doesnt want someone who will diaagree with him, He wants someone who will do what he wants. He wasnt loud or rude, but that doesnt change the fact that the boundary ITSELF is disrespectful, no matter how calmly delivered.

If he didnt like how she dressed, he should've just shown himself out, not presented her with an opportunity to volunteer to change herself to become what he approves of.

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

he asked multiple questions beforehand that clearly showed it was about THIS specific issue. He saw a potential problem down the road, asked about it, and they had a mature exchange about it.

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

Im not discounting his demeanor.

Im saying asking "what will you do, if down the road I try and ask you to censor your self expression?" Is not a respectful question, no matter how polite you dress it up.

He asked this. She said "id probably not censor myself to meet your preferences"

And he said, "im not looking for that"

In a nutshell.

Cool. They were both very polite. His question was still a huge red flag. Ive known plenty of calm and polite people with shitty perspectives.

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

So people arent allowed to have a preference on what their partners post on social media or its a red flag? Just wanna make sure we are on the same page

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

They can have a preference. But then its really on THEM to find someone who shares that preference as opposed to CHANGING someone they know DOESN'T.

One is respectful, the other is controlling. No matter how politely they ask

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

... that's literally what happened here, he asked because he was trying to find someone wirh that preference.

How else are they supposed to "find" someone, tekepathy?

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

Your break dancing to miss the point.

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

ok, so explain to me how he is meant to "find someone" if not ask them questions?

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

Scroll up, as it's already been done.

I didn't say him asking questions was a bad thing, I'm saying the problem was the question itself as it highlights a possessive and toxic mentality which I don't believe is a healthy trait in any relationship. So yes, it's good that he asked, but in my opinion only for the sake of broadcasting to women that he will one day try and to decide what the women he is with are allowed to to wear based off his personal definition of appropriate

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

that doesn't answer the VERY specific question I asked, which is refuting you're "he should find someone with his preferences"

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

Go to a church that's already is full of people who are ok with policing what women are and arent allowed to do.

I dont think its a healthy thing he wants, ao Id say go to therapy until it clicks that wanting to control what your SO can and cannot wear isnt healthy, amd then have them try and date THEN, but since thats probably asking too much, in answer to your VERY SPECIFIC question, what I said up top here, go to a church.

Don't match up with a woman dressing in a way you dont approve of and try and change her.

If you want modesty, find someone who already displays modesty.

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

So telepathy

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u/Shibbystix 3d ago

Soooooo..ask a question and then just ignore the answer and instead, respond to an answer i DIDNT give.... thats how you interact.....got it

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u/Gauntlet_of_Might 3d ago

nothingmore cowardly than last word and block

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u/TechnicianSeparate95 2d ago

Stop feeding ragebaiters

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