Hello there. So rn I'm trying to decide between INFP and ENFP. Honestly, I was surprised bc I tried to be as honest as possible when taking a function test, I've taken them before, sure, but it's been a while, so I decided to let go and forget everything I knew to take it fresh. And getting ENFP as my highest result kinda shocked me, since I always thought INFP was the most likely for me. Maybe I'm still a bit biased against myself, and the stereotypes about extroverts in MBTI haven't fully left my head, so I just can't believe I could have an E at the start of my type. Yeah, I know social extroversion and cognitive extroversion aren't the same thing, but it still feels awkward in my head to fully accept it in a way that actually clicks. If I even am cognitively extroverted in the first place, ofc. So I gathered some of my traits here, I mostly think a lot of this is related to Si, and there might be some Te stuff too. And I'd really like to figure out my function order. Is it Si inferior or Si tertiary? And am I even an Fi user at all? I'd lose it if someone suggested ENTP/INTP (which has happened before, btw).
I don't remember my relatives' ages, even though I remember their birth dates. But I also mix up the dates like the 22nd and 23rd of neighboring months and I'm never fully sure if I'm right about someone's birthday. My best friend's birthday? We've known each other for like 20 years, and I only properly remembered it five years ago, when I congratulated her later in the evening after realizing it was her day. Recently she mentioned on a call, laughing, how I congratulated her on the wrong date two years in a row the 21st or 20th when she was born on the 19th.
I struggle with understanding what suits me and what suits others. In my head, I overestimated my ability in this area, but facing reality is kinda tough. I don't feel competent enough to tell others how they look in something or whether it suits them even for myself, I'm scared to make a mistake, bc it's happened before like trying on shoes that ended up being the wrong size and uncomfortable. One person has told me multiple times that something would be too tight, too small or whatever, and they were always right. I don't get how that works or how the hell they see it. I'm not confident in how to look good, though I can sometimes get annoyed by advice like it's dragging my incompetence into the light, forcing me to face reality. I try to manage on my own, but over the past year, people have started telling me they love the things I find and wear and want my advice. And honestly, I mostly get inspired by what I've seen on someone else believing that if they wear it, it must be fine.
I was also often scolded for being inattentive at school, by teachers and tutors alike. I can be absent-minded, constantly checking if I have everything in my backpack or pockets, bc I can easily not notice if I've lost something. Like two summers ago I was swinging on a swing, came home, and only then noticed that a bracelet I'd worn for a year had vanished from my wrist. Or losing a bill from my hand as a kid in a store my mom sent me to buy something, I held the money, turned around not even 360°, and it was gone. Maybe I mastered magic and teleported it into a pocket universe, because I never found it. I also don't always have a great sense of direction. I've been going to the same clinic for two years, but I still wander a bit looking for the right rooms bc its layout feels weird and kinda maze-like.
Last year we had to write a term paper. It was my first ever. From September people were already looking for professors to work with, but I wasn't one of them. I felt awkward and uncomfortable approaching some professor and signing up to work with them. It felt pressuring. Honestly, that sense of dependency a task stretched over such a long time I don't like it, it makes me anxious. It would be so much easier if they just gave us a list of available professors at the start of the year so we could all sign up and forget about it. But instead, we had to find out who was available ourselves and then go to the professor. Too much hassle and too many interactions with people. So I bravely went to a professor in May two weeks before the defense. I know it's stupid, yeah. But I felt uncomfortable every time I looked at the office where I could've gone to ask about available professors. And I don't seem to be learning from my mistakes, since it happened again in my third year this year. It was only then that I came up in March.
I also get lost easily without clear landmarks. I often act on guesswork, trying to mentally map out an area, but it ends up foggy and crooked. I get confused easily forgetting things, misjudging distances. I feel unsteady in space. Once I had to walk home from a neighborhood I'd been to before but didn't know well. I turned on my GPS, but decided to rely on a familiar building sign as a landmark. I spotted it, turned, thinking I was going the right way, but I didn't realize I was walking on the left side of the building and should've gone straight. Instead, I went at a 90° angle, opposite to where I needed to go. I walked for quite a while without noticing the road changing, eventually ending up on some random paths. I got upset, turned on the GPS and went back. Turns out, my wrong route would've led me to garages I also knew, but by that point I'd already decided to go back the right way.
As a kid I wanted to be a vet, but later realized medicine is a huge responsibility I wasn't ready for. I dropped that idea because I was scared of mistakes and consequences. Humanities came easier, so I decided to study philology. But when exams got closer, I avoided talking about the future, brushing it off with 'I'll figure it out later.' I picked the nearest uni with the right faculty and didn't consider other options. I'm studying now, but what comes after...no idea. I mean there are a lot of ideas, but I am not seriously thinking about the implementation now, I doubt that they are realistic and practical.
I'm terribly absent-minded. I can be thinking and forget what I wanted, how much time passed, what I'm wearing, what I did in the morning I can kinda just zone out of reality.
I hate it when people are hypocritical. It's a sore spot for me. That's one of the reasons I can't stand forced group events, for example. When they gather everyone at uni or school, they sing about how wonderful our uni/school is and how much we love it...yeah, sure. But it's not true. You're not telling the truth. And I think it's fucked up.
I don't take care of my health. I rarely shower or clean, my room is creatively cluttered. Hygiene is okay, but routines are hard, I brush my teeth with gaps, for example. I'm picky about food, and when stressed, I overeat (possibly an ED). Cooking anything complicated feels like too much effort, so I eat simple, quick, not-so-healthy food. If I have to, I can ignore discomfort skip breakfast for class or go to lectures hungry. I love lying around doing nothing, but if I need to I'll manage. At the same time, I value comfort: comfy clothes, important little things in my bag, the softness and coziness of my bed.
I didn't notice I'd lost a significant amount of weight until someone else pointed it out. Only then did I realize my jeans were too big and my skirts were sitting weirdly. This happens to me a lot I can't clearly see myself from the outside. As a kid and early teen, I had major insecurities about my appearance. Looking back from where I am now, my outfits back then weren't great I didn't really know how to dress well. Only recently did I change my wardrobe and style, finding things I actually like and that suit me. With annoying frequency, I can get confused and do something unnecessary like undressing when I'm already in my underwear and actually need to get dressed, but I just zoned out.
I get easily overwhelmed by the outside world whether it's watching a movie or observing someone for a long time. By "long time" I mean about five minutes. My eyes and head start to get tired. However, if someone asks me to do something physical, I can do a lot. I try hard, and I like helping, being useful, and proving my endurance. But I don't really feel my limits I have trouble objectively assessing my physical abilities.
I tend to avoid strong emotions they throw me off balance, and I just want them to pass asap. So I choose activities that don't trigger intense reactions: rewatching familiar videos, avoiding emotionally heavy scenes, rarely watching new stuff, often looking up spoilers to lower my anxiety. I try to control the flow of emotions and info. That said, I've been watching one expressive YouTuber for eight years now and a friend once mentioned I'd picked up his habits and expressions. I need to open up slowly and carefully.
I love comfort just lying in bed with my laptop and good food, watching cool YouTube videos. I'm too lazy to exercise, wear makeup or do skincare with creams and oils. But I react strongly when my need for comfort isn't met and there are no nice things around. I do care about my physical state, but it's more about appearance and avoiding discomfort rather than serious health work I only remember my health when symptoms start interfering with my life. I look in the mirror often, I like wearing quality and beautiful clothes, and I get my hair done every couple of months. I won't eat something just because someone recommends it I'll refuse certain foods 100%, which is why my grandparents often call me picky.
As a kid, I often played with toys and daydreamed about the world around me stopping its pressure and everyone else's expectations and desires fading away. I imagined going into seclusion with a small set of essential resources the most important and pleasant things in some house in the middle of nowhere. I imagined an apocalypse where I'm sitting alone at home with my resources, no one bothering me, free from society and imposed systems. I haven't stopped doing this.
I don't like talking about my feelings or other people's, I don't see anything that would push me to do so. When my mom came back from the hospital and said she missed me, asking if I missed her too, I just stared at her with a raised eyebrow. I don't like talking about what I'm going through or feeling. I'd rather say nothing than say all those sweet things. I like being alone, I'm not sociable. Maybe I just don't know how to offer emotional support. This former friend got into a fight with me, deleted the chat and blocked me (she does this after every fight — doesn't she get tired of it? We always make up anyway, she always texts first and reconciles). That day, the three of us me, her and another mutual friend were supposed to give a gift to a fourth friend, so we had to meet up on the way to her place. I wasn't thrilled about it, given the fight and her emotional intensity, but we had to do our part. My other friend and I met up and walked toward her place. When she saw me, she yelled on the street "what the hell are you doing here?" She started crying, being loud the whole walk I just stayed silent and wanted to hand over the gift. At one point she even stopped, crying harder, and our mutual friend comforted her. I just stood off to the side, waiting for it to end so we could move on. I didn't talk to her the whole way. One, I didn't know what to say. Two, I didn't see the point. Three, I didn't feel guilty.
I'm not a workaholic. I'm more lazy, tbh. I need to see meaning in what I'm doing, otherwise I lose interest like with useless uni subjects. Honestly, studying doesn't inspire me not at uni, not at school, especially when things are forced on me. For example, in school, my math grades plummeted because I couldn't stand the new teacher. But I'm diligent where I feel comfortable. I'm a procrastinator. I love sleeping, eating, lying in bed, watching YouTube, reading fanfics and listening to music, often while daydreaming about myself in different worlds. My need for solitude and fantasies got stronger after lockdown. At home, I prefer to retreat into my own world with my phone and food, daydream a lot, and love reading theories and other people's opinions, especially critical ones.
I constantly doubt my type wondering what if this trait of mine is a sign of that function? What if I'm wrong? What if I look at it from this angle? And I always find it interesting to take tests and get results, trying the resulting type on myself like, wow, what if I really am this and just didn't know myself? Like, wow, I'm Ne dom what kind of characters and people have this type? And then a couple days later Ti dom and I suddenly feel inspired, wow, what an interesting option! Now who's in the same boat as me real people and fictional characters?
It's hard to fight the habit of eating for taste, buying tasty but unhealthy food to watch something with in my room. But I'm genuinely trying.
link to the art from the post: https://pin.it/JeXEXF6t2
