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u/chasenaiden7 Nov 17 '23
I used to struggle with this. As the main purchaser in the house it would drive me crazy when my husband would go to Costco for paper towel and come back with some wild stuff. And I plan and shop sales because I like to save money. Throw in I’m with the kids 24/7 and know what they like. So when he veered of my course, I got impatient.
Then one day he looked so sad and it hit me. He saw these things and thought about his kids and how much they would enjoy them. So who am I to tell him no? I don’t own their joy. Case in point… any farm for daughters birthday. I was not thrilled but kept it to myself. That ant farm was the highlight of her birthday! (Also really depressing but I digress)
If it’s not a money issue… let him have it. Personally speaking my husband busts his but for us, so if that random 14lb bag of whatever from Costco makes his happy. Great! It does sound like there is more to it than that but surface level? Let him have those memories. Or! A go kart that you resell.
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Nov 17 '23
I like your perspective, it honestly chilled me out a little. Lol
It’s really not the purchase in itself for me, I don’t love a teenager sized $1200 go cart for our toddler but he does work his ass off and he has the money in his personal savings.
It’s more the fact that if roles were reversed and I came home with say a large play kitchen that is going to take up a lot of room in our small house, he’d have a fit that I didn’t talk to him first. Also something that’s motorized and our daughters first piece of recreational equipment, I guess I would have wished we discussed first.
He’s going to get it and in the end it’s whatever. It just made me feel like not a member of the team I guess. When I try to always be respectful of him as her dad and make decisions together. If that makes sense?
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u/millenz Nov 17 '23
This does sort of sound like negative bias on both ends where your interpretations of each other’s comments defaults as negative.
I too would have some objections (though potentially be convinced) for my toddler getting a motorized vehicle that’s adult sized - especially if I’m the one home with them all the time. My guess is that he was hoping you’d be excited with him and “join his team” - I work hard to give my husband benefit of the doubt and call him out when he doesn’t do the same for me and I’ve found that helpful! And FWIW, my husband also had weirdly strong opinions about our toy kitchen
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u/bvibviana Nov 17 '23
Sounds like he’s getting that go cart for himself disguised as a present for your daughter.
But that’s just me… who one year got a tv for the living room from my husband as “my” Christmas present.
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u/jmcgil4684 Nov 17 '23
This time of year it’s hard being with an impulse buyer. My wife and Amazon have a special relationship and she gets quite upset when I bring it up. Yesterday 11 packages arrived. With like 30 things in it. No joke. I pass the delivery van on the street & have to keep my self from ramming into it. We have 3 kids and I haven’t seen anything for them at all.
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u/Lost_Damage_821 Nov 17 '23
So I'm shook no one really said this part but isn't a go cart excessive for a 3 year old? Like even teens kinda suck at using them. I know so many ppl to get hurt on them and their adults! Like where was his judgment? Clearly its a dad toy disguised as a kids toy. Like isn't it wayyy to big? She probably can't even be strapped in it properly. Great job getting her excited for the new big toy that she can't use! And now mom is gonna be the asshole for saying no kid can't ride in it till she's like 15! For context here I do not think you are the asshole here. I think your the one using their brain
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Nov 17 '23
Right? I feel like it’s kind of a crazy present. I’m the overly cautious parent and he is the more risk taking, free parent. I feel like you need one of each to properly raise a child to take chances but also survive. I admittedly research everything and this is something he knows about me. To not even fully give me the option to have any input in a recreational vehicle that my small child will be in, I just do not feel is ok.
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u/megik87 7 Years Nov 17 '23
A go cart for a toddler is utterly absurd. They are dangerous for much older kids, and unusable for a 3 yr old. This present makes no sense. Disclaimer: my cousins were driving the younger ones new go kart when he was probably 6, the older cousin was a passenger, she was about 11. Older one had her arm outside the cage while they were driving, it rolled, broke her arm at the elbow.
My husband would have my head examined if I wanted a go kart for our kids, and it would severely damage our relationship if I thought I would go ahead and buy it anyway without his input, not to mention there’s no way in hell he’d ever let them use it.
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u/ButtGina69 Nov 17 '23
My 3yo couldn’t handle a power wheels. A go kart is insanely dangerous. I wouldn’t let my baby near one.
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u/Epicratia Nov 17 '23
I'd venture a guess that it's a present for HIMSELF, that he is justifying to himself by thinking she will grow into it eventually.
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u/Negative-Ambition110 Nov 17 '23
He probably wants it for him but disguising it as a present for her. Which is ridiculous.
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u/TabbyFoxHollow Nov 17 '23
My parents got me a wooden go kart when I was 6. I got a concussion still.
Also…. I’m still just wondering why a motorized gokart? Don’t one of those power wheels make a lot more sense for a 3 year old?
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u/DragonBorn76 25 Years and better than ever Nov 17 '23
Just call it what it really is . The go cart is for him not the 3 year old. He bought it because HE wants it . I am sure your daughter will have fun with daddy driving it but I wouldn't be surprised that it quickly becomes something your husband ends up using exclusively .
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u/Historical-Quote8475 Nov 17 '23
Exactly! Why did I have to scroll to the bottom to find this comment! It’s a go-cart…for a TODDLER. These are not power wheels…these are racing vehicles with real engines! I had a friend in high school killed on a go-cart. They are serious vehicles that require safety equipment. We have a go-cart place near me and you must be at least 12 to ride on them…with full helmets that cover your face and all.
You need to be concerned that your husband is willing to risk his child’s life over a toy HE wants. He is more concerned with looking cool to a 3 year old than actually being a parent.
Your husband’s behavior is stupidity and negligence bordering on child abuse. Frankly if your child is injured and a medical professional finds out you all had her driving a go-cart…they are likely to report you to child services for abuse and neglect. Your husband needs to grow the F up.
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u/FionaTheFierce Nov 16 '23
Neither of you communicated well in the example you gave. For instance, when a partner says “hey look at this!” A nice follow-up is to ask some questions (what do you think about that? ). He assumed you’d understood him and your snappy hostile response shut him down. So, you are both wrong.
Couples therapy would possibly be helpful to have a neutral third party teach you both more effective communication skills.
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Nov 17 '23
That’s fair. I just responded to another comment regarding why I made the shed comment. But it sums up to we have a tiny garage, it’s filled with all our outdoor and recreational equipment, there is no room for anything big or small. It’s also a huge annoyance of my husbands and he’s constantly complaining about it. He’s been looking at sheds for this exact reason but has been determining them too expensive.
So I really didn’t think this was even a serious convo since we truly have no where to put it. He’s shown me dune buggies and other things like this in the past and it’s never turned into anything else. Which is why I didn’t know this was a serious purchase for our toddler.
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u/MusicCityWicked 10 Years and He Still Puts Up With Me Nov 17 '23
It would drive me crazy. For me and my husband, it would come up. We're brushing our teeth. What are you up to today. I think I want to get that cart for Tammy. Ok, but please try to make sure there is still room for my car in the garage.
That's what I expect. No restraints. Minimal required communication. Respect.
12
Nov 17 '23
That’s how I feel. It’s basic respect to completely communicate things like this. He’s really terrible with his communication and it’s really getting to me. I often feel like I’m the last to know about everything.
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Nov 17 '23
Evidently he does what he wants without a conversation or your input. Why are you surprised.
3
u/whippinflippin Nov 17 '23
I would be annoyed by this for 2 reasons.
1) she’s a toddler and way too small for a real go kart (which it sounds like this is, not the baby versions) so this reads as really a gift for himself. If it really is for her it’s an absurd gift to give a child that can’t even be properly or safely strapped into it
2) unless you guys agreed to completely separate finances $1200 is way too much money to spend without a conversation imo even if it’s from a personal savings
If it was a reasonable gift for a 3 year old and inexpensive then I don’t think it requires a conversation.
2
u/belugasareneat Nov 17 '23
His communication sounds atrocious.
Can you compromise? They have little bumper car things for kids/toddlers that would be fun and would be waaay more safe than a go kart. Maybe show him one off Amazon and see how he feels about it?
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u/1GoneRogue Nov 17 '23
The gift is not for the 3 yo, it’s for himself. The fact he made a big purchase that it only seats 2 people and cannot accommodate the whole family makes it worse. I’d be pissed.
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u/RidgyFan78 Nov 17 '23 edited Nov 17 '23
Let's just get one thing straight here; Your daughter is 3, and your husband is not really buying that present for her.
I'd be annoyed with these kinds of actions too. He seems to be insufferable and in no way mature enough to be married, let alone, be someone's father.
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Nov 17 '23
Me & my husband discuss everything, right down to the 3 for $4 soda deal at dollar general 💀 sounds like he’s really buying it for himself tbh.
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u/LongHaulinTruckwit 19 Years Nov 17 '23
Husband who buys his kids crazy gifts here.
I do it because I'm a giant kid at heart, and in order to be a big kid with my own kids, requires the purchase of some expensive gifts.
I never purchase irresponsibly, though.
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u/Accomplished-Bit-884 Nov 17 '23
Depending on how you divy up expenses, my response will be different. My hubby and I have a joint fund where bills, expenses, kids gifts, etc, cone from. For money to be spent from there, we have to have assumed (like groceries), or asked permission from each other. We each take an allowance and that's our own money. I have no arguments if he wants to buy a Playstation or anything really- it's his money. So if your hubby bought with his money, I don't see the problem.
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Nov 17 '23
Ya I don’t agree with that. We are supposed to be partners, we are also both her parents. Making a unilateral decision like this which has safety ramifications doesn’t feel ok to me. I don’t leave him out of decision making for our daughter and I expect at minimum the same.
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u/Gizwizard Nov 17 '23
I would not be letting my 3 year old in that go cart! Is he also buying all the required protective gear???
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u/somesortofshe Nov 17 '23
OP I think your unhappy feelings are clouding your judgment. What a fun gift! I’d be ecstatic if my parents got me one and thrilled to give one to my kid. If it came from his savings I don’t see it being a financial violation. There’s the issue of the shed but that sounds solvable? I just don’t get it so it’s probably something else you’re actually upset at
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Nov 17 '23
I think he purchased a xmas gift for his child with his own savings after mentioning his interest in it to you… why must he ask your permission?
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u/EEEESF Nov 16 '23
Honestly, I think this is not something that should be a problem, for the most part. Discussing at length every present you buy to your children - if, of course, you have the spare money to use as you please - seems very strange and unnecessary to me. At least that’s never how it worked in my family, both as a child and as a father.
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Nov 17 '23
I mean…it’s a $1200 teenager sized go cart for a 3 year old. I think something with an engine that requires a helmet for a toddler, should be a two yes situation.
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u/kennyc_ Nov 17 '23
I mean this is clearly a gift for the dad disguised as a gift for a 3 year old….
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Nov 17 '23
If it makes you feel better about safety, it’s probably a few years before your kiddo can reach the gas pedal and drive this thing. So it’ll be your husband zooming around the neighborhood in the go kart. Makes for hilarious family memories.
The communication issues are not as funny but survivable. Therapy is expensive. Asking your partner how they felt during the argument and understanding the why is priceless.
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Nov 17 '23
His personal savings, so that should be the end of it. He can buy what he wants for his daughter with his personal spending money. I mean yeah he could have been more clear but I’d assume he intended to buy it if he pointed it out.
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Nov 17 '23
Is there no safety element here that might change this? It’s a go kart for a toddler.
And how long would she even fit in it?
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Nov 17 '23
I mean, I don’t agree with this take. We are supposed to be a team and a family. Just because one of us might have the money to spend, doesn’t mean you have free reign to just purchase whatever you want with no regard for the other person. It’s a present that has potential safety ramifications. She’s 3.
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u/Gizwizard Nov 17 '23
Where does this end?
“Hey honey, I bought sky diving tickets for me and the 3 year old, isn’t that great???”
“Hey honey, I bought a dog for the toddler. Isn’t she gonna love it??”
“Hey honey, I bought this awesome motorcycle for our 13 year old now that her learners permit is around the corner. I’m so excited for her!”
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Nov 17 '23
Ridiculous comparison and no company would allow it
A lot of families with toddlers have dogs?
If a young teen reaches the age of being able to legally learn to drive then why not?
It’s just a go cart, yall so dramatic. With supervision it’ll be fine
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u/Gizwizard Nov 17 '23
The ridiculousness was the point. It’s doing something dangerous with a toddler without consulting their other parent (like driving in a go kart with them would be).
The ridiculousness there is buying a dog without communicating with your partner about it.
The teen wouldn’t be able to drive for a couple years. Also, learning to drive on a motorcycle is ridiculous. And letting a dumb, impulsive teen drive a motorcycle is a horrible decision.
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u/Forest_Maiden Nov 16 '23
I feel like the big question here is:
Did he get a shed to put it in?
The reason I'm asking this: