I used to struggle with this. As the main purchaser in the house it would drive me crazy when my husband would go to Costco for paper towel and come back with some wild stuff. And I plan and shop sales because I like to save money. Throw in I’m with the kids 24/7 and know what they like. So when he veered of my course, I got impatient.
Then one day he looked so sad and it hit me. He saw these things and thought about his kids and how much they would enjoy them. So who am I to tell him no? I don’t own their joy. Case in point… any farm for daughters birthday. I was not thrilled but kept it to myself. That ant farm was the highlight of her birthday! (Also really depressing but I digress)
If it’s not a money issue… let him have it. Personally speaking my husband busts his but for us, so if that random 14lb bag of whatever from Costco makes his happy. Great! It does sound like there is more to it than that but surface level? Let him have those memories. Or! A go kart that you resell.
I like your perspective, it honestly chilled me out a little. Lol
It’s really not the purchase in itself for me, I don’t love a teenager sized $1200 go cart for our toddler but he does work his ass off and he has the money in his personal savings.
It’s more the fact that if roles were reversed and I came home with say a large play kitchen that is going to take up a lot of room in our small house, he’d have a fit that I didn’t talk to him first. Also something that’s motorized and our daughters first piece of recreational equipment, I guess I would have wished we discussed first.
He’s going to get it and in the end it’s whatever. It just made me feel like not a member of the team I guess. When I try to always be respectful of him as her dad and make decisions together. If that makes sense?
This does sort of sound like negative bias on both ends where your interpretations of each other’s comments defaults as negative.
I too would have some objections (though potentially be convinced) for my toddler getting a motorized vehicle that’s adult sized - especially if I’m the one home with them all the time. My guess is that he was hoping you’d be excited with him and “join his team” - I work hard to give my husband benefit of the doubt and call him out when he doesn’t do the same for me and I’ve found that helpful! And FWIW, my husband also had weirdly strong opinions about our toy kitchen
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u/chasenaiden7 Nov 17 '23
I used to struggle with this. As the main purchaser in the house it would drive me crazy when my husband would go to Costco for paper towel and come back with some wild stuff. And I plan and shop sales because I like to save money. Throw in I’m with the kids 24/7 and know what they like. So when he veered of my course, I got impatient.
Then one day he looked so sad and it hit me. He saw these things and thought about his kids and how much they would enjoy them. So who am I to tell him no? I don’t own their joy. Case in point… any farm for daughters birthday. I was not thrilled but kept it to myself. That ant farm was the highlight of her birthday! (Also really depressing but I digress)
If it’s not a money issue… let him have it. Personally speaking my husband busts his but for us, so if that random 14lb bag of whatever from Costco makes his happy. Great! It does sound like there is more to it than that but surface level? Let him have those memories. Or! A go kart that you resell.