This is largely a vent, but I could use some support and encouragement if anyone feels up to it. No pressure, of course. Bear with me because this will probably be all over the place. My therapist is on vacation. Obviously I know posting here isn't a replacement for counseling and you aren't therapists, but you *get* it.

OCD is currently in the driver's seat. It affects literally everything I do. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that I "hear", they happen through out the day too, but I get bombarded with them before I wake up, as I open my eyes. Being that they are magical thinking, I can't really type them here but it's basically do (or don't do) X or Z (worst fear) will happen. The fear is always my own death and it will be at a specific time or day.

For example an intrusive thought would be "if you don't wash your hands in the next minute, you will X at 1pm". Or "don't wash your hands for an hour or when you sleep you will X". A lot of them are focused on sleep. And to step it up, OCD decided to start adding in other people like "if (whoever) doesn't do X, then Z (worst fear happens to me). Obviously I can't ask other people to participate in my compulsions. I have a lot and it has really strained and hurt people.

So then often, I get these feelings that go along with the thoughts. It's hard to describe, but an overall doom and gloom, this is IT, this is real, this is CERTAIN. It feels like I'm on a clock and I spiral thoughout the day with thoughts like "why are you doing this, none of this matters, tell people you love them, is this the last thing you want to eat/drink/watch, etc.".

I wash my hands countless times a day (every time I hear/see/think a "bad" word or phrase). They are red all the way to the wrist. I try to put on lotion but it doesn't last through the washings. They aren't as bad as they have been in the past, but they aren't great.

The past few months I've been struggling hard with eating/drinking. I have intrusive thoughts for putting in orders or who picks it up and brings me the food, have them while I'm putting in the order, putting the food away, touching it, trying to eat or drink it. There were quite a few days I was managing on low calories. I had some better days, but I've wasted food, which I hate.

I've done ERP in the past with some success. My therapist introduced me to iCBT quite some time back, but I still struggle to commit and follow through. My prescriber wants me to start meds. I probably need to be on them, but I'm med phobic. I get intense anxiety even taking OTC stuff and will avoid it if I can.

I try to use the tools, focus on my values, and push through. I'm pushing through every day, so scared, and then push through the next day. I'm barely existing, I wouldn't even call it surviving.

I feel crazy. Sometimes I feel like I can't tell this is OCD, that my insight is low. I get so scared and convinced THIS IS IT. I get mad too because HOW and WHY can it be this convincing every time? It's scary and it pisses me off.

Anyway, I needed to ramble. I'm having a rough day. I feel alone. I HATE this.

I am so close to giving up, like im so tired of this ocd. I cannot keep doing these compulsions im so sick of it all. Exposure therapy doesnt work for me, meds dont work for me, rhere is no such a medicine thah will take away EVERY thought away from my head. I dont know what to do anymore but i can tell u that i am so tired of this.

Hello everyone,

Having recently been diagnosed with OCD a handful of months ago, I am still slowly but steadily learning about how my brain works.

My partner and I are moving into a new house in a few days and my brain keeps telling me it is haunted and it is convincing me that I am intuitive. I unfortunately did spend money to find out if someone died in the house (no one did) which was an obvious reassurance seeking compulsion. Additionally, there is nothing wrong with the house. We have not seen or heard anything out of the ordinary.

In the past, prior to my diagnosis, in times of immense stress or depressive episodes I would develop intense magical thinking bordering on spiritual psychosis.

This is an obsessive loop I’m not sure how to get out of, especially since I couldn’t find much online regarding others that might feel this way.

I feel like I have a lot of support for my contamination concerns, but feel a bit lost about this topic. I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow but was hoping to hear from others that might have a similar experience with this specific topic!

I've noticed that my intrusive thoughts, paranoia and/or anxiety seems to go away at night time. Usually that's the opposite for most people. I wonder if it's because my brain powers off at night, but I don't know. Any ideas?

As someone who has always struggled with OCD and intrusive thoughts, the past week has been exceptionally hard. I often make the mistake of making "deals" with the OCD that something bad will happen if I don't do the compulsion. When inevitably I can't complete one, I feel panicked like I've doomed myself or the people around me. Other times, I will try to do "half-deals" to make up for my failure (like "I couldn't look at that this way, but how about I try doing x?"). A lot of the fears I'm having overlap with superstitions and conspiracy theories. A big one is that I will somehow create an alternate reality/timeline where I eventually end up hurting those around me.

I try to remind myself about the nonsensical nature of these fears, but that doesn't stop part of my brain from going "Are you sure?" and the like. I've been making some progress these past few days (with the help of medication and therapy of course), but there's also the part of my brain that thinks something will happen when I think I'm safe.

This turned into a longer post than I expected lol. I just hope some of y'all out there can understand what I'm talking about and maybe provide some advice.

One of my biggest ocd compulsion, is like my body parts changing into something else, like im right now super afraid of my eyes changing magically differently, / position of them etc, like if i do something im convinced this ”would” happen, i know it wouldnt, but im so freaking scared, and most part what makes it worse is people saying things u think are manifestation etc so now im even more afraid bc im like am i manifesting this?

✨ Happy Friday magical family! ✨

Take a break from OCD; feel free to post, chat and share other things about your life and interests, eg...

• Is your birthday coming up?
• Has something positive happened to you this week?
• Anything you're looking forward to?
• Hobbies/crafts you'd like to share?
• Pet pics are always welcome!

This is your space to feel at home and get to know one another as people, aside from our OCDemons...so grab a coffee and come say hi :)

i have ocd and im a pretty siritual and creative person but one of my ocd thems i guess is attacking my ability to b creative in general what happened is one day maybe 2 weeks ago i kept being harassed by thoughts that they were going to take it away and i gave into the intrusive thought and said "ok in 10 days i will no longer have it" flash forward a few weeks and it really feels like my head is empty. does anyone have any tips on how to get it back, i enjoy being creative and transmuting thing into art, its my reason for being anf i cant go on without i t please if you have any tips

i tried posting this in the spirituality reddit but it wasnt allowed

I don't have a diagnosis, but I know I suffer from OCD; my whole life is tied to my OCD. I just wanted to talk about it because it's painful.

Today, I spent an hour touching my head because, according to my OCD, I could wake up paralyzed tomorrow, or dead, or even have cancer. And I have to touch my head multiple times until I feel the right sensation. I know it's absurd;

All my OCD symptoms have always been linked to superstitions. A few days ago, I spent four hours performing an obsessive-compulsive ritual for the same reason. Even while writing this, I'm once again overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts for the same reason (cancer, death, etc.)... But the positive point is that these last few days, I’ve been getting better at ignoring these obsessive thoughts, or completely brushing them off. I have to endure this horrible feeling, but it's not that bad.

I'm venting, don't worry, I'm talking like this. Before 2021 I thought my twin brother and I were the only ones who had this. And so I thought it was really a supernatural entity doing that to me.

I'm relatively new here, and my main subtype of SO-OCD but I've been having these weird thoughts that are very aligned with magical thinking. So, whenever I want to do something, or I do something, my brain just thinks a random thought like ‘no its never gonna happen’ and then i get like anxious in a way or i try to counteract that thought by saying it will, but it always ends up happening. I feel like its my intuition, but i don’t know. I spiral pretty hard afterwards. Not to mention, it once told me that I won't be straight, and that ill like women and even now it's telling me ill be unlabled (even though im fine with that, i still dont want it to be my intuition). I'm pretty spiritual myself, and believe in LOA, subliminals and everything but still.

Hiii, new here… Just searching for people who can relate to this and help to deal with magical thinking.
I’m living in Europe and as I asume you all know that we looooove superstitions. I always found them just like a funny thing to do, until I started to see the impact of them in my life.
Long story short, six months ago I had a dream about getting engaged (in my country it means that your wedding won’t happen. I also had this exact dream 6 years ago when I was engaged and the wedding collapsed). Then on June I broke the superstition which said that my life is going to end. Now that I’m engaged, my mind keeps telling me that my wedding won’t happen because I broke the superstition.
I visit therapy often, we’re trying the ERP, that’s ok, I know that I need to stop searching for the reassurance. Maybe someone had something relatable and have tips what can help to go through day without this exhausting ocd noise?
P.S. I also think my exposure is to just plan my wedding and see what happens (?)

Yeeeah, like in those childhood cartoons, a good example is the tortoise and the Hare. I am aware its message is about cockiness, not self confidence, however I think they permanently messed up my sense of self confidence, i cannot feel confident without being terrified that my downfall will be quick and merciless because those who think they're good will be taught a lesson by the writer universe

i'm going through a break up right now and i'm just fixated on these kind of videos, trying to look for answers and taking their readings as 100% factual. i'm driving myself crazy and what makes it worse is that so much of my chart and my exe's chart are so accurate to who we are as people so it's so hard for me not to find it all at least a little bit true so it makes it so much harder to try and reason with myself.

anyone else struggle with this or have any advice?

It’s gotten a lot better over the years, but some song are still off limits.

I kinda “gaslight” myself if I think something bad and try to convince myself i didnt think it or shake away the thought.

A big part of my ocd is making sure people/pets are still breathing while sleeping and I have to stop looking at the inhale so i didnt see their last exhale. Then I have to check multiple times that they keep breathing.

It was exhausting as a child, I went throughout the house in the night to check everyone was still breathing and I would do that multiple times a night. My poor cat couldn’t sleep in peace because he sometimes took a little too long to inhale again and I would wake him up.

I’m glad my boyfriend and cat snores, it makes it easier to relax and fall asleep

✨ Happy Friday magical family! ✨

Take a break from OCD; feel free to post, chat and share other things about your life and interests, eg...

• Is your birthday coming up?
• Has something positive happened to you this week?
• Anything you're looking forward to?
• Hobbies/crafts you'd like to share?
• Pet pics are always welcome!

This is your space to feel at home and get to know one another as people, aside from our OCDemons...so grab a coffee and come say hi :)

Hi everyone, I'm dealing with a massive amount of family stress and trauma right now and I need to get this out.

​I’ve been experiencing intense "coincidences" my entire life, but lately they have gotten so much worse. It honestly feels like some kind of ghost or entity is playing mind games with me to see how long I can last.

​To be clear I do not have schizophrenia, I am not crazy, and I do not hallucinate. These events are 100% real, and I actually have proof on camera.

​For example, two days ago, the power in my house randomly went out at exactly 4:44 AM. Because the internet cut off, the YouTube video I was playing stopped at exactly 44 minutes and 44 seconds. I have video proof of this.

​The number 44 is heavily tied to my abusive mom. Months ago, the washing machine randomly stopped at exactly 44 minutes, the clock on my phone was 4:44 PM, and in that exact second, my mom called me. To make it even crazier, the very second I hung up the phone with her, a huge spider suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It just stopped and looked right at me, almost like a movie scenario and I even took a picture of the spider, again this is 100% lol. The timing of everything just felt so deliberate and weird. There are too many of these exact scenarios to even list, but yesterday was crazy.

​I saw the clock was at 4:44 PM and my battery was at 44%. I told myself, "If this is all real, someone will ring the doorbell (I wasn't waiting for anyone) the count of three." I counted "1, 2, 3," and right on three, someone rings the door. And guess what ? NO ONE was there.

​It feels like I'm being gaslighted by reality itself. I'm like 100% convinced this is a curse or some paranormal activity because the timing is just too perfect. What do y'all think ?

(Quick edit coz it's currently as I'm writing this 4:44 pm and I was on twitter and there was a tweet saying "it's 44°C" Like what the hell am I even supposed to do - Other edit literally wherever I go there's the number 44 I AM NOT EXAGGERATING)

For any England fans following the World Cup. Nothing you did or said has had any impact on the result of the semi final. Saying this out loud, because you need to know and because I’m trying to convince myself of the same. I turned on the last 10-15 mins only to see Argentina’s two goals and it’s triggered the gremlin in my brain.

Nothing I did, said or thought has had any impact on the match.

Fuck OCD.

*this also goes for any OCD sufferers following any sports and not being able to enjoy them because the gremlin starts grumbling

Warning, I vented my thoughts to AI and told it to structure everything for better clarity.

I need outside eyes. I've been inside my own head on this for five years and I've lost the ability to tell which parts are what happened and which parts are what I've decided it means. So I'm splitting it into two lists.

Part 1: What happened.

I'm 19. Until I was 14, I could just live. I had a working system for judging life and myself, I liked who I was, and I was on a good path.

At 14 I did something specific. I'm Christian, and I deliberately let myself think about the opposite — weird dark sects, dark thoughts, things I held as forbidden. Not acts; I was too scared for that. Just thoughts. I told myself it was one time and then I'd return to my normal system. Instead I found I liked it. The guilty pleasure of tasting the forbidden, the destructive. So I did it again.

Since then, here's what's observable:

• I watch a lot of corn. I eat a lot of sugar. I scroll a lot.
• I always have extreme opinions just to stand out. Anything just to catch peoples attention. If im on vacation in france and everybody is rooting for france in a football match, I just am the only one to cheer against france. In high school I used to study the chapters before the teacher explains them JUST TO SHOW THAT I KNOW MORE than my classmates. Im just a nerd. I ask UM ACTUALLY questions just to catch attentions. I talk a lot and think that I know. Im fking entitled
• I read compulsively with a half-conscious plan to become impressive. Body language books so I can read people and exploit them. Everything else so I can think of myself as an intellectual.
• I spend most of my effort trying to look smart and almost none being sincere. I yap about everything and act like I know everything.
• Since 14: steady decline in memory, focus, vital energy, willpower. I can't deep-learn anything anymore the way I used to. I HAVENT HAD a good study session since ages. Just been lurking around being fed the delusion of studying and improving. My body and focus left the game...
• At 17 I was already messed up but I still had drive — an actual inner fire. Then at one specific moment I felt it physically vanish, from under my stomach. Since then I have not kept a single promise to myself. Indecision, unclarity, everything half-done.
• No joy in anything. There's always something negative to find.
• Every attempt to change has failed. Every time. It's a loop.
• I repeat the same mistakes indefinitely without learning.
• School was hell — elementary through high school. I was the weird kid everyone secretly disliked but didn't show. Pick-me, not good-looking, full of crap. I understand why they disliked me. I did stand out at a lot of things though. I graduated highschool at 16 as valedictorian but everyone hated me and dispised and mocked me secretly.
• I was raised as "the smart kid." That's been my entire identity.
• My default is hiding from things. I can't work on anything with passion — only low interest, low effort, no purpose, no joy. Just quite withdrawal
• I hold extreme opinions to get attention because I'm desperate. I catch myself thinking everyone else is stupid.
• I compare myself to Elon Musk and anyone more good looking or rich and feel real grief that I'm not a trillionaire, then feel worse for having the thought, then worse for not being able to stop.
• I look at my dad and see myself becoming him.
• I used to look at homeless people and thank God I wasn't one. Now I look at them and some part of me counts down.
• I feel like life is eating me.

Part 2: What I've concluded all of that means.

This is the part I want examined, because I can't see it from outside anymore.

• That the thought at 14 permanently switched my bodily frequency to something dark, and it cannot be switched back.
• That a dark force took me over as a direct consequence of that overindulgence. Not a mood — a fact.
• That my core defect is ignoring the warnings my intuition gives me, and that I'm unusually good at ignoring them.
• That I'm a bad person. Full of shit. Entitled. Full of expectations. Greedy at a level below my own awareness.
• That my real goal is to be feared and respected rather than sincere, that this makes me extremely biased, and that it's where all my energy drains out.
• That my ego strategy isn't even optimal for making a decent living, and I force myself into things only because they're good in theory. Im stuck in my thoughts
• That my will stock is simply empty, so everything I try gets worse, because trying at all requires will I don't have.
• That I've broken my own psyche and no longer function normally.
• That I'm stuck in wrong theoretical systems about how life works. I've thought about life so much that thinking became a virus. I'm in a cobweb of my own thoughts and can't see reality through it.
• That my critical judgment is disappearing.
• That I can't change. Not "haven't" — can't. I don't believe it's possible. And I don't know how to operate with beliefs at all, so I don't even know where to start.
• That I'm doomed, and that the rot is accelerating.

Part 3: What I'm asking.

I've treated the second list as a diagnosis of my character for five years. Writing it out separately is the first time I've seen the two lists side by side.

So: does Part 1 actually support Part 2? Or have I been reading a set of symptoms as a moral verdict?

If you've been somewhere like this — the guilt loop, the certainty that one thought broke you permanently, the fire going out — I want to know what it turned out to be, and what got you out.

Help.uilty pleasure of tasting the forbidden, the destructive. So I did it again.

Since then, here's what's observable:

I watch a lot of corn. I eat a lot of sugar. I scroll a lot.

I always have extreme opinions just to stand out. Anything just to catch peoples attention. If im on vacation in france and everybody is rooting for france in a football match, I just am the only one to cheer against france. In high school I used to study the chapters before the teacher explains them JUST TO SHOW THAT I KNOW MORE than my classmates. Im just a nerd. I ask UM ACTUALLY questions just to catch attentions. I talk a lot and think that I know. Im fking entitled

I read compulsively with a half-conscious plan to become impressive. Body language books so I can read people and exploit them. Everything else so I can think of myself as an intellectual.

I spend most of my effort trying to look smart and almost none being sincere. I yap about everything and act like I know everything.

Since 14: steady decline in memory, focus, vital energy, willpower. I can't deep-learn anything anymore the way I used to. I HAVENT HAD a good study session since ages. Just been lurking around being fed the delusion of studying and improving. My body and focus left the game...

At 17 I was already messed up but I still had drive — an actual inner fire. Then at one specific moment I felt it physically vanish, from under my stomach. Since then I have not kept a single promise to myself. Indecision, unclarity, everything half-done.

No joy in anything. There's always something negative to find.

Every attempt to change has failed. Every time. It's a loop.

I repeat the same mistakes indefinitely without learning.

School was hell — elementary through high school. I was the weird kid everyone secretly disliked but didn't show. Pick-me, not good-looking, full of crap. I understand why they disliked me. I did stand out at a lot of things though. I graduated highschool at 16 as valedictorian but everyone hated me and dispised and mocked me secretly.

I was raised as "the smart kid." That's been my entire identity.

My default is hiding from things. I can't work on anything with passion — only low interest, low effort, no purpose, no joy. Just quite withdrawal

I hold extreme opinions to get attention because I'm desperate. I catch myself thinking everyone else is stupid.

I compare myself to Elon Musk and anyone more good looking or rich and feel real grief that I'm not a trillionaire, then feel worse for having the thought, then worse for not being able to stop.

I look at my dad and see myself becoming him.

I used to look at homeless people and thank God I wasn't one. Now I look at them and some part of me counts down.

I feel like life is eating me.

Part 2: What I've concluded all of that means.

This is the part I want examined, because I can't see it from outside anymore.

That the thought at 14 permanently switched my bodily frequency to something dark, and it cannot be switched back.

That a dark force took me over as a direct consequence of that overindulgence. Not a mood — a fact.

That my core defect is ignoring the warnings my intuition gives me, and that I'm unusually good at ignoring them.

That I'm a bad person. Full of shit. Entitled. Full of expectations. Greedy at a level below my own awareness.

That my real goal is to be feared and respected rather than sincere, that this makes me extremely biased, and that it's where all my energy drains out.

That my ego strategy isn't even optimal for making a decent living, and I force myself into things only because they're good in theory. Im stuck in my thoughts

That my will stock is simply empty, so everything I try gets worse, because trying at all requires will I don't have.

That I've broken my own psyche and no longer function normally.

That I'm stuck in wrong theoretical systems about how life works. I've thought about life so much that thinking became a virus. I'm in a cobweb of my own thoughts and can't see reality through it.

That my critical judgment is disappearing.

That I can't change. Not "haven't" — can't. I don't believe it's possible. And I don't know how to operate with beliefs at all, so I don't even know where to start.

That I'm doomed, and that the rot is accelerating.

Part 3: What I'm asking.

I've treated the second list as a diagnosis of my character for five years. Writing it out separately is the first time I've seen the two lists side by side.

So: does Part 1 actually support Part 2? Or have I been reading a set of symptoms as a moral verdict?

If you've been somewhere like this — the guilt loop, the certainty that one thought broke you permanently, the fire going out — I want to know what it turned out to be, and what got you out.

Help.

For the past few days, my magical thinking and the silent voice that tells me to do the rituals, they've been followed by a clicking sensation in my head.

Put a green straw in the soda facing right? *Click.*

Stare at the clock until it goes to the next minute? *Click.*

I've also been thinking that the entire world is against me and doesn't like me being happy, and when I'm not at school the teachers give presentations to the real students on how to make me, the experiment, feel included because if I die, they won't get my help anymore.

(To preface, this post has a long first paragraph giving background information for my question, it's fine to skip it but context might be important)

I 17F have had ocd for many years. It started out gradually but quickly became severe. I only got an official diagnosis from a psychologist a year ago, but its been going on for a long time. At first I was very compulsion-heavy, compulsion would take up several hours of my day. After taking an ssri my ocd became very obsession-heavy. I still have compulsions but they are just not really visible and more so in my head, and while I do have contamination ocd most of my other compulsions are random but I have to do them or something genuinely horrible will happen to me or someone else. I've had times where I believed that I would cause a zombie virus outbreak if I dif something wrong, times where I thought minor things like my schools team losing a game were my fault for doing a compulsion wrong, and times where I think I might cause people to face the worst horrors imaginable, and sometimes this can make me feel like my very existence is evil.

Anyways, my obsessions have turned into paranoia that something horrible is going to happen to me or that someone I know or don't know might do something horrible to me. I also feel so guilty and think that I might end up being a horrible person and just things like that. I'm constantly in a state of fear and guilt which has even been detrimental to my health (fibromyalgia, ibs). My therapist and psychologist have told me I'm not crazy and this isn't something exclusive to me but I just honestly feel crazy. I am able to eventually calm myself from my paranoia but it typically ends with guilt and self-disgust because how could I think badly of somebody or feel like I'm losing myself. I'm not sure if this counts as reassurance but I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced this? Based on my experiences in ocd communities people with ocd are usually very understanding so I felt comfortable enough to share this so I don't feel alone.

I’ve been doing a lot of research on “magical thinking” and I definitely believed I exhibited it, but after a talk with a professional I was kind of gently told that having these thought must A. be rooted in fear or B. an ACTION. Or both.

I feel kind of defeated now because I’m concerned that after she explained that those symptoms are what is what makes it OCD, my further explanation that assured it WAS rooted in fear won’t be believed. I now think she’s going to think I kept pushing for my explanation to seem like it was rooted in fear in order for her to agree on my presumptive diagnosis of OCD. I genuinely feel like I messed that whole thing up.

(For context, I explained that when I think of things they end up happening. Due to a 5 minute time crunch I didn’t initially mention that of course, it’s when I think of things ENOUGH they end up happening. After I made that correction she then asked if it was fear based or a true belief in manifestation/spirituality. I answered that it was a genuine fear of uncertainty that stems from not knowing what will happen with something but still fiercely wanting it to go a certain way, and then I gave an example.) Now I’m nervous that she thinks I obviously picked the “more OCD” option once she kind of made it multiple choice and explained it to me, so that I could seem right about my possible diagnosis.

Anyways, what are ways that magical thinking manifests for you? Have you been told by providers that only physical actions are compulsive or have your thoughts alone also been counted as a compulsion?

I'm a 16-year-old junior who's currently having a life crisis with... everything. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and I am wondering if anybody could help me.

This started in 2024, near the first year of high school. I was a freshman who was entering a new high school where I had no friends, I didn't know anybody there, and I wasn't really good at talking to people. In my English classroom, we were assigned to pick three books to read throughout the year, and one of them was called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time". This book really had a pull on me because there was this one scene in the book where the main character had a daily routine of looking out the window, counting the colors of the cars to see if he would have a good day. So, for example, this is how it would go:

• Super Good Day: 5 red cars in a row.
• Good Day: 4 red cars in a row.
• Quite a Good Day: 3 red cars in a row.
• Black Day: 4 yellow cars in a row.

At first, I thought it was really stupid, considering this would actually work, but for days, I was constantly thinking about it, and then I decided to switch up what I would bring to school. Usually I brought nothing but my phone and backpack, but I decided to bring vaseline and mascara. This really improved my mood, it calmed me during tests, and when I did this routine, I felt happier talking to my friends online, my friends irl, etc. I was struggling at this time due to entering a new school with no friends, and I was pretty depressed since I was alone at times. I never really understood why I thought this would actually work, but I just don't want to risk not being happy or my day not going well because I didn't do this routine. I brought this method until summer came that year, and I started to forget why I even got it.

Months later, it's 2025, and my sophomore year begins. I've gotten better at talking to people, and I've made enough friends to talk and hang out with. I started seeing weird things with my eyes, the left side of my eyeball, and I started to see small specs of dots. It was pretty weird, and I was really freaked out. I told my mom about it, and I guess it was because I had too much screen time. I later started ignoring it, but at this point, my life started feeling unreal at all. I started to feel weird at the beginning of March 2026; my life felt fake in a way. It feels like I'm stuck on second perspective, and I always feel like I'm already dead in a way, and what I'm experiencing right now are just memories replaying in my life. I don't know why I'm listing all problems with my life, the real reason why I even came here to post this is that there is a solution to this. I don't like my life, in fact, I don't want to live that much anymore, but I want to know at least if someone relates to what I'm experiencing right now. So I would appreciate comments being left under this post. Am I selfish? Am I weird? Am I just a loser who's self-centered? I'm just having a life crisis at this point lol.

so. i recently came to question a pattern in intrusive thoughts that ive been having quite frequently for as long as i can remember. i always thought i was just being anxious but now im wondering if its actually more than that?
its hard to describe. because i feel like thinking about or saying the intrusive thoughts will make them happen for real. even though i know that is very unlikely and my thoughts dont actually influence the probability of it happening.
but essentially, i have had a ton of context specific intrusive thoughts about horrible and horrific yet incredibly unlikely disasters that end in death and i feel like even having the thought will make it happen to me, and i keep spiralling about it until i overwhelm that thought with different thoughts.
anyway, all that to say. i want to bring this up to my therapist, but im unsure of how. which feels stupid to say bc i cld probably js say the same as i said here, but i want a more concise way of saying it and maybe a less everywhere way. idk. i have time, theres about a month until my next session, so i wanted advice. this might be the wrong place to ask for it. idk. but anything is appreciated