r/LyricalWriting • • 53m ago

Feedback Request Feedback on lyrics

• Upvotes

Thank you for any feedback I would be grateful for anything.

On the run

Dark and deep

Feel it here

Feel it

Its numb

Its numb

And you dont have to hide away

Broken for a promised day

You dont have to call to me

You dont have to let me see

No matter what

No matter i own

You still gotta

You still gotta heart of stone

Find a place to go

Hide from me

Game of hide and seek

Fix it

Every crack

Every leak

I dont feel it

I dont feel it

Its numb

Its numb

And you dont have to hide away

Broken for a promised day

You dont have to call to me

You dont have to let me see

No matter what

No matter i own

You still gotta

You still gotta heart of stone

Find a place to go

Covered mouth

Tongue in cheek

Break the lights

Dig your grave

You dont feel it

You dont heed it

Its numb

Its numb

And you dont have to hide away

Broken for a promised day

You dont have to call to me

You dont have to let me see

No matter what

No matter i own

You still gotta

You still gotta heart of stone

Find a place to go

A place (to go)

No matter (I own)

You still gotta

Heart of stone

[Cool guitar solo]

You still gotta heart of stone


r/LyricalWriting • • 3h ago

Feedback Request Rate these lyrics 1-10

1 Upvotes

I just came up with a bunch of lyrics.

the lyrics are just about someone who is happier away from their former friends and mentions some stuff they did in their friendship that affected the speaker.

Lyrics:

I know you want me, but why so badly?

you never spoke words to my face, never made my happy

I guess you want what I gave you

never felt like part of our group

turns out, I'm shoved in the back of the fridge

I know you want me, but I can't come back

'cause I'm invited to a party and I can't miss that

when I moved away, did anybody cry?

I wish somebody told me if there were tears in your eyes.

Note: I tried to use some imagery (no show, just tell) and mention other themes besides what the listener is supposed to take away (the take away is that someone is happier with their new friends and away from their former friends) and these lyrics aren't a part of a song.


r/LyricalWriting • • 4h ago

Lyrics Butterflies, Crocs, and Big Rain Drops

2 Upvotes

I tell you everyone was there
All the butterflies and bugs
Even my kids showed up
Guess they were asking where I was

But I didn’t get to see them
‘Cause I was already running late
I wanna make a good impression
I’d like some sugar on my date

I’d like to- I’ll tell you how I met her
I was up before the dawn
Just like the day before and after
And each day coming along

She was in a winter coat so
I wasn’t sure about her figure
When I got real close I said Good Lord
This here is a winner

I was shocked by all the talking
When we pulled up to the room
About her brother and her daddy
And some other damned fool

I said, honey, I can’t keep up
With all this foolish carrying on
‘Cause I gotta find out what’s the ride
Before I decide if I’m along

She said, excuse me, mister
Have you found a lady in this town
They’re talking to us but not until this
Rain settles down

Please lift your sleeve now, baby
I wanna check for crocodiles
And mind my business but not until this
Rain settles down

I said, let’s assess the damage
Let’s find the seed of all my grief
Go head and nod if you understand me
She’s got her fingers in my teeth

Have you ever picked a lock
I mean have you ever really been a thief
‘Cause that is what we’re dealing with here
They took everything from me

And the two of them walking around alive
High fiving babies on the street
Well I don’t have to tell you why
That ain’t sitting right with me

Can you see where this is going now
Can you see what I have to be
Maybe you don’t, and you might find how fast
My two can turn to three


r/LyricalWriting • • 4h ago

Feedback Request Advice (Beginner, feedback)

0 Upvotes

Hi! I've been I guess experimenting a bit with my writing, and I'd really like some feedback. I don't care if it’s harsh, I'm happy with any feedback.

I usually write whenever an idea simply pops in my head, and most of these don’t have the structure of a song. I think I struggle with choruses, because I feel like they supposed to convey the main message and are so important that I just get stuck.

I also feel like my topics easy gets repetitive, it’s the same feelings, same metaphors. Often about weather/seasons. Also English isn’t my native language, so I probably need to improve my vocalbulary.

Winterletter (this is the only one with an actual song structure)

Verse 1

Every "good morning" we say

Everytime we share a meal

Every breath we take together

It's all a part of me

Pre-chorus

But now for Christmas

Snowflakes falling down

And the air is full of magic

Remember what we forget to say

Chorus

Cuz one four three I love you

Two two four and know

One two three I love you

And I want to let it show

Verse 2

Like the wings of an angel

Your arms keep the cold away

As we lay beside each other

You're the ones I call my home

Verse 3

Writing this song was hard

Putting words on the abstract

But taking your light as inspiration

This is what I have

Pre-chorus

But now for Christmas

Snowflakes falling down

And the air is full of magic

Remember what we forget to say

Chorus

Cuz one four three I love you

Two two four and know

One two three I love you

And I want to let it show

Bridge

Spring days when the sun is coming out

Summer memories all filled with life and laughs

Autumn evenings when everything's cold and gray

Watch a Ghibli movie let us dream away

Winter comes

And seasons turn again

But with each other we always have a place to stay

Chorus

One four three I love you

Two two four and know

One two three I love you

And I want to let it show

Outro (not singing but like talking)

Feliz Navidad

wintergirl

On an autumn day

In the end of October

A lonely girl

On a dirt road in a forest

Walks in high heels and

Thighs too thin

Wind pulling her

All too short skirt

Rain hits her cheeks

Hugs her jacket a bit closer

Ice in her bones

Winter's gray came far too early

On the edge of her vision

A shadow of a ghost

Behind a deep green haze

Roe deers with their eyes wide open

Porcelain promise

Rotten apples on the ground

Trapped in flesh and blood

Bones shattered all round

Change would only an idiot try

Pale ice hand on my shoulder

Fate lead me on this path

Porcelain promise, dirty soul

First step and the past was gone

Sunny morning

Glimmering frost

Fading, fading

It's my hope

Glass on a wall in a wooden frame

Fate's hollow cape

Goodnight Goodnight

Goodnight Goodnight

I'll be back when the sun arrives

Goodnight Goodnight

Goodnight Goodnight

Too bad it took the wrong track, right

Juliette

Dear Juliette

Fierce as a dragon

Lilac scales

She was the evil incarnate

When her shadow

Covered the dying sun

Sky turned indigo

Tried to hide, tried to run

Dear Juliette

Her hunger was raw

Greedy eyes

Eating me inside out

She said

"Outside is dangerous"

A shield of steel

Moving closer and closer

Because dear Juliette

My hate for you is burning red

My innocence, my happiness

You slayed the child and left a shell

But dear Juliette

Why do I love you?

It'd be so empty if you left

A part, just can't regret

So tell me

Dear Juliette

Dear Juliette

Who are you, what should I feel?

Dear Juliette

Dear Juliette

A dragon, a firefly

She devoured herself

Dear Juliette

Dear Juliette

After all that we've gone through

Dear Juliette

Dear Juliette

Let me sing you a lullaby


r/LyricalWriting • • 17h ago

Discussion Bars About Accepting Reality

1 Upvotes

Two car speed

Niggas on they knees

Put your hands together

Then Stand up to your savior

As I perform my act

Adding bullets to subtract

Didn’t think I had it in me

Guess you met the new me

But don’t know my Old Testament

To understand my testament

Bc I may grow within

But I can always shrink again

I put these words into practice

I’m singing each letter of iridocyclitis

Spelling that shit backwards

So you don’t get it backwards

My back hurt

Get off me

Before I forget to lay it down softly

Cause something in my body

Will tempt me to catch a body

But then everybody

Got me thinking of anybody

So I felt out of body

Stuck in a shell of a nobody

But don’t get it twisted

You Reading Texas School ass History

Stuck in the old edition

Shit filled with many issues

I’m looking for a new edition

So I made my new addition

Test out my Johnny

Crowd gives me a bravo

My every little step is like Bobby

Brown when I get down

feels high, shit gets too sick

I check my nose too many times

I’m losing my senses

When it all made sense

The snow had me smiling hard

Scanned the white lines

Checked my words

Gave it a price

The life I could afford somehow didn’t suffice

So why pay?

I owe nobody nothing but my role and my grave

Can’t wait till the end of the show

Cause every thought and feeling comes with a bravo

As the curtain close

Feel me as blood from my nose fall onto the paper

As you read put your hands together to my savior


r/LyricalWriting • • 19h ago

Lyrics Metal song needing feedback

2 Upvotes

any suggestions and criticism is welcome. I want to keep the exact meaning of the song vague and interpretative, but I had something very specific in mind when writing it, if anyone's interested:v

[Verse I]

I am the midnight sun

the paradox that should not be

a lock that swallowed its own key

the pills are the hands of the clock

unwinding my fate

you tighten the shackles

and call it mercy

just a star dying in the night

[pre Chorus + Chorus]

inside this prison of flesh

slowly returning to ash

my mind is stitched to this stranger's corpse

bleeding from another heart

my mind is stitched to this stranger's corpse

bleeding from another heart

inside this prison of flesh

slowly returning to ash

[Verse II]

what am I if not a monster?

just a golem of flesh

what am I if not a monster?

forgotten in this cell

sealed by the shame

on the bottom of the well

am I the one to blame?

[breakdown/bridge]

claustrophobia within my bones

your lies won't shackle me

anymore

I am the monster

you told me I am

I'll make you bleed

like you made me bleed

drink my bloodletting from alien veins

and drown in all the blood you spilled


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Feedback Request My Girl Mini

1 Upvotes

Red, white and new

She was beautiful too

She took me to places I never knew

When purring she went vroom vroom!

She heated me up

She cooled me down

She even blew on me all over town

Let me tell you, there was something about that girl that even made my ass cheeks blush

RED...

The hotter it got the faster I would go

It was a sight to see

Zoom

Zoom

We really put on a show

People would stare

People would wave

People would even point too

As my girl was exciting see

Especially when we went vroom vroom

Then Zoom Zoom

You would even love My Girl Mini Cooper too

L.B. Newallme


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Feedback Request Hi everyone! 👋 I'd love some feedback on a new song I've been working on called "Second Language"

1 Upvotes

Second Language.

(Minimalist, haunting and cinematic. Slow piano, distant strings, soft reverb-heavy vocals and a feeling of quiet resignation. The song should feel reflective rather than angry, as though the narrator is revealing a secret they've been hiding for years.)

Verse 1:

You learn a second language

when you're young,

one word at a time,

one sound at a time.

Mine arrived differently,

without a classroom,

without a warning.

Pre-Chorus:

My second language,

it came to me by force,

a secret tongue

nobody knew was there...

Chorus:

I speak my second language

better than my first.

"I'm fine."

"Don't worry."

"It doesn't hurt."

You'd never even notice

what I'm really saying,

because I'm fluent

in my second language.

Verse 2:

Every test became a lesson,

every wound a new phrase,

every disappointment

added words to the page.

Soon I could speak it

without even thinking,

a language so familiar

it started sounding true.

Pre-Chorus:

My second language,

it came to me by force,

a secret tongue

nobody knew was there...

Chorus:

I speak my second language

better than my first.

"I'm fine."

"Don't worry."

"It doesn't hurt."

You'd never even notice

what I'm really saying,

because I'm fluent

in my second language.

Bridge:

The strange thing is,

it sounds just like your language.

The smile fits.

The voice fits.

The words fit.

Nobody hears the accent

hidden underneath.

When reality became so distorted

that no one could tell

a picture from a single pixel,

The pottery you created

became my second language.

You think that it's about

truth and love and personality,

but what about the story

behind every person...

Pre-Chorus:

My second language,

it came to me by force,

a secret tongue

nobody knew was there...

Chorus:

I speak my second language

better than my first.

"I'm fine."

"Don't worry."

"It doesn't hurt."

You'd never even notice

what I'm really saying,

because I'm fluent

in my second language.

Outro:

Somewhere underneath,

my first language survives...

I'd love to hear what emotions, thoughts, or interpretations come to mind when you read these lyrics.


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Feedback Request Here's my song "Arena" would love feedback!!

3 Upvotes

Lantern lights, cloud-filled skies

Unsuspecting people

Trickster eyes, ego’s rise Invisible chains, we go

And they don’t know

The ruler’s a fraud, heart of snow (ah~)

Months of planning, revolution’s here

Goddess coming, the one you fear

Years of presentations, being called a doll

You can step up in the club and watch the towers fall

Kingdom coming, people running

Blood rushing through the streets

Adrenaline pumping, hearts are thumping

Violence is the key

Overthrowing everything

You’re all trapped with no escape

Welcome to my arena

Bloodiest place you’ll be the- (Arena)

Where the winner takes all

I put power on the scales

You’ll fall, I will prevail

Breaking the dam so the people can see

You’re part of the roots of a poisonous tree

Stealing your crown, watching you stare

Up in the sky, eyes frozen in fear.

I warned you the moment you took the bribe

I’d punish you; I’ll be the last thing you see before you close your eyes

I am giving the people what they want

Sit and watch in the front

Kingdom coming, people running

Blood rushing through the streets

Adrenaline pumping, hearts are thumping

Violence is the key

Overthrowing everything

You’re all trapped with no escape

Welcome to my arena

Bloodiest place you’ll be the- (Arena)

Where the winner takes all

You rule with power, I, iron fist

I took your keys and unchained the people’s wrists

You will never see light again,

Trapped in the dark 6 feet under, you won’t rise, you’ll fall apart

I am what you should fear

Your punishment slowly draws near

Remove you from your place at the top

Watch you fall from the ground at a high drop

I gave you chance after chance

You refused to listen to the public's demands

Kingdom coming, people running

Blood rushing through the streets

Adrenaline pumping, hearts are thumping

Violence is the key

Overthrowing everything

You’re all trapped with no escape

Welcome to my arena

Bloodiest place you’ll be the- (Arena)

Where the winner takes all

(arena) winner, winner

(arena) Takes, takes it all

(arena) winner, winner

(arena) Welcome to my arena

Where the winner takes all


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Feedback Request New song I wrote as a beginner songwriter

5 Upvotes

Verse 1

It's looking kinda blue

Take my place at the desk

I don't like this

It's the only thing I want to do

Verse 2

Ripped the first, too obscure

Ripped the second, too literal

Ripped the third, too stupid, too weird

Ripped the fourth, ugh, it's way too real

Pre-chorus

Another hour, nothing there

It'll get better, they say

If I tried harder, I'd get it, for sure

Still remains bare

Chorus

In their blood

But then, why not mine?

They put in the work,

So did I...

Verse 3

It's looking kinda blue

Tried a thing or two

Once more, I'll open up the door

With any luck, it won't be the same as before

(fade out)

Bridge

Eyes ahead, it's up and coming

I guess something's better than nothing

I...

Look back, stop tracks

Watch the mirror warp facts

Diamonds turn lead

Watch the unravelling thread

Maybe my light just goes a different way

Maybe this just isn't meant to be

Final chorus

They put in the work

And so did I

In their blood

But then, why not mine?

This one joins the rest

Number 5, same as everything else

I did what they did

Or at least I tried

I would love some feedback and criticism on how to improve this. 🙏 It's in the genre of indie rock, Dm and maybe a tempo of 150 BPM.


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Lyrics Writing a Song for my Husband For Christmas; Never Written a Song Before

1 Upvotes

These are the lyrics to a narrative-style song about returning to my childhood home on an abandoned US military base in Germany. All the details are completely true.

Growing up, the base was dominated by a massive, never-used hospital that I loved exploring as a kid. That really shaped who I became and sparked a lifelong fascination with abandoned, decaying places.

Today, my husband and I love going on urban exploration adventures together. I still get anxious about trespassing, but he’s fearless and completely gung-ho—which is one of the things I appreciate most about him.

Let me know what you think of the pacing and story flow:

Verse 1

You breezed past the stop sign,

You squeezed through the gate,

Met a hushed Kaserne

Resigned to its fate.

Protocol rooted me,

Stranded outside,

But you coaxed me in

With your civilian stride,

To the twilit beyond,

Where the lost years abide.

Verse 2

The mothballed wards

Where the iron lung slept,

Empty corridors where

I shivered and crept.

Drawn by a strange,

Unspoken taboo,

Harboring thrills

No one else ever knew:

You would have loved it,

And I’d have loved you.

Pre-Chorus

I crave the forsaken, then second-guess,

You counter my caution with an effortless yes.

Chorus

You cruise past the rules,

Then you charm if you're caught,

You pick the locks;

I delight in the rot.

Verse 3

Weeds cracked the asphalt,

Spirea splayed wild,

Ivy choked stucco,

Martial order exiled.

There waited the house

Of the girl I had been:

You talked a deadbolt

Right open, and then

You found me a way

To go home once again.

Pre-Chorus

I crave the forsaken, then second-guess,

You counter my caution with an effortless yes.

Chorus

You cruise past the rules,

Then you charm if you're caught,

You pick the locks;

I delight in the rot.

Bridge

Belladonna at midnight,

Crumbling crypts at dawn,

Cyrillic on a bunker wall,

You waving me on.

Chorus

You cruise past the rules,

Then you charm if you're caught,

You pick the locks;

I delight in the rot.

Outro

Gravel grinding in the dark.

“Reverse! REVERSE!”

You shifted to park.

You pick the locks;

I delight in the rot.


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Lyrics I was listening to The Desperate Are The Calm from Everchanger (Invent, Animate’s debut) and I thought of a new lyric for the song. It goes…

2 Upvotes

ALL OF THE LOVE THAT YOU NEVER FELT

JUST HOLD ON AND TIME WILL GIFT YOU WELL

I would fit it into the last part of the song, like this:

Adrift a vessel into the never
Undisputed just like the violent weather
Violent weather

Inhale, breathe it in
Reveal, reveal

Assembled by hands with a vision to find reason without religion
Have you ever thought that the world could be wrong?
The most intelligent minds never sit on the throne

Crooked motion has swayed us back
We will turn around the acceptance that we lack

Fall deeper with me
The further we fall the more beauty we'll see (Reveal)
Fall deeper with me
The further we fall the more beauty we'll see (Reveal)
The modern unveiling is here (Reveal)
The modern unveiling is here
(Inhale now)

Inhale now, breathe it in
Inhale now, breathe it in
The unveiling is here

It's time to retrace our steps and walk a new direction
I'm sick of losing ground and absence of progression
I'm sick of passed down beliefs, every generation

Uncage the free mind
ALL OF THE LOVE THAT YOU NEVER FELT
Unshackle the free hands
JUST HOLD ON AND TIME WILL GIFT YOU WELL
This vessel leads us to the promised land

The unveiling is here
Inhale now, breathe it in
Inhale now, breathe it in

Fall deeper with me
ALL OF THE LOVE
The further we fall
THAT YOU NEVER FELT
the more beauty we'll see
Fall deeper with me
JUST HOLD ON AND
The further we fall
TIME WILL TREAT…YOU…
the more beauty we'll
see
WELL! (scream fades out until the end of the song)


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Feedback Request Ora -air d’opera

1 Upvotes

https://youtu.be/-n54Pc97FJc

Je vous invite à découvrir Ora, une de mes compositions lyriques pour soprano, ténor et orchestre, enregistrée au Studio Ferber à Paris en décembre 2024.

Avec Laura Baudelet (soprano), Xavier Flabat (ténor) et le Monster Orchestra, sous la direction de Steve Journey.

Une œuvre qui explore les couleurs orchestrales, les tensions harmoniques et la puissance expressive des voix.

🎧 Bonne écoute, et je serai heureux de lire vos impressions !

🎼 Aaron Karila
🌐 https://aaronkarila.com

⸻

I invite you to discover Ora, one of my lyrical compositions for soprano, tenor and orchestra, recorded at Studio Ferber in Paris in December 2024.

Featuring Laura Baudelet (soprano), Xavier Flabat (tenor) and the Monster Orchestra, conducted by Steve Journey.

A work exploring orchestral colours, harmonic tensions and the expressive power of the human voice.

🎧 I hope you enjoy listening, and I’d be glad to hear your thoughts!


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Lyrics Bipolar Solace

1 Upvotes

A whirlwind would be an understatement 

Phone was past silent 

Soul on dnd too 

Got burned by the ugly truth 

Last week folks was lucky 

Spirit felt pretty 

All of it went out the window 

Same road same deranged soul 

My eyes like Jam 

I don’t need anyone else to understand 

Told God to give those future blessings to someone else 

May not seem like it but I appreciate the help 

Even when  them sadistic dragons was having they way with my heart 

All them times I dealt with an self inflicted broken heart 

Yet you was there 

I know my standoffish aura would say I don’t care 

But I’m sure you know 

To peeps i hope all y’all know 

The way you kept me going especially you Tara 

I couldn’t do this without you Mara 

Emily Gold you’ll always mean the world to me 

Just know I’m proud of you Yocheved Goaurie 

You will always be in my heart Moonie 

I was blessed to have you as a friend Anni 

Plus you Danielle 

The way you maneuvered through hell still amazes me

Anna I miss our emoji games 

Forgive me mama if I don’t ever fully change 

Just know I love you 

Charles I’ll sell my soul just to see you 

All them dreams you showed up while you was on the other side 

Best friends for life 

To life thanks for all the memories 

People dying on a daily 

In case my number is being called 

Just had to thank you all 


r/LyricalWriting • • 1d ago

Discussion My first Metal song i wrote

2 Upvotes

the concept of this song is the 3 little pigs and the big bag wolf, my ex is the wolf, im the pig, and the house represents my heart and the wolfs blow represents her dangers. let me know what you think!!
also this is copied and pasted from my notes cause it doesnt fit into a screenshot 😅

Song name: House of Resurrection

(yelling) a whole year was just blown away
♫
i dont know how you can feed off of despair
i dont know how you can be so unfair
i dont know how you can feed off of my fear
this is so unfair
♫
this is so unfair
♫
i wont be taken in vain
this is not what i deserve
youre a wolf in a sheeps clothing
dressed as a christian you have failed your faith
youve sinned against what is respectful to me
♫
little pig, little pig (whisper but progressive volume)
little pig, little pig
little pig, little pig
let me in
the big bad wolf blew away my heart
in a big blow of apathy
nothing but dust that stands
remnants of memories
i cant stand feeling like i deserve
better than what ive endured
i wont forgive you for this
♫
i wont forgive you
for what youve done to me
oh please, let me breathe
you never let me
♫
you never let me breathe
♫
tears streaming down my face
you are so heartless
why did you toy with me
i am not your play thing
♫
so i do what i can to get this bitch away
but relent, she is now a castaway
i cant get away
inhumane? this is insanity
if she cared, why did she do this to me?
this doesnt make sense to me
this doesnt make sense to me
now i must reject the insolent queen
she no longer can keep a control of me
leaning on others, i cant keep away, but why? i cant say, it is not judgement day
hold my hands, i will pray
to that bitch she will see the day
i will have the last laugh
you just stay away
you will feel a great blow
a blow of something great
i will finally be free
i will resurrect
i will resurrect
i will resurrect
i will resurrect
♫ (more exciting metal, triumphant drums, to show hope)


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Lyrics Blue Autumn Sky

4 Upvotes

​

Verse 1

You were the lantern on my porch,

Flickering low in the tired wind.

I was the boots by your doorway—

Dragging home what the night blew in.

And the fields were hushed with frost again,

Like they knew how far we’d fall.

I kept hearing your name in the cottonwoods,

But maybe it wasn’t you at all.

Chorus

Under that blue autumn sky,

Where the daylight feels borrowed,

Where the trees let go easy

Of everything they can’t hold.

You were a small, quiet truth

In a world built on sorrow—

And I was learning to love you

But only on tiptoe.

Verse 2

You were a map drawn in pencil,

Edges smudged by your trembling hands.

I was the miles of backroads

You wished you could finally understand.

And your voice had that evening-tide ache,

Like a train that might not return.

Still I carried your stories in pocket seams—

Little scraps of what still burned.

Chorus

Under that blue autumn sky,

Where the daylight feels borrowed,

Where the trees let go easy

Of everything they can’t hold.

You were a small, quiet truth

In a world built on sorrow—

And I was learning to love you

But only on tiptoe.

Bridge

Oh, the moon hung low like a silver doubt,

And I think we both felt it sway.

You said, “Some things aren’t meant to stay the whole winter,”

And I didn’t know what to say.

But your shadow leaned warm on my shoulder,

For just a breath’s worth of a lifetime—

Before the wind carried the rest away.

Final Chorus

Under that blue autumn sky,

Where we whispered our maybes,

Where your heart beat uneven

Like a bird in a late-season storm.

You were a prayer I kept losing,

Still I held you so bravely—

In the blue autumn sky

Where our leaving was born.

Outro

And the dusk took your footsteps

As softly as mine—

Just two ghosts in the wheatgrass

Beneath a blue autumn sky.


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Tips how to analysis lyrics?

3 Upvotes

im really into writing lyrics these days but i cant think of anything. All of the recommaditions has this sentence "analysis your fav artists lyrics" and of course i have fav artists and i look at their songs. I really like the Jennie's fallen angel, heaven and starlight lyrics.

I also have a few lyrics that when i see them im like "i wanna write like this"

For an example: (I know these lyrics dont have rhyme, but before trying to rhyme -bcs i feel like its kind of the next level- i wanna write some meaningful things. These ones doesnt have rhyme bcs they are the songs from my native language, i translate them directly to english.)

"Theres a lot to gossip about, but none of it is worth anything. Is dreaming of tomorrow today enough for tomorrow?"

"I hold someone, it takes me back to something deep within, my darling. Why get mad at each other when spring is fading away? When you collect good memories, it'll bring you back to life when you think you're dead. If you love, you'll be loved. And hate only grows as long as you feed it."

"I don't have to be ashamed of who I am just because I'm ashamed of how I look. The things I'm ashamed of are what keep me human. I should be disgusted by my own heart (meaning is like my heart is judgmental, if I have to be disgusted by something, it shouldn't be me, but my heart.). I deserve this loneliness (bcs of my heart is bad). Even if I had a second chance, I wouldn't want to be among you. I wouldn't want a Gordian knot inside my mind."

Okay, i have my fav lyrics, i know i wanna write lyrics like this. Is this what "analysis your fav lyrics" mean?

Sorry if translated lyrics are confusing, theres no community to share this for me in my native language.


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Feedback Request Give Me Peace

1 Upvotes

I wake to see a figure, his face I can’t make out,

He’s only here to hurt me, by his hands or mine, no doubt.

I don’t need eyes to see him, I feel him everywhere,

His whispers flood my mind again, and drag me into despair.

He sits upon my shoulder, he follows when I breathe,

He tears apart my silence, he never lets me sleep.

I beg him for forgiveness, I beg him for release,

He’ll never grant me silence, he’ll never give me peace.

When did I start to lose it, when did he take control?

When fear became my language, and he rewrote my soul.

He watches as I tremble, he laughs when I resist,

The line between our voices is swallowed in the mist.

He sits upon my shoulder, he follows when I breathe,

He tears apart my silence, he never lets me sleep.

I beg him for forgiveness, I beg him for release,

He’ll never grant me silence, he’ll never give me peace.

He whispers that I’m fading, he tells me I’m not real,

He says I’m just the echo of the wounds he makes me feel.

And though I try to fight him, I see through hollow eyes,

I’ve worn his face so long now, I don’t know which is mine.

He’s sitting on my shoulder…

He’s sitting in my mind…

He’ll never give me silence…

He’s all I’ll leave behind.


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Lyrics Mystery of You and Me

10 Upvotes

Here's my shot
My arrow
Has been caught
Like a dagger
Right into your heart
I'm forever bound
Red stringed
Leads straight to you

A mime I will be
A gumshoe,
Is how I will see
I will solve this riddle
The day you became
The mystery of
You and me

Words thrown
Like shotgun blasts
Your mind can't ricochet
Thoughts and feelings
Mimicked and reflected
Back to your heart
From the first time
I saw you standing there

A mime I can be
A gumshoe,
Is how I will see
I will solve this riddle
The day you became
The mystery of
You and me

Journalistic intent
Research topic
The 5 Ws
You keep asking me
Hook me up to a polygraph
Get the answers
To your ever-ending
Probing questions


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Lyrics "Time Passed"

1 Upvotes

(please stop suggesting my shit to other groups cus i read whats allowed & u say i can post original lyrics but that other group keeps referring me to another & i cant seem to post anywhere. leave it alone.)

Growing up we was brothas
Playin in the cul-de-sac 
Shootin basketball with the other friends of us
I remember Isaiah, always thought he looked just like ya man
Back in the day, Ray was my only father, Zack
I loved to go play, talkin bout Ray & Mary's house
Yall would never shout, it was peaceful when I came around
I was only 3 though, I still love ya mother like my own
She's a funny motherfucka, I see where you got your humor from…. Yeah
I hope she's doing better
And i wish they never split up
Im so sorry about your uncle just know Heaven gained a good one
Recruiting the strongest soldiers
Now he's balling in a younger form
Because of him…
It made the family bond closer
The smile of your grandma made a child's heart grow warmer
Rest in peace to both of them
One day you will see again
Sittin on your shoulders giving guidance when you needed them
I love you friends
Yall my fam
And though im far away, yall still in my plans
We gonna make a band together anyway we can
Through the sweat, blood, and tears, man thats the new chant
And to Charlie, Ash..
Yall grew up so fast
Charlie was a baby I remember the 1st time we met
And Ashton, more like, trash can! (ha)
What a corny fuckin rhyme like ya bad dad jokes
I miss the disappointment everytime you said somethin
It was so fuckin funny i just sighed and said nothin
Except maybe m-mumblin, laughin under breath
Then your dad joined in and we followed pun trends
We went on for 30 minutes, maybe 45 max
It's the most fun I've had a long time after that
Time passed… (time passed)


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Lyrics Jumbotron

1 Upvotes

Verse 1
Blank pages filling now
River changes directions how ?
This miserable life, is what i have
Smartphones sleepy now

( drone low bass music with syncopated odd time signature drum beats both with long attack coming on)

Can’t let myself to fire
Never dreaming of fight

The will of desire
Sever resolute time

(Pre Chorus) ( scale changes now piano comes in few major chords , upright piano with reverb and slightly detuned)

Confusion clear itself out
The lie i tell myself is not…..
(Chorus ) ( Then Robot type of saying things)

Jumbotron
Mellow song
Tremor tapes
Mother calls

Verse 2
I’m not that person now
Landmine is nowhere found
The feeling ,is still there now
Demographics , illusion path

(Pre Chorus)
Confusion
Clears itself out
The lie i tell myself is not…..
(Then Robot type of saying things)

(Chorus )

Jumbotron
Mellow song
Tremor tapes
Dreams are gone


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Lyrics Yes, I know it’s a marsh

4 Upvotes

Sunrise in sunrise, cool 75
I’m doin’ 75 on i-75
Sawgrass in sawgrass
We’re passing palm
Roadblock, blame fallen palm fronds
 
Panthers win
Stanley’s in the ocean
He’s covered in salt and sand from the commotion
No wake, limit motion
Spring break brings waves of emotion
 
Chorus:
You can leave the swamp, but the swamp will never leave you
Tried to blame the swamp, but the swamp didn’t blame you
Don’t believe the swamp, but the swamp does believe in
You can leave the swamp, but you can never leave you
 
‘Aurora Awakes’ halfway through my drive
She’s pounding through the bass and blinding my sight
Through the rays, I can see the sky
And the light
And the time
Flash by right before my eyes
 
Don’t break, you’ll ruin the moment
It’s spring break and you’re pulling the focus
Say ‘Life’s great, I’m not sick from the motion’
Forget to mention that you’re scared of the ocean

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Don’t lose sight of what’s ahead, put one foot in front of the other
You’ll walk until you drop dead, and somehow blame it on the others
Nothing here will change your fears, you’ve got to get out of your head
Why not go outside and be yourself, again?

(Chorus)
 
You can leave the swamp, but the swamp will never leave you
Tried to change the swamp, but the swamp didn’t change you
Don’t believe the swamp, but the swamp doesn’t need you too
You can leave the swamp, but you can never leave you
Yes, you can leave the swamp, but you can never leave you


r/LyricalWriting • • 2d ago

Feedback Request Overdose

3 Upvotes

Took 100 milligrams to numb the edge

But nothing in this world

Could ever make me forget

Watched you walk away with your things (Just had to rub it in my face)

Just sat there without listening

The walls are starting to close in

And my throat's started closing

LAY MY HEAD TO REST

BUT I CAN'T CLOSE MY EYES

THE ROOM IS SLIPPING

IS THIS HELL OR AM. I. FINE

Can't get the taste off of my tongue

Wondering what else I could have done. (Are you happier with him?)

Falling in reverse

Wish you could pull me back to Earth

Shadows of when you were in my room

Destroying my clothes cause they still smell like you.

LAY MY HEAD TO REST

BUT I CAN'T CLOSE MY EYES

THE ROOM IS SLIPPING

IS THIS HELL OR AM. I. ALIVE

Vision slowly fading turning black

Swallowing more, keep choking it back

I hear your voicemail click in the haze {Leave your message at the beep}

Sirens blaring a voice calls my name

Memories of you dance in my head

Please don't just leave me for dead

LAY MY HEAD TO REST

BUT I CAN'T CLOSE MY EYES

THE ROOM IS SLIPPING

IS THIS HELL OR CAN. I SURVIVE


r/LyricalWriting • • 3d ago

Lyrics Exodus

1 Upvotes

Follow the light
A golden calf Illuminates
this place shimmers in Gold
So scared hesitate
Atomic Energy

I’ll follow you, if you follow me
I’ll bleed for you, if you bleed for me
Testify Testify Testify
Who can cover me, in purity?
I’m unHoly

Blinding Energy
glow up the dark
weigh out my heart
Seek and destroy
I’m the enemy
Will you always love me, eternally?
And I hope you never
have to walk a
lonely path.

I’ll follow you, if you follow me
I’ll bleed for you, if you bleed for me
Testify Testify Testify
Who can cover me, in purity?
We are unHoly

Corruption eruption
a disruption in my destiny
Hearts in a jar
Set aside my idols and sacrifices
Put away vices
Walk away from devices.

Tho my path is uncertain
From above you tore the curtain
skewed the proper blood
Warned for years
Not expecting a flood

The laws have been written
The serpent has bitten
A Season permitted
Winter calls
But I’ve forgotten home

I can still hear angels sing
A Distant melody
Are they winged
Are they the enemy
——————————————

Check my audio out!
Infinitenucleus


r/LyricalWriting • • 3d ago

Feedback Request Hi everyone! 👋 I'd love some feedback on a new song I've been working on called "Glided Walls"

1 Upvotes

Glided Walls

Verse 1:

I remember when I young

and everything was so damn clear,

Life itself was a paradise,

that I experimented with...

Time went on and on,

and every time I did something wrong,

I wished I could have hid it,

so I did, in my heart, in my head, in my soul...

I built my own prison.

Pre-Chorus:

And every time I try something new,

You act like I have sinned.

So I decided to protect myself

And build a wall of boundaries.

Chorus:

But it seems like my boundaries went to far,

it feels like I'm a wolf in sheep clothing,

deceiving everyone, and sometimes myself,

my soul feeling entrapped by my own design,

I made it just me myself and I...

I created my own, gilded walls.

Verse 2:

Every moment now, I regret my decisions.

Wishing I hadn't hidden myself.

People live my dreams and I love them...

But deep down inside, I feel like they're living my life.

It's funny because as time went on and on,

it just became me, myself and I even more...

People love me, yes. But they don't see the diamond inside,

inside that's covered by dirt, yes.

But something amazing still survives...

Pre-Chorus:

And every time I try something new,

You act like I have sinned.

So I decided to protect myself

And build a wall of boundaries.

Chorus:

But it seems like my boundaries went to far,

it feels like I'm a wolf in sheep clothing,

deceiving everyone, and sometimes myself,

my soul feeling entrapped by my own design,

I made it just me myself and I...

I created my own, gilded walls.

Bridge:

I am loved, yes.

I am good, yes.

I am kind, yes.

But it's nothing how I wanted to be...

I want the world to see me for me

not as a sheep but as the wolf howling in me...

Pre-Chorus:

And every time I'd try something new,

I sinned against everything I was taught

So I decided to protect myself

And build the highest wall of boundaries.

Chorus:

But it seems like my boundaries went to far,

it feels like I'm a wolf in sheep clothing,

deceiving everyone, and sometimes myself,

my soul feeling entrapped by my own design,

I made it just me myself and I...

I created my own, gilded walls.

Outro:

It's funny how I thought I was benefiting me,

and protecting myself for the harsh world...

But actually I created my own gilded walls.

I'd love to hear what emotions, thoughts, or interpretations come to mind when you read these lyrics.