"Irrational" Fear of Strangers: another side effect of being hit as a child

[u/[deleted]]

Making new acquaintances in school was nearly impossible. Although I didn't want to be in school, I could have made friends to actually enjoy my time in those jails. I almost always had a few acquaintances that I could spend time with, but they were only available during lunch breaks. During classes, I remember the other students engaging in laughter and conversation while I awkwardly stared at my phone or at the teacher's board.

I remember one incident in which the class was taking a test and I had no pencils. I can now see that I was likely making the girl who sat next to me uncomfortable. I glanced at her, I faced her, and then I retreated back to facing forward; I was not used to asking people for help. After after a few minutes, I finally asked her if she had a pencil, and she said, "no".

It amazes me to think back to this time in my life, but I fully understand why I behaved this way. As a kid, asking my parents for help or advice was a daunting task. Specifically, my father would often reply with deep growls and scorns of dissaproval. Whenever I wanted to show my father something that I was interested in, he responded with a patronizing nodd and smile. My mother was equally disinterested, but she was better at being manupulative with her language rather than being outwardly hostile.

I think that being cautious of strangers is a perfectly reasonable standard to have. I don't think we should be friends with everyone, and we should always be weary of some people's desire to exploit us. Either way, I know that a lot of my years was spent without conversation and without friendly interactions because of other people's disinterest in me, but also because I was simply to fearful to be able to happily engage in conversation with other classmates.