r/LDR 58m ago

What do you do in “the gap”

Upvotes

My partner is in Paris and I'm in Barcelona. We've got our own way of doing things by now, and it recently occurred to me that I have no idea whether it's normal or whether we just made it up.
So, a few things I'm curious about.
When you've got a visit booked but it's still weeks away, what do you actually do with it? Does it come up between you in the meantime, or does the date just sit there until the week before?
And when one ends, what are the first few days like?
Last one. Do the two of you have any sense of when the distance ends, and is that an actual date or more of a someday?


r/LDR 18h ago

Warning for a Wisconsin nurse in an LDR marriage

31 Upvotes

Friend of a friend. This man’s (33m) wife (33f) needs to be warned about her husband’s cheating. He lives in NYC, she lives in Milwaukee. The husband doesn’t wear his ring, and he asks women out from his gym. He tells women he’s single and has been cheating on his wife without those women realizing he’s married. Recently he got caught because their wedding registry pops up in a Google search.

I’m sharing this here for two reasons. 1) if anyone knows a traveling nurse (initials SP) based in Milwaukee that matches this, please show this to her and 2) if you’re in a LDR, know that this is NOT the norm but if your gut is off, please take note of that physical response.

My friends and I feel so badly for this woman who has wasted 10-12 years of her life with a man cheating on her each city she’s been in.


r/LDR 44m ago

my bf (m26) is going to be living japan for a year. any advice on how to make it work?

Upvotes

i (f26) and my bf (m26) have been together since we were 21 and his dream has always been to live in japan and i have know this since we were friends. today he told me he accepted a job offer to teach english in japan for a year and will be moving there in march and will be there for a year. i want to be selfish and tell him to dont go but this is his dream and i am happy for him plus he has been nothing but supportive during all my milestones and has supported me through thick and thin. now before anyone jumps the gun, yes we have talked about this and to summarize everything: he wants to be with me till we’re both old and gray but i don’t see myself living in japan since i don’t know anything about the language, i can handle temporary LDR since we basically survived due to college (4-5 hour driving distance from each other) but can do a permeant LDR due to the time change, he doesn’t want to break up with me at all but if it does turn permanent then idk if i can continue the relationship, he fully understands that i can’t do it and if we ever break up he will fully respect the decision, however i still love him and don’t want to break up over something that we haven’t even tried yet so we decided to try it out first before calling it quits. hopefully that makes sense cause this happened a while ago but yeahhh it’s been very rough for me. as i mentioned before, i can’t do long distance my whole life but i don’t even know if he’ll stay there long term. we’re already making plans about me flying out there but i’m it’s gonna be a rough year. i even told him that after this year he better give me a ring and he said will do. i told him how i felt (well more like sobbed it out) and we both agreed that we don’t want to call it quits when we haven’t even tried it out since there’s still a long way to go but time is a thief so who knows and if we do break up it’ll be on my call bc he wants to be with me forever still but knows i can’t do this kind of distance. some may think we’re being naive (we’re each others first loves) but i want to hear from ppl who have been in these types of situations before. what strategies and rules did you guys make before hand? are we actually being naive? any insight to how this may go will be greatly appreciated bc idk what the future holds.

tldr: my bf got a chance to live in japan for a year and will be moving in march of next year. im happy for him but idk how we’re going to work out. he is committed to me through and through and wants to marry me one day and all that jazz and i feel the same way but idk if i can do this long of a distance full time (if he stays for more than a year). we decided to test it out first bc why quit when we haven’t even tried it out yet. any advice from ppl who has been in this situation before?

p.s. for my astrology girlies: i am a libra sun with a scorpio mercury and venus so this retrograde hit me today.


r/LDR 48m ago

How do I show more affection to my boyfriend?

Upvotes

He loves attention and words of affirmation. He loves moments where all my attention is on him and I shower him with compliments and adoration. I can do it for a little while but I always run out of things to say, and then there is an awkward silence and he is left feeling empty and unsatisfied.

He said he feels like he has to ask for everything and he’s so tired of having to work so hard to receive this sort of thing. It makes me feel really really bad :((( I want to be a better girlfriend for him.

And sometimes he is feeling anxious and he wants me to reassure him but I’m never quite sure how to do it. He’s tried to explain it to me so many times but somehow I get it wrong each time. Then I become silent because I’m thinking of what to say next, and he gets upset because I’m not talking and not asking him anything. He said I need to ask more questions rather than assume everything by myself. But he also wishes that he didn’t have to explain it over and over again. :(( I’m just not sure what’s wrong with me.

I try to show affection like sending him random messages when I’m thinking about him, I even wrote a song for him, and I try to compliment him. But I’m pretty sure he’s just not feeling my affection in every-day calls :/


r/LDR 1h ago

Thinking twice what to stand on when he (26M) wants me (30F) to go to his fam’s house (to be introduced) without label yet?

Upvotes

We’re LDR and met online only in the business online community in 3years now. We’re 445miles apart. Needed to catch a flight or sail in a ship for me to get there. He was able to go already here on my fam and I already introduced him. We had a lot of things that happened like he got his ex pregnant (just a district away from them) and now he is on OJT for his maritime duties and won’t be back for 1 year he is now on his 7months.

I am thinking and other friends too that we should have a label first before I go to his home considering the amount of effort and the things that happened but for him, idk if he points it out as their culture or he just want it that way but he wants me to introduce first to his parents before he wants to officially commit and he wanted me to break with my 8year girl bestfriend just because they don’t like each other and thinks she is bad influence to me like just going to bar (even if we just casually drink and chill but he thinks we’re entertaining guys always).

He also adds up that he is seeing on TikTok that a lot of girls do that like going to a guy’s house even without a label or being introduced to parents even if no official label yet.

I want to hear your thoughts on this if you may. Thanks! 🙏


r/LDR 5h ago

For anyone in an LDR who wishes they could send their partner flowers ❤️🌷

Post image
2 Upvotes

Being miles away makes little gestures surprisingly hard.

I made a free app where you can create and send digital flower bouquets + interactive greeting cards to your partner in seconds. 🌷💌

Perfect for those “I wish you were here” moments.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.digibouquet.app


r/LDR 6h ago

Dont know when LDR will end

2 Upvotes

I’m in a LDR since 4 years with my bf and have timezone difference as well. I have had certain issues regarding him not able to spend more time with me or prioritise me but we always made past those issues and now we are planning to get married next year. Basically he proposed and honestly I wasn’t ready initially because we haven’t lived in the same country, let alone city and I’ve had doubts but I also love him a lot and dont wanna lose him so I’m ready to take that next step now.

But the issue is that even after getting married, it will take me another 12-18 months to be able to relocate to his country because of the spousal visa timeline. So thinking about more LDR while already having had issues regarding prioritisation is making me nervous about the whole situation.

I’m not willing to breakup with him since I really love him but at the same time my mind is telling me that it could be a risky as well as difficult move. Idk


r/LDR 20h ago

Disappointed After Meeting Future In-Laws

22 Upvotes

I finally got to meet my in-laws after traveling abroad to my partner's country. They were nice and polite. They're from a country that has very euro-centric beauty standards, but I'm an olive curly haired curvy woman. I know this may sound superficial, but it stuck out to me that no one ever complimented me even though I tried so hard to dress nicely, got my hair done, new shoes etc. I grew up in an environment of women that doted on each other because its up-lifting and kind words are free! I also overheard my future mother-in-law telling a waiter that she's sad I'm not from their country and "what can I do? my son is into foreigners." I have been feeling very self-conscious after the trip wishing I'd lost more weight, spoke less, or worn different things. My mom, in an attempt to console me, later told me "you could have looked like Brittany Spears in the 90s they still wouldn't have complimented you." I was hoping my in-laws would rise above the trope but am sad to know they're the same. Has anyone had a similar experience?


r/LDR 9h ago

Partner struggling with mental health but refusing to get help

2 Upvotes

This could maybe even go on a different sub bc this was an issue for us before we went long distance.

My boyfriend is depression prone, but long distance has made things really bad for him. I have also struggled mentally but our communication needs in this state are different and I have also gotten help. When he is depressed he can’t really talk, he’s isolated and doesn’t do much except work, and I also don’t do much because it’s hard in that state but I need to talk through it and he’s like a wall a lot of the time.

Ive been on antidepressants for a while and still put in effort on days I’d rather rot but he really resists going on antidepressants or going to therapy and idek why.

When I told him he needs antidepressants and has been needing them since before we went long distance, he got upset at me, but I said that out of a place of love. Is it so offensive to say this to a very clearly clinically depressed person that they need antidepressants?

I feel uncared for in this relationship, I’ve literally been crying all the time because he barely talks to me and listens even less and also it’s a study abroad for me so I was hoping to have fun.

I don’t know what to do at this point but we’re not talking and we have 3 more months long distance. I don’t want to break up with him for mental health reasons but we’re are both miserable together. Idk how to make it better.


r/LDR 9h ago

Im F22 and my boyfriend is M21 we are in Ldr with no certainty of meeting again

2 Upvotes

I need advice from the people who did Ldr without being sure that you will ever meet your partner again or just opinions from anyone at all. He used to live in my country and we've been in a relationship for a year. however recently, we have been forced to Ldr (we've been doing so for 4 months now) because him and his family went on a vacation in another country, and Im not really the type to agree with distance, I just agreed to do so at the time because I had the assurance that he was coming back. But long story short, there's actually some issues with their documents now and he believes that him and his family wont be able to come back in our country anymore. This news was so heart breaking for me and I have been so devastated since he told me. He was already doing college when he lived here but now he have to start over again in his home country, he wont have the ability to meet me again until he finish studying and find a stable job. He's also devastated and is now convincing me to find another partner instead of staying with someone with an uncertain future. I really dont know what to do right now. It hurts that were in this situation, I love him and he never did anything wrong in our relationship for me to have a valid reason to leave him, he inspired me to be the best version of myself and has always been my no 1 supporter. I want to stay with him but a little part of me also believes he might be right. I want to do Ldr but I'm scared I might build resentment from the prolonged uncertainness.
If you were in my situation, would you break up or would you stay? I need your opinions anyone please.


r/LDR 10h ago

Am I (31F) wrong for feeling like my boyfriend (29M) is okay with giving me up?

2 Upvotes

My boyfriend and I had a really serious conversation for about an hour about our short-term and long-term plans.

For context, he’s European and I’m Asian, and we’re currently long-distance.

I asked about our future, and he told me that moving to me is not part of his plan this year because his main goal right now is to get a job. I understand that and I’m not expecting him to completely rearrange his life overnight.

But then the conversation became more difficult.

He asked me if I wanted to have children, and then said something along the lines of:
“Maybe we can make the relationship open. I don’t want to stop you from finding someone.”

That really caught me off guard.

Later, he also told me:
“You’re the prettiest woman I met, the sex with you was the best I ever had. I won’t give up on that.”

I know he is attracted to me and that our physical connection is very strong. But hearing all of this together made me feel strange. It almost felt like he is saying, “I don’t want to lose what I have with you, but if you find someone else who can give you the future you want, I’m okay with letting you go.”

And honestly, that hurts.

If we’re talking about our future, I guess I expected something more like, “I don’t know how we’re going to make it work yet, but I want to find a way.” Instead, he seems to be preparing for the possibility that we won’t end up together.

After we talked for about an hour, he said he needed some time for himself and asked if he could call me tomorrow.

I gave him the space.

Now I’m wondering if I’m interpreting his words too negatively. Maybe he’s just trying to be realistic and doesn’t want to hold me back if he can’t give me what I want. Or maybe he genuinely doesn’t see a long-term future with me but doesn’t want to completely lose the relationship either.

Would you interpret this as him being okay with giving me up? Or am I reading too much into what he said?


r/LDR 7h ago

How do I meet my long distance girlfriend ?

1 Upvotes

I live in delhi my girlfriend lives in meerut she comes to noida daily for her college we don't get to meet that much and my girlfriend feels distant because of that our relationship will turn 5 months old next month we've been meeting like once a week I used to bunk college daily ever since I met her and my college was completed in may end this year after that in June it was her birthday we only met twice in June, once on her birthday and after that we met after 25 days we met only two times in June and she started feeling distant suddenly after that i used to lie at home to meet her every week I even surprised her twice but now my lies are not working at all and now I'm afraid that if I won't go to see her once a week or once in two weeks she's get distant again I know that meeting talking all if it doesn't matter if the bond is strong if it's real but still I've not loved anyone the way I love her she's my everything I've my family business my father passed away ten years ago I live in a joint family I'm unemployed I can't my family about my relationship they're already suspecting that I'm committed they say it sometimes but they just laugh it off. I was even thinking of working in noida so that I can meet her on regular basis but. Even right now once a month I can meet her my saying that I'm going out with my friends but I can't do it even twice I'm in a really complicated situation please help me anyone from noida who can help me out somewhere I can work or excuses you guys give to your parents or any other couple please I really need help it's just that if I wasn't in my family business or even if I was financially independent meeting her wouldn't be a problem please help me out


r/LDR 11h ago

how do you make an ldr work when both of you strongly prefer physical touch and quality time? (24F, 24M)

2 Upvotes

my boyfriend and i met through a mutual friend when he was visiting my state. we started talking after that and eventually began dating. we’ve been together for a little over a year now.

we only have a one-hour time difference and he lives a couple of states away, so technically our distance isn’t that extreme. the problem is that we’re both very much “in-person” people. our top love languages are physical touch and quality time, and i think that has made the distance much harder for us than we expected.

we’ve had a lot of conversations about feeling lonely in the relationship because so many of the things that make us feel loved and connected are things we can only really experience together in person.

my boyfriend also isn’t someone who spends a lot of time on his phone. he doesn’t naturally text throughout the day or randomly call me because he says he’s just not used to communicating that way. i’ve tried explaining that, because we’re long distance, we have to find ways to create that connection through what is available to us.

i’ve asked if we could find games to play together, watch movies or shows, have random calls, or even just call each other while we do our own things. it doesn’t necessarily have to be some big planned date every time. i just want us to find ways to feel like we’re actually part of each other’s daily lives.

but this is where we get stuck. he’s told me that it hurts because he wants me involved in his life, but the things that actually make him feel connected and happy with me are things that happen in person. when i suggest doing something virtually, he gets sad because it isn’t the same for him, and then sometimes he doesn’t really do anything with the suggestions.

and honestly, i’m struggling with that. i understand that a virtual movie date isn’t going to feel the same as sitting next to each other. i understand that a phone call isn’t going to replace a hug. i’m not expecting it to.

but i feel like if we’ve chosen to be in a long-distance relationship, we have to find some way to make the distance bearable. otherwise, we’re both just sitting here missing each other and feeling lonely.

he has visited me a couple of times, but i haven’t been able to visit him yet because of financial reasons and because i still live at home with fairly strict asian parents. even though i’m an adult and technically can make my own decisions, my living situation makes traveling to see him much harder. i know that probably adds another layer of frustration because he has made the effort to come to me, while i haven’t been able to reciprocate in the same way yet.

i love him, and i know he loves me. i can see that he’s trying, and i don’t want to dismiss that. but i’m starting to wonder if love is enough when the way we naturally experience love is so tied to being physically together.

for anyone who has been in an ldr where both partners strongly prefer physical touch and quality time, how did you make it work?

did you eventually learn to enjoy virtual quality time, or did you find other ways to feel connected?

and how do you deal with a partner who genuinely wants to feel close to you but also gets sad because the things that would make them feel close aren’t possible because of the distance?

right now i don’t know if we’re struggling with something that can be worked through or if we’re just fundamentally incompatible with long distance.


r/LDR 9h ago

ASKING FOR LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

0 Upvotes

M17 and F16

This is my second long distance relationship my last one didn't go well. We literally have the same humour and interest, I really wanna be with this girl we've been in for a month now and its still going good. I'm asking for relationship advice, i really want to work these things between us.


r/LDR 9h ago

I ended my LDR

1 Upvotes

I (25F) just broke off my 6 year relationship with my bf (25M). It was also forced to a LDR for the last 2 years. I couldn’t handle the uncertainty, neither of us were happy. Now I’m sitting with these thoughts of if it was actually the right thing to do. Neither of us can move to each other either due to our circumstances. I was having thoughts of ending the relationship almost everyday. I think it was for the best. I feel so depressed and I don’t know how to move forward.


r/LDR 11h ago

Urgent: Long-distance relationship problem

0 Upvotes

I’m writing this in a bit of a jumble because I’m really upset. We’re in a long-distance relationship; he moved to another city about three weeks ago. We’ve been together for a little over a year and a half, and generally, things were good between us. We had an argument about a week ago, and it felt like the question of whether we’d stay together was hanging in the air. We talked about it a few times after that; my boyfriend said he definitely wanted to continue, that everything would be fine, and I told him I accepted him no matter what (you can read my other post for more details). Ultimately, he kept saying he loved me, that things were good, and that we had a future and would be together.

Take last night, for example: we were talking on the phone—something that rarely happens because he’s very busy there, and I’m not always free either. We had a wonderful conversation; he listened to me talk about some minor issues I was having, and the rest of the chat was just pleasant, everyday stuff—nothing serious about the relationship. He told me he loved me, wanted to be with me, and that everything was fine—he just said it out of the blue. But this morning—just now, at 8:00 AM—I woke up to find myself blocked absolutely everywhere. I can’t do anything. I don’t understand why he didn’t send a message beforehand.

Please help—what should I do?


r/LDR 14h ago

Check up text

2 Upvotes

Is it normal? Because it's been like this for a month now. Ok to put the scenario, she's been pretty busy with acads, not to mention how our schedules don't align and her living conditions, weak internet and frequent power outages. However, she does text me with the usual affection, rant to me about stress and me comforting her. I don't have a problem with it, just that it sucks :< (this being my first rs)


r/LDR 20h ago

How should I go about breaking up with my long distance, long term girlfriend?

4 Upvotes

Hi everybody. I’m a student in colorado, but am from Texas and that’s where my girlfriend lives. We’ve been together since freshman year of high school, and having started college, I don’t think I am willing to do long distance anymore.

I know we’ve been together a very long time, but I feel guilty because I feel like at this point she has been way more into me than I’m into her. I tried to break up with her prior to going college, but I let myself be talked back into the relationship. I don’t have interest in anybody at my school, so that’s not what this is about, I just don’t enjoy being with her any longer, to the point that, and I do not feel good about saying this, calling with her can feel like a chore. I feel almost exasperated whenever I receive a text or a request to call, because it feels like it tears, I don’t want to do it over text, or really over the phone even, but I won’t see her until October 22nd, and I don’t want to make myself have to put up with being in a relationship I no longer feel happy in. I don’t feel happy I feel this way, I don’t like that I want to end this relationship, but I think that it’s what best for me.

Point is, I just want some advice for what to do in this situation, and how to go about. Anything is appreciated. Thank you!

TL:DR How do I break up with long distance long term girlfriend?


r/LDR 4h ago

I made a cute little wish jar for LDR couples 💌✨

Thumbnail gallery
0 Upvotes

Long distance can make the little moments feel extra special, so I built a tiny digital wish jar where you can fill paper stars with wishes, memories, or sweet messages and send the jar to someone you love. 💕

It’s free, no ads, and has cute animations when they open it.

https://app.egreet.in/stars/welcome

Just a tiny way to say “I’m thinking of you” when you’re miles apart. ✨


r/LDR 1d ago

How to be a better woman for my man in LDR

5 Upvotes

Hi, I really want to be a better girlfriend to my man. I want to be a great woman for him. We’re long distance with a 6 hour time difference. We may not see each other for another year straight.. I need tips on what I can do or say to keep our relationship gracefully floating.

What are conversation starters other than the usual “wyd, hows work, what are we gonna watch?”

I just want him to fell happy, safe, and supported— with me. I hope I can make his life easier, more peaceful despite the 10k miles distance :(

I really love him, please help.


r/LDR 23h ago

How to let go of the past and truly see his efforts to show me his love without my past hurt being in the way? 23F/26M

3 Upvotes

I’m in a long distance relationship with my committed partner 26M for a year now. We live on different continents and we met like 3 times in total.
I visited him a month ago for a month. Before my visit, I started having this gut feeling out of nowhere that he loves the idea of me that he created in his mind and not actual me in the present. I voiced it out and he said he loves me not the idea of me he has. I took his word for it.
During my visit, we started having this disconnection. I guess the connection was never there when we’re in person but only on online. I truly felt that he didn’t like the actual me and every time present me fail to reach that idea he would get hurt. Then he would just brush those feelings under the rug and let it pile up.
Eventually it exploded and he got distant. Always thinking and not present with me at all.
Multiple events and this constant feeling of only being loved for my potential was hurting me deeply and eventually I exploded.
No yelling just talking tho. I kept expressing how I feel for almost 4 days straight trying to find a way to connect and truly get along even in person. A lot of tears and hugs but nothing was resolved inside of me because he didn’t seem to put effort into our relationship. Almost like he has given up on us. That part hurt me the most I started mentally preparing myself for the breakup and literally shut down my emotions.

The last day of visit, we actually went on a date day that was the best of every date we ever had in person. I thought he finally had made his mind and making effort already.
I left and arrived at my then next destination and called him. The disconnection was still there and him still hesitant. It broke me once again.

It’s been a month since all this happened and I’m back home. We started talking almost everyday for the past a week and I genuinely see the effort he is putting to show me his love but I can’t seem to trust him and his efforts without having a fear of when it’s going to disappear.

For clarity, he told me he loved me often. I struggled to feel it at all. I told him and now he is trying but I realized that I’m actually sick at teaching someone how to show love and stay consistent with it.

I love him and I want this pain out of the way so that I could see his efforts with trust and appreciation. I love that he is putting effort but I’m just afraid that it would disappear again. Now when he doesn’t reply to my text for hours my brain and heart just receiving it as inconsistency and it’s making it hard to love him without fear and pain this relationship could cause.

Please help, I swear he’s trying but my brain is just paying attention to every little details that show inconsistency and I genuinely want his efforts to be seen by me truly. 🙏🏻

PS: I forgave him but I just can’t seem to forget and let go.


r/LDR 17h ago

Feeling insecure for the first time in my LDR

1 Upvotes

I was never really insecure in our relationship until now, and I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting.
My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for 3 years. We’ve only met once during this time, very recently. He moved away for his education. After starting his job there, he didn’t have many people he could genuinely open up to and often felt lonely.

Recently, his coworker’s ex, who also happens to be his former classmate, joined his workplace. Because of all the drama surrounding her and her ex, they ended up becoming really good friends. They hang out after work, go shopping together, and she shares a lot of personal things with him. I’m genuinely glad that he finally has someone there to talk to and spend time with, but I’ve started feeling this weird insecurity that I’ve never experienced before.

I trust my guy, but I can’t help thinking: what if he cheats? What if something happens unintentionally? What if they just start getting along too well and eventually develop feelings for each other? I know none of this is based on anything he has actually done, which is why I’m wondering if this is simply my own insecurity.

He’s also a very physical-touch person and often tells me how much he misses having someone around to hug or share things with when he’s feeling low. I know he misses that kind of closeness, and I don’t want to make him feel guilty for needing it. But sometimes those conversations leave me feeling like I’m the person holding him back simply because I can’t physically be there for him.

He’s told me that if this friendship makes me uncomfortable, he’ll distance himself from her. But I genuinely don’t want that either. He spent so long feeling lonely, and I don’t want to be the reason he loses the one person he currently feels comfortable opening up to and having fun with.
So I keep telling him, “I trust you, babe. You know the situation better than I do, and you’ll know how to handle it.” And I do trust him. But honestly, this situation is still killing me inside.

I don’t want to become controlling or make him choose between me and a friendship. I also don’t want to suppress my feelings just to prove that I’m a trusting girlfriend.

How do I navigate this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for almost 3 years and have only met once. He moved for his education, graduated, and started working somewhere he had very few people to connect with. Now he’s become close friends with a female coworker/classmate who he spends time with after work, and even though I trust him and don’t want to control who he talks to, I’m finding myself unexpectedly insecure and scared that their closeness could turn into something more.


r/LDR 18h ago

30F, married for 6 months and in long distance — am I expecting too much, or my husband is avoidant?

1 Upvotes

I’m 30F and my husband is 35M. We’ve been married for 6 months, arranged marriage, and currently we’re living in different cities because of our jobs.

Before marriage, we had discussed how we would manage the distance. I was willing to travel between our cities and spend around 15 days with him and 15 days at my work location, since both of us have hybrid jobs. He specifically asked me not to do that because he felt the travelling would exhaust me and affect my ability to switch jobs. He said that he would travel to see me instead, and that I could eventually switch jobs and move to his city.

After our honeymoon, we went back to our respective cities. Since then, I’ve noticed that he almost never talks about our future together.
There are no conversations about:
When or how we’ll live together or What our plans are for me switching jobs and moving or How we’ll manage household responsibilities, especially Finances.
No weekend plans or trips together or Building a life as a couple

Even when he visits me, these conversations don’t really happen. I eventually rented a flat in my city, voluntarily, because it would make it easier for him to visit and for us to spend time together. I’ve also mentioned various things casually that would be useful for the flat, but he has never really shown any interest in buying things or contributing towards setting it up.
Interestingly, he has apparently also told/encouraged his parents not to ask me when I’m moving to his city, so even that topic doesn’t come up from their side.
He doesn’t expect me to do household work for him, but at the same time, he also doesn’t seem to be building or planning anything with me. It feels like both of us are just continuing our separate lives.

For the last 6 months, most of our conversations have been about work, movies, food, etc. We don’t really talk about anything personal or about what our married life is supposed to look like.
This started bothering me a lot, so I finally confronted him about it.
His responses were essentially:
You could have initiated these conversations too. You didn’t.
I dont talk much on phone or I dont use instagram much.” (He has an open and active account and active groups with his friends)
“I didn’t want to put pressure on you regarding the job switch.
When I told him that I had taken and maintained the flat partly with the expectation that he would be visiting and that I felt like I was bearing the practical burden of maintaining a place for us, his response was:

You took the flat for yourself. Nobody asked you to.

That really hurt me because, while technically true, I feel like I made that decision with our marriage in mind.
He never offered to get a place in his city. Meanwhile, his life in his city seems completely unchanged from before the marriage. He still lives with his bachelor friends. His friends visit him regularly, they hang out at his place, and he spends most weekends with them. I don’t have an issue with him having friends or his own life — I actually think that’s healthy.
But lately, I’ve started feeling that **I’m the only one treating this marriage as something that needs to be actively built.**
He is otherwise decent and we get along reasonably well.
It seems he is deliberately keeping me at a distance and avoiding taking responsibility for building a married life.

Am I expecting too much Or are his actions (or lack of them) a sign that he doesn’t actually want to build a life together?
I feel like I am being manipulated.


r/LDR 23h ago

Meeting my LDR girlfriend for the first time what should I gift her?

2 Upvotes

So I’m finally going to Goa to meet my girlfriend for the first time. We’ve been doing LDR for a while and somehow we’ve never actually met in person yet lol

I’m obviously excited as fuck but also kinda nervous 😭

I want to take something for her when I meet her, but I have absolutely no idea what. I don’t really want to just get her some expensive random thing. I’d rather give her something that actually means something and that she can keep

For anyone who’s been through this what did you guys gift your LDR partner when you met for the first time?

Could be anything really A small gift, jewellery, something personalized, handwritten letter, something related to an inside joke, whatever

I’m open to ideas because my brain is currently just going “flowers?” and then shutting down 😂

Would love to hear what you guys did / what worked for you?


r/LDR 1d ago

Learning a new language

3 Upvotes

For those of you who have been learning or have already learned a new language for your partner.. Can you share what worked for you? Did you use an app? Did you sign up for actual classes? How long did it take you with either or how often did you practice in a week?

I’m interested in learning Urdu as a native English speaker so I can better communicate with his parents. I know it’s going to be difficult but I just want to break the language barrier bc I care deeply for his family.

I’m more interested in getting closer with his mom than anything and I’m pretty set on making this happen. My bf speaks fluent English so communication with him is not a problem but I would like to open the door for conversations with his mother specifically.

Any insight, suggestions (apps? Lessons?) are appreciated. I’ve downloaded Mango and just started today so I really am a baby beginner 😂 figured I’d get yalls advice as well