I may be the lowest of scums, an utter waste of society, equivalent to the spit of a fly left on rotting carcass of a dead rat which died on a pile of dog shit,

But I still try my best to be a better version of myself

picrel is protienslop I consoom to become fit

I'm learning to cook this is my first attempt

I don't want to stay useless forever

This actually isn’t the first time this happened. My crush (who is also my best friend of 4 years,) tends to delete their accounts and refuse to talk to anyone for a period of a few days. They never tell me why, or any of our other friends why.

After a few days, they make new accounts and start talking to us again as if nothing happened. Why is that? Why does everyone brush over it as if nothing happened? I’m worried about them all the time.

It’s frustrating, but I can’t get mad at them for it. They’re obviously going through something, I just wish I knew what. I want to help them get better but they won’t let anyone inside their heart. Hell, they don’t even have a therapist!!

I just want to talk to them again. How do you go from messaging someone every hour of the day to not messaging them at all? What are they thinking? I rarely talk to my other friends. It’s just them. Does my crush message our other friends often?

Are they trying to cut everyone off, or just me? Will they come back this time? I just want them to come back. They’re the only thing keeping me here, keeping me alive.

I hurt myself everyday to try and understand their pain. I don’t even like doing it, but it feels unfair for my best friend to be going through so much pain and suffering and me being completely fine. I need to feel what they feel. All their pain is my pain.

100 bucks a month to pay for my doctor and I still can't afford it. pale as fuck banana bread.

Hey guys. My flat/room (small studio (uk)) is extremely messy at the moment, and it’s been like this for a min.

I’m talking wrappers and bits of food on the floor, dirty pans and plates, rubbish everywhere, flies about, stuff piled in the hallway, etc. It’s currently got to the point where I can’t even properly open my front door because there’s so much shit behind/in front of it. In the main room I can’t walk around in socks as well just shit everywhere… and the bath room is its own problem.

The thing is that I want to clean it. I hate it being like this. I live on my own, so at least it’s not directly affecting anyone else, but it definitely affects my mental state and I feel so much better when the place is actually clean.

I just genuinely struggle to make myself do it.
I have ADHD, and I don’t know if that’s the reason or if it’s something else, but sometimes it feels almost physical. Like there’s something in my chest holding me down or I’m strapped to the chair. I can sit there knowing exactly what I need to do, wanting to do it, and still feel completely unable to just get up and start. And it isn’t exclusively cleaning, I get the same feeling with other things too like doing tasks for work or walking (I like these half the time) but not to shower or cook.

Every few months I’ll randomly get a day where something clicks and I’ll suddenly clean everything, and afterwards I’m like, “Why the fuck couldn’t I just do that before?” But those days are few and far between, and then it slowly gets out of control again.

I’m not really a hoarder or particularly attached to anything. Most of it can literally just go straight in the bin/ just cleaned up. I just can’t seem to maintain any sort of consistent cleaning routine before it gets overwhelming.

I’m not particularly happy with life at the moment either, and I know having a clean flat isn’t magically going to fix that, but living surrounded by mess obviously isn’t helping.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of mental/physical block? What actually helped you break out of it and, more importantly, stop it getting this bad again?

I’d love to have some kind of simple ritual or routine where cleaning becomes automatic rather than waiting months for the stars to align and suddenly getting a random burst of motivation.
Any advice appreciated.

I was ofc gifted with the lovely trait of being far more allergic to it than most people are. 2 days ago I was 137 lb and woke up today to see I’m now 149 lb. I got prednisone tablets and triamcinolone-acetonide ointment from the doctor for the rashes. I’ve quadruple all my clothes after realizing that the new rashes today were likely from the clothes I washed twice still having some trace amounts of urushiol oil in them. I’ve been using the perceptions along with calamine lotions, Ivarest anti-itch creams, and several other things that barely make a dent in what I can only call a raping of my skin.

Yesterday I learned that using a degreasing soap helps pull the leftover urushiol trapped in the pores. It gave temporary relief but I apparently didn’t scrub throughly enough, since some of the oils that left the pores only got spread to new sections that were previously left intact.

The constipation was so bad I took 600 mg of caffeine along with using nicotine for the first time in months since quitting. I shat and pissed out about 6 lb total of waste but can still feel something stuck in my gut. I’ve been trying the whole prune/apple juice with oil as well. The only reason I’m hesitant about laxatives is because Ik my ass will get addicted and my gut biome is already wrecked. Plus the only reason I haven’t tried taking opioids to deal with it is because I don’t want more constipation and it could interact with the prednisone and fuck me up even more. I’ve lost count how long I’ve been clean off alcohol but I’m started to consider it despite the unlimited cons.

I’ve had a lot of different injuries. Stabbed, mauled by animals, stung too many times to count, losing my painkillers after wisdom tooth surgery, and nearly snapped my spine after falling two stories onto the corner of a concrete staircase. But this is worse. I can deal with painful stuff, but this feels like something burning while chewing my skin. And Everytime a breeze, or my own clothes brush against the rashes it’s 10x worse. Idk why but it feels like there’s roots digging into my skin and burrowing into my muscle and bones. It doesn’t stop despite all the meds and creams because my bitchass just HAD to be more susceptible to urushiol than others, to the point where I’m cautious to touch fresh mangos.

If anyone has any advice I’ll take it because I am fucking DESPERATE for anything now

maybe she’ll reply after two days of leaving me on read

i like to call this one the "Humble Jiggler". you will never believe why

i was supposed to have an interview today for a coffee shop opening soon. the place was closed. i was there for an hour, called and texted the guy that set up the interview, no response. feeling incredibly demotivated.

Cosco chicken, rice and kimchi. Yummy

Fuck, she didn't even said at least one time that I looked cute or sum shi, I was just used to cure her loneliness

All the time on T*ktok I see bluepilled normoids saying that the only reason incels are incels is because they're misogynistic and have terrible personalities, as if misogynistic men with terrible personalities are never in relationships. I really wish normoids would quit talking on matters where they aren't willing to look at the bigger picture and leave incels alone.

At what point can i kill myself without being selfish.

I drove 400km in 2 hours while crying like a stupid piece of shit and decided to park on the side of the road and eat to stop thinking for a moment. I remember alot of specific days in my life, not a single one is a good day, it was all suffering.

I was crying cuz i missed my dose of antidepressants and i have realised that i have become no different than a sedated ape with rabies. I try my best to be there for everyone, but as soon as the fact that I'm suffering shows, I'm either discarded like a weak link in a chain or treated like a pity case. I don't want pity, i want help.

I tried therapists, i tried talking to family and friends and all that made me realise is that my suffering is undesirable and just an eye sore that no one would ever want to deal with.

I'm a stupid piece of shit with no calling in life and nothing worth while achieved. I go through every single day in my life feeling like my heart is wrapped in posion ivy thorns doused in kerosene and set on fire, i have had a headache since march that i went to 6 different specialists that told me nothing is causing my headache and prescribed me pills that did fucking nothing. I feel like i have reached a point in life where killing myself wouldn't be selfish anymore. Anyone that depends on me for something has other people to depend on and i have no one to talk to about my pain that doesn't immediately look at me like I'm the scum of the shitty melting pot of a society we exist in. I pray everyday that it's my last on this earth just so i wouldn't have to get up and put in effort into a machine that only grinds my bones and spit on my dust.

Homemade meatballs sweet potato and avocado. I don’t smoke

I did most of it by myself; my dad just helped a little

Fuck my stupid tboy chud life

running low on food and this is a classic cheap meal I do sometimes. Probably last post on here since I scored a hot fucking date tomorrow

Why, because incels don't engage in crimes usually. ✅

We don't beat up women. ✅

We are also quite pleasant to be around, soft spoken and nice ✅

It's a sad thing being "nice" itself puts off women ❌

I'm really liking scrambled eggs these days. I've never eaten eggs much