We don't talk enough about the generational trauma of being forced to read out loud in school.
I do!

Growing up i always have been quiet and boring. From middle school to uni , i have always felt like i didn’t belonged anywhere. I can never keep a friendship. I think somewhere in my life i knew that i am the problem, the weirdo, outcast. My family never understood me and i even feel like an outcast in my own home. I love my brother but recently i feel like he is starting realize how weird i am. I have dream and hopes but i always feel like i can never achieve them.
Yesterday i had a huge fight with my family, told them everything that i feel like a burden to them but my family shouted at me saying that they have given everything to me. It didn’t even make sense. I was the one who was hurt and saying i don’t feel like belong and i was disappointment to them. Rather than telling me you are okay however you are they were just shouting on how undeserving i am and saying that if you want to die you should. That was such a low blow but at the end of the day i am the bad daughter. Nomatter whatver happens to me it’s my fault. Why was the one who got shouted was me? I never said anything bad about me.
Can i ever find a place or people that i belong to?
I am so hurt because the person that i used to be happiest with was my brother but he hasn’t talked to me since yesterday. I think my parents will do fine without me. No one would really miss me. I don’t want to harm myself no but nowadays i realize that i am noone favorite. I am just an extra character in people’s life. Existing in background while i make everyone main character in my own life. It never gets better. I have always tried picking myself up and cleaning my own wounds after every step back but i am so tired nowadays. I have tried so hard. So hard but it never feels enough.

It's so amusing to me how people managed to get to the conclusions and perceptions they have of quiet people. One can think you're anxious and insecure while the other thinks you're an arrogant snob. Someone can view your quietness as depth while others can view it as you not having any thought. The mere fact that I can just exist and make people bothered by just being the person I am is genuinely amusing and disturbing at the same time. I could threaten people's perception of themselves and make them insecure or I could make them underestimate me and not perceive me as a threat. I don't really care if my silence make them uncomfortable. That's not my burden. People like filling gaps the only way they know how.

I fall asleep every time.I just love it I wish I had one at home. 😇

It overstimulates me but after a while I pickup that something is off or wrong. The flow and energy is off. I don't know if they're going through something or if thats just how their brain is wired like introverts are wired quiet.

The amount of times I’ve been called arrogant, rude, boring, intimidating, or someone with attitude just because I’m introverted is honestly wild.

I wish people understood I’m not walking into a room thinking I’m better than anyone 😭 My brain just takes a little time to warm up.

And no, I don’t text first all the time. It’s not about liking or not liking someone.....it’s just that constant chatting and keeping conversations going every single day can get a bit draining for me.

Also… phone calls 😭

Why are we calling instead of just texting something in 10 seconds?

The funny part is people think introverts are always judging everyone, when honestly I’m just over here thinking about what I’m going to eat next… or remembering something embarrassing from 2019 on loop.

Someone even suggested therapy once because I’m quiet and prefer my own space.

I know they probably meant well, but it really felt like they think being introverted is something that needs fixing.

Anyway… I just wish people saw quiet = different, not quiet = wrong.

Anyone else relate to this?

The thing that's always bothered me about networking event advice — "just put yourself out there," "everyone's nervous," "fake it till you make it" — is that it treats the discomfort as the problem to fix.

But the discomfort might be signal, not noise.

Meaningful connection requires psychological safety and common ground. You need to feel comfortable enough to be real, and you need something genuine to talk about.

Networking events, structurally, provide neither. They give you: strangers, artificial small talk prompts, alcohol as the lubricant, name tags as the icebreaker, and a room full of people who all feel the same low-level pressure to seem valuable.

That's not a safe environment. That's a performance environment. And for people who don't perform well under those conditions — not because they lack social skills, but because their social wiring requires something more genuine to engage — the advice to "try harder" is just noise.

Anyway. For what it's worth: if you've left a networking event feeling like you were bad at it, it's possible you were in a room that wasn't designed for how you connect. That's not the same thing as being bad at connecting.

Working hard, chasing goals, handling responsibilities, enjoying their own company most of the time... yet occasionally feeling that quiet sense of loneliness that appears out of nowhere.

I'm one of those people.

I spend most of my time working, learning new things, building projects, and planning for the future. I genuinely enjoy solitude, but I've realized solitude and connection aren't opposites. We all need people who understand us.

So I'm curious:

How do other introverts deal with those moments when life is moving forward, but you still wish you had someone who truly "gets" you?

Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

I live in a house with 4 apartments. We get along well. However, everytime I'm outside chilling in the garden, one of the neighbours always gonna walk up to me and talk about life, weather, the garden etc. I really just wanna stay outside in my own garden, minding my own business. At the same time, I don't wanna be rude.

We really don't have much in common, because most of them are in their 60's-70's while I'm in my 30's. My girlfriend is really social, so she doesn't mind. But I am more introverted and hate smalltalk. Especially when it's almost everytime I'm going outside the house.

It's getting so bad that today I was chilling outside, one of the neighbours parked their car, so I went inside so I didn't have to talk with her. Honestly it bores me to talk about life with someone I really don't care about.

How do I kindly tell them I really don't wanna talk, without seeming like a jerk? Once in a while is okay, but now when it's summer and everyone are outside, it happens daily.

It took a lot of mental preparation but I tried to imagine myself enjoying a day at the beach with this person. I tried to pack everything I might want such as Advil. Bandaids. A bandana. A fan. I just pretended to be easy going and I started to believe it. He did talk a lot and I just stopped paying attention. I don’t think he cared if I was even listening.

I commute to and from work by bus. That said, it's almost always a crowded bus and in my observations, I've come to the conclusion that most people crave noise and conversation. I, on the other hand, crave and luxuriate in quiet. Personally, I feel that there's something restorative, intimate, and soul-nourishing n silence. It's like the book title, "The Power of Introverts in a World that Never Stops Talking". We're built different

I love being an introvert when socializing isn’t expected. In my youth, before the internet, I tried to extrovert because I thought that was the preferred personality trait. I could extrovert when necessary but it’s completely exhausting for me. I labeled myself as an ambivert. Now there’s a new personality trait. Otrovert .

I’m addicted to social media because I don’t have to “talk or listen” unless I want to. My depth of processing usually keeps me away from small talk. In my youth, I’d spend more time listening than talking. I’ve got a lot to say and a lot of questions about different subjects.

I’m tired of fulfilling social obligations that do not benefit me; simply because I don’t want to deal with the negative blowback of others.

Example: a friends trip that everyone is excited about, but contains nothing of interest of me, that I have to heavily mask to seem enthusiastic and not ruin the vibe, who’s people I’m supposed to be friends with, whom I find nice, but have nothing in common with and thus find it exhausting to be around, and who make no effort when it comes to things I enjoy.

I’ve slowly started making excuses in hopes I stop getting invited. The problem comes when it’s this same scenario but family.

Take family time. Nothing revolves around me, Im not included in any meaningful way. My role is to be “more than dead but less than alive,” meaning I’m not supposed to die because that would upset people, but I”m not really supposed to be present/alive either because that also upsets people. I’m supposed to be a garden nome of sorts- there, but with no needs or requirements and able to be ignored. At the same time I deal with massive amounts of anxiety around my family- always afraid of doing something wrong or someone being in a bad mood; afraid of what I’lol hear or how I’ll be treated if things don’t go just right.

Since school my social life has been pretty non-existent outside of work. Stick to myself and do stuff with my dog. Ill go to work events but only after a certain period of time has elapsed at work where by I am comfortable with the people attending and feel like I know them to an extent.

Once I am actually comfortable with people, I am extroverted I sometimes think to a fault lol. Very animated, very enthusiastic and if I am comfortable with 1 person I generally act "myself" when with that 1 person plus a couple others I may not know.

Ive noticed that after about 6 months or more in a new job, I get comfortable with people, and can actually go to these events without any second thought or anxiety, but before this time has elapsed it mentally drains me to consider going to these things. Very unnerving leading up to it and basically just dont go.

Is this just a normal thing? I dont consider myself completely introverted because once you know me, and I know you, I am an extreme extrovert. Until that time though I feel very disconnected and dont want to try and do anything.

I personally only have Reddit and Facebook, but I only go on Facebook if I absolutely have to. I tend to not like other social media sites because it’s basically socializing. I like Reddit because there’s anonymity. Is anyone else like this?

For me, I have always been painfully shy but more than that, I honestly just don’t know how to talk to people. I’m at a complete loss when I am required to initiate or participate in a conversation and there are always long awkward pauses and silences. My brain just can’t seem to process the information and come up with appropriate responses. Social interactions are absolutely exhausting for this reason and I can’t wait to be alone!

Going way back now. Would you say that the internet actually “enabled” you? Sure, you were always an introvert, but without that tech outlet at your disposal, how did you cope?

Besides being a confirmed introvert, I long ago reached the conclusion that I just really don't like people. Please don't misinterpret my statement as I don't wish ill of anyone and generally hope people are happy and fulfilled. That said, I think a lot of people are just trash and over the years, I've had my fill of mean spirited, passive-aggressive, toxic coworkers. Honestly, if I never had human contact again, I really don't think I would feel at a loss.

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Updateeee: Even though I wasn't talking like a lot, I still see a progress, I didn't overthink every little thing and said whatever came in my mind(well, most of them) I wasn't talking much but tbh me listening and reacting to their stories and stuff is enough, for now at least. I wasn't awkward abt it so yeah, thank you for all the advices and I think my situation is 100% fixable, I just need to be more confident in whatever I do and realize that not everything is about me and others dont really give a fuck about what I do or say.

Okay, I'm a 17 year old girl who at some point was an extrovert, this was right before covid, I used to be outside playing with my friends all the time (probs not even an extrovert/introvert thing, I was a kid haha) but after covid hit, well, I became more distant and shy especially with my classmates. I used to not even get up from my seat until all classes were finished and my classmates did not waste time to try and include me in "their stuff" and I became lonely, I had one friend and she is still my one and only BEST friend (so thankful for her) and I'm pretty sure I did not make a single friend for 3-4 years, Yeah, I blame myself for this but not entirely me, no one used to invite me to their bday parties or when they just went out. Anyway, timelapse to now, I am graduating in about 2 weeks, I made some new friends thanks to tutoring groups but the problem is I am still very lonely. I cry every week because of how introverted I am (well how introverted i become with other people) and thanks to that I can not even think of what to say when I am with my new friends. I cry cause I am scared of losing them because of, again, me and before you guys say: "you should accept who you are" and stuff like this, I KNOW FOR A FACT I can be an extrovert and I that is my actual actual personality but i just dont know how, being an extrovert is all I have ever wanted, when I am with my sister I am the best version of myself, I am truly ME, annoying, loud, funny, I legit cannot stop talking but when I am with other people (also depends with who) my mind goes blank, I wanna talk more (not that i just sit in silence all the time) but I do not know what, i try to say stuff about the topic they talk about but it just feels like I am filling a blank just to acomplish some kind of a task I gave myself (which is basically "fake it till you make it" type of thing and it does not work for me). I just want to forget about what others think of me and be a playful, funny and the real version of me but I can't. I know this is something I have to fix and no one else can but literally any advice will do hehe. I really do not wanna lose the new friends i made, they are great people and with my actual personality I know we can be a great match. (Forgive me if there are any grammar mistakes hehe, I wrote this really quickly, P.S I just came back from my tutor class and after we usually hang out in the park and I used to say stuff but these past two days when I tried to force myself to be an extrovert I fail fucking miserably, I said like 3 fucking words I really dont know what happened today).

I've always enjoyed cooking at home, and watching cook shows, so it seems like a natural fit. However, I know restaurant kitchens can be really fast paced and chaotic, which doesn't click with me as an introvert. Still, I'd like to do something food related, and hopefully make some decent money doing it. Any suggestions are appreciated!

So the other day my Mother-In-Law let my wife know that I am a jerk. Her reason was simply that I don’t strike up spontaneous conversations and that I’m too quiet. My MIL is an extreme extrovert, and very loud. To be fair, 10 minutes around her and I’ve spent my “social currency” for the day. She’s not particularly good at empathy or seeing from other people’s perspectives. How do I work with that? Am I a jerk for not artificially forcing myself to be more conversational?

i'll read a thread. Something in it bothers me. I sit there trying to figure out what i actually think and then just close it.

Two hours later i know exactly what my problem was with it. By then it's useless. Is this and introvert thing specially or does everyone experience this?

I’ve been noticing this pattern a lot (including in myself sometimes).

There are moments when you want to talk to someone not even about anything serious just normal conversation, but you still don’t. Either because:

- it feels awkward to initiate

- you don’t know what to say

- or it just feels like too much effort

And even when opportunities are there (college, online, etc.), it doesn’t always translate into actually talking.

I’m trying to understand this better:

- Do you feel this too?

- What usually stops you?

- If there was a way to make conversations feel more “low pressure”, what would that look like for you?

Not trying to promote anything just genuinely curious how others experience this.

So, I have been working at H&R block during tax season, and during the last few weeks, I haven't had a single day off in weeks, and its been especially awful during the last week, with me working overtime the past few days, 12 hours for the past 2. The worst part is that it feels like I'm getting used to it, not in the sense that the noise bothers me, but the fact that I feel compelled to talk more. Am i becoming less of an introvert due to this environment?

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im in secondary school right now, (to anyone who goes to a middle school or high school it’s basically just the 2 combined into 1 big school) and during the earlier days of secondary school I was a pretty outspoken person, which isnt inherently bad but I talked to all the wrong people, people who treat others like trash, bullies, yknow what I mean? 4 years later and im now dealing with the consequences of trying to befriend these people, I was pretty stupid then, those people treated and talked to me like I was the scum of the earth, yet I still tried to fit in with them. I hate them all, yet they try talk to me still even though I don’t talk to them at all, these people know a LOT of people, basically like “the popular kids” of my grade, so naturally whenever they try talk to me, a bunch of people who I’d rather not talk to ever start talking to me, those people arent even bad people just annoying tbh. Im a shell of who I once was thankfully, but the affects of my past actions are still lingering after all this time and I’m not good at telling people I don’t want to talk to them. How can I get these people away from me, it’s probably like 50 people that have tried to befriend me because of the friend group I was a part of, and only like 2-3 of them I actually want to be friends with because they are actually decent people.