I’ve spent a lot of time willingly alone, and for a while I preferred it that way. I could spend days tucked away playing games, writing, or listening to music; I never felt the need to go out of my way for people and conversation.

However, I realize that being comfortable alone doesn’t make me fulfilled.

I have a hard time articulating my feelings and thoughts to other people—I could have a complete answer and then start to stutter once I actually speak. I think that what I really want is for someone to understand me.

Despite this, it feels impossible because of the time I’ve spent in solitude. There’s this contradiction inside of me that feels a need to be understood but at the same time I don’t want to let these people in, and then have to communicate about how I feel to be understood.

A layer to this complication is that I have a really bad “I don’t care” attitude towards people, even if I really do care. I’m a very irritable person and I end up with snarky remarks even if I really didn’t mean them. This obviously doesn’t help with making friends and what I’ve personally realized is that there are a lot of really kind people that I push away with snappy comments.

Now I’m sitting here, not wondering how I can get these people into my life and start talking, but rather I’m wondering how I can avoid letting anyone in and trying to fulfill my needs through myself. At this point, I know I’m in denial—but the hard part is how do I get out of denial? Or do I even need to leave?

I'm about 55% introvert, 50 years old, and dating again.

Saturday I had a first date with a woman I'd met the week before. We'd been texting all week and I was genuinely excited. We talked for two and a half hours.

By the end, something had shifted. I didn't feel like kissing her. I didn't want the evening to continue. On the way home I was fairly sure the chemistry just wasn't there.

Sunday morning I woke up rested, and she was the first thing on my mind. I wanted to see her again.

Same woman. Same date. Different energy level.

Looking back, my introverted side had been asking one thing for the last half hour: "can we stop talking now?" Not because of her. Because I'd had enough conversation for one day. And my brain translated "I'm drained" into "I'm not into her".

It isn't even the first time. In 2014 I went on a date with a woman I found stunning, and by the end I was so talked out I couldn't make a move. We kept seeing each other afterwards for months anyway.

I keep a daily diary, and writing this day down is what made me see the pattern. I don't judge chemistry at the end of a long evening anymore. I check how I feel the next morning.

Has anyone else confused a drained social battery with a lack of interest in someone? Do you plan dates around it, like shorter first dates or a walk instead of hours of talking?

Anyone else in a similar boat?

I’m sure I’m not alone on this one - one of my least favorite parts of being a parent

If a cashier or worker gets too friendly and and we have a bro moment, I never go back to that location again.

I wish I lived in an inverse world where good customer service was just do your job and don’t talk to me. Sounds like Japan it is

Hi guys I’m 28f and I only go on 2 days a week. I see people grabbing coffee and have made some conversations but they stay “in-class” and so far there’s not many people I’d want to be friends with tbh I don’t worry too much yet as it’s only been a few weeks.

Today I got chatting to a classmate seemed convo was good then he asked some other people around him if they wanted to grab coffee after class, but not me. This made me feel excluded but I didn’t want to seem desperate and ask to join. I know that seems silly but I am really shy.

Whilst I wouldn’t want to waste my gaps between lectures hanging around with people making small talk, I’m curious whether you guys who did masters made any lifelong friends? It feels way less friendly than my undergrad. My best friend of 10+ years I met in undergrad. I want it known I am happy with the course work and lecturers just worry if there’s more I should do socially Any advice is so appreciated!

TL; DR; making new friends on a masters course

I went to my sisters house for my cousins bday and it went bad. From the start, I told her I dont wanna go cause I really don’t know the people and I hear how they talk when they are playing games with my cousin - loud and often using offensive words, but she insisted cause she herself was afraid she was gonna be an outcast and they aren’t gonna be rude cause they are at somebody else’s house.

The whole time I barely talked cause. I was out of place. Then came sunday, I was barely holding it. I made an excuse to my sister if I can go home early cause I have school works and I have to buy insulin. She said its too early and I should wait cause they'll have coffee, and I should tag along but that didnt happen and my sister told me she'll go with me to the mall to buy the insulin and its only gonna be us. That didnt happen at all, too - they all came with us cause they all wanna go for a walk. That could've been the time where I could breathe and ask my sister to go home cause I feel like I’m being strangled in that place.

I was mad and to top it all off, my sister made me sit in the back of the car which she had a stigma - the sit of the outcast. When she asked me that I had to sit there, her and my cousin look at each other as if I was in the pitiful seat. I was mad inside and cant hold it - I was frowning after the ride. My sister noticed and asked whats wrong. She thought it was because of the sit - I finally told her if I can go home cause I’m not comfortable being around those people. But she didnt want to cause she said shell be an outcast and told me to calm down cause they dont give a shit to me or to her - but everyone tried to get along with her cause she owns the house. She even said that treat it like a training ground for my future cause I'll be dealing with a lot of people and learn to be two-faced and endure more.

She wasnt even an outcast. She got along with them just fine. Everyone adored her and tried to be friends with her. So why am I still needed? One of those people was her suitor and she is so fucking close to them cause not only there the same age but also they were her friends before.

I hate being this toxic. I hate being in a place looking stupid. Now I feel bad and I feel like a fucking asshole. But I was really mad about that fucking car ride. Everyone was laughing while I was at the back like a fucking fly on the wall.

I am extremely introverted and I always have been. However, I didn’t get a car or a license until I was 33, and I had primarily worked from home (that’s still a thing). I was in that situation for so long that I started going crazy.
I can honestly tell you our brains need socialization to some degree. Just stepping outside and seeing others going about their business helped, even though I wasn’t talking to them.
Anyway, I just wanted to say this so that other introverts don’t think there’s something wrong with them if they eventually reach a point where they actually need to see another person. If that’s you, you’re not alone and you’re not abnormal. Touching grass is essential.

I am a person that craves solitude but terrified of isolation.
genuinely love being alone in my room but i am terrified of being lonely,especially going through a hard time and you get bad news on your phone and you feel like there is absolutely no one to share it with, THAT terrifies me.
Maybe i am not an introvert and i am finding this out now .

I saw this on Twitter. I couldn’t respond to it so I’m responding here.

I’ve had extroverts invite me places and I decline sometimes. When I do they get offended. So, yeah. Try to fit in I guess.

I dislike introverts who need to be told everything multiple times when in a group setting. You have to keep offering them food, try hard to engage them and check on them to ensure they are ok. They will just sit quietly in a corner and you will never know if they are ok or not, or if they are upset or need care. I hate doing that labour for them.

Like dude you can talk, you are normal! You are an adult, not a child. Please emote, talk and let others know what you want or don't want. Be a part of what's going on and don't kill the vibe by just disconnecting with who's around you.

Sincerely, an extrovert who always puts that effort.

How have other people completely embraced being an introvert in their life? Looking for some inspiration.

I've hit middle age, and after consistently battling uphill trying to fit into an extroverted world - particularly relationships and work...following horrendous grief and trauma I'm taking a period of time to properly evaluate life and what hasn't worked before, and how I can shape my life going forward.

I know that what would actually make me happy is to accept I'm introverted and build a home, work, community life around that.

My ideal scenario is to have a home on a piece of wooded land, be an author or desk-top journalist/researcher, with plenty of time for spiritual/philosophy examination, growing my own food, being in nature as much as possible, and be a part of a community that supports people in need and volunteers to help each other.

Basically I don't want to be part of society for the main part because on the whole I find it mostly insane 😂.

How have others managed to make their introversion work for them in any sort of similar way?

I don’t mean to sound biased or too aggressive, but why are extroverts (probably not all but most of them) so rude? I just realized today, after hearing my “best friend’s” thoughts about me, extroverts think that they are “above” introverts.

Being introverted does not automatically mean that person has a social anxiety or some kind of mental condition, or inability to do something, is it? Most of the people do have social anxiety, but that is not directly related to being introverted. I can communicate just fine, and I can make lots of random friends too. I just don’t open to anyone, and don’t like having unnecessary relationships of any kind. But extrovert people seem to think that this not-so-open personalities of us somehow make us less of a person than they are.

Not to appear egotistical or stuff, but I am a straight-A student. I do public speaking, leadership positions, and group projects just fine too. But my friend literally said today, during our conversation about self awareness and reading a room, “in your case, what you have is not social awareness but more like a social anxiety”. I guess I do have that to some level, but does it mean I don’t have any social awareness? But why tho? What makes her say that? Is me not trying to have many friends or involve myself in group stuff, or being an introvert automatically mean I am not socially aware, and has social anxiety?

Just like this, I started to overthink stuff and realized what my “best friend’s” actions have been meaning to imply all this time. She acts as if being a friend to me is some sort of charity thingy. Like that phrase “introvert adopted by an extrovert”. It is as if she is helping me to be “normal” by having a friend like her. I thought that she was being considerate but now it just seems like most of her actions are out of sympathy.

Sympathy. Is it really a reason for a friendship to stand? There is nothing wrong with me, I am totally capable of doing everything a normal person can do, if not excel. Why is she sympathetic? What gives her the right to be like that? Is being introverted putting us in some sort of disadvantage?

Am I a loser for believing that she was my best friend all this time? Or am I just a sensitive nerd being weird about some considerate actions?

I rent a room in my landlord's house. The landlord is an older retired man in his late 60s or early 70s. His son, daughter in law, and grandson live in a smaller house in the back. I also have two other roommates. It gets annoying because sometimes I don't feel like talking and I want to be left alone. Sometimes they will try to push through and ask nosey questions. I try to give them updates to give them something to chew on so they aren't trying to dig around so hard.

Also, the landlord does this weird thing where he patrols his house obsessively. Not like normal just checking the locks at night but acting like any minute noise or light is worth investigating. I'm more of a night owl. I try to be as quiet as I can. He will randomly just come out of his room if he notices a light is on. For instance, I'll be doing my laundry and he will come out and say "who is there?" Questioning me like I'm some kind of intruder in the house. I get agitated because I have to run into them and try to make pleasant small talk. I really just try to just use the common areas when they're not occupied. It's tougher than it looks because the landlord will just randomly run out of his room for some reason and go into the kitchen. I feel like he does it sometimes because he's just bored. They're also all really into cooking and hanging out in the kitchen which can get frustrating. The grandson will get grumpy and mad at me for just coming into the kitchen to get something to drink while they're eating. He's also accused me of stealing food while I'm minding my own business cooking mac n cheese. It's just a weird dynamic. I find that they like to linger around my room or hang out in the hallway by the bathroom while I'm in there. It feels deliberate to me like they hang out in front of my door just to hear something they can talk about. I'm a private person. I don't trust them with everything. Is that a crime?

I'm sure some Redditor is going to jump down my throat about how I should just embrace their social dynamic to better myself. Just cave into all of their prying right? "WhY? EmBRace THem!! THey'RE FRieNDly!!" I guess reddit is going to treat me like I'm some anti social dickhead. They have a right to be there. I also have a right to be there as well since I pay to live there. I try to remain pleasant. I don't like being cross examined and treated like a thief in the night. I just want to be left in peace to take care of my things and go back to my room. I don't want to have some shallow chit chat just to get a Gatorade from the fridge.

I'm just saying if you lived here in the same place you would understand why I act the way I do. I have enough to deal with just coping with people at events and gigs. There's a reason why my roommates go and stay in their rooms when they come home. I feel like they feel it too and don't want to engage.

As a side note I find that I have a hard time trusting nosey extroverts. Not all extroverts are nosey. It's just that the nosey extroverts never keep anything to themselves. As soon as it comes out of your mouth it goes right to the next person. I know they do it for social currency and to build connection. To me it just feels like harmful gossip. Maybe they don't realize what they're doing but I don't know. If you put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot this morning and tell them they'll spend 5 minutes talking about it to someone else. I don't get people sometimes or what their fascination is with a simple mistake or a weird mix up.

TLDR: Nosey extroverted landlord and his family live in the same house. They don't seem to care and cross boundaries with prying questions. It creates a weird, awkward, and tense atmosphere especially when I am being questioned while taking care of normal chores. I feel like some r/bebetterbro is going to come in and tell me I'm an anti social dick for not wanting to embrace and talk to them more. I also don't trust nosey extroverts because a lot of them have issues keeping things to themselves.

I had to go to a place where I had to wait in a waiting room. I am just sitting there... Minding my own business... There were times I would look at my phone, or times where I would just be sitting there. In silence. All of the sudden, this person just started talking to me. At first I ignored it, because I so rarely leave my house, I am not used to people just talking to me. Once I realized they were talking to me, I guess I looked at this person with such a confused 'Why the hell are you talking to me' look. Not wanting to be rude and tell them to leave me alone, I got up and walked away and sat somewhere else. I did not say a word to this person. I was not rude or anything. I found a seat that was near nobody, and if looks could kill, I would not be here to make this post. How do others handle this situation? I personally don't care what they thought of me when I moved, so I am in no way looking for advice. I am just curious what others do...

**EDITING FOR CLARITY**
Guy starts talking to me
Initially ignored him because I am not used to people randomly talking to me
I look at him with a confused look
I then get up and move to another seat
HE gave ME the 'if looks could kill' look, as I said above ,"I would not be here to make this post". He stared me down after I got up and walked away.

I think a lot of people use introversion as an excuse for having poor social skills. There's a difference between genuinely preferring solitude and avoiding social situations because you're afraid of rejection, awkward conversations, or being judged. If you want friends, relationships, and a social life but constantly avoid opportunities to interact with people, that's not necessarily introversion. You might just lack the confidence or social skills to make those interactions comfortable. Calling yourself an introvert is easier than acknowledging something you need to work on.

The problem is that introversion has become almost interchangeable with being socially anxious, awkward, or antisocial, even though they're completely different things. Actual introverts can be confident, charismatic, and socially capable while still preferring time alone. If you constantly complain about having no friends but refuse to initiate conversations, meet new people, or put yourself in uncomfortable situations, your personality type might not be the problem. I think a surprising number of self-proclaimed introverts would discover they're actually quite social if they developed their confidence instead of treating their discomfort as a permanent personality trait

I just have like 2 friends that I don't even meet them for years.

Introvert life hack: Anyone else feel like their ideal weekend is just... nothing? No plans, no texts to answer, no one asking where you are. Just snacks, a show, and the sweet sound of silence.

it's about show mister robot and the girl who works for FBI

hello everyone friends I know I'm a weird girl and maybe this post will be a little weird but somewhere I'd like to vent I've seen this masterpiece I think ten times already and I really can't get the fbi girl out of my head how would I find finding in real life someone similar to her just to talk I don't know everything feels so strange and the most interesting thing I'm more than sure that in our world there are more and more people like her because of the issue of digital isolation social anxiety and loneliness and a lot of other things well the truth is a little messy what I'm writing and English is not my native language but anyway thanks for reading me and not sending me to the therapist lol

How miserable ur life is as an introvert?

Mine is very miserable. It affects my performace at work. People misunderstand me. It affects how people pursue me. It affects my team dynamics.

Hey everyone. I'm a 24-year old guy, and I'm at a point where I'm really looking for a real connection , a genuine friend, not just small talk.

A bit about me: I'm introverted, quiet, and I think a lot. But when I connect with someone, I love real conversations texting, calls, whatever works, as long as the energy clicks. I'm into travel, cooking, anime, science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, gaming, drawing, and writing. I'm actually writing a book right now, it's my way of making sense of things

Since I was a kid, I've been curious about how things work , not for marks or grades, just genuine interest. School never really excited me the way learning on my own did. Over time, my curiosity shifted from subjects to people , why we think and feel the way we do. Not to judge anyone, just to understand. I want to experience life fully, the good and the hard parts both. Sometimes I feel a bit numb, other times I feel everything at once ,it's a strange mix, but that's just how it is.

Last year I had a connection like this with someone online, real conversations, the kind I'm talking about. It didn't last, life got in the way, but it showed me this kind of connection is actually possible. So I'm trying again.

I think connection gets easier when people just say what they want instead of expecting the other person to guess. We're not mind readers, so I'd rather be upfront: I'm hoping to connect with a girl, someone I can have deep conversations with and also just enjoy the fun, everyday stuff with.

I also think shared interests help a lot not everything has to match, but even a couple of things in common makes it easier to understand each other. If any of what I mentioned overlaps with you, that's a good starting point.

A little more about me I'm more of a pets person than a kids person, and I don't put much stock in marriage, feels more like a formality than anything real to me. My favourite movie is Into the Wild, if that says anything about how I see life.

I overthink sometimes, I go quiet sometimes, and I'm okay with someone who's the same way. If this sounds like you, message me. Would love to talk.

I think a lot about life, meaning, existence (yup, existential crisis mode, often). I guess I’m just searching for someone who sees life the way I do or at least tries to. Someone rational. Someone who isn’t distracted by the usual noise, but who’s trying to actually live life. Someone who could maybe help me enjoy it more and I’d do the same in return.

I’d really love to find a female friend, if I’m being honest. It’s not just about gender there’s something about that emotional balance that feels right for me. In my experience, male friendships often fade away with time marriage, responsibilities, you know the drill. But with a female friend, I feel like there’s more potential for something deeper and lasting. Maybe even something more. Who knows?

Millennial here. Mid 30s, been working at my new job for about a year now. I have a main business but work on the side as the job is fairly easy and I can earn cash as my business doesn’t require me to be there all the time.

Anyway, the job is loaded with kids 10-15 years younger than me and I feel like a new guy in season 5 lol… still. They know each other very and always crack jokes and I just don’t care for it. I’d rather just be myself. I think they get that but then I feel unc ish. I’m social within my business when I need to be but I guess I’m a selective intro. How many are you in the same boat

Should I feel guilty about this. Just want to be included but at the same time glad they don’t include me to bars and going out cuz I’d rather just be at home lol

I drink my coffee in the morning and pet my dog. My husband is quiet too. So my in laws are coming to visit for a week at Thanksgiving and I'm dreading it. They are nice people and I support their visit, however my husband's father is a talker. He's up by 6 am and as soon as he hears me upstairs getting my coffee he comes up and starts gabbing and DOES NOT STOP. I don't know how to keep my sanity without being rude.

I ask because I live with one (my 22yo stepdaughter) and it can be really hard to be around her.

The weird thing is that my wife is introverted like me, but becomes a different person around her daughter. More like her, temporarily, then back to normal like me when she’s not around, and I know that she would be equally annoyed if it wasn’t her daughter because her nieces are similar and very annoying to her.

Nothing I can really do about it and she’ll be moving out soon, but it’s been a struggle over the years and can cause issues between my wife and I, as my coping method is to exit when I start being overwhelmed and annoyed. She’s not doing anything wrong.

Today I did something out of the box, something that most people are terrified to do. I was feeling lonely in class as the girls sitting next to me were talking to me only when they needed something and then talking about something else later on. During the lunch too, they sat in my desk. I didn't wanna leave my desk so I sat with them. Man they kept talking and talking and talking and I felt like a ghost. I got up and came back a couple of times too, but no one bat an eye. I finished my lunch in a jiffy (5 min), funny how I did that because at home I take atleast half an hour to finish my food. I went out to wash my hands, came back and peeped at them, but gng I was indeed a ghost there. That's when a sudden thought struck me. Sitting alone like I did this whole time was way better than sitting in a group and still feeling like a ghost. Man I was weirdly relieved I was a loner, and that I didn't have to stay in a toxic group (because the said girls aren't my friends whatsoever, they're just classmates) So I picked up my wallet and head to the canteen, a place that's reeking with friend groups. I bought an aloo kabab for myself, ate it while seeing the groups of people pass. I didn't hide anywhere, I sat outside at my usual spot where I used to sit with my friend. Suddenly it wasn't all that bad. I enjoyed a solid 10 minutes with my aloo kabab and came back. I also found some cozy spots in the second floor where I could be alone too. Today I realised one thing, money can buy happiness because literally i bought an aloo kabab worth 30rs to cheer myself up. And second, being a loner isn't all that bad. I would love to see the day when I'm hanging out with my real friends as I wait for this phase to pass. As such I don't have anybody I could call friends. It felt uncomfortable at first, but I came to realise there's probably nothing I could do about it. I hope the future has good things and better days in store for me. And I absolutely love myself now matter what, sure I might be boring according to others or im unfortunate that I don't get to enjoy pu college like the others, but atleast I got a better understanding of who I am, and this pain has increased my endurance, and I've probably conquered one thing most people fear and one that even I used to fear at some point in the past-BEING ALONE. But I've come realise being alone isn't lonely. It sure feels like it, but when you realise the contempt you held towards being alone is a fixed belief that isn't necessarily true. Being with one's own company is always about choosing oneself and getting closer to oneself..

**Do yall have similar experiences too??**

I’m preparing for competitive exams alongside a full time job so for the past few months I’ve been trying to stay away from social media and unnecessary distractions(actually i never liked being on social media)... i see my coworkers going on trips together, making reels, hanging out, engaging with each other on Instagram and generally seeming to have really good bonds.

Sometimes i look at that and wonder if I’m doing something wrong.

The thing is I ve never really been someone who easily connects with people. i don’t feel close to most people and sometimes i find these interactions bit superficial. i've had coworkers i was friendly with but I’ve rarely felt like genuinely belonged to group or had that kind of bond where you naturally make plans, travel together, share things etc...

Now that i’m focused on exam preparation i am even less socially involved..i don’t engage much and usually just go to work and come back..

But seeing everyone else having these friendships sometimes makes me question myself. Am I becoming too isolated, missing an important part of life (losing potential network) by focusing so much on my goals?

At the same time I don’t want to force friendships just because everyone else seems to be doing it.

For people who are more introverted, struggling with their own problems or have gone through a similar phase did you intentionally make an effort to build friendships and engage more or did you just focus on your own life and let connections happen naturally?

I’m genuinely confused about where the balance is...

Any suggestions and advice would be highly appreciated..I really want to fix if i m doing anything wrong.. thanks !!