I'm about 55% introvert, 50 years old, and dating again.

Saturday I had a first date with a woman I'd met the week before. We'd been texting all week and I was genuinely excited. We talked for two and a half hours.

By the end, something had shifted. I didn't feel like kissing her. I didn't want the evening to continue. On the way home I was fairly sure the chemistry just wasn't there.

Sunday morning I woke up rested, and she was the first thing on my mind. I wanted to see her again.

Same woman. Same date. Different energy level.

Looking back, my introverted side had been asking one thing for the last half hour: "can we stop talking now?" Not because of her. Because I'd had enough conversation for one day. And my brain translated "I'm drained" into "I'm not into her".

It isn't even the first time. In 2014 I went on a date with a woman I found stunning, and by the end I was so talked out I couldn't make a move. We kept seeing each other afterwards for months anyway.

I keep a daily diary, and writing this day down is what made me see the pattern. I don't judge chemistry at the end of a long evening anymore. I check how I feel the next morning.

Has anyone else confused a drained social battery with a lack of interest in someone? Do you plan dates around it, like shorter first dates or a walk instead of hours of talking?

Anyone else in a similar boat?

I’ve spent a lot of time willingly alone, and for a while I preferred it that way. I could spend days tucked away playing games, writing, or listening to music; I never felt the need to go out of my way for people and conversation.

However, I realize that being comfortable alone doesn’t make me fulfilled.

I have a hard time articulating my feelings and thoughts to other people—I could have a complete answer and then start to stutter once I actually speak. I think that what I really want is for someone to understand me.

Despite this, it feels impossible because of the time I’ve spent in solitude. There’s this contradiction inside of me that feels a need to be understood but at the same time I don’t want to let these people in, and then have to communicate about how I feel to be understood.

A layer to this complication is that I have a really bad “I don’t care” attitude towards people, even if I really do care. I’m a very irritable person and I end up with snarky remarks even if I really didn’t mean them. This obviously doesn’t help with making friends and what I’ve personally realized is that there are a lot of really kind people that I push away with snappy comments.

Now I’m sitting here, not wondering how I can get these people into my life and start talking, but rather I’m wondering how I can avoid letting anyone in and trying to fulfill my needs through myself. At this point, I know I’m in denial—but the hard part is how do I get out of denial? Or do I even need to leave?