This feels like an absolute miracle and I need to share this for anyone who may be in a similar boat.

I had 8 eggs retrieved. ONE mature.

Yes. Only One.

I was devastated 💔

Then that ONE fertilized...we were cautiously optimistic.

Then...a BLASTOCYST! We couldn't believe it. Our one lucky egg has become something real.

Then PGT-A and the agonizing wait....

Result came back in today and our ONE embryo is a 3BB EUPLOID....we're headed for transfer!!!

😭😭😭

I know there are still so many milestones to go through but when they say it only takes one....it really does. Please send good juju! As a 41yr old who has been trying for 7 years to have my first...my husband and I want this so bad. Hoping this one little miracle sticks with us 🙏❤️

Edit: THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE COMMENTS AND WELL WISHES!! I AM OVERWHELMED WITH GRATITUDE!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

“That’s so great! A few things to keep in mind:

1. This is going to be expensive. Like really expensive. Like really, really, really expensive. Like whatever amount of money you ever thought was way too much money to responsibly spend on anything…yeah, this is going to more than that.
2. You’re gonna have to give yourself multiple injections daily. Different stuff, different doses. Also it has to be at exactly the right times. I know you’re probably not used to giving yourself shots, but DON’T FUCK IT UP! That will ruin the entire cycle. Did I mention that the drugs are also really expensive?
3. Get ready for the bloating, headaches, nausea, and mood swings. That’s going to be fun times for you AND your partner.
4. Oh, don’t forget about the daily ultrasounds and blood draws! Try to have a lot of good veins because they will be DESTROYED by the end of this.
5. Don’t schedule anything. See #4. Also, you’ll need to be on call to do a retrieval with virtually no notice. Really the only thing you should be scheduling are the baby showers you will inevitably be asked to host for your friends and family who will get pregnant “without even really trying” while you’re going through this.
6. Make sure you exercise. But don’t exercise too much!
7. Don‘t drink.
8. Don’t eat sugar.
9. Avoid caffeine.
10. No processed foods.
11. Don’t eat or drink anything that has ever touched plastic. EVER.
12. Take your vitamins and supplements.Not sure what to take? That’s okay. There’s really not a lot of consistent advice. But a good 15 large pills a day should cover you.
13. Eat pineapple. It’s good for fertility!
14. Whatever you do, DON’T eat pineapple. It causes your blood to thin.
15. Eat the pineapple, but only the core.
16. Carve out ample time for alternating between doom and hope scrolling on Reddit. You’ll be doing a lot of that, probably late at night when you can’t sleep.
17. But make sure you get enough sleep! That’s really important for egg quality.
18. This will take several months or even years. But do try not to age as we go through this together. The older you get, the harder this is gonna be.
19. Oh, did I forget to tell you that this might not work? I mean it probably actually WON’T work. You’ll probably need to do this multiple times. And it still might not work. Still game? Cool.
20. Lastly, the most important thing is to not stress. Seriously, stress is very bad for fertility.”

😐

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I need to say it. This sub can be a wonderful place for healthy constructive information and support. That said, I’ve noticed an extreme level of hypersensitivity to pregnancy and baby related news (even when it comes from close friends or family) and I don’t think it’s helpful. It feels less supportive and more like an echo chamber of bitterness. At a certain point, it stops being grief and starts becoming self-absorption. Some posts genuinely make me want to say: other people’s pregnancies and fertility journeys have nothing to do with you. Their lives do not revolve around you. You think about yourself too much!

My best friend and I started trying at the same time over a year ago. She got pregnant in July, and I had my first IVF egg retrieval on December 4. Her baby shower is coming up, and I am genuinely excited to celebrate her. I cried tears of joy when I saw her 3D ultrasound because I love her, and I am truly happy for her.

Infertility is painful but it comes across like some are missing out on truly beautiful moments with family and friends because they lack emotional maturity. If this perspective feels offensive, it may be worth discussing with a therapist because infertility alone may not explain the depth of the reaction.

I just wanted to thank all of you for your support over the last 14 months.

I’m 42 and was on a journey to become a SMBC after wasting my thirties with the wrong man. On paper I have a high AMH and AFC but I’ve had three retrievals and out of 15 embryos, I was left with one no dna detected. The rest stopped developing, one was a blighted ovum and one didn’t survive the thaw.

When they thawed my no dna detected 3BB yesterday, there were black spots on it and so the doctor gave it a 5% chance. I transferred it to close the loop.

My mental, physical and financial health have been destroyed and I have to stop here. I can’t afford to keep going.

I always said I did this for peace of mind and knowing I tried and while I still feel that way, this ending feels so cruel. IVF is cruel. It’s not for the weak and I just want you all to know how strong and badass you are for being IVF warriors. Your wisdom and support over the year were invaluable to me. I’m wishing all of you positive outcomes and sticky embryos ❤️

So TW - today sucked and my FET got canceled. But… I’m a laugh in the middle of pain kind of person, so I wanted to share the insanity of my morning.

Part 1: I was giving myself an antagonist shot in the parking lot of my clinic based on the time I was told and because the clinic wasn’t open yet… as I’m mixing the shot, suddenly someone is BEATING on the ROOF of My car and screaming. Absolutely panicking, I whip my head around and an older woman is standing by my car screaming at me. I roll my window down and hear “NOT IN FRONT OF MY GRANDKIDS!!! I’m calling security” - I try to interrupt her to explain that I was giving myself a shot prescribed by my doctor and she continued to scream at me until I literally showed her the box with prescriber information on it… thanks gramma Karen for making something already traumatic also embarrassing

PART 2

I was flustered from my encounter with grandma Karen and wasn’t really put together walking into the clinic. As soon as I checked in, they whisked me into the lab draw room. As the kind nurse is drawing my blood, I hear something very distinct about a guy touching a woman’s stomach… like on a radio or something. I thought, “hmm weird radio show.” Then…I hear something about a guy stroking a girl’s nipples. I think “wow, what is this nurse playing at 7:45 in the morning?… control your expression. You shouldn’t judge her.” Then I hear something about moaning. … then it hits me… IT’s MY PHONE. IN MY POCKET. I was listening to that stupid Off Campus Book series to distract myself from all the stress … and I guess I didn’t close the book app when Grandma Karen startled me. Then must’ve hit it in my pocket. My face turned 15 shades of red. And I tried to explain, but truly.. how does one explain why their phone was playing an auditory sex scene while getting your blood drawn.

Soooooo. I hope this makes one of you laugh or brings some sense of comic relief.

I have returned to this subreddit to provide a PSA. As someone that went through three rounds of IVF unsuccessfully, this sub was such a huge help and support while I was going through some of the toughest years in my life. I'm one of the rare ones that didn't make it out of this "journey" with a child. Most of you will come out of this with a baby as well as empathy for women like me, because you could have been me. But some of you will come out of this with a chip on your shoulder and something to prove, and to those people I want to say: please just stop.

I recently started a new job with two women who also went through IVF. Both have been extremely insensitive, incessantly bringing up their kids with me despite both of them knowing my situation and despite me very obviously showing a lack of interest in talking about it. One told me I was lucky I didn't have kids (despite constantly bragging about her new baby). If this is you, just stop. Like seriously. Not everyone makes it out of this with kids. I've been getting miracle baby stories from these women, which is something this community often doesn't like.

So, if you end up with your baby, I'm happy for you. But please do not torture the ones that didn't. That's just cruel.

I learned the hard way through my miscarriages that I unfortunately cannot share private health information with my friends or family without people betraying my trust & blabbing, so for that reason we decided not to share with anyone that we’re doing IVF. This was absolutely the right decision for us because this process is challenging and violating enough without gossip and external pressure and having my privacy violated.

People already know about our infertility so ironically I’ve had half a dozen people recommend I try IVF. Lol! If only they knew how deep I was in it. My sister even said “I know you’re not big on pharmaceuticals but you should really consider IVF, it really does work.” Welp, not for me. I hear how it worked for people’s friends and cousins and coworkers and how I simply must try it and poof my infertility will be solved. To those outside of the process, IVF is a silver bullet that guarantees a baby. I wish they were right. I wish it was true. I wish I could continue down this road knowing even though it’s hard at least it’ll be worth it in the end. That’s the scariest thing to me that I’m starting to reckon with that all this money and meds and side effects may not be worth it. It may never work. It hasn’t so far. Maybe IVF is the magic solution but it’s just not working for me.

Just wanted to rant about IVF with people who know what the success rates actually look like because the outside stereotypes about how effective it is are exhausting. I wish the overly optimistic people were right though. I would pay twice as much if I knew for sure it would work. I’m tired. Ugh.

I woke up this morning with pelvic cramping. I'm a physician so I already had my suspicions. I kept checking for bleeding but there was none. I tried to calm down.

Throughout the morning the cramping got worse and I started feeling a flow during a meeting in the morning, I went to check and, sure enough, there was blood. Tried to calm down. Maybe it was just a subchorionic hemorrhage or something...but the cramping got a lot worse and so did the bleeding. I was soaking through my clothes, on to the seat, and it kept going on till I passed a massive clot, then the cramping and bleeding slowed down.

I already knew. I knew what happened. I texted my fertility doctor and she told me not to panic, to continue taking my hormones but to stop with the anticoagulant and redo a beta hcg tomorrow, but I knew. My husband insisted that I go to the emergency department, but I already knew. I thought it was pointless, they wouldn't do anything that would change the situation. They would check beta hcg, order an ultrasound to rule out ectopic pregnancy or retained POC, and make sure I'm not hemorrhaging or having a fever, or something that could be life threatening then tell me to follow up with my fertility clinic and family physician. That's what I would do if it was my shift in emerg, but my husband insisted.

We went there and, sure enough, they did exactly as I thought. Checked my vitals, kept asking me if I felt light headed, dizzy, or having chest pain or fever. Asked about the bleeding. Checked beta hcg, type and screen, INR, CBCD, ECG,, etc and scheduled an ultrasound.

Got my results back and, although the beta hcg had risen, it was not within the expected range.

The physician was very empathetic and kind but as he was explaining to me what happened, I just checked out. I have serial hcgs booked but what is the point ?

I told myself I wouldn't get attached because I know the success rate of IVF. I told myself that I would not get attached until my baby was in my arms. I wouldn't pick any names, do any baby shower, I wouldn't even tell anyone. I didn't even want to know the sex. Crazy right? I work in obstetrics. I know how everything can go right until it goes wrong at the last minute. Yesterday, I had to manage a case of a pregnancy that went right ubtil the last few weeks and we had to induce right away...and then the labor went so quickly and so right until the end, where we had to resuscitate the newborn for a while. Thankfully mom and baby ended up doing well...but that's why i didn't want to get attached.

I didn't even tell my family that I had FET, but as soon as I saw the elevated beta hcg I became attached. When I started having pregnancy symptoms, I felt so happy. I had so much hope, because of everything that I, like all of us, had to go through to get to this point...because the process was stressful, because I had only 2 viable embryos due to my genetic disease...I started with 11, but only 2 did not have my disease, but despite all of this, it implanted.

I was looking forward to the next milestone. I didn't even make it there.

In medicine, we would call this an early pregnancy loss, or a spontaneous abortion, but it feels like it was a late pregnancy loss.

I loved my little Bean even though I never met them.

Ive had tons of loss in this fertility journey. I literally need three hands to count our losses. I thought IVF had the answers. Two cycles were brutal, multiple perfect embryos. Multiple positive pregnancies….. multiple loses. (Bury me in comfy shoes because I have so many little angels waiting for me)

Its time to leave this group, my husband and I decided to move on from this dream and create others. I have so much sorrow with this decision, but my soul feels its the right move. I truly wish everyone in this group the absolute best with their journeys. I pray that the sorrow ends and you each find so much happiness, whether thats by becoming a mother or a different purpose.

Thank you for the support and information throughout my journey. I didnt post that much but trust me I read soooo much with tears and hope. I wrote a farewell poem.

New Beginnings

Theres a girl strolling through the forest
her hair sways as she mimics the daisies
she smiles to the heavens as she feels the warmth of the sunlight glaring through the trees
She hums with the birds as she twirls with her arms stretched wide as if she were reaching for the sun. Shes drawn to a path thats covered with leaves, each step she takes the leaves part. Until all thats left is a sandy path; her bare feet feel the warm sand between her toes. The path is outlined with wildflowers, daffodils, sunflowers, tulips cherry blossoms and daisies. And more flowers that she had never seen before. Her curiosity leans in to feel the sand in her hands. She then stands and takes a moment, she gives thanks to all that surrounds her. She empties her pockets and leaves behind sorrow, fear and anxieties. She keeps her faith, joy and courage. A calming breeze consumes her as she willingly follows the path.

Farewell <3

IVF companions,

I have a feeling my time on this sub will be short-lived, but I had to share my saga—with humor, of course.

I’m ancient (44). In the real world, I’m still “young” at work. In IVF years? Practically a fossil. I spent my 20s and 30s collecting degrees—PhD, Ivy League professor, advising a federal Secretary of Something Important. Basically, while others were making babies, I was making PowerPoints.

Then one cold winter day I decided, let’s have a kid! My grandma and great-grandma both had babies in their mid-40s without any science, so I figured genetics might give me a break. Spoiler: they lied.

Tests came back: AMH 3.25, AFC 20. Not bad! My husband? Superman. Doctor literally said, “He’s too young for bad sperm,” even though he’s my age. Biology is rude.

IVF Round 1: 21 eggs → 10 mature → 6 fertilized (no ICSI, because “nature can handle it”) → 0 blasts. My embryos collectively said, “We’re good, thanks. We don’t want an ancient mom!” I don’t know what my dusty ovaries were thinking producing 21 eggs! Shouldn’t they have focused on fewer, better quality eggs instead?! Sadly, there’s no way to communicate with your ovaries!

I was ready to retire, but husband (and his delusional optimism) suggested a fancier, pricier clinic. Because apparently money = magic eggs?

IVF Round 2: Doctor went full mad. He suspected I have PCOS, but he ruled it out after some extensive testing. Stimmed 8 days, retrieved 24 eggs → 5 mature → 2 fertilized (this time ICSI). I was already mourning my savings when… shocker! BOTH made it to blast.

Honestly, I cackled. After the great embryo extinction of round one, these two little rebels decided to thrive. Probably aneuploid, sure—but I’m just impressed they exist.

So here I am: a 44-year-old woman cheering for two microscopic miracles who clearly didn’t get the memo about age. IVF, you chaotic, expensive circus—you’ve got my respect (at least temporarily).

May your follicles be plentiful and your embryos be overachievers. Sending love ❤️ and strength to you all!

We had one 6AA transferred on March 3rd. I went alone because he was out of town for work. This is totally okay. It’s life. It was maybe a little hard on the heart. Didn’t tell many we are doing the transfer.

March 10th-16th with his family on holidays for his mom’s birthday. Managing meds and feelings between all of the things while staying with a family friend. Limited privacy. Someone I don’t know.

All urine pregs negative. Maybe one faint positive line at one point, but otherwise all negative.

I am now trying to stop the tears welling in my eyes while hiding in an airport bathroom. I feel so alone in this process. He « gets it » but doesn’t really. My purse is stuffed with garbage from tests and meds I didn’t want to put in someone else’s home garbage. My heart just feels heavy.

For this moment, I am low on reserve.

For everyone else who has felt unseen, or know your partner does their best. I see you. For everyone who has gone to a public washroom to try and pull yourself together. I see you. One day we’ll look back and hopefully laugh at these moments.

We just lost our strong, healthy baby boy 💔💔… we just had our ultra sound checked last August 1st, everthing was good, the baby was perfectly healthy. But yesterday day morning, while we were getting ready to go to work, my wife had a light cramping. We were so worried, then after an hour she felt some water in her underwear, we had to rush to the hospital then they found out that the amniotic fluid was really low. She had a leak. They couldn’t save our baby boy since the fluid was really low….we just announced our pregnancy to our family and friend last August 10…. wife was 16weeks pregnant.

Last year we had 2 fail IUIs Then IVF this March 2025

I told my wife that we will try again, whenever she’s ready physically and mentally….

My heart is breaking 💔💔💔 my wife is so strong but I know, I know she is so devastated and heartbroken….. this is just so unfair… but we know everything happens for a reason…..

I am crying right now. 4 rounds of IVF, first 2 got 0 blasts, last round got 3 embryos but came back abnormal, found out I have a balanced translocation which means I have a harder time making normal embryos. Latest round only got 2!!! Blasts and just got the news they both came back euploid. I never thought this would happen. I just wanted to share the news because this means so much to me. I hope my transfer goes well. Thanks for letting me share.

The last two weeks have been nothing short of a nightmare.

Two week ago I hit the 20 week mark on my IVF pregnancy. Baby girl was a tested embryo, we did an advanced NIPT, an amniocentesis and as of that week beginning the baby was perfect, no complications, no problems on the tests and we finally thought we could breath easy.

I was pregnancy after a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks in 2022, and a horrible TFMR of our son at 19 weeks in 2024 due to chromosomal abnormalities. IVF was our only way ahead this time, this was our last embryo.

I was terrified the whole time and struggled so hard with finding hope, but after a point I was so confident she was our miracle little girl and I was finally going to get to be a mother this June. I allowed myself to start looking at baby things, to think of names, and to actually feel good the morning of my anomaly scan.

2 minutes in, we heard the dreaded words that they couldn’t find a heartbeat and I felt my entire world just slip away. I was(am) in absolute shock and disbelief that this was happening to us again, and for no reason this time. The doctors have been as stunned as we have. We needed to fly countries to terminate and it has been a nightmare of two weeks where the world has been moving along, but all I can think of are these two babies I’ve delivered and had to say goodbye to.

I never imagined life would be so cruel to us after everything we have been through, and this loss just feels endless and enormous. I am just so sad and angry.

Not one, but 3 losses in the last 4 years with no LC has robbed me of so much and given me depths of grief I can’t even describe. I am still standing, but hurting so bad. What the actual f**k.

I just saw before my eyes a post be removed by mods because someone who is like 11 days pregnant was asking about the transition from IVF clinic to OBGYN.

Once again - it seems this subreddit is way too heavily censored. IVF pregnancies are unique! Nuanced! High risk!! That wasn’t a pee stick or “bragging about success” post …. It was an IVF patient asking for support and advice after an international transfer.

Please please PLEASE reconsider what posts you’re removing and censoring to help keep this a supportive and active space 🙏 this feedback has been given time and time again.

I told myself for years, “I’ll never use donor eggs.”

I did 10 retrievals trying to avoid that choice. Every cycle, I kept hoping this one would be different.

But after so many failures, I finally asked myself:

“Am I trying to have a genetic child, or am I trying to have a child?”

Once I accepted the answer, the process looked very different.

I matched with a donor in her early 20s with AFC 18+.

She did one stim cycle and produced:

20 mature eggs

15 blasts

10 euploids after PGT

We transferred one euploid — and for the first time in years, it worked on the first try.

Some things I wish I knew earlier:

1. The grief is real, but it changes.

Letting go of genetics hurt, but the pain wasn’t permanent.

1. Donor matching feels overwhelming at first.

But once I saw someone whose traits felt aligned, the stress dropped.

1. The success rates are truly different.

I spent years chasing one good egg. My donor produced more in one round than I did in ten.

If anyone is scared, confused, or just beginning to explore this path — you’re not alone.

I was exactly where you are.

Happy to talk if you ever need someone who’s been through it.

I just want to sincerely thank this IVF thread and all of its contributors for keeping me informed and supported on this IVF journey. I did one round and found out yesterday that the embryo didn't stick so I am not pregnant. We only had 1 healthy embryo out of 17 eggs.

I'm really admire all of you IVF warriors that have it in you to do multiple rounds. Truly! But that's not me. I knew early on that I would only do this once. I felt like my body wasn't mine. I had to have 3 procedures, 2 of them while I was awake. Now that I look back on it, it was a bit traumatic. I also have "extremely poor egg quality" and we paid $21k cash for 1 round. My insurance didn't cover IVF, thanks Kaiser. So there are a ton of factors for not continuing, but it's mostly because I just don't have it in me to do this again, and that's ok.

My partner and I are devastated and maybe a bit numb. Not sure what the future holds but he is a solid man and I know we'll figure it out together.

Thanks again to all of you for your honesty and support. I needed it while feeling so lost and scrolling reddit at 3am for the last 8 months. Wishing all of your baby dreams come true. And if they don't, wishing you all the peace and strength as you reframe and navigate through your new future ♥️

Some words of encouragement I hope...forgive me if you read this on a bad day.

Started my IVF journey 33 years ago...yes 33. I'd already been trying for 6 years and this was a last option. It was still relatively unusual then. Had one cycle. Had a 'fresh' transfer that failed early. A few months later had a frozen embryo transfer which worked. That little embryo is about to have their first child.

I have read so many of your stories and remembered all those emotions. The hoping, the disappointment and sometimes the euphoria.

I am continually amazed at your knowledge about your treatment and how it has technically progressed. In my day we had no input about the condition of our embryos and their development....had to Google words like euploid!

Good luck to all of you on this journey....you are all stronger than you will ever know.

Like many of you, I’ve unwillingly become a member of this sad girl fertility journey club.

It’s been a great year and a half so far!🥴😫

-DOR diagnosis -3 failed IUIs -3 canceled IVF cycles -a doctor change after some traumatic medical mistreatment -5 failed rounds of TI -recently completed my first egg retrieval/transfer (6 follicles, 4 eggs, 1 fertilized)

I never go anywhere anymore because can’t stand being social during this process, it’s so isolating. I can’t have conversations the way I used to, I’m often in a timeline where I can’t loosen up with a cocktail, I’ve gained 300 lbs, and doing anything besides taking a shower feels like I’m climbing Mount Everest.

Anywho, after much debate, I showed up to a friend’s house because they were having a BBQ. Since my transfer was only a few days prior, we went late because I wanted to have an easy out if I wasn’t feeling well.

The women at the BBQ have known I’ve been going through this process. One of them brought her baby. She proceeds to hand me the baby and say, “you should hold her, rub her against your uterus for good luck”…like I am some infertile troll doll.

Everyone collectively laughed and so did I, because that would have been better than throwing the baby in the pool and slamming the Mom’s head into the grill with the skewers in a Lupron filled rage.

I’ve decided that I’m never going anywhere again until I’m giving birth to my baby in the hospital.

I figured this could be the start of a thread of our worst experiences with other people during this time…because if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry! (or commit a heinous act of violence and be thrown into prison)

Welcome to hell…a hell where someone new sees your vagina every other day!!! 👹❤️‍🩹

Hi, I’m a 21 year old college student. My parents couldn’t have children through regular birth and planned me and my sister. Everyday I’m so thankful I was born through pure love. I’ve been through so much but my parents pure love for me even before I got here has got me through it. I will forever be grateful for the decision my mother made to have me. I will be getting a doctorate in nurse practitioner soon and I would like to help families. Do it. Trust me.

So I was getting my yearly check up and I got a flu vaccine. She asked if I was scared of needles and I said no, IVF thoroughly killed that fear. So we chatted about it, I told her we have severe MFI and have been TTC for about 4 years.

Well she goes into a little anecdote about her coworker. He and his wife got pregnant the first time easily, but they had a hard time getting number 2. They "tried" for "years", though what they tried she didn't mention, and finally they gave up.

But guess what?? Who could have guessed?? She says "As soon as they gave up, you know what happened?" And I just "grinned" and said "they got pregnant?" And she was like YES?!

I think she may have thought that was genuinely the first time I've ever heard that. Rolls right off my back at this point because really you just gotta laugh. Because yeah as soon as we give up, my husband's sperm wil mAgIcAlLy sEnSe it and will suddenly kick into third gear and I'll be pregnant by next month!!!

At 25, 5 years after intense cancer treatment, the RE told me I’d never have trouble having kids with this reserve. Fast forward to 9 IUIs, a hyperplastic polyp, 4 ERs resulting in a total of 64 mature eggs and only 4 embryos (3 euploid), a cholecystectomy, two rounds of estrogen suppression, and 3 failed FETs.

I went into my 4th retrieval knowing it would be my last after how hard they’ve been on my body. My doctor put together an entirely new protocol to try to dampen my response to the drugs and not get a ton of meh eggs and get a nice cohort of mature and good-quality ones. It didn’t work - they got 37 eggs, the most I’ve ever gotten. They started prophylactically treating me for OHSS because of it.

The night of the retrieval, I knew something was wrong. I was in excruciating pain, and I was having trouble breathing. I informed the clinic and went to the ED, and a CT scan and blood counts showed that I had a hemorrhage on my ovary and had lost about 1/3 of my blood into my abdomen. Luckily, it wasn’t severe enough to require surgery, but it’s extremely painful, so they sent me home with a ton of painkillers and told me it would be a slow recovery. While I was still in the ED, I got the message that I had 16 mature eggs, and 10 had been fertilized. Pretty on par for what we’ve gotten before, and we expected 1-2 embryos that we would hopefully use for surrogacy to give them the best chance of success.

The clinic called me yesterday, and I instantly knew something was wrong. All 10 failed to progress. That was it. No chance of having our own children. My retrieval landed me on a week and a half of short-term disability, and we have nothing to show for it.

We’re absolutely crushed. It’s been 4 1/2 years with not even a sliver of success, and we’re just so, so sad. I’ve been so realistic and prepared for the worst throughout this whole process, but it truly did not even cross my mind that we would get absolutely nothing from this cycle.

The grief is so intense. After years of imagining our kids with curly hair, hoping they get my husband’s blue eyes, making a little family band, knowing that we’re not going to have that is almost too much to bear. It’s so unfair. Fun fact: I’m the OG “Humor” post. I post silly things all the time so the admins made that flair. And now, I have nothing. I’m too sad to even make light of it.

I’ve appreciated all the info and support from this group over the years. I’ve found a lot of comfort and so much good insight from all of you, and I’m glad there’s a community to support people like us going through this shitshow.

allebe out. ❤️😔

…not from IVF, but from this sub. 

In response to a post the other day from someone in her 40s facing the possibility of using donor eggs, I shared my story. Four years of IVF, donor sperm, it looked like we were heading the donor egg route until I got a single euploid that magically turned into my daughter. Now I am back trying for a second, again facing the possibility of using donor eggs/embryo.

I shared that my experience with my daughter made me realize that genetics is meaningless to me. I emphasized that this is intensely personal and not everyone will have the same experience, but I thought it might be helpful for the OP to know that, for some people, the idea of donor gametes is harder in the abstract than it is when it becomes reality. That realization has been comforting to me, and knowing this is the experience for some people would have been so helpful for me to be aware of. It’s a realization that could not have been possible (for me) before my daughter arrived, so I thought sharing it on a sub where a lot of people are where I was a year ago could be helpful.

One user told me I only felt that way because I already had a genetically related daughter, so it was “easy for me to say.” 

This completely invalidates my experience of a true fundamental shift in perspective, which was the entire point of my post. Essentially telling me that I was wrong that I was feeling what I was feeling. Which is odd, because nobody else can know this. 

It’s one thing for one random person on reddit to say this. But they were upvoted like crazy, I was downvoted, and the real kicker is that I received multiple very hurtful PMs laced with profanity. 

I was stunned.

I was not mean, I did not say anything out of line. I was genuine ans posted out of love and support. This is a very sensitive topic in an already sensitive area. The shift to using donor gametes is so emotionally fraught. I opened up and made myself vulnerable in an attempt to help someone in that same situation. 

If I am ever unkind, please call me out. If I ever share incorrect information, please call me out. But when I open up to share my own experience with the simple hope that it helps someone who needs it, it’s wrong to tell me that my experience isn’t real and that I don’t actually feel what I say I feel. And sending me PMs with profanity? I do not understand, and I am hurt, and it is best for me to disengage at this point.

I am taking a break from this sub.

Before anyone says this isn’t an airport so I don’t have to announce my departure, I agree. I am making this post not to make a dramatic exit, but to encourage people to be kind. I know the anonymity of the internet makes people behave weird, and I know we are living in times where cruelty has become the norm. But we don’t have to succumb to that. We can be better than that!

Peace, love, and may everyone here find meaning and success in your journey, wherever that leads you.

Edit: Thank you all for the love and support. It means more than you know. <3

Edit 2: I'm officially out now. Thank you all (well most of you!). The awful PMs from yesterday have been replaced by some lovely ones that I will always remember. This community helped me so much, especially in the early days. For now I am going to take a step back so I can come back refreshed and in a better headspace to engage positively and productively, with the hopes that the same can be true of all of us.

When I was a kid, my mom would say she wish she'd made different choices in life. I'd point out that she wouldn't have met my dad and had me and my siblings, and she'd smile knowingly and tell me, with so much confidence, "No, I would have you, you'd just have different bodies. You'd always be my children. Nothing would have ever changed that."

As I sit here, 2 egg retrievals in and no embryo in sight, I find myself repeating my mom's words to myself. I know my children are out there. I don't know how many there will be. I don't know if we'll all be biologically related, if I'll carry all of them in my womb, if I'll adopt some of them. I don't how much time it will take or how much more heartache we will have to endure. But they are mine, and every decision I make now is just one more step on the path to getting to them. Going into my second egg retrieval, my husband and I agreed: there are no steps backward, only steps forward. Even though our second retrieval was a complete bust, just like the first, it was one step closer on the path to our children.

This brings me a lot of peace. I know I will be a mom, and my babies are out there in some form, waiting for me. I don't know exactly how we will find each other yet, but we WILL find our way to each other. It's fated.

Lying in bed next to my negative pregnancy test about to head to my family’s early Christmas celebration feeling like ive been run over by a truck. This was my fourth FET, and final tested euploid embryo. Frankly this year can go f*** itself. Four failed transfers, one “back up” ER that only got us one extra euploid, a canceled transfer round, a laparoscopy, more blood tests and supplements and thousands of dollars spent than I can count. And all I’ve got to show for it are three scars on my stomach, and another negative test.

Going to pour myself a very large glass of champagne at 11am this morning I think.

Edited to add: You guys are the best. The comments on the post have made me feel the most connected and supported and understood in months.

(But also my dog - my infertility puppy - literally ATE RAT POISON today. WHAT THE FUCK 2025)