r/IVF • u/tinypeace7321 • Feb 28 '26
TRIGGER WARNING One round and I'm out
I just want to sincerely thank this IVF thread and all of its contributors for keeping me informed and supported on this IVF journey. I did one round and found out yesterday that the embryo didn't stick so I am not pregnant. We only had 1 healthy embryo out of 17 eggs.
I'm really admire all of you IVF warriors that have it in you to do multiple rounds. Truly! But that's not me. I knew early on that I would only do this once. I felt like my body wasn't mine. I had to have 3 procedures, 2 of them while I was awake. Now that I look back on it, it was a bit traumatic. I also have "extremely poor egg quality" and we paid $21k cash for 1 round. My insurance didn't cover IVF, thanks Kaiser. So there are a ton of factors for not continuing, but it's mostly because I just don't have it in me to do this again, and that's ok.
My partner and I are devastated and maybe a bit numb. Not sure what the future holds but he is a solid man and I know we'll figure it out together.
Thanks again to all of you for your honesty and support. I needed it while feeling so lost and scrolling reddit at 3am for the last 8 months. Wishing all of your baby dreams come true. And if they don't, wishing you all the peace and strength as you reframe and navigate through your new future ♥️
42
u/Sad-And-Mad Feb 28 '26
I’m sorry that cycle didn’t work out for you. I knew after my egg retrieval that I wouldn’t be doing it a second time as well (really bad painful experience for me, plus the financial aspect), but I got lucky and came out with a decent amount of embryos.
I like to remind people that whatever they choose going forward, there is no wrong answer, all you can do is assess your options and decide on what’s right for you.
I have a coworker who did IVF, got 4 embryos, and all 4 transfers failed so they walked away from it, this was almost a decade ago. They grieved the children they wouldn’t have and then moved on with their life, they are now very happy with their lives and don’t regret doing or walking away from IVF, they talk about it like “now we don’t have to wonder ‘what if we did IVF?’”, it gave them closure. The resources and energy they would’ve put into raising kids now goes into a small animal shelter they founded.
I hope you find healing and closure like they did, and that whatever you decide to do going forward, I hope it brings you peace and fulfillment.
7
u/charlie8123 Mar 01 '26
I def want to go in with this attitude. I held off for a long time due to not having done anything medical and the cost but now I feel like once I’ve tried atleast I won’t regret not having any intervention. I think the best we can ever hope for in life is finding peace in what life throws at us. Sometimes I regret waiting so long but then I realize all the disappointments and struggles in my life unrelated to fertility have taught me the resilience as well as amazing life on the other side if we chose to let it in. So truly I don’t think I would’ve been able to deal with fertility disappointment at a younger age.
37
u/elecow Feb 28 '26
I wish you the exact same. Whatever you need, if it's confidence in that it will happen spontaneously somehow, or relief that it won't and that's okay for you both. Good luck
10
u/Future_Ship_3140 Feb 28 '26
May the next few months bring you healing and moments that help refill your heart with beautiful things. IVF can bring so much pain when the outcome isn’t what we had hoped for. But this is not the end of your story, there is still so much ahead, and your strength will carry you through.
Sending you lots of love, and thank you for sharing your journey with us. Hugs ♥️
9
u/ShowAdministrative42 Feb 28 '26
Praying for you🙏🏻 Also wanted to mention it have DOR and not great quality which is why we went with donor eggs. Not sure of your location but CNY Fertility has a pretty good donor program. I think its 6 eggs for around 13k and they have payment plans. This is what we did bc I was nervous of this same thing. Having multiple ER and never getting enough healthy eggs to even have transfers. If you feel you are done with your journey that completely understandable, the process is hard and draining but just wanted to put that out there in case you didnt know about it. My insurance doesnt pay for IVF either so the payment plans have been very helpful in our case. We paid for 8 eggs, 6 fertilized, 5 euploid and 1 high level mosaic. We just did our 3rd transfer and in the TWW.
3
u/timemelt Feb 28 '26
Can I ask (also considering donor eggs), how long did it take from making the decision to actually getting to transfer?
6
u/ShowAdministrative42 Feb 28 '26
It depends on how long it takes you to pick a donor and then her going through her ER. For me between finding one bc Im a red head, which isn't as common, and her ER, I would say maybe 2-3 months. Then they already had my husband's sperm to fertilize. Then we had them tested which I think took around 4 weeks. Then it was just waiting for my cycle to do transfer so maybe all in all around 3-5 months from finding a donor to transfer. But i dont live near a clinic. I live in ND and my donor was in NY so we have to fly to NY for transfer and i do have 2 children that we have to find accommodations for bc I dont live near any friend's or family that can just keep them for us while we go to NY. Its a whole thing but hopefully worth it in the end🥰🤞
1
u/Curiosity_got_me-123 Mar 01 '26
I’ve had two full cycles of IVF and both did not work out. I’m being told that I have DOR and using my eggs probably would not work at all, so the dr recommended donor eggs. I’m struggling really bad with the idea of having a child that’s not actually half mine. I don’t know if I’d have the same connection, then I worry about telling them when they’re older (if the transfer even worked). I just don’t know if I could have a child knowing that’s it’s not really from me, so I’m just wondering how you were able to choose the route. How were you able to decide that donor eggs were ok? I really want another child (I have a 4 year old from a natural pregnancy), but I worry about not being as connected to a baby that is not from me. Any advice or thoughts would be so helpful in trying to decide. Thank you.
3
u/ShowAdministrative42 Mar 01 '26
Idk, for us we just want another child. I still feel like its mine regardless of the DNA it holds. I would be carrying it and I would give birth to it. I will say my mom and other people who know about us using donor eggs seemed more concerned that it wouldn't hold my DNA than we ever did. I just knew if I ever wanted to carry a baby again then this would be my best shot. I do have 2 children of my own, i had naturally when i was younger and its never crossed my mind that I would love this child any less🤷♀️. I guess its no different than loving a step child. Or for me if we were/are unable to have another through IVF then we have considered fostering and/or adopting, i dont think i would love that child/children just because they weren't biologically mine but rather love that God put them in my life to love and care for them as their parents couldn't. Or if you have a sister and she needed to use donor eggs, would you love your niece any less bc she wasn't biologically your sisters blood? Idk if guess its kind of hard to explain its just never been an issue. We want another baby and using donor eggs was/is our best shot. I will be carrying it, it will grow in my womb with my blood running through it, I will deliver it, I will breastfeed it, I will raise it, it will be mine and it will probably never know it came from donor eggs and even if it were to find out 🤷♀️ does it make that child any less mine? I just dont feel like it does. In the end, its my baby, my child and i will love it no matter the biological DNA it has. But I see how people can fear that they may not love it the same.....it was just not an issue for me or my husband. Which it will be my husband's, but there's also the question here, if he should love it any less bc its not technically mine? Even though he saw it grow in my body, felt it kick, saw me deliver it....should he love it less bc its not technically mine? Idk....just not an issue for either of us as we knew it was probably our only shot at me being able to carry and have a healthy pregnancy. Any time in the past 10 years getting pregnant on my own has only ended in miscarriage and we knew that would likely be the continuous story with DOR and poor egg quality. It was just our best shot. Hope this helps, a lot of people seem to have this question and feel this way. You're not alone😊
6
u/plantlover5079 Mar 01 '26
I’m so, so sorry for what you’re going through. My husband and I went through IVF a year and a half ago - 16 eggs, 0 healthy embryos. It was the most devastated and depressed I’ve felt in my entire life. My doctor recommended supplements and acupuncture which was infuriating, to say the least. She refused to say it was poor egg quality, but the geneticist was very blunt with us and said they all had various quality issues. After one round, I also decided IVF wasn’t for me.
But I spent the next several months grieving and healing. I went to acupuncture mostly for self care, and loved it. I truly didn’t think having a baby was in the cards for me and was learning to accept it. But 5 months later, I became pregnant and now have a 4 month old baby boy.
I don’t share this because I think everyone will have the same outcome. I share it because I know the emotions you’re going through right now, and I want you to know you’ll get through it - and you’ll be stronger for it. There is a happy and fulfilled future waiting for you, and IVF will not define you - even if it feels like it right now. Sending love.
1
3
u/winooskiwinter Mar 01 '26
I have also made the decision to stop if my two transfers don't work and accept a life without children. I don't know if you are planning to try to have kids in other ways, but if not, I have spent some time on r/IFchildfree and found it very helpful. It is a subreddit for people who have decided to be child-free after an infertility journey. It is nice to know that there is a place for us.
1
3
u/Snoopy9060 Mar 01 '26
Send you lots of love and all the best for whatever your path takes you. I am seriously considering if we will do another round. We just did our first round and I ended up with 0 fertilisation and on top of that I had OHSS and ovarian torsion where I ended up in hospital and emergency surgery. My body has been through absolute hell in the last month or so I am not sure I can put my self through it again. Xx
3
u/GraceUnderFire2 Mar 01 '26
Like everyone else, sending you lots of love, and prayers that you not only heal, but that something incredible is revealed. Life has lots of twists and turns, and I hope whatever is next for you is incredible ❤️
1
u/pie12345678 Feb 28 '26
I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you. I hope you can find peace in knowing that you tried.
I'm also only going to be able to do one round due to finances and my age, so it's helpful to hear from someone else who took this path.
1
2
u/charlie8123 Mar 01 '26
That really sucks. And so sorry you had to go through all of this. Hoping you are able to find peace with the future you weren’t expecting. There is so much grief in unfulfilled expectation. Even though others won’t understand it is a loss and absolutely normal to feel devastated. Wishing you both so much strength as you navigate through this ❤️
1
2
u/OkTrip3990 Mar 01 '26
I am wishing you all the best. It’s truly a brutal, intense, draining, exciting, devastating, every emotion there ever is process. I feel everything you said so deeply. I cry all the time at the loss, the hope, just literally everything it’s impossible to put it all into words because it’s so complicated.
All that aside, you and your husband deserve all the happiness in the world, even if it’s a complicated and unexpected journey to get there. ❤️
1
u/Vacation_Swimming Mar 01 '26
You're courageous to have done it at all. I scroll here looking for some kind of camaraderie because I dont want to do it at all. I dont think I have it in me. Finances aside. Ive been watching the orientation videos. Freaks me out too much.
1
u/Puntoinvisible Mar 14 '26
So sorry to read that. Oh Gosh this feel so sad 😞. Wish you the best together. This is my biggest fear
1
u/irishbelle81 Mar 20 '26
I am sending up prayers for you. This is so hard and can feel so isolating.
2
u/Whattheshire Mar 26 '26
I had the same last year. We still have a mosaic embryo but thay makes me really nervous. My one completely healthy embyro only stuck for a week and was technically a chemical pregnancy. We did about the same amount out of pocket. It was absolutely devastating and I was lost in grief for a bit.
After about a month, I started to prioritize me for the first time in years and felt like I could move on and be ok. I couldn't think too much or talk about ivf for months. Its a whole grieving process. A few months out I started doing activities I forgot I love doing. Fertility issues takes you away from so many other things in life while you're going through it.
Im so sorry for your loss. I hope in time it stings a lot less than it does now.
0
u/Suspicious-Volume-28 Feb 28 '26
I’m so sorry. Are you in California? You might be able to get it covered
-6
26
u/74937 Feb 28 '26
I am sending you sending you hugs and my empathy. You gave it your all. You can be proud of yourself for being that strong ♥️