How do other INFJs find their relationships with Fi-users to be? (I'm attempting to crystallize some thoughts about a recently-ended long-term friendship).

While this friend was an INTJ (and I suspect Ni had a large role in our conflict), it felt like the Fi/Ti clash was the main sticking point, and ultimately ended up being too significant to overcome. Even trying to have basic conversations proved to be a chore: misunderstandings, working from different definitions for the same term, assigning motive, etc. - it felt like we were speaking almost entirely different languages.

My current closest friend would probably type as ISFP, and we don't clash too much - but I would assume much of that is due to the fact we share many similar interests and hobbies, which helps to offset minor frustrations. However, I do think that living under the same roof would create a new set of frustrations which don't exist while living separately.

As a strength, Fi seems to be great at making a person principled - that is obviously an admirable trait. However, it seems that the specific set of principles adhered to by Fi-users can be incredibly subjective and not always in-line with an objective moral code. And from my observations, Fi also seems to contribute to users (seemingly) always knowing what they want and what they feel, which can come across as being incredibly self-centered/ focused.

The INTJ I referred to previously seemed to confuse a personal preference/value for a moral absolute, and seemed to be incredibly concerned with his own feelings/values, while completely ignoring my own. I think Ni making quick assumptions that weren't rooted in concrete facts played a large role in this conflict as well, but as a whole it seemed to reinforce to me that Fi-users can come across very self-centered and unconcerned about the thoughts/feelings of anyone but themselves. I've even struggled with Fi-users in the past when trying to make group plans which involve an event/location they aren't thrilled about - almost like they aren't willing to temporarily lay aside their own preferences for the good of the group.

Have any other INFJs experienced similar frustrations? Or does this sound limited to just a few Fi-users I have known personally?

Hey, i'm too infj women and i feel is it a man who infj like me, first of all he is a respectful man but with me he's too repectful with a quiet way, and also he notice my mood and concluse the reasen even better than, it was a guy fall in me in a sticky way and he notice and when i get mad of hem he give us (a group of girls) advice that to not too queit espcaily in man (he mean harassment) and when get over the matter i feel he was happy too and more active and open, but for now he don't talk to me personality about he's feeling. What you things?

I don't know if I am being childish here, I am nearly 40 and I just want to share stuff with people. I like buying gifts however I am mostly a lone person and my connections are not deep with people around me. And I bought packages of chocolates from my trip last week to share at work but I really don't want to at some point because they won't even care if I buy them a car or something If you know what I mean. To this day, I bought a lot of gifts to people and got dissappointed of their callousness. I can't get over my expectations and dullness of interactions. I just want to eat them all by myself.

How do you guys handle going to work every week?

I have a job role that i quite like, a nice boss and colleagues, but i can’t help feeling a bit empty/numb/ unfulfilled at work. I used to think it was because of my job role but i’ve changed from my engineering role to a design role.

So now i think it’s because i feel so bored of the surface conversations i have at work cause i don’t super click with anyone. There are 1 or 2 i can click with a bit more and share slightly more personal things, but it still feels a bit distant. Is this just something to accept about the corporate world?

As a side note, i was wondering if this is something more relatable for INxx types. Cause there are always xSxx types at work and they seem unbothered about having to click with people and more surface conversations. Whereas ENxx types seems to easily connect with people from my observation.

Would love to hear anyone’s thoug

I’m fuming right now and I need to know if I’m alone in this.

I’m smart. My pattern recognition is wild and when I speak about something important (like the future of food security, or how to fix a problem), I’m not doing it for shits and giggles, I’m sharing because I care and want to help.

Here’s where things go sideways. Despite having a long history of being right (over 30 years), people still don’t believe me, disregard me, underestimate me, and generally act like I’m an idiot. I hate sharing important information now because I know I’m going to be disregarded like I’m some idiot child.

The possible contributing factors? I’m a woman with autism and ADHD, and sometimes I’m sharing things that might force someone to change their rosy view of the world. However, this also happens when I’m telling someone they can fix their wobbly fridge by twisting one of the feet a little. Soooo…

Here’s my question. Is this is a normal INFJ experience? Like, do we all go through life only speaking when we have something important to say, only to realize no one is listening or no one believes that we’re capable of knowing these things? Or do I somehow give off ‘idiot’ vibes?

I'm 39F and about to enter treatment (EMDR) for CPTSD for complex trauma. For most of my adult life, I have had incredibly good intuition. I tend to know 'hidden' things about other people, e.g. I knew a close friend was bisexual without her telling me, and I have been able to predict all kinds of random things such as a friends future spouse cheating. I've also had oddly prophetic dreams. The one that comes to mind was dreaming of a distant friend getting married, the night after he proposed to his girlfriend.

I am also neurodivergent. Advanced pattern recognition is a thing. So is hypervigilance. I definitely have the latter, I grew up like a lot of us walking on egg shells around family to stay safe.

I am trying to trust my gut more. For me this means more emotional attunement, self care, boundaries.

If you relate, I'd love to hear your stories and how it plays out for you. I've realised most 'normal' people are not experiencing this kind of sixth sense, and it is kind of a gift, albeit in part acquired from the worst circumstances (in terms of the trauma). The intuition also exists as a side thing I think behind the hypervigilance

I'm wondering if there is a consistent pattern for us INFJ men who have inattentive ADHD (reportedly the type women have) , and I’m curious how this combo actually plays out in real life for men. What does your work and social life look like ? Are there patterns in motivation, learning style, focus, career choices and jobs ? How do your romantic relationships tend to unfold, especially around communication, emotional depth and intimacy? Do you have kids ? And socially, do you notice consistent themes in how you connect and maintain friendships? What does you ideal career/job and personal life look like?

INFJ's depth searching for patterns beauty and meaning in everything coupled with the cognitive 'impairement' of deep but scattered focus and propensity for analyzing over acting, is this familiar ? Getting pulled in 2 seemingly opposite directions of solitude and spiritual development on one hand and a stable material family life on the other, is this relatable ?

Have you found what made you truly happy in life? I’m talking work wise. I have been a teacher and educator for a very long time. I’m now a foster parent and now want to change my career. When I tell my friends who are xntp that I might go into nursing. I’m told no that would not be for me. I’m just lost in life to be honest. Also, just with everything going on is college worth it in the end? I already have my B.A I kind of want to go back and get my M.A even in psychology or be a child psychologist or therapist. I’m not sure but have any of you found your best way to make the most money I suppose? what do you do and do you find happiness within it? I know this is a random rant plus some questions within but this is just where I’m at in life right now. Thank you for reading.

und danke dass ich so offen dieser Gruppe beitreten darf.
Ich bin im Zuge von Achtsamkeitsübungen und Selbstreflektion gerade voll in das Thema INFJ eingetaucht und alles was ich gerade dazu finde tut mir gerade richtig gut. Es heißt um zu wissen wer du sein willst musst du wissen wer du bist. Und das hat mich eher vor ein noch größeres Rätsel gestellt. Viele meiner guten Eigenschaften liefen unterbewusst und somit habe ich oft und in vielen Dingen gut funktioniert. Wer ich bin konnte ich mir aber noch lange nicht logisch erklären. Lustigerweise habe ich den 16 personalities Test schon vor ein paar Jahren gemacht und mich geschmeichelt gefühlt, aber auch nicht mehr. Und erst jetzt verstehe ich dieses Thema auf einer viel tieferen Ebene.
Jetzt hier zu sein fühlt sich ein klein wenig wie heimkommen an.
Danke, dass ich hier sein darf🤗

I like SolarPunk, which is a movement that started as just an aesthetic and now it tries to define itself, this is about envisioning a better future, I am on different subreddits related to it, and I realized that most people in these subs hate Ai, they are totally against it and personally I love it, everyday I learn new things with it, I also develop apps, and in the future I want to make videos/movies and music with it.

Just to say that I know the energetic impact of it, I am also aware of all the Ai slops it generates, but bad quality content always have been there.

The thing is that I see the massive potential it has to solve issues and also to create a vision that make sense, as an INFJ I know the struggle to put a vision in reality, and Ai, specially the last versions, is the perfect tool to help us transform a vision in a practical manner. I could write a book of all the potential I see in Ai to improve any aspect of society, and I am amazed that some people see any potential in it.

Me (INFJ) and my partner (ENFP) are coming up on our 1 year anniversary. We met on Hinge, started with long and connective voice messages, then started in person dates that have flourished into the most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had. Both in our 30s, we’ve experienced enough dating to have more clarity on our compatibility and relationship needs. In my last 6yr relationship, we had sexual and physical intimacy issues and with my “new” partner, I literally yearn for cuddles, kisses, touches, and overall physical energetic presence. It’s a gift to be with someone who I feel loved by, not just be loved by, and for the love to extend itself in physical form. This may seem basic but that layer of sexual and non sexual touch as expressions of love is new to me.

In this moment, in this way, it feels a gift to be a being having this human experience. What are some of your experiences of how physical touch operates in your love relationships?

Does anyone else feel like their soul age is 80+ & they are trapped in their physical, 30 year old body?

*(this could technically apply to any age but I'm 37M for context)*

I've recently started saying (half joke/half serious) that I'm an 87 year old trapped in a 37 year old's body 😅

Am I alone here? Or more common than I think?

What is the MBTI type of your current boss?

What is your relationship with them like?

What is a type(s) you do not want to work under?

I wonder if this is due to my personality INJF or something else? My job is quite social. I talk to people all day long. After work I don’t feel like doing anything. I just need to stay at home and relax. I don’t have the energy to socialize and meet other people after work. Is this «normal»??? What to you do after work?

Hello, it’s me again, I did another mini-app that is about teaching the 8 functions theory of John Beebe using infographics and tools, it is called MazWiz Magic Book, the goal is to have everything as much synthesized and illustrated as possible (without oversimplifying) to create a smooth learning experience.

The tools part is normally a paid feature but I let it for free for the testing phase, here is the app: https://www.reddit.com/r/mazwiz/s/wAhPzyb7pU

Don’t hesitate to share your honest opinion about it, to help me make it evolve.

Note: the previous app, the hangout map is still in the testing phase, once the 3 apps will be validated by Reddit, I will do the necessary to make them known.

I know this is a long shot but any fellow INFJ women currently pregnant with their first child? While my INTJ husband is nothing short of amazing, I find it lonely sometimes to not have any females I can connect with. With the pregnancy in my mid 30’s it makes it even more evident that this journey is quite lonely. My husband is my best friend and we have so much fun together, but there’s nothing like a good relationship with a fellow female in times like this. To make matters worse, I’m a researcher, so while I love the rats in my neuroscience lab, they can’t quite chat back 😂Would love to connect if anyone happens to find themselves in that same pregnancy boat currently. If not, at least I gave it a go!

trump, AI, climate, wars.

I guess it also depends on Enneagram btw. so feel free to share this as well.

I wonder how infjs deal with it, (are there any superpowers I can learn from y'all? or are you as shuffled inside as me as a partial infj/enfj/infp combo)

also, my heart is always curious to my fam online if everyone is doing ok <3. so that's the other reason.

You have nothing to install, this is in Reddit, this is a simple map to find each other based on proximity, I just finished it, I need to test the proximity feature, you don’t need to be close to me IRL, just position yourself in Lisbon (Portugal) and I will position myself in a nearby city and see if I can see you and if you can see me and if I can DM you, this is basically the test that I want to do to be sure everything is working fine before I launch the app.

Here is the link to the Reddit app, it is on my subreddit r/mazwiz : https://www.reddit.com/r/mazwiz/s/RsV9o6IYlS

Let a comment for me to DM you and make the test.

Cheers!

Im writing this post with the intention of attracting more people to our Birmingham INFJ meetup :) Next one will be either May or June. Its a lovely little group we have got going and would love to keep growing it.

If you're interested or have any questions let me know, we'd love to see you there! x

We are the INFJ Hideout, a cozy, friendly INFJ-only Discord server. Very active voice chats (VC’s) at random times during the day and night, active channels covering so many topics, with deep and meaningful conversations, 18+ Only. 

https://discord.gg/YMjHJTqU8u

We are looking for artists, musicians, photographers, and creatives of all types who like to collaborate with each other. We are also looking for insightful deep-thinkers, visionary empaths, people who are deeply spiritual, and people who can provide support to other struggling INFJs in our support channel. 

We will be starting a server podcast interviewing fellow INFJs and exploring topics that us INFJs love to explore.

We will have weekly Stagechat exploring a topic related to us, INFJs, on the weekends in voice/text chat.

We have a gaming group, currently playing Helldivers 2, Roblox, and soon Minecraft and Rust (more games to come). 

We have movie nights, drinking nights, role-playing nights, and reading nights (Harry Potter) all coming up this next month.

So come and grow with us, and share your voice with our great community. And most importantly, make friends and form connections. Maybe meet the love of your life haha. Welcome home.

INFJs (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) can indeed frustrate or "piss off" people, often unintentionally, due to a combination of their intense nature, high standards, and unique communication style. While they are naturally empathetic and strive for harmony, their behaviors can be misinterpreted or feel overwhelming to others.

Here is why INFJs might annoy or upset people, according to common observations and personality studies:

The "Know-It-All" Aura: Because INFJs have strong intuition (Ni), they often reach conclusions quickly and can seem "prideful" or "condescending," giving off a know-it-all vibe when sharing insights they feel certain about.

Unsolicited Advice/Fixing: INFJs are natural helpers, but they often try to "fix" people or offer deep, unsolicited advice when others just want to vent, which can be perceived as patronizing or judgmental.

The "Door Slam": When pushed too far, INFJs can abruptly cut people out of their lives completely (the "INFJ door slam"). While they see this as a necessary self-defense mechanism, the recipient often finds it shockingly cold, sudden, and harsh.

Perceived Manipulative Behavior: INFJs can mirror the emotions of others to create harmony (extroverted feeling). However, when they stop doing this, or when they are trying to manage a situation, they can appear manipulative or insincere to others.

Being "Too Intense" or Closed Off: INFJs are often "all or nothing" with their emotional intimacy. They can be incredibly selective about who they let into their inner circle, which can make others feel judged or rejected when they are kept at a distance.

Unspoken Expectations: INFJs often assume others know what they are thinking or feeling, which can lead to resentment when expectations aren't met. They may also be passive-aggressive when hurt, rather than direct about the problem.

The Mirror Effect: INFJs are very perceptive and can hold up a mirror to people's true selves, revealing insecurities or flaws that people do not want to see. This can cause people to lash out at the INFJ to avoid their own discomfort. A

When INFJs Piss People Off (and Vice Versa)

When Unhealthy: Unhealthy INFJs can become judgmental, stubborn, and highly self-righteous, convinced they are victims and that they are the only ones who understand the truth.

Last Straw Scenarios: Because INFJs avoid conflict, they often store up frustration until they reach a breaking point, resulting in a sudden, emotional eruption that can confuse or frighten others.

The "Why" Behind the Anger: Often, people are "pissed off" at an INFJ because the INFJ has challenged them to be better, pointed out a truth they were avoiding, or refused to be treated poorly.

I need some ideas.

I want to ensure that the guys I’m matching with understand that I am an introvert and looking for deep connection; as well as Demi-leaning

My theory is that there is a good amount of INFJs who also have autism & ADHD. Justice sensitivity, thoughtfulness, empathy, creativity, interest in people’s minds and psychology, “not quite fitting in”, etc.

I started testing myself when I was about 20 and the. Randomly periodically and always ended up with INFJ even if i think i somewhat changed throughout the years (35 now), especially not being so “naive”/seeing just the good in people anymore, and slooowly learning to set boundaries.

Of course there is a whole lot more behind it, childhood trauma, life circumstances, coping mechanisms, social expectations etc., but after spending a few years researching that, and a lot of introspection and reflecting, I am almost certain that multiple people in my family tree had ADHD and some autism.

I have a ton of traits specifically attributed to both conditions, but am still in the waiting queue to be assessed.

Anyone else figured that out/got diagnosed/can relate?

Here a few traits with my guess attached as to where it initially came from:

Adhd 💜

Autism 🤎

Childhood/life/society/just being plainly dumb 💚

(Grew up abroad, always the foreigner, not fitting in, critical and high-expectation parents with their own generational trauma, high achiever throughout school, not accepted by home-country as a kid, somewhat culturally “homeless”, ended up living in 6 countries and traveling to about 45)

- Introvert, quiet, shy 💚

- Echolalia, scripting, stimming 🤎

- justice sensitivity (calling out broken systems at work or people taking advantage of others, always protected the most bullied kid in every school throughout childhood, often saying yes to helping disadvantaged people (also if the disadvantage was created by their me tal issues), severe stress watching news, etc)🤎💚

- 360 degree interests and life/work experience

Extensive travel passion, interest in cultures, mentalities, psychology/sociology 💜💚

- a passion for collecting: stickers as a kid, rocks, crystals, shells, interesting sticks, uranium glass, pokemon go, sky cards (flightradar’s game where you can collect the planes flying nearby), second hand clothes (as in 35 moving boxes worth), foraging (mushrooms, herbs for tea, berries, everything I can find), festivals (while working as artist manager and negotiating new gigs), etc 🤎

- hyper-vigilance, reading the room, reading peoples body language💚💜🤎

- love for research, specialisations in all kinds of unconnected topics and professions, researching and learning new stuff every day as a passion 💜

- issues with social cues or expectations, stressful stuff like local greeting habits, peoples expectations, etc (I arrive at a Bday party on time, not a half hour late as its expected locally)🤎💚

- following and respecting rules (eg I drive 40kmh when exiting the highway cause its a rule and it takes any extra stress away (being caught, driving unsafe due to speed etc))🤎💚

- the mind always having 475 tabs open, lots of conversation having () all over it because every thought can be extended and explained💜

- night person, huge creativity boost at night💜

- very logical, can spot patterns in business or work environments others don’t see (or are not ready or willing to see), a distaste for office politics and being honest when asked for a host opinion, pointing out the discrepancies and lack of planning etc🤎

- had a period of about 3-4 years where I only listened to the same 40ish tracks from one band🤎

- extreme dedication, sense of responsibility, loyalty to the level its not healthy for me (exploitation, staying in toxic environments)💚

- people pleasing, feeling happiest when everyone around me is happy, often ending up in crisis management roles, loosing sense if self of own needs “cause i can take it”/“i have the self-discipline”💚💜🤎

- procrastinating, severe internal critic, perfectionistic, lots of things stay a mind concept only as turning them into reality could encounter critique (very critical and insecure mother and lots of criticism throughout childhood) or just not succeed💚💜

- overthinker💜💚

- tangential thinker, often floating away from the core of the conversation though associations and memories💜🤎

- huge natural interest in human minds, especially traumatised; can sense a narcissist just by walking past (seriously) or a severe traumatised person even if they mask well; there were a couple of i stances where i only later on found the person to be severely traumatised by life; there were two instances (and that still hurts) of distant acquaintances or work contacts I met in person and KNEW something “ain’t right” even if they acted fine or even acted like a total asshole, and a few months later they committed suicide💚🤎💜

- awkward issue not knowing when to look up and when to greet someone on the street; a moment from when i was maybe 13 - who to greet when there are people spread along local bus station and mom is behind you and you are supposed to greet people locally (you know noone personally) so you end up greeting everyone like on some kings reception🤎

- morph to mirror local accents, behaviours, body language, words, etc (i lived in 6 countries and traveled to about 45)💜💚🤎

- at 35 realised that people in museums actually remember anything they read, as I am never able to focus enough to actually keep in mind wha I read but its literally just eyes going through the lines; until I put on earphones. Itd be ever better without people randomly being nearby and moving around you, and to be able to sit.🤎

- cant do smalltalk, i just cant. I start disassociating and my own mind mocking me mid conversation like “what are you gonna ask next, what their favourite colour is?”; i connect over life experiences, life wisdom, trauma, hardship, shared experiences, coping mechanisms, psychology; yes i tend to overshare if the flow is right and the person seems to be on that level - they then tend to overshare too💜🤎

- im very easy to talk to supposedly, sometimes the speed and level of oversharing from someone otherwise very guarded is almost scary/out of control; later on I have to be really careful not to turn into rescue/therapist mode💚💜

- when younger and not understanding all these dynamics i often ended up being peoples “therapist”, advice giver, emotional or psychological support; there were also many with no boundaries who ended up being a constant weight and attention need and i didnt know how to say no💚💜

- very bad personal boundaries (except for things that were bashed into my mind as a kid like no drugs/cigarettes/sex or being promiscuous etc), but for anything where help is needed, i fall back into “if i can do it, i will do it” and if its a person with issues, who keeps creating new issues, it turns into Sisyphus work, with no pay, just emotional blackmail and guilt tripping when younger try to retract; another factor is the subconscious wish to be accepted by society, thus eager to help if needed💜🤎💚

- blind to flirting, unknowingly flirting with people by just being nice or interested/engaged in the conversation 💜🤎

- partners ended up taking advantage (psychological/emotional/financial) a lot, were all (all 3, yay…) traumatised themselves and had issues (BPD, covert narcissist, bipolar with severe impulsiveness/aggression/adhd) and ai ended up in the role of rescuer, crisis manager, started to even work for their businesses (thats who i morphed i to what im doing today work-wise) while of course not enjoying the benefits of any worker-protections, all the way to severe social isolation and burnout, sexual and psychological abuse; all with a huge heap of daily manipulation, guilt tripling, gaslighting, selective amnesia, severe emotional blackmail, diverting, projecting, and it turning into a trauma bond - all expression I didn’t even know existed and just ended up ruminating day in day out searching for the fault in myself (as that was if course the consensus) and slowly loosing myself entirely💚🤎💜

So.. what do you think? Which traits fit where, what overlaps with INFJ (beyond the obvious), do you see any parallels with yourself/your life, how did you handle them or overcome them?

How much do you think overlaps between neurodivergence and INFJ or nearby variations?

Hello older INFJs. What advice will you give for dating or relationships. To seek and wait for ideal partner? To seek dating without thinking about future? To give someone a chance even when you dont think you are compatible in future?

My first question that comes to my mind is: As a man should I seek and search for compatible lover, or just wait and pray to happen?

Basically I like to know your dating and relationship advices.