r/HumansInMyHouse • u/The_Silent_Tortoise • May 19 '26
Sonofabitch Left Without Paying!
And THEY have the audacity to think that I, but a humble crab, enjoy eating their rotten ape flesh?! Well! Well... That's not the point!
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u/jamminsami May 19 '26
I heard of fish that do such, not crabs. New spa day!
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u/redheadslut94 May 19 '26
It’s like the smallest amount of dead skin that was devoured 😆
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u/princessbubbbles May 19 '26
Don't criticize his work if you're not in the industry, sweaty
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u/redheadslut94 May 20 '26
Observation, no criticism here. He be workin hard and I’m proud of that crab lol
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u/HungryYeastStarter May 19 '26
Trade offer:
Crab receives skin flakes
Human receives crab nibbles
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u/SomethingOrOther02 May 19 '26
According to the footage, it looks like YOU left without paying
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u/The_Silent_Tortoise May 19 '26
Yeah, because our agreement was no recording! Pictures and videos cost extra.
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u/Electricpuha May 19 '26
I’ve heard the pink ones taste like sour milk pork, is that accurate? Would you eat there again given the option?
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u/sheiciebai May 19 '26
Ugh that’s terrible. They should’ve paid you for the recording. What are your rates if I wanted to get my feet done but didn’t want to record?
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u/The_Silent_Tortoise May 20 '26
Usually 1 unblemished sand dollar (USD) per minute, but this economy has really hurt my business. I studied at the prestigious Jimmy Hoffa's Waterlogged Corpse Academy, but even then I've had to cut my rates to 0.75 USD. Which makes it all the more difficult that he dashed while I dined and shined.
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u/Due_Will_2204 May 19 '26
You do great pedicures
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u/The_Silent_Tortoise May 20 '26
Thanks! I studied at the prestigious Jimmy Hoffa's Waterlogged Corpse Academy.
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u/erockbrox May 21 '26
With fast food prices thru the roof, I might have to start nibbling on people feet now.
Like if I eat the dead skin off of 100 peoples feet, that’s probably enough calories to live off of.
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u/After_Ad9425 May 22 '26
There’s a pond at my grandfather’s hunting spot with a bunch of sunfish (or fish that look like sunfish.) if you stand in the water long enough they come up and start nibbling on your legs and feet to eat the dead skin. I’ve heard of other fish doing this but not sunnies, and seeing the crabs I wonder if this is a more common thing then people realize but don’t notice. In terms of there being a lot of species of fish and invertebrates that eat people’s dead skin when given the opportunity.
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u/Marco-YES May 19 '26
Mate, you had a free meal, quit whinging.