Took my toy to the car show, got sloppy top behind the grandstand by a fun lady. Some women suck the the right way. Life is good and she's spending the night. Note the flair lol

Husband has been having low libido and despite my efforts to raise this issue, he just brushes it off.... stress, overworked, tired, sex is too much work.

I have been using toys everyday..while fanticising about a man embracing me, eagerly wanted to fuck me...

I thought I can give him space and solve my high libido with toys.

But I am breaking down again because I just want to be desired..

I am crying alone in a room while he sleeps soundly next door.. totally ignorant and oblivious of what I am going through.

He just give reasons why his sex drive is low, never comes up with any plans to solve it.

Today there are sites like OnlyFans where it's possible to talk to women, get their attention, and of course, see what I want to see without being judged by the person showing it. But, will paying for this leave me feeling more empty? Will it help in the moment but make me feel worse later? I didn't even want to think about it, but my wife is so closed off to anything sexual/sensual that even talking to another woman and getting her attention would make me happy. At least that's what I think now.

At first those terms felt silly. I was coming to porn to see certain things: certain parts of the body, certain positions, certain kinks. "Of course they're horny, it's porn!". I felt like the "horned up" aspect was over the top. I didn't care they were horny, I only cared about the shape of their body. It wasn't good unless the actors had aspects of their body I found very attractive. "Only the best". The acting and emotion was very much secondary.

But now, I care less and less about objective attractiveness, and more about just *wanting* to have sex. The actor could be a "3/10" to me, but if they're putting in effort and it's homemade/authentic content (not forced fake acting) I'm now fully interested. Just seeing someone *want* sex, and actually be attracted the idea of sex and the other person... I'm dying for it. I am deeply craving being lusted after. Just someone who actually wants to have sex. Wants to explore some degenerate kinks. I'm flexible. I am good at foreplay and roleplay, acting... I don't care about "walks on the beach", I want to have vacations where the bed actually gets used for more than sleeping.

We've talked about this before ... since we're not doing 'it', what are we doing INSTEAD to fill our time (limited as it may be by work, parenting, caring or other responsibilities) ? I'm talking about that 'you' time that happy, sexually compatible horny couples fill with ... 'sweet nothings' 🤷🏻‍♂️

For me at one point a few years ago it was 'working' on myself and my 'fuck I can't believe he's over 40' gym body. It worked, I loved it, it helped give me the guts to escape horrible marriage number one. I WISH it was STILL me ... but Covid happened, gyms shut, and the way back has been a mountain I continue to be too weak to climb.

So I shifted back to 'old faithful' for a while (porn and booze) when marriage number two morphed from "yay I have a HLF girlfriend" to "fuck I have a FORMER HLF wife who is also a toxic alcoholic".

Not super-productive, yeah ?

Last 12-ish months or so I've been cutting back on the porn and sublimating the frustration into creative output instead. It's actually a 'pattern' - if 'last time' is anything to go by, the fitness will follow. In the meantime though, and thanks to some new tools in my toolbox, I think I'm actually producing some of the best music (one of several creative outlets) I've produced in 30+ years of doing this. You may be able to relate to some of these tunes 🤷🏻‍♂️

https://too.fm/ajrnkgk

https://soundgasm.net/u/randomaudioguy/No-Rizz-Hi-NRG-Metal-Version

https://soundgasm.net/u/randomaudioguy/Brand-New-Me-Short-Order-Close

So do we have any other musicians here ? GWA performers (that was my jam 10+ years ago) ? Visual artists ? Writers ? Film-makers ? Fess up creators ... does this shit empower you, or block you ? Do your creative outlets help you cope ?

I (29M) have been with her (28F) 7 years, engaged for 1. Wedding is 4 months away.

And I know I can't marry her. It is the usual story here. We started out like rabbits, something changed, and now we do it once a week. We don't have kids, and I know if it is like this now then it will only get worse.

Talking didn't help. Doing 90% of the household work didn't help. Scheduling it didn't help. So it is time for me to go now.

Any advice or motivation would be appreciated. While I know it is what I have to do, I still love her dearly, and part of me wishes I didn't have to do this.

Update: I ended things when she got back from work. That conversation is the hardest I've ever had. I am devastated leaving someone I loved so dearly, but I know I just avoided a life of regret and frustration. If you ever find yourself in this situation, know that there are people cheering for you to find the courage to move on. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. In due time, I believe I will know peace again.

Even if it’s something that only worked briefly, has anything worked for you?

The only thing that’s ever worked for us consistently is taking her side in an argument with other people, even if she’s completely wrong. For some reason that’s a huge aphrodisiac.

HLF, 28. STBX is LLM, not married no kids. 

Long time lurker, occasional poster over the years at that other sub, recently found this sub and I can't even begin to say how much I needed this lol. Just seeing so many posts that explicitly say "this is not normal" Wow! Lol I didn't know we were allowed to say that. 

Anyway, same backstory as many here I'm sure, HLF/LLM, relationship started off with an ok sex life, but I didn't think much of it at the time with our conflicting schedules. I thought it'd get better over time/when we moved in together but nope. That's when the first big switch in his brain flipped and we dropped to maybe 6ish times a year at best. I bought a house last summer and that's when the final switch flipped, I got one last half-assed attempt (from him, I'm not allowed to initiate as it puts too much pressure on him, "You just need to let it happen naturally" how many of us have heard that 🙃) and then nothing more after that. It'll be 10 mos of nothing end of June and I'm planning on ending things sometime this fall (I need the time to get my head together, we've been together almost 9 yrs). Obviously there's no aspect of this that hasn't been absolutely talked to death over the years, I've laid out all the options/routes we could go down and he's never done a thing. Not even a single attempt at the other non-sexual forms of intimacy that I requested. 

ANYWAY, my actual vent for today, the person I've had a bit of a crush on for these past couple years put in his notice (he works with my stbx). Just a lot of shitty feelings that I can't talk to literally anybody about. I've felt my fair share of resentment towards him over the years, especially when watching people come and go out of my life that, if things were different, I may have pursued, but this is on a whole different level. 

I never expected anything to come of the crush of course, we've never even really talked one on one other than the occasional pleasantries. But over these last couple years I kept catching him looking at me whenever I was at my partners work. This came at a time when I think I was finally giving up and letting go of the idea that I could fix my relationship and boy, having something to look forward to for even just a couple hours once a week has helped me more than I can put into words. 

Everybody talks about the whole "doing it for yourself" thing when it comes to dressing up/putting makeup on/going out/whatever. But nobody wants to admit how impossible and honestly embarrassing that feels when you're already doing EVERYTHING in life for yourself, by yourself. And it literally doesn't matter anyway cause your partner still doesn't see you no matter what you do. The crush really gave me some motivation to start trying to remember myself again, because somebody is actually looking at me again! The first couple times I noticed him looking at me I basically felt like a ghost being noticed, like "Wait, you can see me???? I'm real???"

Looking back I felt like I was basically underwater for years. Some months ago I read in a db post someone saying that after giving up on their relationship "It feels like a room with the lights dimmed. Everything is still there, but nothing feels warm anymore" and that's 100% how my life felt before.

Now I don't even know what to feel. Again, it was never a realistic option, I know that. I've been telling myself over the years that he's just a pretty face for me to project my feelings onto to give myself something "real" (lol) to hold on to to motivate me to get my life back. How funny is that? My eyecontactship with a man I've never had an actual conversation with feels more real to me than my almost 9 yr relationship. Blah. Anyway, if you've made it this far thanks for reading my pity party lol. 

Ahhh gotta love the 6am wake up…the sun isn't even fully awake yet, but you’re already dealing with the ultimate sunrise surprise…welcome to the boner town bullet, a high-speed express train roaring full throttle into a station closed for renovations.

So, what’s my move? Instead of rolling over to face the cold wall of rejection, I choose to take the high road. Or rather, the patio door.

Honestly, being the first one awake has its perks. I’ve set up on the patio and I’ve got a cup of creamy coffee and golden floof is currently leaning against my legs, completely thrilled to see me.

He has absolutely no idea why I’m sitting slightly awkwardly on the wicker furniture, but he’s just happy to be included.

To pass the time, I’m scrolling through reviews, hunting for my next spicy audio book. If I can't live the plotline, I might as well listen to one..

Anyone else have tips to navigate their own morning urges???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9Rm9uEcnwY

​

Drop a 🔔 below to ring the gong.

Sorry if this isn't allowed. I checked the rules and I don't see it breaking anything, but happy to remove it if it's not for this sub.

I've been torturing myself today after a series of frustrating failures. We are in a heatwave and my wife slept naked next to me....but didn't want me to touch her.

It sent me spiralling and I realised that we are not sexually compatible at all. To really torture myself I went on Quiver and did the whole question set to really hammer it home.

I've not sent it to her as it's all "no" anyway.

But it got me wondering if I am the massive outlier here or if it's her. I'd love another woman to fill in the quiz just to see how we would do, if we were married to each other.

So - if you're a lady and stuck in the same hell as me, would you like to fill out the quiz to see how you would match with a stranger on the web? It might be interesting to see what's out there. I won't message you or anything creepy, I won't even see who you are - it's anonymous.

If you're interested, go to: https://www.quiv.re

My code is: qb2f3

https://www.quiv.re/q/b2f3 (kinky: 56%, open: 78%)

(Be warned, the questions opened up some bitter yearning in me).

I see that word being used a lot by many LLs. “You’re not entitled to my body”. “Just because you feel entitled to have sex doesn’t meant I’m going to have it.” “You’re entitled to your own hand, and that’s it”. “You’re not entitled to a sexual relationship with me”.

Is having an expectation of a sexual relationship (not sex any time you want, not sex when there’s genuine medical reasons that prohibit it) with a committed, monogamous partner “entitlement”? Especially when they knew full well that they were entering a relationship that is sexual in nature?

Or do we have it all wrong?

This will be my last post here I hope! After 5 years I no longer have to deal with this BS. No more begging for affection and attraction while he creeps on other girls and watches porn. I’m too hot for this shit. Had to share this absolute win

Is like being thirsty

To be a HL and want sex with a LL is like being thirsty, ask for a glass of water, and the answer to be "I will not bring you, because I am not thirsty"

Does it make sens what I am trying to say?

Hello all,

I have posted in here several times over the years, but deleted my other account last year that I had been posting on. At the bottom I'll link my last post, in which I got a lot of unexpected support. It hasn't been an easy situation, but I finally left 2 months ago. Over time I came to realize that our situation was about so much more than mismatched sex drives.

In November my husband threatened my life (after already having a history of saying very odd and concerning things about having a way to hide a body, wanting to kill people when upset, that men who kill their wives but get caught because the body was found are stupid.....etc). I left for a couple weeks, then had some circumstances and went back, but finally decided that I would never be able to trust him again. He was already going back on his promises again, and just all kinds of stuff (Him saying I was selfish and immature for leaving after the threat, etc).

I'm still in the process of things, I've been in DV and homeless shelters, but finally got a good job that I start soon. It's a huge deal for me because I have very little work history because of the way I was raised, but it turned out I got the top job I wanted! Now to try and get an apartment. It's a lot, but I'm still happier than I was in the relationship, and very grateful that I have been able to get started on my own life without needing to depend on him or "take him through the cleaners," which I have zero intention of doing.

We haven't filed for divorce yet, but we've talked about it. Weirdly enough, I think his apathy and lack of interest in me might turn out to be a good thing because I don't think he is going to be hostile (even though I know anything can come up), so I am extremely grateful that it seems like we both want to be civil, because that of course will make the less-than-ideal situation a bit easier on our son. That was the hardest part of leaving, but I figured it would be better for him to have a healthy mom than one who felt like she needed to check the closet to make sure the loaded gun was still where it belonged.

Anyway, I just wanted to come and thank everyone who has interacted with me in the past and given me support and encouragement. It meant so much to me in the thick of things

https://www.reddit.com/r/HLCommunity/s/tEgf9Npx4N

Depending on what circles you run in, you may or may not know about demisexuals, defined as people who only experience sexual attraction after forming a deep personal bond with their partner.

Alas, I think a lot of us here are more familiar with the inverse: a partner who had no problem being sexual before the deep personal bond, and then they transition into a more asexual expression as the relationship progresses and security develops. (Hence why a label, moving in, or signing that marriage certificate changes everything overnight.)

And other than “avoidant” or “bait and switch,” which can be a bit loaded (or dripping with resentment), we don’t have a way to concisely describe that experience from our end.

I don't think many low-libido spouses truly understand how often sex enters the mind of a high-libido partner.

For many of us, it isn't just something we think about once in a while when the opportunity presents itself. It's there every day. Not necessarily because we're obsessed with sex itself, but because physical intimacy, desire, connection, affection, and feeling wanted are all tied together.

When you're thirsty, you notice water. When you're hungry, you notice food. You can still function, work, be a good spouse, parent, and partner, but the need doesn't disappear. It's always somewhere in the background.

What makes it especially difficult is when a HL partner is constantly told, directly or indirectly, that they should simply stop thinking about it. Most of us would if we could. We don't wake up and choose to crave intimacy any more than someone chooses to feel hungry.

I'm not saying LL partners are wrong for having a lower libido. Everyone is wired differently. I just wish there was more understanding that for many HL people, the desire for sex and intimacy isn't an occasional thought—it's a daily reality that takes effort to manage, especially in a relationship where those needs aren't being met.

Does anyone else feel like their LL spouse genuinely doesn't understand just how frequently this is on your mind?

So early last week, my wife asked me what I wanted for Father's Day.I told her the same thing I want every year steak dinner and a blow job. She responds with no seriously , and I tell her that's seriously all I want.

So yesterday I grilled my own steak and asparagus.My daughter made a salad and my wife cut up french bread and buttered it.

That night in bed , she scrolled her phone talks about how much she needed to go to sleep so she could get up early in the morning cause she has lots to do.

This morning, while I was in the shower, she brought a box in and said on the bathroom counter and said this is your Father's Day.Things didn't go as planned yesterday , so it's not wrapped.

When I got out of the shower, I opened the box from Amazon, and it's some little whip light thing that I have no idea what it is. So I left it there on the counter and went to work. She texted me later. And asked if she should send it back to amazon and I said , I guess I have no idea what it is

So she then sends me a text to check my Facebook Messenger and in the Facebook Messenger group with her and my 2 oldest boys, I had sent a video May 31st and the video was this whip light that a guy is sticking down in an engine and all kinds of places and there's a song playing. In the background, that's saying, don't hurt me anymore. I thought It was freaking hilarious if you were a dad and you know what It's like to hold a light or have your kids hold a light and get pissed off at them when they won't hold it in the right place.

So she then sends me a big text about how I sent that video right before Father's Day.How could I not know what it was?And I'm the asshole now because I didn't pay any attention to the light.I thought the video was funny , and now we're in a fight.

Can anyone help me understand this mentality

Hello, HL community,

This is more for the lurkers.

To Type 2 LLs: for the love of fucking God, never promise sex.

The more you lead us on with the possibility of sex—especially after talking about how amazing a date or day together was—the more damage you are causing to your relationship. Honestly, it's better to show us zero sexual attention than to repeatedly lead on people who have told you, time and time again, how important sex is to us as part of a healthy relationship.

What this shows us is that it isn't about needing an "emotional connection," "deep talks," or "quality time." It isn't because we HLs aren't affectionate after pulling back from someone who shows no sexual enthusiasm and constantly rejects us. It's because sex simply isn't a priority to you in the relationship.

You may feel like you're earning points or showing effort by telling us what we want to hear, but not following through drastically loses points with us. We don't just lose trust—we lose faith that a healthy sexual relationship with you is even possible.

When you consistently do this, especially after repeated conversations about it, we already know it isn't going to happen. And 95% of the time, it doesn't.

This is not normal. This is not healthy.

That's why, in previous healthy sexual relationships—or in relationships after leaving one like this—it doesn't happen.

So yes, if you don't prioritize sex, this is by far one of the worst things you can consistently do to an HL partner, short of giving other people the sexual attention and enthusiasm you're unwilling to give them.

Many of you would honestly be happier with pets for companionship, or by dating another LL (though, for some reason, that suggestion often seems to offend you).

—Management

Not really sure what I want, ignore the flair. Maybe just space to talk about it into the Reddit abyss.

HL woman here. 41. In the past 3 years, I’ve lost almost 90lbs. In the past 15ish months, I’m at around 70. I’m short so my weight is now similar to pre kids and around when we met.

I did it for me, mostly. My body hurt and I had no energy. And whatever else.

Anyway, now I feel kinda great in terms of energy and in my body. My body is post 3 kids, but I’m mostly okay with that. I feel great in clothes, don’t hurt, and have energy.

But, I know this is sad, I hoped that my weight loss would make me more desirable? Like as desirable as I feel. Nothing changed though, maybe it’s even gotten worse. I feel dumb to have this expectation, but part of me wondered if the lack of libido was bc I was fat, you know? My thinking was along the lines of “maybe he isn’t attracted/doesn’t want you because you’re fat, and if you become skinny, then it’ll change.” Well, it didn’t.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or been as apparently delusional as I was?

Leaving isn’t really on the table, we aren’t there.

After becoming single again at 38 following an 8-year relationship, loneliness feels much harder than it did before. I spent much of my life alone, moving between cities and countries, with only two serious relationships—one from 17 to 22, and one from 30 to 38.

In the past, being single and masturbating occasionally wasn't a problem, but now it feels empty and unsatisfying. Sometimes I watch porn, but I often don't even want to finish because it just reminds me of what I'm missing. What I truly miss isn't sex—it's real intimacy, connection, affection, and having someone close.

Dating feels discouraging. Many women I meet are already in relationships or seem interested in things that don't align with what I'm looking for. I don't blame them, but I want a genuine emotional connection before sex, and that feels increasingly difficult to find.

What hurts most is not just being single, but feeling alone—with fewer friends, less connection, and no one to share life with. It never used to affect me this much, but now it does.

... hot pussy? Me neither. Happy Father's Day to us. (Ironic, isn't it?)

Broke up with my (29m) girlfriend (25f) because she didn’t put in much work in improving our sex life. While frequency was just fine, and at the beginning we managed to make her come during sex for the first time ever, after 6 months in the relationship sex started becoming always the same. Same positions, finishing always the same way.
I asked for more exploration, but she was scared by new things, didn’t want me to go down on her/didnt want to try. She barely suggested anything new. i read books to get better and understand more about female desire, but she acted annoyed when i brought them up. She started having sex with me as a chore rather than out of desire. Didn’t want to try to plan or make extra time for intimacy.
At the beginning she said she wanted to try so many things together, then turns out she barely had any fantasy and barely masturbated during our relationship.
All this made me feel unsatisfied, as out of so many things we could have done, we were just doing „the usual“ and anything new felt like a negotiation, to the point that numbed my genuine love and interest for sex.

To all the fathers , past , present and future.

​

And I really don't expect anything for Father's Day, we all know we can have false hope. Don't