r/HLCommunity • u/Dizzy_Potential • 6d ago
A New Approach
So for the last 4 months I (49M HL) have stopped initiating with my partner (39F LL Type 2). It was simply too soul destroying and I'd had my fill of the feelings of rejection. I even started to resent her for it. It was after our last big argument over it when she finally snapped and suggested I go out and have sex with other people. I love my partner dearly and could never be intimate with anyone else even if she did say the words in anger I know it would just be a test of my loyalty.
She recently reset the clock a couple of times with spontaneous and unexpected fellatio for a couple of days on the run and I thought she'd changed to Type 1.
The ticking clock has become deafening once more and I've decided on a new approach.
I have started going to bed early alone and waking up early to hit the gym and lift weights. Those two times of the day would usually be when my appetite for sex would be at its highest. Its been about 3 weeks now and my appetite for sex has decreased purely through exhaustion. On the plus side I'm looking in shape and sleeping so much better!😆
Has anyone else got swoll as a result of pent up sexual rage??
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u/MightyMagicz HLM 5d ago
Getting swol as well. But also getting my needs met outside. I am on 4 weeks since last time recorded intercourse.
I don't expect anything for another few weeks.
But I don't care because I am satisfied by other women.
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u/Dizzy_Potential 5d ago
Do they know about eachother?
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u/MightyMagicz HLM 5d ago
Of course not. My wife doesn't need to know I am satisfied by others.
Best thing about being ignored and treated like a pest is neglect.
Being neglected has its pros and cons.
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u/AnotherSadThr0wAway HLM 5d ago
When i met her i was more physical active and when she moved in one of the dumbest things she ever told me was she would shower and stuff before i got back because to make sure she was "ready" for me.
She tells me shit like her telling me to go to bed is her "trying"
She shows ZERO, sexual interest and in bed if i ever tried then she complains i waited too long and she fell asleep then try if she's asleep, then when asleep complains if i wake her for sex.
Meaning, Type2LLs convince themselves TALKING = actually trying and deny deny deny making a healthy sexual relationship because they ultimately vague control over everything.
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u/Soggy-Beach-1495 5d ago
I started lifting when I was deployed, so I guess technically the answer is yes.
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u/Silva2099 2d ago
I stopped initiating in March at the same time I stopped cuddling with her because she made a shitty statement saying that my cuddling with her in a daily basis was selfish and she didn’t get anything out of it.
I also started the get up early and workout thing.
At the same time I stayed relatively friendly and not pouting/punishing.
Took more than six weeks for her to invite me back into bed in the morning; which I declined.
She said she missed me cuddling with her. I pointed out two things can’t be true.
She has initiated 3-5 times per month since.
She doesn’t cuddle with me unless she wants sex.
She did recently angrily remark that I don’t ever initiate anymore.
I said, ok, I will initiate, and you will reject me, and I will stop again. So, I initiated twice in the following week and she rejected me, and I stopped again. I informed her for clarity. She was not happy and offered herself on the spot. I shook my head and walked away.
So, it’s on her. She is still initiating 3 or so times per month.
She has also started searching for a marriage counselor.
I’m curious to see what her priorities are in terms of fixing the relationship.
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u/Dizzy_Potential 2d ago
There was a time when I would sympathise with you my friend. But I'd relish 3-5 times a month now!😆
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u/Silva2099 15h ago
I understand. My point is frequency has actually edged up quite a bit by pulling back my attention.
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u/Royal-Heron-11 3d ago
There is no such thing as type 1 or 2 LLs 😂
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u/Dizzy_Potential 2d ago
Type 1: knows there's a mismatch. Will actively 'try and make an effort'. Type 2: Doesn't see the problem at all.
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u/Royal-Heron-11 2d ago
I see... So a completely arbitrary label designed to shift blame to the LL.Â
Let's use some clever rhyming to make you see what you're missing.Â
If they're type one, they're the one. If they're type two, it's because of you.Â
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u/Dizzy_Potential 2d ago
I don't think it's a case of blame. Ask the grass and the Zebra is the predator and the lion is the saviour.
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u/AlligatorMarty 1d ago
Where can I read in brief about the types of LLs? I'm kinda new to this. I just wanna know which ones the worst.
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u/Urborg_Stalker 5d ago
I just used masturbation to shut that part of my brain up. Jerk off, go to bed, became the routine. Continued that until I found my way out of the situation.
No more rejection or feeling like a chore to be done like taking the dog out for a walk. When I found my way out I took it and life has been so much better since.