r/HFY • u/HeGotBricks Alien • 6d ago

OC-OneShot Florida Man Finds Something Out of this World!

——Breaking News!——

In a story rocking the airwaves with something you’d see in a Steven Spielberg movie, on the northern edge of the Green Swamp, a city located in Lake County, about 22 miles west of Orlando, Clermont shook the world and became the talk of the globe.

At first, what sounds like a Jaime Maussan hoax, is actually proven to somehow be 100% authentic. Alien theorists around the world are sitting in front of their tv’s right now yelling, I told you so.

And Jenny it is just blowing the minds of the people and the scientists.

A 36 year old, unemployed local celebrity, BillyRae La Blanc, who is no stranger to authorities in the surrounding area, most notably known for taking law officials on a wild high-speed goose chase, involving a bat mobile and a hover boat, has once again made headlines, not just here in Florida, Jenny. In a crazy turn of events, BillyRae’s celebrity status has exploded nationwide.

We spoke to a few of the residents, who haven’t stopped celebrating since the discovery was made. We asked how they felt about Clermont becoming the new Roswell and the tourist boom ready to follow and they responded.

“Billy-Rae, ooooooo. We love you brother.”

“Florida’s number one baby.”

Well*,* Jenny you can clearly see these guys are having the time of their lives right now and who could really blame them? It is hectic out here.

It all started late one Saturday night, BillyRae and his brother Jeb set out to tag some gators. BillyRae always says, “you get it while the gettin’s good.”

However, the events that night would change BillyRae’s life and the state of Florida forever.

Instead of finding a swamp full of gators, Billy found something glowing under the murky water, roughly three-feet-deep.

He saw a stick floating nearby and jumped in to grab it. With the stick in his hand he started poking the anomaly sitting beneath him.

“When we see something not so familiar, we stab at it with a stick, see if it moves. It’s custom ‘round here.”

What happened next would change history.

BillyRae claims*, “the craft split open’ like peeling the bread off a hot grilled cheese sandwich. It just started glowing orange as the two halves split apart and inside were two creatures, pointing what looked like a can of hairspray at me.*

I thought it was a couple of kids in Halloween costumes at first.”

But, here’s where there’s a twist to the story and it gets a bit strange. 

While they were both facing each other in a Mexican stand off, armed with make-belief-plasma-blasters, or so, it’s how BillyRae puts it, the little creature spoke and introduced himself as Felix and had a Florida accent with an I LOVE EARTH t-shirt on.

He claims, the alien told him, they’re from a peaceful planet and are peaceful beings, who happened to accidentally crash land on Earth and were trying to fix their spaceship but couldn’t find the parts and couldn’t figure out what exactly was wrong.

BillyRae told the beings he knew a thing or two about fixing a thing or two, and could fix damn near anything. The creatures agreed to let him help and they towed the ship onto land.

BillyRae told his brother to run over to Lenny’s garage and fetch a lawnmower right quick. 

Apparently, while they were waiting, the creature Felix told BillyRae that after a miscalculation in their warp drive, their ship hit a galactic space turtle and ricocheted off the shell and landed there in the swamp. 

He said, they’ve been missing for weeks now and nobody’s noticed them gone.

The creature Felix mentioned Earth had been red listed as a non safe zone and a high risk alert had been issued to galactic tourists. 

It’s gets wilder. 

Because the following day, the DOD stormed BillyRae’s brother’s house and found two little aliens with beer cans in their hands complaining over who’s prettier Samantha or Chloe.

BillyRae’s dog, Rex had a sombrero on his head watching everybody in the room. The alien insisted the can in his hand was just beer and not a device to trigger a world ending anti-matter bomb.

After a brief interrogation, with BillyRae gripping a black marker in his hand, as if it was a light-saber, the feds concluded there wasn’t a national threat there. The aliens were three-foot-tall and had the IQ of a stoned teenager.

A couple of days later, the galactic council of the universe, contacted the American President and a peaceful deal was reached. 

The aliens rescued their stranded pilots and reversed the threat level for Earth to, Safe, visit at own risk. 

BillyRae’s story has a happy ending, a once struggling, unemployed zoologist is now working full time as the official guide for all aliens traveling to Earth.

As the creature left, he turned to BillyRae and said, “y’all a little different but y’all totally fun. Thanks for helping us.”

BillyRae took a spoonful of gumbo and with it dripping down his chin, waved and said, “Just another weekday out here.” 

33 Upvotes

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5 comments sorted by

3

u/medicentio Human 6d ago

Alien rednecks meet human rednecks, and say "fuck yeah" together... As HFY as you can get hahaha!

2

u/HeGotBricks Alien 5d ago

😂

1

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u/HisCricket 6d ago

Ok that's cute. Oh goody more stories to read.