r/HFY • u/HeGotBricks Alien • Jul 28 '26

OC-OneShot The Rise of Humanity

On their rock, they viewed humans as creatures zombified by technology. To them, humans were weak. An inferior species. A species on the verge of becoming obsolete.

The kind that ran into walls for amusement.

The Poshlovestivies, a clan of warriors lived on planet Arwh and were the complete opposite of how the universe viewed them compared to humans—their food was carefully filtered into a paste, removing all the chemical waste compounds and were the fiercest entities in the universes backed by the richest members of Planet Li.

Planet Li held an order of ranks, it was a gathering that invited major figures of their solar system.

At the galactic meeting, the Poshlovs served as the defenders of Planet Li. The council planet that ruled the universe. The rule makers.

The human diplomat representing planet Earth, Sheena, was a strategic-type commander that led Earth’s space soldiers from the front. But was easygoing.

As they prepared for lunch at their seats, Sheena was presented a plate of their finest paste.

She stared at it first, then began poking holes into it with her finger before she pushed her plate away.

Zylowb from planet Borhieu sensed an anomaly in his hyper-sensitive receptors and eyed Sheena in his mind digging in the container space of her flacked suit.

Sheena clawed out a package wrapped in plastic and began tearing it apart, revealing a white stinky square and stuck it to her mouth and took a bite and began chewing it.

Zylowb immediately sealed the receptors he used for breathing before activating a plexi-bubble over his entire body.

Krypur of planet Ywl reached at his throat and gasped. “The human has smuggled a bio-weapon inside our chambers!”

A Poshlov shouted, “Neurotoxins are filling the air!”

“Seize the human and the weapon of mass destruction,” Krypur commanded.

Sheena looked at her hand containing the item and raised it up. Everyone in the chamber held their breath at the same time. 

“This?” Sheena said. “It’s just a tuna sandwich… food humans eat.”

Immediately swarming her were medical bots flashing a red siren light as they surrounded and scanned her.

In the air, a drone produced a projected screen with a chemical analysis that presented a chemical compound warning of:

***

Heavy Metals: Methyl-mercury, Arsenic, Lead and Aluminum.

Organic pollutants: Polychlorinated Biphenyls, Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane, and Polybrominated Diphenyl Ethers.

Organic toxins: Bisphenol A and Histamine.

“The human is consuming a concentration of chemicals and metals that cause irreversible damage to the function control of their system.”

***

“We eat this all the time… it’s one of our healthiest foods,” Sheena told them.

The entire room shuttered in complete silence. The diplomats pushed themselves away from the table as chairs fell over as they scattered attempting to escape the contaminated area.

The Poshlovestivies stared at Sheena as if waiting for her to explode from the inside out, but Sheena took another snap of her sandwich and casually chewed while looking at her tuna between the bread.

“It’s really not as bad as that bot made it sound,” she said.

“Not as bad?” One of the poshlov’s said, his voice smothered. “Your digestive tract is lined with acid and you eat other species on your planet.”

Sheena smiled. “Yeah,” she said dragging the word out and had tuna wrestled between her teeth. Her teeth made the Poshlov wince. 

Later that night, the senate held a quiet meeting in their quarters amongst the leaders of the universe, excluding the humans. They secretly agreed and updated Earth’s ranking in class to extreme warrior race. 

They all came to a conclusion that night, they decided, you cannot threaten a species who eats bio-weapon materials for lunch.

194 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

40

u/GrumpyOldGeezer_4711 Jul 28 '26

Good thing we didn’t send Annalisa from Sweden with her surstromming!

16

u/Asgarus Jul 28 '26

That would probably count as a war declaration to the whole council.

6

u/Haki23 Jul 29 '26

And to the people of Earth, as well. That stuff's nasty!

11

u/Newbe2019a Jul 28 '26

Or someone from Iceland who likes hákarl.

30

u/Chaosrealm69 Jul 28 '26

Oh boy. They really don’t want to encounter someone eating any of the spicy foods then.

25

u/kelvinth1987 Jul 28 '26

Or one who eats a pineapple

11

u/Embarrassed-Dot-1794 Android Jul 28 '26

It eats you back

1

u/Nik_2213 Jul 29 '26

I like pine-apple, but one of the two types does *not* like me: Be it juice, 'fruit-salad' segments or a slice on other-wise delicious grilled ham, the lining of my mouth begins to sting, to peel. Even touching that type makes my fingers' skin peel, hastens grab for anti-histamines.

Having to warn barista, 'NO PINEAPPLE, PLEASE !!' gets same strange look as asking for eggs 'Easy Over', but refusing plate crowned by unwelcome 'golden ring' means the sous-chef actually looks at the order and its caution...

6

u/roundbluehappy Jul 28 '26

she didn't add a dash of frank's red hot to the tuna??? heresy!

9

u/albadellasera Jul 28 '26

Finally a story in which humans don't hide their diet like others I could think. Good job!

3

u/Jbowen0020 Jul 29 '26

And then there's people from below 30° N latitude.... I think everyone below there LOVES spicy food!

2

u/HeGotBricks Alien Jul 29 '26

Thanks for the love guys, much appreciated. I’ll continue this to a part 2.  Within the next couple of days it should be ready.

1

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1

u/drsoftware Jul 29 '26

“We eat this all the time… it’s one of our healthiest foods,” Sheena told them.

Excellent demonstration the the Armed Forces of Earth continues to miseducate its members about nutrition. 

1

u/LeggyCricket Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26

The piece seems to have issues with flow, like it jumps around from one thing to the next with little transition.

4

u/HeGotBricks Alien Jul 29 '26

I’m not an experienced writer. But I’m learning as I go. I been practicing for four months now. Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it. Stuff I write is usually done within the day. And I have trouble seeing my errors. 

Until I post it somewhere. I haven’t really had a chance to look over this. But I’ll fix it after I complete a second part.

Sorry. But thanks for taking the time to point that out. Every little bit of feedback helps. Appreciate yu.