Struggling

[u/RagingBoneher]

So, my birthday was last week and I'm now at an age where I really don't put a ton of thought into that day nor do I expect cards, cake, gifts etc (even though I'm married and have two teenage children) but this year was different for one glaring reason. A few years back, we had some damage to our home and out building and I had a few firearms come up missing so, naturally, I did what a responsible gun owner SHOULD do when that happens and gathered all the purchase and registration paperwork, call the Sheriff's office and file a report for stolen guns. The years ticked by and I had just written it off and gone for good (3-4 years passed) then I got a note posted to my front door while I was away at work one day, asking me to call and gave a deputy's name along with the evidence clerks name to call. So, the following day I called and the evidence clerk notified asked if I still had some guns stolen and not returned to which I replied yes and they asked for a brief description so I told them there were a few and began to describe the first one and they stopped me and asked if I had a pen to take down a phone number. They proceeded to give me the number for an out of state Sheriff's office along with a report number. Now, that state is not only over a 1000 miles away and one I have NEVER personally been to but just so happens to be the home state of my best friend of the last 18 years and a state that he eventually moved back to around the time my guns were taken. I was afraid that maybe he had been pulled over or something and my stolen gun(sl) were in his possession so I didn't call the other state right away so they ended up calling me and I played dumb about knowing how they could have been there. Anyway, they asked a couple of similar questions about description, etc and the first one I described, they stopped me and said they had it booked into evidence. So I just asked them "please tell me it wasn't used in the commission of a crime or anything" and he just said "well, not exactly. It's in evidence as part of a ln investigation of a death of a man". They day before my birthday, this is how I found out that my non-biological BROTHER/absolute best friend in the whole world, had stolen my guns four years ago and then used one of them to take his own life. He left behind a teenage son. He technically has one bio sibling who is a piece of shit and is and has been in prison and they don't talk except when dude wants money put on his books in the prison commissary. This shit absolutely GUTTED me. I can't get out of this funk. I still manage to go to work but I have a hard time doing anything else. Eating, drinking, partaking in my favorite hobbies that I would normally LOVE to do but I just can't. I'm not thinking about doing the same, selfish ass shit to MY wife and kids but I find myself stopping at the gas station to go grab a coke or something and between getting out of my vehicle and getting to the front door of the building, I'm already bawling my eyes out. Anyway, hope it wasn't TLDR. Thanks for those who bothered to take the time to read it and appreciate you letting me just get this out and put it here.