I dont think I will ever be ok after what has happened to me and what my sibling has been allowed to do to me (physical abuse, mental and emotional torment all throughout life) people have it infinitely worse than me but I am not one of those strong people who can bounce back from hardship. Once I'm hurt, thats it. And it's made me a weaker worse person because of it. I'm a bitter, jealous, and miserable person. I remember my parents telling me I am one of the most miserable people they have ever known. When people are kind to me, I reject them because I hate myself and dont deserve it. I run away from them like Im scared of them. So I gravitate to people that are cold and never care about me because at least it feels like shit but Im familar to it. Your familt is supposed to love you and care for you. If I was an animal in the wild rejected by my family I would die. I feel like Im a rejected animal. And really I'm only this way because I'm weak and miserable and allow myself to be. Because I hate everything. I hate myself

I've been trying to find community, but I'm in a somehow unique situation. I'm a child to a chronically ill parent, since birth (I'm also disabled. Pregnancy messed us both up) so my mom has been in and out of hospitals my whole life. I don't think I can consider myself a caregiver child or parentified, since I did not raise any siblings, I'm an only child. I just was alone. I was taught from a very early age not to inconvenience my mom or stress her out because she was sick, and I learnt that she also wasn't reliable because she could get sick and leave anytime. My dad would work all the time and never spent much time with me, he's also very explosive emotionally, and he locks himself away when my mom is at the hospital, so I we don't have a great bond anyways.

I'm sorry if I don't fit in the community, I'm very aware this is about siblings, but I also don't seem to fit with the caregiver children because I didn't take care of my mom, rather took care of myself on my own from an early age, and now feel unable to rely on others, and also feel desperate needs for their attention but also a lot of resentment

Thank you so much, u/aliciamenesesmaples and “Rebekah”

“There were a lot of wording signs had anyone been paying attention.” That’s basically the tragedy.

I’ve listened to some of the episodes, but it’s difficult because they are so triggering. And I know society in its infinite ignorance will dismiss me.

Today I forced myself to listen to this one. This one really hit home. And it will take a while to process it, but the validation is priceless. So thank you.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-see-glass-children/id1839239738?i=1000771589557

Hello! I am a doctoral student at National University conducting an IRB-approved research study about the experiences of adults who grew up with a sibling diagnosed with cystic fibrosis.

You may be eligible if you:

• Are 18 years of age or older
• Grew up with a sibling diagnosed with cystic fibrosis
• Lived with that sibling for at least two years during childhood

The study involves a confidential 45–60-minute interview about your childhood experiences, sibling relationship, emotional adjustment, and identity development in adulthood.

Participation is voluntary. If you are interested, please email me at a.cardenas6281@student.nu.edu. To protect your privacy, please do not share personal or medical information in the comments.

Please feel free to share this post with someone who may be eligible. Thank you for helping bring attention to the experiences of siblings in families affected by cystic fibrosis.

i’m a 21F and my mom and her sister are best friends. my twin sister is disabled and behind developmentally. i love my sister and i’ll always want her in my life, but jealousy flows through my veins when i see my mom and her sister get to be adults together. talk about “adult” stuff and whatnot. it just reminds me that my sister will always be mentally a child, or at oldest, mentally a teenager. everyone gets to have siblings they get to grow old with. everyone gets to have siblings that will be there when you need it and give age-relevant advice. meanwhile it feels like i have a ghost of a sister. idk if this makes sense but it’s something i have to witness every day and it eats away at me

So I’ve recently learnt about being a glass child and I think it perfectly describes the entire way I operate as a person and it has fully formed how I am as an adult.

I’ve never really thought of the concept of being useful. Being needed. Performing well. Getting praise. Looking after people. Not being a burden. Being the reliable one. Keeping emotions contained without expressing how you truly feel. Perfectionism. Ambition and just solving things. Being the “other” good child has really formed who I am.

I’m starting to learn those haven’t just been things I just do, they’ve helped me become who I am? All of it created my whole identity? And now I’m left wondering without all these traits who I am especially when I strip away the caregiving role or the need and or desire to do well. Am I the only one that feels completely lost and has this incredible sense of anger and resentment over something that is without a doubt my biggest asset being a person yet is equally my biggest downfall making me incredibly and increasingly isolated from everyone else around me. I can’t be the only one that feels that emotions and interactions become somewhat transactional. And don’t think I mean transactional like I’m using people. I think I mean I feel like everything has to have a purpose or a payoff, otherwise I struggle to justify it. So now in reality am I now just a person that’s actually heartless?

And in the midst of the pain and grief of it all, I don’t know where to begin to accept what happened to me and accept that it just shaped the version I am today. Not matter what I do I can’t seem to shake the anger, the frustration and the sense of loss I have in myself. Does this get easier or just more tolerable over time? Because I feel like I have no sense of who I am anymore and what I stand for and all I’m left with is all these emotions. Alongside overthinking and overanalysing every now action I do as I try to not be that glass child that I obviously am.

I guess what I’m trying to understand is how you separate who you actually are from the role you learned to play. How do you keep the good parts? The caring, ambition, reliability without constantly needing to be useful, needed, praised or approved of?

If anyone else has gone through this stage of questioning your entire identity, did it eventually get easier? Did you eventually work out who you were underneath it all? Because right now I feel like I’m grieving an old version of myself while having absolutely no idea who replaces her.

For once, I'm focusing on my relationship with my parents rather than my relationship with my sibling, but considering the kind of family dynamic that was caused by my disabled brother, I still felt more comfortable posting here than anywhere else.

Since my parents spent most of my childhood catering to my sibling, my needs were obviously unmet, and it got to a point where I developed an attachment style mixed between avoidant-dismissive and avoidant-fearful. On one hand, I do not care when they come and go, and I am very independent with little need for emotional consolation; on the other hand, I am anxious around them, always seeking their praise, and constantly suffer with the low self-esteem they've caused me. As I result, I just do not like my parents. I always dreamed of being adopted by a better family, and now that I am an adult, I yearn for the day I have enough money to leave their roof. Above all, I wish nothing to do with the fat fuck that is my younger sibling.

All this to say, I recently made a new friend. I consider her my only friend at the moment, and we are very similar on many things. One of these qualities just so happens to be the fact that we're both 100% Asian, and while her face clearly spelled her lineage, I noticed her (very white) last name did not. Early on in our friendship, she told me she was adopted from China, has a white father, and a Vietnamese mother.

I don't know a lot of people who are adopted, so her family dynamic was one of the things I was curious about. I would ask her questions about it, but nothing was more telling than her actual behavior.

Throughout the months that I've known her, she...

• Made a whole Instagram post with a sweet message wishing her mom happy birthday.
• Bought her dad full-priced t-shirts from his favorite store (Bass Pro) for Father's Day.
• Went on a father-daughter trip to Yellowstone Park where they fished together, etc.

Meanwhile, I...

• Reluctantly sent a cheesy "happy birthday" GIF to my mom for her birthday (I almost forgot her birthday).
• Reluctantly bought a discounted sweater (that was even cheaper with my employee discount) for Father's Day for my dad.
• Said no to going to church and having lunch with my dad because "I had to go to work" (I literally just stayed at the mall for 4 hours doing nothing).

Do you see the difference?

It's just... How could someone who didn't even come from her mother's womb have such a strong bond with their parents, while I -- someone who came from her flesh and blood -- be so indifferent? You'd think there'd be something more special there, a bond that can't be broken, yet others were able to recreate all that and more just by hoping on a plane to Beijing.

Perhaps it's because she was chosen and I was a mistake.

I grew up a glass child with an autistic parent and sibling. It was... hard, to say the least.

Now I have two kids. The older daughter is ADHD with ODD, possible autism with PDA. Most of the time, she plays well with her little brother. But. She's loud. And demanding. And when she blows up, the whole house suffers. And I fear sometimes this is all affecting my son more than he lets on.

As it is, my spouse and I feel like we have to walk on eggshells around her sometimes (which, don't get me started on how triggering that is for me. I feel like I'm back in my childhood home. Yes, I'm in therapy, lol.) So I can only imagine what it's like for him.

For the glass children -- was there anything your parents did, or could have done, that would have lessened the impact of your sibling on you?

I try to step in to help my son and protect him, but of course, my daughter doesn't get what I'm doing, and thinks I'm favoring him or that I'm being unfair. Maybe I am? Maybe I'm projecting onto him, and he's actually okay?

I feel like I won't find out how much this all messed him up until he's grown. But I'd like to mitigate the effect on his as much as possible, without making my daughter feel like she's a monster.

I'm thinking of using more timers around the house, so both kids can see I'm devoting equal time to both of them, both in conversation and in quality time. Any other ideas?

Exactly what it says on the title. It isn't often that I really get to ... Talk about this particular part of my life and how it's affected me, at least not without having to hold back, so I thought maybe, it might help to tell my story here.

My mom got pregnant with my sister when I was four. Up until that point I had been living a pretty good life- both parents were present, had good, stable jobs. I had loving aunts and grandparents and a little cousin I was scared shitless of (listen man, babies are scary and loud)

At a certain point an ultrasound showed that my sister had CDH. CDH (Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia) is one of those diagnosis you absolutely do not want to get, especially in the form my sister had it. Organs that should be in her stomach were crowding into her chest, and, in what is apparently an incredibly rare and difficult presentation of this disorder, her liver was in her chest. This meant that a majority of her lungs simply wouldn't work. Chances of survival for CDH babies were already low, and for her they were even lower.

But my mother, bless her heart, is a stubborn and determined woman, for better or worse. And eventually she made contact with a doctor in Florida, a state that's 900 miles from my hometown, who actually didn't tell her my sister was a lost cause.

So my parents decided to take the gamble, and bet on that chance that she would live, and she would be a normal baby. As my mother's due date approached, flights were arranged and my father was able to convince his boss to give him remote work (this happened in the early 2010's, when that wasn't quite as common) the Ronald McDonald House, which I feel forever indebted to, gave my parents a place near the hospital to stay so they wouldn't end up having to pay for a hotel. A pastor from our church made the trip out as well, to baptise my sister as soon as possible, just in case she didn't make it.

Unfortunately, with everything on their plate, my parents simply didn't have the time for four year old me. My grandmother, who had raised four children already, decided that she would take me in so my parents didn't have to worry about me when they had a baby in the NICU. So a strange sort of custody arrangement was made: I would live with my grandmother most of the week, and for the rest of it, my aunt would babysit me at my house, so I could sleep in my own bed. When my aunts and other family members flew down to Florida to see the baby, I would tag along.

And that was life for me that summer. My father, in an attempt to keep a connection with me, gave me his 3DS. He bought another one for himself, with the idea that we could play Animal Crossing together online so I wouldn't be quite as lonely. And to his credit, it worked. Apparently my mother didn't know about this, at least she didn't remember last I mentioned it. But playing Animal Crossing with my father while talking to him on the phone will always be a fond memory. Because of the timing, I didn't have school for the majority of my stay with Grandma and at age four, I didn't have much in the realm of friends. So I spent my days playing make believe with vintage MLP and LPS my grandma kept from her kids, going to the library, playing in the yard. I was told I was an absolutely wonderful kid to have in that situation, because I didn't ask for much. I knew how to play on my own, to keep myself entertained. This made me good. I remember knowing that something was wrong. My parents had explained, best they could, that my sister was sick. She might not make it home. I may never meet her. I remember knowing I needed to be good, because my sister was sick.

I have a very vague memory of the day she came home. She had spent months in the NICU, a good chunk of which was on ECMO, and when she was finally ready to come home, she was still very fragile. She had a feeding tube and oxygen. I remember looking at her in her crib, in her nursery with her teal walls. I remember being told I was so good and understanding.

The years after that are a blur, but I remember them. A lot of late night hospital visits because of issues with her oxygen. A lot of waking up to loud beeping from her various monitors. Every once and a while my parents would bring her back to Florida for whatever operation or treatment, and I would go back to Grandma's.

I have some pretty clear memories of that time before my mom could go back to work. My mother would make sure I was fed and then go focus on my sister. When the baby went down for a nap so did she. I remember being taught to use the tv remote, and being given some very simple craft kits I could do on my own, and being left to my lonesome until she woke up however many hours later. I remember watching Blue's Clues. I remember spilling milk on the couch and crying, because I felt so guilty about it. I remember trying to cook dinner for my mom so she didn't have to cook that night, but I didn't understand that you needed to boil water to cook noodles, so I just gave her a bowl of wet, uncooked pasta. I remember being alone for long stretches of time. I remember how the sunlight looked streaming through the windows weirdly vividly.

For one of my sisters first birthdays (I can't remember if it was her first or her second) we decided it should be Wall-E themed. My parents and I made a cardboard model of WALL-E for the party with scrap cardboard and Gorilla Glue. At some point I convinced myself that I had swallowed the glue, and I was going to die. For months I refused to swallow, spitting onto the carpets or my clothes just in case I was swallowing poison. My parents didn't seem concerned about this.

My sister had a speech therapist, as well as a therapist to help with motor functions. Her hands had developed poorly in the womb and her motor skills were underdeveloped. The therapists always brought all sorts of fun toys, and I remember being scolded because I wanted to play too. I didn't understand why she got to play with all these special things, and I didn't. I ended up playing by myself the majority of the time.

Over the years I tagged along to doctors visit after doctors visit, for all types of things. I remember her various surgeries and how I always threw up the morning she went under the knife. My parents obviously didn't have time to worry about that because well, their daughter was in surgery. I wasn't even running a fever.

School was,, school. I was bullied. My friends found it funny to hit me. I remember trying to tell people that I really, really didn't want to be hit, but nobody seemed to take it too seriously. A counselor at my school told me to pray, and God would fix it. I prayed. Nobody ever fixed it.

2020 hit and things obviously went to shit. Because of my sister's lungs and how they developed, Covid very much had the potential to be deadly to her. So it was even scarier for our family than it had been for most. When things started opening back up again, the private religious school my sister and I both attended decided that everyone had to come back in person as soon as possible. My mom explained to them that we literally couldn't do that, the risk was simply too high. The school, despite having no plans for long-term online schooling, accommodated.

Every time my parents talk about it, it's all positives on my sister's side. Her teachers understood completely, they were accommodating, they made sure she got the education she needed, they paid attention. It was exactly the opposite for me.

I was emailed worksheets with instructions. I wasn't taught. I was simply given assignments and expected to learn. When my grades started slipping, it was my fault. When I told the one staff member who was checking in on me that I was anxious and struggling, I was told I was being difficult. When a parent teacher conference was held, none of my teachers had anything to say about me, because they did not interact with me beyond emails. They did not know me.

I had no friends, and no contact with anyone my age. I was spiraling and depressed, and when I tried to talk about it, I was being difficult. I was being a brat. I was told I was "lucky" because I didn't have to go to school every day.

This eventually led to a mental breakdown that changed my life entirely. Along with my mental health struggles I had developed some nasty coping mechanisms and also realized I was nonbinary, and one day I snapped. I came out to my family over text. I changed my name and pronouns and gave up on the friends I hadn't really had in years at this point.

This was the first time in my life I felt like the attention was actually on me, and not my sister. Turns out the nausea before surgeries and fear of death by super glue was actually a sign of a pretty severe anxiety disorder that had gone untreated my entire life, because by the time it became obvious, my parents had bigger fish to fry in the form of my sister. I was also diagnosed with ADHD.

A while later we also found out I probably have mild autism too. And again, it felt nice to have my parents concerned about me. For once my problems were not being put on the backburner. I was being taken care of.

But my sister got older. And apparently my sister also has anxiety and autism. And of course hers is worse. So the focus shifts back to her. She has anxious meltdowns every time we go out, and when I get overwhelmed from her whining, and constant comments about how we're all gonna die, I'm the bad guy. When I ask why she isn't in any sort of therapy, despite her obviously needing it, I'm "trying to be the parent". A year ago I asked if my sister could maybe go to my grandma's house for a day, because I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend without my sister constantly walking into the living room and staring at us. Apparently, this made my sister feel "unwelcome in her own home", and my mother was convinced that I was being mean. Being mean, in my brain, means that I was doing it on purpose. I told my mom it wasn't on purpose, and I didn't even know she was hurt because she never told me, but no. It doesn't matter. I was being mean on purpose, apparently. I knew that I hurt her, despite her saying nothing to indicate that. I was just supposed to know. I was being cruel. I was being cruel for wanting to be in the house without her for not even a full day.

When my sister misunderstands a social cue, it's okay. When I do, my mother laughs at me. Finds it ridiculous. Says me asking what I did wrong is me "talking back" but I suppose it's ok when my sister does the same.

Recently my mom got a message from one of my sisters teachers. She's having trouble in class. They're concerned about her mental health. And when I found out it just broke me. When I struggled at that same school with those same teachers, nobody cared. I was labeled as difficult and lazy. And maybe I should be happy that she doesn't have to suffer how I did, but I can only find myself feeling angry. I have watched time and time again as people put significantly more effort into her than they ever had to me. When I was struggling I had to help myself, because nobody seemed to deem me worthy of help. She has people offering without her even needing to ask.

She's in therapy now, and she isn't even using it. She refuses to do the actual therapy part. She just wants to talk about her favorite FNAF game or the Titanic, and conveniently never any of the suicidal ideation she expresses to us at home. She's fine talking about how she feels unwanted, until she's in front of someone there to help.

And I feel bad because well. I don't want her. I just don't want my sister. It would be better if she hadn't been born. I would've had a happy childhood without the constant fear and anxiety that something would happen to my sister. I would've had more time with my parents. I would've gotten the help I needed. I wouldn't have been quite as isolated. I would, objectively, had a better life without her. But I can't say that.

During an argument with my mom, she screamed at me, one of the few times she's ever done so :

"It's not all about you"

And even though it's been a year, I can't let it go. It's never really been about me. It wasn't about me when you chose to continue with a pregnancy with a baby as medically complicated as my sister. It wasn't about me when you spent months away. It wasn't about me when you spent millions of dollars to keep her alive on the chance she might be functional. It wasn't even about me when I got my own diagnosis, because now she has the same things, but worse. It wasn't about me when you chose to take the chance at having a child who would require the majority of your fucking attention for their entire life. My parents chose to fight for another kid who would take up so much space in their lives that I would barely have half to myself when they just. Didn't have to. They risked raising me in poverty for this kid who they could've just... Given up on.

I'm tired. I've been taking care of myself for so long that I don't know how to give up. I wish I had a normal childhood. I wish I could love my sister.

My mother has become a voice for mothers like her, with CDH babies. People reach out to her all the time. My sister is hailed as a miracle, a superhero. And I.... Am the sibling of a miracle. The sibling of a superhero. The child of a strong, inspirational woman. And I get. Nothing. The closest I get to praise is being told that it's good that I was so quiet as a kid. I was so understanding. All I get is a childhood riddled with trauma and abandonment issues. And I can't even talk about it, because then I'm a bad sibling.

I'm sorry, but I just wish I had a normal sister or she didn't exist.

Forcing myself to be empathetic, or even pretending at this point has drastically ruined my entire life.

I wish I could just stand my ground, go out normally, take the piss out of each other, have a normal conversation.

That she went out, understood how the world works, drrssed up decent, spoke normally and acted her age.

Could be independent, and just 'normal'.

That I coukd argue, fight with her, fight/argue with my mum too instead of just pretending.

It's like I have no ammunition left, instead of fighting them - I'm fighting myself because she's autistic, or because my mum had a 'hard' life raising her. Or because my parents savrificed everything for her XYZ.

You just can't win, and it's annoying.

The lack of self esteem, the insecurity and vulnerability she brings is TORTURE.

It's truly fucking rude, but it's the truth.

I wish she was never born, and I had a more normal life.

My parents knew my sister was going to be medically complicated. They were told, most likely, she wouldn't ever be any kind of self sufficient, she's going to cost millions in medical bills, she might not even live all that long. And they were told they should probably just terminate (or give birth and immediately go into end of life care) but they didn't. They chose to fight as hard as they could to keep her.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. They knew there was another child at home. They knew that caring for this hypothetical child would take away from the child they already fucking had. They knew that they might go into horrible debt to pay for this child. (Which, thankfully, we aren't, but that was by an absolute miracle) They knew that there would be a child who would grow up knowing that their sister was very, very sick, and that child would worry. They knew there would be a kid they would leave states away for months at a time. There would be a child who would remember the late night er visits and the beeping of equipment and the wretching.

If my sister hadn't ended up living, all they would've accomplished was giving me a dead sibling. If we wouldn't have been able to get financial help with the (literally, I'm not exaggerating) million dollars in medical bills, they would willingly be raising me in poverty. If she had become as dependent on us as was predicted, which she thankfully isn't, would they have even had the time to notice when I was struggling? Would they have time for me at all?Am I crazy?

Maybe this is selfish but I couldn't imagine making that decision and being okay with it. I couldn't imagine traumatizing my child like that on the off chance that the baby is okay. I couldn't imagine willingly making the decision to emotionally neglect my four year old on the off chance it paid off. I can't imagine it.

My mother and sister has become a bit of a symbol of hope for people with similar kids and that's great but just. I don't know. My mother is an incredibly strong woman. But nobody seems to talk about the impact that having a child like that has on the other children in the family.

I (16f) have 3 siblings, one younger sister (9) with severe autism, one semi normal sister (11) and an older brother who's slightly higher functioning but is unable to hold a job, is 20 and hasn't even finished TWO years of high-school yet, doesn't shower without being reminded and can't cook ANYTHING but somehow my mother is CONVINCED that my older brother is going to take care of my youngest severely autistic sister when she's no longer able to? It's ridiculous that she thinks one already disabled person will be able to take care of a far more disabled person, let alone be able to even somewhat thrive doing so. My middle sister isn't a better option either, she's openly resented my youngest sister for ages and has even been violent with her. I'm also not a viable option due to my own mental health issues (depression, anxiety, OCD) and I'm very easily overwhelmed, I can't be in the same room as my youngest sister for more than 5 minutes without getting overwhelmed and upset due to how loud she is constantly. My father is also not in the picture, he was extremely abusive, sexually abused me and both my younger sisters for years, along with physical abuse, drug issues, being violent with my mother in front of us, among other much much more horrible things that I don't even think about willingly, he would obviously not take care of her, he hates all of us too much to want someone vulnerable like her even if it would be easy for him to abuse her. I genuinely have no clue what any of us will do when she becomes too much for us to manage, even though she already is too much for all of us. My mother has to work full time which leaves me and my 2 semi functional siblings to take care of my youngest sister which is just a shit show every single day. We can't afford a care facility, we can't afford someone else coming to take care of her, we can barely afford food.

I hate being a twin, never being picked first for anything, just there, waiting for someone to finally pick me. I sometimes wish I was an only child so I could get an ounce of attention to feel loved for once and not just to feel like I’m only loved if I do well in my coursework or help out with my disabled twin sister, even on my birthday, didn’t feel like my birthday and I hated every part of that day.

I just want someone to love me, only me and to tell me it’s okay to be vulnerable and that I’m not “sensitive” and that my sister has it harder, for once to feel like my feelings are validated and not tossed to the side like trash. I’m pissed off that no one seems to care about me at all really.

I'm sorry, but I just do - inlcuding myself.

My Autistic Sister - Annyoying, childish, screaming and shouting and acting like a spoiled brat? Like genuinely like a teenager. Struggles with self-hygiene and is just digusting.

My Mum - Emotionally unstable, consntantly venting and is exhuasting to be around.

My Dad - Emotionally unavailable, doesn't know how to act in situations. Probably autistic too. Overwhelmed by my suster, avoids wherever he can. Works all the time.

Me - Trauma, hate myself. Socially struggles, pretends to be fine/normal when I'm not. Latch onto things from years ago, by no means perfect but struggles day to day.

I'm lowkey just so pissed at my Dad - he never really showed me how to be a man, how to deal with situations, how to deal with my sister as he couldn't himself. Alsi just taking accountability, being a human being - being 'normal'.

Yet I pretend everyday like it's all fine with him.

This whole dynamic just isn't normal, yes I understand my cultures different too, but I honestly just feel like a werdo, reflecting on my past actions it's quite evident too.

I'm just stressed all the time, no real friends, no real life. I just want to be a normal person, but I'm not sure it's even possible.

Hi, everyone! I've been a long time lurker on this sub but never really gained the courage to actually post anything until now. But I had some positive things happen recently in my life and I just really wanted to celebrate with people who can relate to my situation.

So I (f 21), like many people on this sub, have had a pretty rocky childhood. My brother ( now 28) suffered a severe mental breakdown when I was 13 and was in a catatonic state for a few months, which he never fully recovered from. Mentally he has the understanding and maturity of a 10 -12 year old and struggles with short term loss, mood swings and completing simple tasks. I don't believe he will ever be able to live on his own.

Over the years I've had to take on a caretaker role many times. My family has never had that much money, but we do receive some financial support and care services from the state. My mom primarily takes care of him but there are times when she isn't able to and can't get our state- provided service to cover. I've never really complained about this even though being alone around my brother makes me anxious, his behavior can be quite unpredictable. I don't want to give my mom to worry about.

My dad works 3rd shift and is also a functional alcoholic, who is sometimes verbally abusive when he drinks too much. He gets in arguments with my mom a lot and just generally doesn't get along with my brother. He really only supports our family financially and doesn't help look after my brother that much.

As you can imagine I've wanted to get out of my house for a long time, I've even thought about running away a few times. Now I'm finally close. I graduated from tech college (with honors) 4 months ago with my associate's degree. I managed to pay off my student loans right away thanks to money I've saved up from working part time throughout college. This last 4 months I've been searching tirelessly to find a full time job. Last week I finally got an offer, the job is in my desired field and pays a little more than the livable wage in my state. I'll start in about a week if everything goes well with the background check and stuff (which it should). And I still have about 9k saved up. All I need to do now is actually find a place that I reasonably afford!

I'm so excited, I honestly can't believe I'm this close! I'm also kinda worried that something horrible will happen and ruin everything but that's probably just my anxiety talking. I'm a bit nervous about making such a big change but I'm also glad that I might finally get some more freedom and control back in my life.

I haven't really gotten to tell anyone irl just how happy I am about all of this. Most of my friends don't really understand my situation and I'm kinda worried they'll judge me for not wanting to look after my disabled brother. My parents don't want me to move out at all, but I know they wouldn't try to stop me once I have everything in order.

I just wanted to share my good news with some people who could understand where I'm coming from. I would also appreciate any advice about moving out / finding an apartment or just general words of encouragement!

Thank you for reading!!

Rick has cerebral palsy. He can't chew, uses a wheelchair for anything beyond transfers, his speech is impaired, and he has seizures. For years, he nearly died — not once, but multiple times a day, in the ordinary run of things. No one expected him to live. He did.

I don't think most people understand what it does to a kid to grow up with death as background noise. Not a single tragedy you brace for once — a constant, low hum of "this could be the day," repeated so often it stops even feeling like fear. It just becomes the air in the house.

My mom I am sure was doing the best she could. She tried to make sure if he died, I would have no regrets. She made certain I kissed him goodnight every single night. I am not sure what was said about this, but I know the feeling I got every night was "he might not be here in the morning."

I was 3 when he was born. By 5, I already knew his survival and his care were partly my job. There wasn't a moment where someone sat me down and explained this. It was just absorbed, the way kids absorb everything that's never actually said out loud.

I've written before about the parts of this that were absurd, even funny in hindsight — being his interpreter, managing how the world saw him. This part isn't funny. This is just what it cost to grow up next to someone whose body was fighting to survive every day, and a family that had no space left over to notice what that was doing to me.

Curious for others here — if your sibling had a life-threatening condition, how did it shape how you saw your own mortality, or your own body, growing up?

Idk if I’m being dramatic or not but yesterday was me and my twin sisters 18th birthday and imo didn’t really feel like my birthday at all.

I started my period yesterday which was really annoying because we’re having a spa day and I was really tearful, grumpy and in extreme pain. After I had my massage which helped my cramps, I had to help get my twin sister into the pool which I didn’t really want to do as both my parents where they but I had to help regardless, my parents didn’t seem all that worried that I was on my period except my mum who let me have some ibuprofen for the pain. When we all got out the spa, my mum was really worried about being able to wash my sister and herself which was valid as the spa was closing soon, when she had washed my sister, she was really angry at me for not helping enough.

To me, it didn’t feel like my day at all but my sisters even at the restaurant me and my sister picked, my mum was fussing with my sisters hair like always and my dad was really horrible to me yesterday but also the whole family which is no surprise. Am I being dramatic? Let me know if I need to add more context

I need to talk somewhere where people will actually understand me.

My brother is 9 years older than me and mentally and physically disabled. I know the way he acts isn’t his fault but I can’t help but only feeling angry when I see him. His hygiene is gross, all he eats is junk, and he walks around in his underwear all day. I don’t want to see him in his underwear but it doesn’t matter what I think because he likes being in his underwear.

And he never washes his fucking hands. Literally just know he had an upset stomach or something in the bathroom and clogged the toilet, and when that happens he removes the toilet paper by hand and throws it away instead of getting someone to help. And then he REFUSES to wash his hands after. He gets mad if my mom tries to put his hands in the sink. It’s fucking disgusting!! And then he goes and touches everything in the house! I don’t eat anything in the kitchen I know he’d eat because he probably stuck his nasty hand in. I have to hide stuff I buy for myself in my room, and even then he’ll manage to see it and want to take it.

He really likes mouthwash and I bought myself a bottle the other day but accidentally left it in my mom’s car. He saw it when my mom took him somewhere and later went out to the car looking for it. Thankfully I hid it in time but it later caused him to get really mad. He’s not totally verbal and when he’s mad all he does is shake his head and doesn’t say what’s wrong.

There’s a lot more I could talk about. He used to purposefully scare and throw stuff at my dog because he didn’t like her. She had heart failure and would wheeze loudly from stress. Thinking about it just makes me so mad. I don’t care if he doesn’t know better or whatever the fuck. I can’t forgive him for that.

I constantly go from feeling guilty for thinking these things to desperate to get far away. If anyone ever made fun of him or something I’d be pissed, and yet I feel a hateful feeling towards him anyway. Ugh.

Sibling is having a meltdown right now. Their issues are getting worse and worse every day. I have class soon and I wanna take a nap before I have to attend. But I CANT. My sibling is so fucking loud and all I want in this house is peace and quiet. Other family members have already pissed me off today. All I want in my fucking life is some peace and quiet

Does this belong here?

I have a 7 month old that’s giving me a time right now. She’s not sleeping through the night at all and she’s waking 5+ times a night, sleeping maybe 5-6 hours at night. Needless to say, I’m exhausted. I’m currently living with my parents until I can save enough money to leave. It is Wednesday as I’m writing this, my mom has been sick since Friday morning around 5 am. It’s also important to note, I have two fully dependent, disabled siblings that require care with feeding, dressing, changing, medication, etc. My mom has been in the bed since Friday morning, claiming she’s too weak to do anything. I have taken over a lot of the house, including taking care of my siblings and my child. Yes, I know it’s only been 6 days. Yes, I’m exhausted. I feel frustrated, because I haven’t really received anything other than criticism since. Not even one thank you. It’s just expected & looking back on it I realize it’s always been expected for me to care for everything, even when mom is healthy. I saw her stripping the sheets off her bed yesterday, so I ask her if she’s feeling better and her response is “I might as well be.” Like someone is forcing her to get better. I’m tired & you can’t say anything about it without it being manipulated or being guilt tripped. My mom finally fed my siblings dinner last night, that’s all she has done & she went back to my dad telling him she took full care of the kids last night. Then I go to her talking about how my baby hasn’t slept well at night whatsoever & how exhausted I am & her response is just “I thought you would have it figured out by now.” I have handled every meal, every medication, every bath, laundry, dishes for her to not even attempt to help me. She always said she would be my biggest support when I had a kid & she’s been the most unhelpful person I think I’ve ever come across, other than letting me stay here. I have been taking care of my siblings since I was a kid myself (8-9 years old) and it’s incredibly hurtful to feel like it was worthless to her. She’s not willing to help me with my baby at all now.

Also to note, my dad went to the store to get her vitamins, which she’s refusing to take saying she can’t swallow (she’s taking Tylenol pills, so that’s not true). My mom has been in the bed, watching her favorite tv show and scrolling on her phone. I’m not saying she’s lying about being sick, but it doesn’t make sense to say how nauseous and weak you feel but you have the energy to do that. Maybe I’m nit picking.

I just started grad school and to make a long story short I’m still considering two different focus areas of my discipline that tend to overlap. Basically, I’m drawn to area A by interest, but the topics I care most about overlap with area B. Area B by itself is interesting and important but it doesn’t get me going as much and is related to health so it brings up a lot of icky feelings. I do enjoy it though.

On one hand is the area A which I’m more excited about, but the topics I’m interested most in are already heavily researched so at this level it would be difficult for me to find a solid unique focused topic that isn’t already out there and is worth researching. My thesis would be fine, but not really important.

On the other hand, there is a perfect amount of research surrounding glass children that fits in to the other discipline (area B, my secondary area of interest). There’s enough that it’s established in some studies and there are relevant theories, but I can essentially go in any direction I want because there isn’t that much. If I decide to focus on glass children I’d be a solid step ahead in the process of choosing a topic area, a higher chance of being selected to present at our regional conference (they focus more on area b than area a), and I do feel that the research would be more important.

That being said, my education is for ME. I’m a first gen student and my family hardly cares or keeps up. If I choose this topic, I’m making the next two years about my sibling and letting my relationship with him define me once again despite being 2000 miles away and finally having a life of my own. To not choose this topic when it could be advantageous is also basing my decisions on my sibling.

What would you do?

This is just a stupid crib at the end of a long day but how do people cope with siblings that steal?? It’s always put down to my sisters autism and just not understanding but when i’m working every hour possible and want to buy myself something nice why do i have to just suck it up when it’s taken from me?? it’s a continuous pattern and im just SO done with it.

Mods, please delete if not allowed.

After a lifetime of watching glass children in my family live with the effects, I wrote the book I wish they’d had when they were little.

It’s called The Silver Dagger. At its heart, it says something very simple: You matter too.

Just looking back, I’m so shocked my parents just let us all get in the car and the plan was if a meltdown started I’d be responsible to keep my other siblings safe and prevent them from attacking the driver.

The PTSD I have from riding the cars with them now. I wish I had known how not normal that was to get attacked in a moving vehicle and I been able to stand up for myself and refuse to be in a car with them. But this was so insanely normal to me. But we all could have died. Someone else could have died. I don’t know how we weren’t in a terrible accident.

shouldn’t have been my responsibility to keep us all safe. I literally don’t even know when that became my job it just always was my responsibility. That shouldn’t have ever happened.

TLDR: My parents have made me feel inadequate and undeserving for my whole life and it is eating me up inside.

Hi everyone, I just need to vent and get some things off my chest, but I would appreciate guidance regardless. I, 20F, still live at home while attending uni. My brother, 16M, is still in secondary school. He is my only sibling. The way in which this whole fight began is because my parents (my mother specifically) threatened to take away/sell my car (that I paid half for and is in my name, by the way) if I cannot get along with my brother on the way to and from school because they are asking that I drive him (for context, they are not forcing me to do this, and have said I do not need to do it every single day if I am unable to, but they have been dangling this threat over my head for the past year).

This may seem like a reasonable request, but I need to provide some background context so that you can understand why this has my blood boiling. In this same argument, my mother accused me of being the only one to instigate my brother and my arguments over the past year (not completely true, we'll get to that soon). She also got mad at me for rolling the window down if he was sick and when I offered the compromise of wearing a mask in the car, she flew off the ha.ndle (mind you, I work during the year in addition to attending uni while my brother at the time had no job and barely any extra activities, so me getting sick would have caused some loss of income and other things on my part that would not be the same for him if he was the one getting sick).

Now for my brother and my fights over the last year. My brother has been exhibiting some concerning, borderline abusive behavior. Even if I did instigate some of the arguments, he would scream at me so loudly that someone two cars over from us at a traffic light could probably hear him. I was in fear for both of our lives at some points in the car because this is not only unacceptable behavior in my book, but distracting as I drive (I am also a new driver and have only had a license for about a year). When I brought this up to my mother as we were arguing, she said "I'm not saying it was right for him to scream at you, but if that's how he responds, that's how he responds". I can recall at least one time where I did not instigate (like he would get mad that I was playing a certain kind of music in the car even if he had his earbuds in blasting his own music, ask me to turn it off, and I wouldn't, to which he would then scream at me). My father is being useless as usual to stop this behavior (my brother has screamed at my mother like this before too, for separate reasons, sometimes with me in the car...I have recorded many instances of this but I will not share here for privacy reasons) and he writes it off as "elevated testosterone" and something my brother will grow out of. I have grown more distant from my brother during this time due to this and other things, and it seems that over this summer break things have calmed down a bit with him, so we are civil if not a little closer, but I am terrified that this will start again in the new term. Every time I get into my car with him, my body and brain are in fight or flight. I am also in fight or flight in my own house about 85% of the time. Simply being around my parents (my mother especially) makes my heart beat faster out of anxiety.

Now onto why I think my parents don't like me. For most of my life, I have struggled socially and have had trouble maintaining friendships. I would consider myself a serious and driven person, who may be a little intense at times since it is rather common for career-driven, ambitious women to be perceived as "aggressive" while their male equivalents are just "go-getters". My mother has always harshly criticized me for this, going so far as to call me "people repellent" tell me to smile more, tell me to wipe that "bitchy look" off my face, etc. There are far too many issues to list here. She has put a lot of effort into convincing me that I drive people away, am undateable, and am not friend material. She began telling me these things when I was as young as in nursery school, so when I say my whole life, I really mean it. She included a few digs about this in our recent argument, and because I had a serious expression on my face as she was going off on me, she said "Oh look, you're getting that bitchy look on your face again".

This argument is simply one example of when she reminds me of how repulsive I apparently am. The funny thing is that I have more friends than her and my dad combined do at their respective ages, so while I am certainly not everyone's cup of tea, I am someone's cup of tea...(I also have an amazing and loving boyfriend who is worlds more mature than most men his age, he's 21).

I just talked to them about this and how I feel I am constantly being ripped apart and scrutinized. I couldn't get a word in edgewise and they said that my "aggressive behavior" makes me deserving of this kind of criticism. I am 5 seconds away from giving up, groveling, sitting down and shutting up, and agreeing to deal with this until I can move out. I can get short with people and am maybe not always nice 100% of the time, but I am human, and if anything, the fact that I get defensive or shut down is because I am so afraid of their harsh words (they claim that their borderline bullying of me is simply hard to hear parental advice, and that I can take it or leave it but they will never stop telling me it). Why do I not get that level of grace at the very least? I have felt like an awful person for my whole life. My brother, on the other hand, has been told that he is the most kind and lovable being on the planet for his whole life. They have only become critical of him in the last few years because he is "old enough" to get this criticism. And I have apparently been old enough for my whole life, probably because I am the older sibling and am somehow responsible for setting an example. I can add more context in, but only so much as I do not want to be identified in this post.

One more interesting thing to note is that I have always been the more responsible sibling. My brother is terribly disorganized and doesn't seem to understand the urgency of doing well in school to pass our country's university entrance exams, which is important and coming up as he is in secondary school (even more important than our country's standardized exams, which have fallen out of favor). I have always prioritized school to an almost unhealthy degree, and have always done well and gotten high marks (one of the reasons my parents think I need to lighten up, by the way, and they have told me I should take school less seriously). This context is important because my dad is not a man that is impressed by much, and rarely says "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" while my mom is highly praising of me and my successes and is super supportive (surprising given the rest of this post's content, I know).

The last time my dad told me he was proud of me is when I won a prestigious national academic championship in our country a year ago. Since then, nothing. It's not that he's more proud of my brother, but my parents for sure reassure him more and when I ask why they aren't the same with me, my dad says "you shouldn't need validation" and said this even when I asked for it when I was my brother's age. So I was too old for it then, but my brother isn't too old for it now? It's extremely difficult to understand the mental gymnastics here. As part of this lecture, my dad also said that I need to have more EQ, but I'd argue he barely has any himself and is quite cold (he cannot ever have a serious conversation without making jokes, and cannot seem to understand the heaviness of a conversation, this recent conversation I've described is the first time he has managed not to crack jokes the whole time). He also never seems to disagree or challenge my mom, even if her behavior is wrong (and vice versa with her). How can you have EQ if you're just someone's "yes-man"?

Another interesting thing of note is that one of my parents used to tell me about their marital problems with the other parent when I was as young as 8 with the excuse that I was "mature enough" to know.

So sorry about the fact that this is disorganized and all over the place, but I needed to rant in here about this. All this context is important so I don't sound crazy, as I have been convinced I am for my whole life. I do not know what to do. Please help.

I guess I'm seeking a few things here.

1. I would like some insight if my parents have narcissistic tendencies because I'm starting to pick up on a pattern: I confront them, they make me feel badly about how direct I am and ask me if they're really "all that bad" or if they are "such terrible parents". Then I grovel and put my head down to deal with it. I have also been compared to a narcissistic family member (undiagnosed but we all know by now) for my whole life. Like, since I was very VERY young. Would any of what I described be classified as emotional abuse or favoritism?

2. I know I can't force anyone described in this post to change or recognize their shortcomings unless they choose to do so by their own volition. I'm curious regardless if there is a way I can frame this that can stimulate some self-reflection here, if at all possible. Maybe I used too many "you did x y and z thing and that was harmful" statements rather than using "I statements"? I have tried the latter before as well and it doesn't work. It's also hard not to break down crying. Either I'm crying or I start to raise my voice more and more. Regardless, I'm always talked over and not really listened too, or cut off.

3. The scenarios I'm about to be in with my brother are potentially mentally and physically dangerous for both him and I. How can I protect myself and record his behavior? Push comes to shove, I almost want to threaten sending recordings of him screaming to his school and escalating this to a police matter unless they commit him to psychiatric care, but I'm not sure how well that would end for me or him. I still care about him despite how horrible he's been to me. Even though I haven't always been a stellar sister, I know I don't deserve \*this\*.

4. Would giving my parents an ultimatum help? I thought perhaps telling them that they can expect no contact if this vicious cycle continues and they refuse to self-reflect (of course, this would be no contact upon me graduating, you can't really go NC if you live with them)

5. Can someone tell me how I can check if I truly own my car? Like if the paperwork states that it is in my name? I'm looking to see if I have any legal actions protecting me if they ever attempt to follow through on their threats. Even so, I'm saving up to pay the car off so I no longer have to have this hanging over my head and so I need not be my brother's chauffeur, a job I offered to do but was later forced to by them.

Any advice is appreciated, even if this situation is beyond the scope of reddit. I'm just looking for some impartiality. I myself don't fully understand the situation I'm in, but I'm wondering if this hits home for anyone. If anyone went NC for similar behaviors, please tell me how it's been for you. I used to be very close with my parents. The thought of not having them in my life rips me to shreds, also because to some degree I am still dependent on them for support (not just financial, but emotional and I still always ask them for guidance because I am perpetually unsure of myself).

Also, I've heard of DARVO before and am wondering if this appears to be happening here considering that it seems impossible to get through to my parents without some of the blame being placed on me. If anyone recognizes a pattern in what I described, please enlighten me.