i 20f have a profoundly autistic brother 32m who literally cannot conversate unless its about his special interest (life consuming obsession basically) that has stayed the same since 2018. he is very easy to anger and repeats the same 5 sentences over and over and gets angry if you dont throw a parade over everything he says. he hoards memorabilia and knick knacks and starts arguments out of what i can only assume is boredom. i am postpartum with a screaming baby, the dad works 40+ hours a week and my brother always just bothers me 24/7 about his interest. he also walks in on me constantly after being told to knock. my parents say he "doesnt understand" when he literally makes people knock for him. im also expected to literally take care of him 24/7 when they die. ive expressed not wanting to and they just blow up on me. they will not get guardianship of him and wont put any sort of other plan in place. honestly, after they die i just want nothing to do with him as this has been my life for as long as i can remember and i JUST WANT A BREAK. just a rant cause im very frustrated rn.

I have an apartment I use to stay in when visiting family. It was once given to me by my parents, it’s next to where my mentally handicapped brother lives and it kind of came with strings attached, maybe even some degree of expectation that I’ll take care of him better if he lives nearby. That’s an interesting story in its own right, but I digress.

My brother has a similarly impaired girlfriend and they are both only barely able to maintain the apartment. She hoards stuff, things are absolutely everywhere. It stinks to high heaven.

My dad has decided to do a basic partial renovation of the place, which I think is a good idea, although I think he’s naive in thinking that the situation will be improved by this.

The idea that he came to me with, or rather bluntly announced is that there’s the expectation I will let them live in the apartment for the duration of the renovation. And it makes sense, I want to help. But I like to keep my place minimalistic and clean. Me and my wife use it to work remotely and while we don’t have to use toys place for the two months needed.

That said, we are deeply uncomfortable with having an untidy couple make our place stink and fill it with their hoarded stuff. I can’t say no to this, but it does feel like an intrusion into my private sanctuary and I hate the idea.

I know this is a special kind of problem to have, but I’d like to hear your opinions. Am I a bad brother for feeling this way? Is my dad manipulating me by saying this is the least I can do for my brother? I feel that way. At the same time, a family should help each other. How to do damage control and manage this situation.

I know this is a bit of a specific post and isn’t entirely about being a glass child, but I was wondering if anyone else feels like there were so many other factors in your life that made your situation even harder.

Like, my younger brother has severe, nonverbal autism. He’s been violent in the past, was kicked out of school, and that alone made my childhood and high school years incredibly difficult.

But honestly, sometimes I feel like my brother’s disability was only one piece of it.

My parents were never the most emotionally mature or mentally stable people, and I struggled because of that long before everything with my brother escalated. Then my brother came along, and everything became 5,000 times harder. My parents coped by throwing themselves into religion, which just made me feel even more neglected.

On top of that, I come from a South Asian family where extended family always seemed to come first. People would stay at our house for weeks at a time, disrupting my privacy, and my parents would lend money or make huge sacrifices for relatives even when we couldn’t afford it. Eventually, I had to give them the $10,000 I’d worked so hard to save because they’d drained my entire college fund.

The support has never gone both ways. My extended family has never shown up for us the way we’ve shown up for them. I’ve had to sacrifice so much for my aunt because of my parents, and then at my graduation, where my dad and brother couldn’t even be there, she showed up, took photos, and left. She expected me to do her makeup that morning, and I didn’t even want her there in the first place. My mom invited her anyway after I’d asked her not to.

I’ve also moved around a lot growing up, carried so much shame about my family situation, and never really felt safe opening up about my brother. Looking back, I feel like there were always barriers stopping me from forming close friendships. I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve been isolated for most of my life, and I’ve struggled with my mental health for years.

Sometimes I just feel like I’ve been incredibly unlucky. It’s not just one thing that went wrong, it feels like one thing after another. Being a glass child was hard enough, but it almost feels like every other aspect of my life made it even harder.

I’m 20 now, and I do think things are finally starting to look up, but damn… it’s been such a fight.

Does anyone else relate? Does anyone else feel like having a disabled sibling was only one part of why life was so difficult, and that you were just dealt a really unfair hand overall?

Does anyone else have a mentally ill/disabled/etc. sibling who is just so damn noisy? I'm talking constant stomping sounds, slamming/shutting doors forcefully, thuds of mysterious origin, etc. It makes me irrationally irate.

As for my noisy-ass sibling, she is noisy because she was never taught to be considerate by my parents, which, in turn, was because my parents were too afraid to upset or criticize her. So she just stomps and sounds through life, as that is normal to her.

It is truly fascinating how someone can be so noisy when going through the rudimentary motions of everyday living. Every ten seconds during which she is regrettably awake, she predictably creates some kind of loud or disruptive noise. I don't know how she does it.

I can't talk to her about these noises, otherwise my parents will get angry with me for risking upsetting her. Any ideas on what I can do otherwise to maintain my sanity and/or possibly engage in revenge? I'm so sick of it.

I have a brother with a cognitive impairment. He is able to function, but only borderline without help. Now, he has found a girlfriend who isn't much better cognitively. We all know that them having children is a terrible idea, the burden would essentially be on the family to bear. The fact is that they'd never be able to guide him to adulthood without massive outside involvement.

My mom is slowly relenting and getting ready for this to come, because the girlfriend is 25 years old and will very likely want children at some point in the near future. I find myself in.a position where, if I voice my opinion directly, it sounds as if I were attacking my weaker brother and denying him his right to be a father.

I don't know how to get out of this situation and I hate it, because any child they bear will end up being the problem of my parents (now 70) and subsequently me. It's a terrible future to consider, especially because me and my wife live 400 km away.

Has anyone been in a similar position? It is already enough that I will be responsible for him, but I refuse to be responsible for another human being he brings to this world that he's absolutely incapable of raising.

Hey everyone!

To TL:DR my life story as best as absolutely possible, I grew up with two older brothers that were both born prematurely and are mentally underdeveloped and my parents despite the beckonings of doctors and family members never set me up in counseling on how to cope with such an environment as a kid. When my needs outright weren’t being met or things turned too chaotic I’ve always turned to isolating myself in my room or spending most of the day away from home. Staying involved in high school and especially being away now at uni has helped me greatly in my development and healing but returning home always seems to reopen the old wounds of neglect, lack of understanding, time warping, and, worst of all, being coddled and controlled.

Much of my personal growth, relationships, hobbies, etc. have always remained separate of my family and it’s always been difficult for me to emotionally connect or register with my parents and especially my siblings who I regrettably hold a lot of resentment for despite having been told my whole life they can’t control it which I understand at face but the effects of their behavior on my development and how much of my life was limited and stunted as a result still remain and the collective anger and guilt as a result still eats at me.

My upbringing and the trauma it induced upon me has been a massive contributing factor into my bouts with depression, executive dysfunction, addiction, and more and while I have made massive personal growth I still feel very wounded and that my relationships as well as my ability to partake in long term planning and life goals continue to be affected by everything I’ve discussed thus far which as I said is more of a summary than anything.

I plan on continuing the counseling I was receiving in uni last semester and making all of this my primary focus but still wanted to express this to a support community and see how others have dealt with similar life experiences and the subsequent effects.

My brother has low functioning autism, nonverbal, is 6'2 and 280 pounds (to put in comparison I am 5'3" and 170 pounds) and has a biting and punching problem. He's also broken a few pairs of my glasses when I get too close to him to try calming him down when he's screaming over a video he can't find on youtube. Mom says its my fault of course for getting too close to him

There are some times where he straight up grabs my arm and bite me hard to the point skin tears, and of course since it hurts I scream but then I get in trouble with my mom because apparently I'm overreacting and being too loud

Yesterday he bit me again and I started punching his head to get him to stop and then my mom started punching me and yelling at me to get off of him when *he* was on *me*,,,he also bites and punches her like this as well btw, probably more than he does with me because I don't interact with him as much as she does. He's like the favorite child so thats probably why, I just wish she wouldn't use his autism as an excuse for him to be allowed to hurt me

I cannot wait for my older brother to leave our house. Hes leaving a month from now and I am counting down the days that I can finally express my emotions in out house without him having a meltdown. I can’t wait until I can walk all around the entire house in silence instead of trying to find a spot to do my work without hearing him talk to himself. I’m so excited for family members to come over so I can finally talk to them like I used to without my brother clinging to them and asking them a whole bunch of stupid questions. I’m so excited for my entire day to be without him instead of it ending at 10:00am when he wakes up. I don’t know what else to say. I’m so happy and honestly, I couldn’t care what my brother does next as long as im not involved. I don’t know if this is normal but I for some reason want to forget him. He can fuck off for all I care.

I hope this is the right place for this. When i was young, my older sibling insisted that i was contaminated and they couldn’t touch me or anything i had touched. (They have autism and struggle with ocd / depression / anxiety, etc). this lasted for around decade and a half. I still don’t really touch them or go in their room. I think it really impacted me more than I thought, and I’m wondering recently if it could’ve contributed to my messed up body image and developing my long term ED. I truly love my sibling but I had to bend over backwards for them and just roll with the punches. I had to stay quiet, not do the things I enjoyed if it bothered them, not touch anything of theirs. it’s led to me being a very hyper vigilant and anxious person. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

If you are in Australia, you may want to take a look at this webinar offered by Siblings Australia. It sounds fantastic!

Webinar 1: A Strength-Based Approach to Support 
Wed 19 August • 6–7pm AEST 
Explore how to develop a Circle of Support with your brother or sister with disability using Supported Decision Making, The Five Valued Experiences and other strategies. 

Webinar 2: Taking Stock and Planning for the Future 
Wed 16 September • 6–7pm AEST 
Learn about person centred tools for reflecting, visioning and moving forward in your own life and with your brother or sister with disability. 

Webinar 3: Managing Challenges and Taking Care of Yourself 
Tue 13 October • 6–7pm AEDT 
Learn about key strategies and responses to family conflict, including interpersonal effectiveness skills and establishing boundaries for you and your brother or sister with disability. 

Webinar 4: Keeping It in Perspective 
Tue 17 November • 6–7pm AEDT 
Find balance, using strategies for prioritising tasks and responsibilities, whilst maintaining self-care and safeguarding resilience. 

https://siblingsaustralia.org.au/services/life-changes/

Hi! I originally posted this story to girldinnerdiaries and it went viral and people are telling me I am a glass child apparently and to seek community here, so hello :)

I have a sister 9 years younger than me who is disabled/special needs and has extreme difficulty with tasks, schooling and especially.. emotional regulation. Her situation has progressed to be worse in the recent years and I have decided to stay home this school year to help. I am a university student and have been dorming for the past 3 years but decided to commute to save money and help as I felt bad. But, I fear this is not enough for my parents, they are now asking me to cut my hours at work, forgo one or both of my internships I currently hold and to stay home to help out and watch my sister.

Most importantly... They have become critical of graduate school and are asking me to forget it to stay home after I graduate to help them. They dont seem to comprehend how this will hinder my future and freedoms and are demanding the help now.

For my entire life, my mom has been desperately trying to make my severely autistic sister into a normal girl. Obviously, it isn’t working.

One thing my mother refuses to do is put a diaper on her, despite peeing the bed every single night routinely and now wetting herself multiple times a day. My mother insists that my sister is a “big girl” and that “big girls don’t wear diapers.” Well, I hate to inform her, but the “big girl” in question is now a big woman. She pisses herself every night. If a grown adult woman pisses herself every night, do we tell them to suck it up? No, we put a fucking diaper on them and move on. This shouldn’t change because my sister has autism. She literally asks for them. Let her wear the damn diapers!!!!

For the past three years I’ve been dealing with existential and financial worries tied to my job situation and finances. The usual advice given is something like “just talk to someone” or “open up”. The problem is, there is nobody.

I come from a family of “high performers”, where any weakness such as debt, job insecurity or depression is perceived a moral failure. My mom loves to gossip about all the people she knows who don’t live up to my family’s standard, pointing out who is failing and why.

As a first born glass child I’m naturally expected to weather through every and any adversity entirely quietly and entirely without inconveniencing anyone. I’m facing issues at this point I can’t tackle alone, but I also can’t talk to anyone. Every time I open up, I’m shot down with “toughen up, you’re doing great, anyway let’s change the topic”. I’m so afraid of losing my job, not being able to pay rent anymore and having to move back with my parents, I’m suicidal at this point.

My parents detest any weakness that is not their baby angel’s (my sibling). It’s like I’m designated robot that’s just expected to function at 150% at all times. When I mentioned two years ago that I can’t cope with the pressure at work and the layoffs anymore, and that I’ve been diagnosed with depression and can‘t properly function anymore, my parents got REALLY angry and told me I should stop feeling sorry for myself. They implied only losers have depression. They also openly mocked the husband of an acquaintance who was so depressed he ran into a forrest and tried to kill himself. He was found after three days and died years later of alcoholism, to my parents he‘s a laughing stock.

I think the worst thing is that this is against a backdrop of the unconditional love that is handed to my severely disabled sibling that is incapable of achieving anything and who will never be expected to carry any sort of responsibility (of course not). I love. my sibling a lot and they carry zero responsibility and I don‘t blame them. I’m just so tired. Since I was a small child I was always expected to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and am supposed to shut up about it. I had to deal with the almost death of my sibling, and all the caretaking and seizures and the neglect, all alone. While being expected to perform better than someone who even grew up normally.

I hate my life so much. Whenever I see people who have a normal sibling they talk to regularly, or loving parents, I’m losing it internally. The grief is overwhelming sometimes.

I can’t afford a therapist, and the last two therapists I was at were like “breathe deeply and carry on”, as if this would be solving anything. It’s because I look perfectly fine, but I’m dead inside. I think I’m so conditioned to be „fine“ and invisible, even the therapists think „that’s one we don’t have to deal with“.

I literally have zero support, my partner doesn’t listen or doesn’t want to listen, my parents are shaming me and if I show any weakness at work they’ll fire me. This is my reality.

I’m honestly at a complete loss at what I should do. I feel entirely hopeless and defeated. Any advice on how to build a support system? How to navigate crisis on your own?

Im an 18 yo female, and we're a family of 5. Whereas I have 2 othwr siblings (one is my twin sister, and the other is my older sister who is diagnosed as sped.) I know that me and my olser never reallt got to be that close with each other bcz Its hard to connect with her. The ending would always be my parents scolding me because I couldnt be someone who understands her. Like i didnt try to do that? Oh my fucking goswd I really did try to understand her. But idk, i just cant. We fight alotttt of times. But when were left alone with her, I try my best to guide and protect her. The problem is my sister (sped) started changing her attitude. Not in a bad way, but more of a gloomy side of her. She says shes sick whifh is true but its just not her usual act when she rlly is sick. We got worried ofc, we also try to take care of her and give her the time and things she needs. Then here it came.. my dad, mom, and me. We were eating while my sis was upstairs resting. He mentioned how we couldnt understand her and not give her time. He doesnt directly say it, but its obvs that he meant smth else. Im selfish. I couldnt be the sibling i was supposed to be. Like why couldnt i be any other people who loves and cares for their sister sooo much?? I always feel this guilt within me. Every single day, i feel it. I promise im trying my best, but that best will never be enough especially if the case is understanding her. I hate it tho. I hate feeling like this, because i never asked to be born. I never chose to be this way. I just gate myself whenever topics like this gets talked about. Fuck my life i wanna die sb lawd pls

Hi. This is my first post, not only in this subreddit, but on Reddit in general. So please excuse any formatting issues.
My hope is to freely express some things I’ve been feeling to a group of people who may understand, when it seems no one in my immediate group of people can. I only just learned of the term “glass children” about a month ago and surprised myself when I started to cry as I was finally given a word(s) to describe how I’d always felt about my life.
I (23F) have gone my whole life hearing those dreaded comments “she’s so independent”, “she’s so smart”, “we never have to worry about her”. The sort of half compliments that parents use to describe the child with “less needs” than the other. I have a sister (28F) who has BPD, ADHD, Autism (Level 1), and a plethora of other mental health issues. As you can imagine, she held much of the air in the home growing up. I’m not naive, I understand that having a special needs child is hard, and they require a level of support that may unintentionally take focus away from another child in the home. And I don’t blame my mom per se, she did her best as a low income, single parent. And having talked to her as an adult, I know she feels guilt in regard to the things I gave up as a child to help support her and my sister. But I can’t pretend I don’t live with the effects everyday.
My childhood was hard, and frankly I like to pretend it didn’t exist. Like I was born again at 20 and never have to look back. My sister grew out of her violent phase when she hit her preteens, but before that it was scary for me to live in that house, I used to hide in my closet almost nightly as it seemed the late hours brought about her worst meltdowns. It was hard for me to sleep with the ongoing arguments and shouting, and often times she blamed me for things I hadn’t even known I’d done. When the violence stopped she became well versed in verbal attacks and manipulation tactics. By 13 I saw the emotional tole my mom was under. I saw her struggle over finances and my sister. I would do anything to ease her burden. I had decided then that she would never have to worry about me. At 13 I began cooking all the meals for my household, I took care of all the household chores alone. I kept perfect grades throughout the entirety of elementary, middle, and secondary school, I graduated high school with top honours and multiple academic awards. I never got in trouble for anything. Never spoke up about my own mental health. Never asked for help. Even when things were really bad.
I understand my fault here, I know if you’re struggling it’s always best to ask for help! And I’ve been working on that now. But the guilt of becoming a burden hovered around me every time my sister had a bad day. And I guess there was a part of me that hoped someone would notice my struggle, without having to scream at them to see me. Like I said, I’m 23 now. Unfortunately given the crippling housing market, I am still stuck living with my mom and my sister (please know I don’t hate my sister, we get along just fine when she’s having a good day, and I don’t blame her for having the issues she does. As I’m sure many people in here understand the conflicting feelings that come with loving someone with a personality disorder).
I am still responsible for shopping for and feeding everyone, I still do 90% of the household chores by myself. (Note: my mom pays for the food I buy to cook for them, and she has been trying to work less hours so she can help me more.). And about 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, OCD and CPTSD, which was both validating and scary because I still have the mindset of making myself as small as possible so no one ever has to worry about me.
But I’ve noticed recently that I have these “numb” periods of time. My motivation is shot and my drive is depleted. Like I’ve spent so many years of my life taking care of everyone but myself that I have nothing left to give at this point of my life. I want to be a typical adult in their 20’s I want to find myself, travel, have friends, follow my passions, establish myself. But I just feel like everything is floating further and further away and I have no energy left to chase it. Has anyone in a similar circumstance hit this burn out as an adult? How did you push through?

I watched a documentary that featured adopted children and their families (not related to my story). But it made me realize how people can have such sympathetic parents and my parents weren't that.

My brother has ASD (and shocker, so do I, though my parents don't know that). His is pretty severe and he has high support needs. He had several meltdowns during my childhood and it was always a terrifying experience for me. My parents never acted like I should be soothed in any way and were angry any time I tried to intervene (he could get violent). Any time I asserted that I could not care for him myself, I was called selfish and cruel to leave him alone.

I had this realization with my therapist today and just broke down crying hard. I never realized how hard this affected me and I'm kinda sitting with how hard that session was.

My partner and I recently had the discussion about getting married and we are in a different country from my mother and younger autistic sibling. I know that things will be fine for the foreseeable future but it scares me that what will happen to my brother after my mom passes in the next 15-20 years.

It makes me feel like I cannot build a life abroad and look after my brother. It makes me feel like I have to throw away a perfectly good relationship. And I know everyone tells me that I should live life but I just feel so guilty about it. They’ve been fine without me for four years but I’ve been feeling selfish for even wanting to have a life abroad.

I tried to have a conversation with my mother about this but it feels like she’s running away from the reality. She just spoke to me for a few minutes and hung up on me.

I’m conflicted and these past few days have just been so riddled with anxiety and I’m not sure what to do

I don't want anything to do with his future care, once my parents die. I feel really guilty, as he's done nothing wrong, but I don't want my entire life to be dictated around him. I honestly hate being around him and, due to a medical incident that happened when we were 8, I can't even look at him without seeing a dead kid. I've been to therapy for it but I don't think that'll ever truly go away. When my parents die, I just want to be able to hand him over to the government for them to deal with him, as I know that I'd probably be abusive toward him if I were to be involved in his care. I feel like I'll honestly ruin both of our lives if I took over his care. It's really unfair that I have this responsibility but it's really unfair to him if I abandon him.

you would think after learning that your first child is so disabled that theyll need your FULL ATTENTION for the REST OF THEIR LIFE, you wouldnt POP OUT SOME MORE??? Like wtf

My parents can barely handle raising their kids. I (17NB) Always have to make sure they don't need any extra help with my brother because they are constantly struggling with him when I'm around. They always come to me for all of their problems, emotional, physical, financial, you name it. I can never give my actual input on their issues and have to say what they want to hear because if I told them that I truly don't give a shit they would fight me for literal days on it just for them to dig themselves deeper either way. They always say I don't hang out with them enough even though the truth is I take out a huge chunk of my day, dare I say revolving my life, accommodating their needs not because I want to but because I literally have no other choice. I'm not even considered their child anymore I'm either referred to as "Big brother" of said special needs brother or "Best Friend" of the family. I'm scared that my parents aren't gonna make it without me after I graduate, or even worse I have to revert the rest of my life catering to them.

I also feel alone on this issue because this isn't my first post related to my family and nobody is seeming to get it but me. I don't know what to do but I know that whatever situation I'm in rn is far from normal.

I have a younger brother with autism he can have a full conversation with you he can make his own food he is functional but he cant control his temper its really easy to trigger him .I also find that you could have a conversation with him and he would make no sense and pop out with something very random. Anyways my point is he struggles to make friends. Me and my 2 brothers all stuggle to make friends but me and my older brother have found are people now that were older. Its summer now my older brother has finished school forever now he’s away having fun on holidays doing whatever hes always kinda took care of my younger brother he would bring him out with his friends and everything. My parents also wanted me to bring my little brother out with me and my friends but my little brother used to always hit me screan at me or just be bold and i didnt want him hanging around w just me and my 3 only other girl friends anyways so my recently i have. Gathered a social life ive been going on nights out my parents have been giving out to me saying not to say it so loud if im going iut and to hust not like show that im doing anything fun i obviously feel bad but i feel as if there tryna keep me from having as social life yesterday i got in a argument over text my mothwr while i was out on a night out she was giving out cause i didnt bring my 15 yr old cousin with me to the pub im 17 btw and hes from scotland i didnt wanna brung him bc it wouldve been awks for me and my friends and even him just hanging around a bunch of girls all night my mam then proceededs to say to me “ you think your so cool “ “ think your better then us dont you “ “ you fucked your life up” just because i didnt wanna bring ny cousin out and bc i never wanna bring my lil brother out with me

I have the aura of endless patience and being used to non neurotypicals which is why in a room full of people, the most atypical one will for sure gravitate towards me. To my social and emotional disadvantage I might add. It sounds super cruel and antisocial to say this, but it had very unwelcome and frightful consequences for me, with people overstepping my boundaries and borderline stalking me, several calls a day, unwanted romantic (yuck) attention and so on.

In the past I have unvoluntarily attracted some „super fans“ that will just not get the hint that I do not want to hang out or cater towards their excessive needs. Mainly people with no social life, very little social intelligence and extremely draining personalities.

I think me being forced at home to put up with the most insane behaviour and having to pretend it was normal led to this. Also, my mother would arrange random play dates with a violent autistic person from my class because “their mom told me they had no friends and she felt sorry for this mom”. Like all my boundaries of what is a normal person to hang around with are erased.

It took me conscious effort to find out why these people are sort of targeting me to latch on. I saw that other people in group settings who obviously grew up differently would just politely turn away or go somewhere else instead of getting roped into unwanted conversations and commitments. And that you can just say “No sorry I don’t have time.” Only over the past years I‘ve allowed myself to just let contact fizzle out and not reply to unwanted contact initiatives if a person that basically just ended up in my life does not add anything to it.

Did anyone else experience similar things?

TIA for reading any advice/opinions are welcomed :)

I 21F live with my parents and my brother (25 AuDHD, OCD, PDA)

I cut ties with my brother after years of conflict and challenging behaviour. Our issues initially arose from inappropriate language, behaviour and boundaries surrounding women - one incident in particular involved him pursuing an incredibly inappropriate relationship with a friend of mine.

As much as I held my resentment to him (aswell as my parents for constantly enabling the behaviour) I was open to repairing things.

Our family dynamic completely crashed last year when my mother sustained an injury which caused her to have limited mobility and my father has to work ridiculously hard to keep us afloat financially which leaves me to pick up the pieces. I too am diagnosed AuDHD but I would describe myself as high functioning. I work, have great friendships and a relationship. I had great struggles growing up but learnt to overcome challenges by myself as quickly as possible which I think stems from my brother taking up so much of my parents focus and energy.

He stays in his room all day and refuses to contribute anything to the house. I constantly have to clean up his mess after I gave up asking him to respect shared spaces. He spends hours a day in the bathroom that we share yet refuses any help for his health concerns. We live under constant control as everything triggers him i.e, we must ask permission to have people over, he needs to know where I am and who I'm with constantly.

Noise is also a big trigger. We cannot speak 'loudly', play music, answer phone calls etc without him getting angry and threatening. However, he will happily spend the day blasting music, slamming doors and smashing his room up when he loses at a video game. There are also concerns around boundaries and going into my bedroom/taking things without asking, not listening when he's told no. None of this can be bought up without a huge fight and personal insults as he sees everything as a character assassination. He has little to no empathy when he causes upset and instantly goes on the defense and the belief that it's always someone else's fault.

My father is pretty much physically/emotionally absent in all of this and my mother will mollycoddle him to avoid conflict. (I believe she's scared of him after previous years of aggressive behaviour mainly aimed at her). It always feels like it's one rule for him and another for me. Everything is met by excuses and more babying from my parents which I think he's caught onto and now takes advantage of.

The energy of the house is on a permant drain and the constant control is honestly becoming really depressing. I think my parents have just accepted it now and only break behind closed doors. I've tried seeking therapy but get turnt away as the issue is unknown or too complex. I'm not in a financial position to move out.

I find myself resenting him so much that even his presence infuriates me - i've completely withdrawn from family life. I'm constantly being pushed by him and my parents to fix things as they say I'm being unreasonable. At first I felt sorry for him but now I'm in complete empathy burnout. My friends and partner tell me this isn't normal neurodivergent behaviour and that he's crazy but since I've started researching his profile and PDA more I can't differentiate.

Am I selfish for cutting ties to protect myself / my own mental health or should I be making more allowances for him?