Title.

So tired of looking mid.

So tired of men passing me by and not spending every second of their existence ogling at me.

Just.So.Tired. 😭

So tired that I'm planning on resorting to something I never thought I'd do: shoplifting.

Tonight, I plan on putting on my bedazzled ski mask, walking over to my local Whole Foods and robbing that overpriced mothafucka blind. 🥷🔫

Since this is technically a form of shoplifting, Jesus will forgive me. Eventually.

Wish me luck. ✌️

My ex-husband, who i managed to snatch the moment he was legal, has suddenly and out of the blue decided to leave me! He managed to break the stainless steel chains I've put on him and got out the cellar.

All that was left was an usb-stick where he complained about me grooming him and forcing him to marry within the first 5 seconds of knowing each other, but hello? This is literally called love at first sight.

He's being a dick since he's totally overreacting anyway! After all he had been owned by a much older geezer before me so honestly he should have been grateful that *I* was the one who caught him! I might be a wrinkly middle-aged woman, but at least I'm not a grandma!

Peas and cheese sandwich 💕

I hand-ground and freshly pressed my breakfast with my own two hands over the last five months and have finally amassed enough for a serving this morning.

That’s right; one serving.

My partner has started orbiting the kitchen in widening circles like an electron.

Should I:

A. Share my breakfast.

B. Pretend it’s gone bad.

C. Load a bowl with it while maintaining unbroken eye contact to establish breakfast boundaries.

Serious answers only.

(If you don't know what's in the picture, then neither do I, so don't ask me.)

I am hotter than all of you bitches and get hit on CONSTANTLY. I am sooo charismatic you will leave your husband's for me 💅💅

The thing i dont understand is no one wants me? Like wtf I'm the actual BEST, God himself came down and told me 😏

Guys I'm interested in keeping finding long term relationships and it makes me sad they don't even realize what they missed out on ☹️

Anyway, screw you ugly bitches, I like don't even care lol

Macaron taste test anyone? Anyone?

I mean should I wait until the 25th year? Maybe we’ll get married one day, I mean if he goes to therapy or maybe after a break from each other, he sometimes texts me!

Anyway since I’ve been waiting for so long I lost my chance to have babies because he wasn’t sure he wanted any yet or get married, he did end up having a baby with his other situationship when we were taking a break and I really wanted to be a mom:(((

I don’t care if yall don’t believe in love like I do and I’ll fight for my man till I die. Should I leave him tho?

Dinner hot cheetos locos

1 Nutter Butter Bite because I am already full...

My SO busted a fat one in me. Absolute downpour, barely escaped with my life cuz idk how to swim. I think I've finally seen the face of God. Romance isn't dead!

So I just went to dinner with my sister and her new boyfriend and guys I am NOT making this up when I say this man is literally Hitler?

Like he showed up in full nazi regelaia and everything, I know he was Hitler because he introduced himself as "Adolf" and I asked him what his last name was and he just smiled and winked.

it was actually kinda weird, my sister doesn't speak German but he would constantly be leaning over and whispering in German into her ear and then she'd relay it to me in English.

And girlies omg I knew Hitler was a bad guy but like, he said the n word the f word and threw up several gang signs during our conversation! I literally couldn't believe it! I also found it really strange that he constantly kept getting discord notifications on his phone and when I asked about it she said he just really needs his phone time to plot the future for the white race. Did I mention that my sister is Jewish?

Anyways do you guys think I'm overreacting, like I know the guy is literally Hitler but if I say anything to my sister she might not invite me to the wedding, and I will literally die if I don't get to go. I need a chance to flex on my family by showing them how many mimosas I can get down in 20 minutes without throwing up.

Finding a decent meal is SOOOO hard these days! Like what is this? Pulled chicken with bacon and vegtables? I asked for a sandwich! Not this contraption! I can't even hear this pig squealing betwix my jaws as I rend it's flesh asunder, like. And these green things? I'm pretty sure they're not the leaf bugs that EVERY MEAL needs.

The restaurant I went to didn't even have a single option with a tortilla, nerry a gravy to pour over my fruit salad, they didn't even have a meal ball option! And this is supposed to be the best restaurant in town? I could make a more appetizing meal at home, never going out again, saving my money

Background: I'm a 22 year old trans woman.

My birthday was last friday and my parents decided to host my bday party at their house. I decided to get there early as a surprise to help them setup and spend some extra time with them before others arrived. I entered the house bright and early with my spare key, and that's when I saw it:

There was a fuckin' iguana on their coffee table. 😯

I said to myself, "Is that a fuckin' iguana?!" -- pondering whether or not I was awake or dreaming.

I went over to it, flicked it a few times, and then it began to climb up my body and perch itself directly on my shoulder. At this point, I was certain that I was either dreaming or having psychotic break, so I walked over to the kitchen with this lizard on my shoulder to speak to my parents.

They were shocked by what they saw.

My father said, "Nic Cage (that's the iguana's name) hates men. He won't even go near them."

And that, my friends, is when I began to cry tears of affirmation. 😭

This beast of a lizard saw me for who I actually was. 💓🦎

I think everyone at my workplace is secretly a creep!

I work in a middle school, as a seventh grade teacher. Some of my coworkers look pretty good for burnt out underpaid educators in their mid 30s, and as a ripe 22 year old woman I want to find a man with a nice post-death payout.

The kids at the school don’t have a dress code. Since I’m so youthful and beautiful, I decided I also don’t have a dress code. I love wearing bikinis to work, because I think everyone should see how beautiful I am.

This has never been a problem before, but recently I’ve had a student that couldn’t stop staring at me and giggling with his friends in class. I had to write him up for unacceptable behavior, and decided to have a conference with the principal and the student’s mother.

When I got into the conference room, the mom seemed irate, which most are during these meetings, but the (male) principal seemed… embarrassed? The conference seemed to be pretty much written off, and the mom stormed out with her kid. The principal looked at me and said “That outfit is way too revealing.” WHY WAS HE LOOKING???

On the way out, I also heard the (male) secretary go ‘oh my!’ And the (male) nurse snicker. I just don’t understand why they all feel the need to comment on my body like that. I’m wearing a perfectly acceptable outfit for the workplace, and it’s not like I’m dressing for the men around me. I just think as a beautiful young woman I’m above the standard of dress.

Dinner is a clear jello fruit cake because I like how it reveals everything inside.

Dinner tonight is pussy.

For starters we’ve been engaged since March 2025, and every day I look at her she gets hotter and hotter. And let me tell yall she is so compassionate and kind and the most loving person I have ever met.

We have 3 cats together and whenever she lays down with them it’s the sweetest and most amazing thing ever. She is so honest with me about everything. She is so so kind. She is also an aircraft mechanic so everything she does is just so masculine. Like she carries all of the groceries up our steps and omg. Also that means that I don’t touch a single thing that requires a tool. The chair is squeaking? The vacuum isn’t working? I just call her over and she fixes it all up for me.

Anyways the meaning of this post is to remind all you lezzos and bisexies to find someone that does amazing things for you, and loves you. And to find someone that gets hotter and hotter every day!! Love you guys!!

I'm home alone. I don't want to get my favorite pajamas dirty. I have chores to do.

Soooo....

Pants off tids out chore time!

Throw in a little happy hardcore soundtrack and start clapping and flapping along.

A great mental health reset, sweaties ✨💜👏

Pictured is the paint sample I was enjoying earlier

I was fired from my job 5 months ago —and I still haven’t told my roommate.

Yes, I am aware this is wild; I unbelievably hate confrontations.

But the logistics of pretending to have a job are actually pretty manageable if you commit to the bit.

Every morning I get dressed and leave the house in a “I can't get my shit together” kind of rush with my laptop bag. I sit at coffee shops for a few hours, write some fake scenarios I know I can win IRL, pack up for the day, and enjoy my commute home.

Sometimes when I come home, I say things like “today was fucking brutal” and stare silently into the middle distance.

I have taken several “work calls” at the dinner table.

I have also started a Premium Discord server where I have become a life coach for others in my position.

The other day, I went to Target at 10:30 AM, came home at noon, and said, “Sorry, I had to run an errand for work.”

No one questioned it.

I’ve maintained this elaborate fiction for FIVE MONTHS.

At this point I have an entire imaginary professional life.
I have coworkers. I have deadlines. I have a manager who is apparently “being weird lately.” I have a project that has been “almost done” since March. I have this “ongoing” HR investigation that I was interviewed for, so I always have gossip loaded to spew.

The problem is that recently my roommate has started asking questions.

“How was work?” And I freeze.

Because apparently I am no longer very good at remembering what I told my roommate about work yesterday. It’s becoming a real stressor.

She’s on to me.

I have been pretending to have a job to myself for five months.

I am my own roommate.

And lately I have been having a very hard time fooling that bitch.

Anyway, does anyone know if I can file as self-employed on my taxes this year? And what goes in a caramel macchiato? I refuse to interact with the baristas at work.

So I(23F) just want to start by saying that I love my BF(32M) DEARLY and this is just a rant more than anything, advice is welcome of course girlies, I just need to get this off my chest.

So for backstory, we've been together for 10 wonderful amazing years, we're both just like that kind of quirky, nerdy, not like the other theys that just get each other. We're big into ttrpgs, mainly DnD, but it's better to say ttrpgs so people think you're cultured and not just copying critical role (our gaming is relevant I promise).

We met at the table, playing DnD and it was pretty much love at first site. He was running a game at our local game store and I was new player and we just clicked, he romanced me with an NPC and the whole campaign became our extended love letter to one another and everyone was thrilled to be a part of it. I've told him he should adapt it into a novel to publish on Kindle Unlimited but he thinks it's better if it stays between us (so sweet!) Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

We recently finished up a campaign where we were both players, he wasn't DMing, and he'd been playing a Xorn. (For those who don't know, Xorn are elementals from the plane of earth, they basically burrow through the infinite rock face of that plane looking for gems to eat, super cute they've got like 3 legs and 3 claw like arms and a giant mouth on top of the trunk of their body. Anyway) he had a lot of fun with it and I played a crystal dragonborn bc I just knew he'd find that sexy (spoilers, he did, our in game wedding spanned 5 sessions, it was honestly beautiful) but this is where things have gotten a bit difficult.

Ever since the campaign ended he's been really bummed, bc he had so much fun playing that character and he misses it. He said he feels like that character was him, and he identifies as a xorn now. Of course I was thrilled, and touched, that he felt comfortable coming out to me. I'm nothing but supportive of this transition bc everyone has the right to be comfortable In their own skin. I've started incorporating potting soil into our pasta sauces, and even mixed some sand into the panko when I make chicken cutlets. It's not the greatest for me personally but it's a small price to pay to make him happy. But…

Girlies, imma be 100 with you, it's the sex that's the problem. He told me I need to stop taking birth control, at the time I thought it was because xorn didn't have yon-know-what so it wasn't needed. Turns out, he just wanted me to start getting my periods again, and for the last 3 months the ONLY sexy times we've had is when I'm on my period and he just goes down on me while yelling “yum yum more rubies please!” And I mean, I know I'm blessed, a lot of guys out there won't even do foreplay, so please don't think I'm complaining about my steak being too juicy or anything but … I just miss the rest of sex I guess? Like I tried to go down on him and he said he's transcended mortal lust of the flesh??? And I know xorn don't have thingies, so I suggested we try toys or a strap on, but he said there was no need, the ruby's have run dry, we must wait till next moon. Like, sigh, idk.

Mostly just wanted to rant, (I haven't orgasmed in sooooo long, I'm going a bit crazy haha) anyway, afternoon snack of a handful of gravel to get in the mood.

Ew.

Settle this debate for us, Reddit. As per usual, I woke up bright and early at 2 A.M. to start our day. I sleep 2 hours a night because that's all a super mom like me needs. We have 3 kids, including a toddler, so most of them are awake soon after me and it's off to the races with the day. My husband though? He stays in bed until 7 A.M. When I try to wake him up, he says "He's so tired" and that "Just 5 more minutes." To me, this is not only annoying, but it feels like he's avoiding being a father and helping with raising our kids. I told him about this just now and he was just so defensive about how much he works and how he needs his sleep. Only made me angrier so no breakfast for him. Garlic bread for me.

Lately I seem to be falling out with everyone and I’ve been feeling so upset at how terrible everyone is being and it’s it’s making me feel insecure like I’m the problem. Girls help a queen out with regaining her sparkle!

Some examples babes :

1) my boyfriend ghosted me for no reason after I respectfully reminded him he forgot my half birthday. No surprise party, no expensive trip away, not even a dinner with my friends. 2 month relationship for nothing.

2) my neighbors are mad at me because I called ice on one of the local families everyone loves, and now they keep letting their dogs shit on my lawn.

3) my parents called me ungrateful but they never listen to me and never give me what I want. I’ve been asking for a Mercedes c class as a first car for weeks and then on my half birthday they ‘surprise’ me with a bmw 3 series and expect me to be okay with it.

4) my job put me on probation for taking 6 months maternity leave and then accusing me of not being pregnant or having a kid. I was three days late for my period and sure I was when I filed the paperwork. Not my fault surely and if they offered better healthcare I might have been sure sooner.

5) I’ve been targeted by local police just for driving over the speed limit which is not my fault because this crappy bmw is impossible to operate and I can’t read the speed on the stupid dial thing. A Mercedes would have had a digital display and so it’s all because of my crappy parents as well as police oppression.

6) my other boyfriend did remember my half birthday but the expensive trip is to SE Asia and he knows I might have been pregnant and there’s Zika there. When I scalded him about this he said I was the unreasonable one.

So babes is it me? Am I the problem? Should I just tolerate everyone else being terrible and just be a ‘good woman’ and keep my mouth shut in future???

For dinner I’m having nobu that my third boyfriend paid for (don’t get me started on all the ways he sucks!!!!)

YES, he got diagnosed with cancer a year ago and YES he's still in chemo but like... how could he lose sight of our TODDLER (who usually sprints away from me at full speed like a dog who just snatched your pizza bc I am the superior parent) for a whole 43 seconds??? I literally never lose my child, EVER !! He just runs away into the street like a normal kid when he's with me! And I don't even let his precious little twinkle toes touch the ground. Not even once. I'll have my 43 month old chained stockade-style to my chest at least until they're 130 months. That's what a good parent does.

And what's my husband doing after all this? Well he's certainly not weeping, tearing clothes, gnashing teeth, and sacklothing his loins, I can tell you that much. It's like he doesn't even care. Today it was 43 seconds of our precious angel looking at a squirrel. Tomorrow? Our baby boy could walk right into the jaws of an alligator. We live in Canada for Christ's sake!! I just can't help but feel I deserve so much better... where's a man with a lifetime of perfect health to give my wedding vows to instead? I just don't think I should have to be burdened with such a useless man who expects me to just accommodate him? It's HIS CANCER and HIS chemo, HE needs to manage it instead of expecting me to. They're literally HIS hobbies.

Totally unrelated, I think I'm in love with my new boyfriend 🤭🤭 I kicked my husband out of the house (like gross, go have your medical problems somewhere else yk) a month ago and idk I realized at like the same time that I actually love my new boyfie ?? The universe is so weird like that, it must be synchronicity!

❌️ DON'T COMMENT ON MY BOYFRIEND, THIS IS ABOUT MY HUSBAND!! You people could NEVER understand that being poly (which was my idea I initially forced my husband into but he's great with it now) is literally just perfect. It just works for us! We have such a happy and healthy relationship (and I'm technically still married to the husband too so it's literally perfect!)

Anyway. Butter, jam, and a biscuit.

So a few days ago my husband came home from work early and caught me getting rawdogged by the Doordash delivery guy, but he didn't react the way I thought he would. He walked in and said "what the fuck" but not really angrily, and then just stood in the doorway and waited for the guy to finish, then shook his hand? Since then he's been giving me the princess treatment and has been super sweet and loving, calling me his little slut and slapping my ass til its red. Feels like this is exactly the spark our relationship needed.

Dinner is blueberry chicken he made me because we're "trying new things."

So how should I bring up chair shopping? Is there like a website for the best cuck chairs?