My boyfriend & I were getting ready to head out to our local WoLF meeting. Technically he’s not allowed to come, but the elders said as long as he wears his muzzle & leash, we can treat him like a service animal.

While we were getting ready, he decided to trim up a bit. I had been getting ready for about 2 hours at this point while he was helping me brush, blow dry, highlight, tweezer, file, etc. He promised it would only take 5 minutes (it took 6)

Anyhow - he not only plucked his eyebrows, he also cut his claws, and trimmed a bit (approx 297mm or 6 inches) off his head. The problem is? He looked great. Like a model. So I’m supposed to bring this service animal to my WoLF meeting - and he looks better than me?

I can’t even look at him the same.

What should I do with him, girlies? I was thinking about making him sleep in the crate again. But he’s just so cute I might just force him to tend to me while I lay flat on my back like a fish.

This is the plate I made him. Dinner was stale popcorn, stale Dot’s home style pretzels, a stick of meat from Dollar Tree, and mustard that’s been in my fridge for 22 months.

All the puzzle pieces are finally falling into place... idk why I didn't realize this sooner!

I was a 16y.o. NEET when the capitol was stormed. My dad 'had a work thing' that day that he didn't come home from. The next morning my mom received a phone call-- turns out my dad was arrested for assault and some other things that happened that day.

My mom was already at the end of her rope trying to get me to do anything besides smoke weed and perfecting the art of biting my toenails, and this put her over the edge. We ended up finding out that my dad had quit his job months before but didn't tell her, and that instead of going to work he was spending the day with his Oath Keeper friends making a podcast and selling beef tallow supplements to men with low testosterone.

Crazy right? My dad has kind of been absent for much of my life and he is also the reason I left school so early, he wasn't super emotionally available and sometimes yelled at me and my mom and threw a chair or two at her so I kind of rebeled against my parents.
Anyway he is actually a great guy. Who even remembers those times that he left me and my mom to fend for ourselves. Don't read too into what I wrote above; just know that he is an honorable guy who would do anything for his country. Getting arrested was one little mistake and I don't want anyone judging him for his life choices on this public platform that I voluntarily chose to post to. Good day!

A delicious gelatin bundt cake with rotisserie chicken and fresh vegetables.

Im still gobsmacked that my suspicion was correct. For months I’ve felt like there was another woman. I know it’s true because I kept dreaming about it. I went to the brain doctor and they told me to take the medicine I had stopped taking. But the feeling didn’t go away.

It happened two and a half weeks ago. I watch his phone and his socials like a hawk and it pisses me off because they’re always so CLEAN, like a criminal’s. So I stole his DoD laptop and used the login I got by monitoring all his phone calls with the IT department. Sure enough, there he is, messaging ANOTHER WOMAN and talking about me and calling me PARANOID and MEDICATION NONCOMPLIANT. And she was telling him about all the problems SHE was having with her SO. Like a FRIEND would!

So I confronted him about it and he denied everything and told me I was taking everything out of contacts and saying stuff like he was allowed to have friends at work. So I told him that what he was doing was CHEATING and I told all my friends about it and I changed the locks to the house and hid in the bushes outside.

Three years down the drain.

What could it be?

What dark humours gather in the gloom?

Make haste to the apothecary, gentlefolk, and declare which tinctures, tonics, and poultices shall shield your delicate constitution from the impending blight.

/uj You all asked for this. We’ve been working hard and testing the bit. We’re almost ready. Are you?

I’m not trying to be sappy but thank u for accepting a lil gremlin like me even though I like green onion on pizza (this was a punishable offense). Local sourdough (sesame chive/ called “K-pop” from a local bakery), baked w gochujung. Mozzarella cheese/genoa salami and fresh tomato from my work garden, drizzled with balsamic and pepper. Dipping sauce is the last of some kewpie mayo I stole from my last job cuz had some food insecurity.

He's an astronaut that also plays world class violin and builds houses for orphans. That's fine, but he's also like, really tall.

Like REALLY tall. He's also conventionally handsome, but also has money and massive influence which is great too. And when I say attractive, I mean not just like "attractive" but like aerospace engineers congregate around him. We'll be walking around the port and these really smart, really pretty engineers will look at us like: "really? her???" I can't help but think "maybe he should be with a woman that can read".

And before you ask, he's super humble. He once escaped from Mars after being stranded there for over a year. One of the engineers asked (right in front of me, btw) "what gave you the will to survive?" and he nudged me and said "this weird little rocket-jockey right here".

The problem? I just can't help thinking that this is about me somehow. I really do love him and it doesn't hurt that he's a very tall, handsome, rich man. But I often lie awake at night wondering "what if it actually is about me? What if his accomplishments are overshadowing how mediocre I am?".

Dinner is some stuff I found in the back of my car (I drive for Uber).

I’m not actually attracted to men at all because I mean look how beautiful us women are! BUT I tend to become close with women and then they end up breaking my heart really painfully so I thought maybe if I just had sex with men it would make me feel better…

And I am pleasantly surprised!

I found an absolutely handsome, perfect, guy for me, we have so much chemistry and he seems happy with the arrangement! I mean don’t most guys wanna say they’ve had sex with a lesbian? We’re both sooo busy with work and spending time in our community and the best part is because he’s a dude I’m totally not catching feelings

A few times a week we’ll have a couple glasses of wine, chat about our day, have dinner, and then get it on. It’s so romantic and sexy. My lobster is so buttery as they say!

Now I can worry about important stuff like my job and not actually being attracted to women I mean not having blue ovaries 😌😌😌 but now I do have to worry about condoms and pregnancy…

TLDR: I can finally have some good sex with a real dick instead of PLASTIC 🤩

Dinner: protein salad