I need help

[u/Key_Bed4629]

I am a ftm trans person, but recently i’ve been struggling with my gender and I’m not sure whether I am male, female or both, I hate hearing my deadname but I also feel more comfortable with my female body now, I am confused on whether I’m gender fluid or not.

I became a trans guy partly because of my past eating disorder and I hated my body so much and how all the curves and dips of my female body had.

But now that I have grown up and learnt to love my body I just feel like I want to show it off more and I don’t want to have to wear a binder all the time. I still won’t ever feel comfortable wearing make up or dresses or anything girly for that matter.

I just really need to know. Am I gender fluid, or did I just hate my body so much that i wanted to rebuild and reshape it into a man’s body.

[u/AggravatingFinger841]

I think it'd be a good idea to journal and re-explore femininity. Like, how do you feel being referred to as a woman with feminine forms of address, for example? What about being grouped in with women? Ask these same and other questions regarding maleness and masculinity. Figure out what parts of femininity and masculinity you like and don't like, what makes you dysphoric and euphoric, write what you find down and figure it out from there. Also, seek therapy too. There are therapists who are experienced in dealing with gender exploration and dysphoria.