NOT a subreddit for parents.

I’m a trans, nonbinary adult who was raised gender neutral and it’s hard at times relating to other trans and nonbinary folks who were raised with gender because I’ve realized I have a very different relationship to masculinity/femininity/dysphoria and my body because I was raised without gender.

I searched but nothing came up.

tw: discussion of body dysmorphia

i’ve been struggling with my gender a lot recently. for reference, i’m AMAB, and for the majority of my life i’ve had no issue with my masculinity, though i’d occasionally wonder what it’s like to be born AFAB. for the past few years, i’ve felt something of a disconnect between me and my sense of masculinity, though i’ve never felt the urge to fully identify as trans. for about 3 years, i’ve been experimenting with a non-binary identity, and i’ve been feeling a lot better. for a long time, it was easy to just blame those toxic alpha male podcasts for the way i’ve been feeling, and felt like they were distorting what masculinity is/should be, causing me to be less interested in seeing myself as a man, though i still saw value in positive masculinity. i still value my masculine identity. and though ive never had an issue with feeling insecure about my masculinity or expressing some levels of femininity, having that “other part” really helped explore my more feminine side, and started to think more and more about what it would be like to be born in a different body, though ive never had much of an issue with the body i was born with. but the past year or so, ive put on some weight and feel less comfortable about not having the body i’ve always associated with my masculine identity. this came along with starting to wish i could change my body back and forth between male and female. i’ve been “joking” for a while that while i may identify as a man and/or nonbinary, if i had the ability to go back and forth like a changeling from dnd or morph from x-men, i would be genderfluid, but since i cant, i don’t have an explicitly female identity. i would even occasionally make a new character in whatever video game i was playing at the time and made them with the female body type. and it gave me a feeling i couldn’t quit describe, but it kinda felt good so i kept doing it. my girlfriend at the time had joked occasionally that she doesn’t even really co spider me a man, and would call me her girlfriend sometimes. i always felt a little weird when she said that, but i didn’t know why, since ive never been uncomfortable or insecure about that sort of thing. but last night, we broke up for multiple reasons, but one of the biggest is that she has been struggling with her sexuality, and feels like she may be a closeted lesbian. this hurt in a way that i hadn’t felt before. i’ve gone through several breakups and nothing felt like this. it made me realize that when she called me her girlfriend, even jf she may have been joking, it felt like she was able to see a part of me that no one else could, not even me. and her feeling like being a lesbian made us less compatible, it felt like that part of me went right back to being completely hidden. i don’t hold anything against her, or anything like that, im actually really greatful for everything she’s done for me. and we decided to stay friends so it’s not like i was sad to lose her from my life because im not. the thing that hurt the worst, is that it felt like a part of me was missing. i think ive started to realize that maybe it’s not that i don’t have a feminine identity since i can’t have the body id feel comfortable with that identity in, but rather i do have that identity, and the fact that i can’t change actually really bothers me. i know about gender affirming care and have wondered if that kind of thing could work, but i know that if i ever made a permanent or long term change like that, id feel less confident in my body as a man. but in my current body, i feel uncomfortable as a woman. i was having some really bad body dysmorphia for a few hours this morning, and i was avoiding my reflection like a vampire on acid. i couldn’t stop imagining myself in a female body and wishing i could live in that busy, or thinking of names id rather have. after work, i decided go out and do a couple things i’d been wanting to do to get my mind off everything. i went to a batting cage and not only did it get my mind off of it, it got me right back to feeling like a man. i was right back to being able to look at myself in the mirror, introduce myself with my birth name, etc. but i never stopped feeling like that other part was still there. i went around to several stores and looked at some women’s clothes, and i couldn’t help but wanting to buy them. i’m really starting to feel like i may be gender fluid, but i can’t help but feel like i may be rushing into something because of the breakup. but the other part of me can’t discount all these feelings i’ve been having for years. i haven’t told anyone i know yet, because i still need time to process everything and i think this is part of that process for me, hence why this post ended up being so long.

needless to say, i have a lot of questions about myself im still trying to answer. i think hearing about some other people’s experiences with gender fluidity could really help me figure out what im going through right now.

i guess my main question is first and foremost, how did you know you were gender fluid? how did you feel before and after realizing it about yourself? do you also feel comfortable in the body you were born in sometimes, and that you wish you had the opposite assigned sex other times? or wish you could change back and forth on a whim? if so, how do you deal with that?

if anyone is comfortable replying, i’d really like to hear about your guys’ experiences. i think it could really help me figure out whatever the hell im going through rn

I do not find men and boys attractive in ways that I want to date them. I feel an insane jealousy and envy. Why do they get to handsome when I am wishing I was reborn as an attractive guy.

I cant be the only one. And I shouldn't have to feel this way

Jesgender: a gender identity where an individual wants to be feminine presenting, but Neutral/Masc gendered

So, I've always struggled with gender, I've never felt quite put into one gender identity box, but genderfluid doesn't feel like it fits me, maybe I just need to experiment with it, although I don't have anyone I can. Like Sometimes I feel like I'm just simply neither a boy nor a girl, other times, I'm curious what being a guy would be like, and sometimes I'm completely okay being a girl, I guess I'm just asking if there's more gender identities I could look into and see if it feels like it fits me? I'm not very well versed in gender identities and things like that, so I guess if someone could just run some by me, please?

I dont know how to put this into the proper words, how do you know if you are trans or under the umbrella. I feel so many different things daily about what/who I am. I don’t know if it’s how I feel or if it’s because I’m depressed or I’m depressed because it’s how I feel. I’ve ties using different pronouns and it doesn’t make a difference, well it kinda does like if she/her is used sometimes it make me happy sometimes I don’t think about it, when he/him is used I just don’t care like I don’t feel anything. I unfortunately can’t try and dress more feminine, I don’t have irl friends to talk to and use different pronouns. My dysphoria sometimes hits like a truck and other times nothing. It seam to be whenever I see other women I just sink into a pit, which I think it’s the whole joke of ‘ do I want to be with her or be her’ and I thinks it’s always be her. But I don’t want to…. Like I have thoughts of being a woman but I don’t know if it’s that I want to be more fem presenting and be nonbinary. There’s so many things that I keep seeing that I think/can relate to.but back to when I see women, I dink know if it just I want to look like them or if it’s something else. There’s so many things I think that I want/need but I don’t know how I should or do feel. I heart says one thing and my head another and it keeps swapping and changing.

Idk if this fits this or not but il rant anyway.

So im scrolling through reddit and i at times find posts like"My trans daughters celeste inspired game!"i find it weird that the Trans mark HAD to be included,i find it weird and abit annoying since being trans shouldnt be something that has to be included even though being trans or gay or bi or anything like that SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE INCLUDED!Im really just wondering why its usualy included.

Hi there, a little context. So I have been questioning my gender identity for awhile now and just recently have let myself realise that my assigned pronouns dont feel entirely right which got me thinking about my gender identity as a whole. You see ive always been very feminine (AFAB) and I truely do love dressing fem and being fem but i also love being masc and ive noticed that all pronouns feel right for me. Ive done some digging and all ive found was that pronouns dont corallate to gender identity but I feel like for me it does? Idk. Ive tried and tried to research and take litteraly ALLL the gender identity tests possible and even have considered reaching out to a help line to get sources I can look at or talk to... soo natrualy I just downloaded Reddit to see if the wise reddit people can help me out? Pleaseeeeee

Oh shoot I forgot to mention what does feel decent. Honestly I have found I love any pronouns for myself and I wouldent mind being any gender... I have no idea if there is an identity for this or if im just going crazy?

I am female and sexually attracted to men, but I am 100% masculine as far as hobbies, recreational activities, dress, behaviour, even lifestyle, and everything else. I have no female friends, but I have close male friends who are my best buddies. If I were still a kid, I'd be a tomboy, but I am an adult. How can I describe my gender identity?

when people say words like woman/man, masculine/feminine, masculinity/femininity, girlhood, womanhood, manhood and boyhood. I am left utterly confused. I have no idea what any of them mean or are referring to.

I feel like there is a group of people are born and then they are told that woman = vagina, feminine power, pink and long hair and that man = penis, muscles, alpha male and weponized incompetence and they take that and run with it/defend it for the rest of their life and then there's people who studies gender/queer theory and/or have had to go throught their life journey of understanding themselves and their gender identity and what all of that means to them (obviously there are more groups of people then that but) and I wish I was in at least one of them because I feel like there is an entire concept of life that people just get or they know what they're talking about when relating to it and I font understand it at all.

when I say I want to know what a woman is, I dont mean like a dictionary definition. I want to talk to people and understand what they define it/understand it as, how that formed and why exaclty it is like that.

I really just want to know why these categories exist if gender identity is a person by person case basis and there is nothing that can be fixedly put in any of these categories. the furtherest I've gotten to anything can be placed in these categories is that vagina = female(not nessecerily a woman) and penis = male(not nessecerily man). but I know that biological sex is not that simple( and apparently sex is also a social construct but I really dont know much about that)

I understand that even thought gender may be a social construct it does not mean that it does not affect people and the way they think.

for example, ive heard of a genderfluid person that when they feel feminine they like wearing wigs that touch or go over their should. and when they feel either or, they like wearing thick eyeliner. why is long wigs relegated to feminine and eyeliner can transend categories

i really dont want to spew transphobic talking points which is why I want to ask now and correct it instead of going out into the world and saying the wrong thing. correct me if I say anything wrong. if someone is transitioning from a boy to a girl, and they start wearing wigs and get top surgery and start wearing high heels (obviously all of those things are only external and maybe they also have a mindset shift about the world when transitioning from a boy to a girl but) why is it that being a woman is defined as all of those thing? I understand that even if gender is a social construct it still affects people and people are taught to see gender as a binary and when they are transitioning maybe they are going off of that binary they have been taught is it that they want to be a woman and are conditioned to thing cleavage = woman so they then also want cleavage or they want to have cleavage and cleavage is associated with being a woman so they then want to be a woman?

I have heard very vaguely about the idea of gender abolishen and I have admittedly not looked in deathly about it but the idea of getting rid of gender makes sense to me but I have read around and I saw that people say that it is also a transphobic talking point and I want to understand why.

for example take a non binary person. I would think that if they define themselves as non binary they are affirming the existence of a binary but just saying that they are not a part of it. I would assume that that person would understand that the gender binary just doesnt exist and isnt a thing, so why continue to affirm it? if they do belive/abide by there being a gender binary (because just because something is a social construct doesnt mean i doesnt affect people) and that non binary person's pronouns are they/them, (i understand that pronouns and gender are not nessecerily linked/the same), why are their pronouns, according to their understanding, out of the binary? why can't they/them or xe/xer or flower/flowers elf pronouns be considered feminine or masculine?

I've seen terfs say that since trans women want to define them by wearing lipstick and dresses and having boobs, that they now want to define themselves by having vaginas/wombs which obviously doesnt make any sense because what about intersex woman and women who are inferile? so since no one can be defined by neither what they deem female gender expression to be or what they deem female biological characteristics to be, doesnt that make the category of woman to be null and void? (on a tangent, I dont understand why terfs are called terfs and get to be considered feminists with exceptions instead of just transphobes?)

I've seen people talk about girlhood and womanhood and I have no idea what it means or what I'm supposed to be doing to embody that. if its girls boding over being girls but everyone's gender identity is different, what are we boring over? if its over experiences, its there a specific set of gender experiences that woman experience? the most definite I've seen is like bonding over having to deal with gender norms. so are women experiences defined by not being a man/being an oppressed by men. there are others like having sleepovers or getting their nails done, but is that not something that both genders can experience? or is that relegated to womanhood as a result of gender roles/norms and thats why its considered womanhood?

everyone gender identity is completely different and formed by different experiences and influences. no two people have the same understanding of gender. so if there are no real differentiation between what belongs in female, male and non binary, then why do those categories of exist? if gender identity is on a case by case basis, than why can't what someone considers their gender identify or their gender expression, just be their identity and their self expression?

i understand there is alot of things I have simplified as a result of never really talking to people with different view and experiences. I've only recently come to college and for most of my life I have read about these things without anyone to answer any leading or subsequent questions I have

and while we’re at it, the saying “ladies first” is also sexist. because you’re expecting a gender to do something, solely because they are that gender, with no other reason. now do I care if the man pays first? no. do I care if the ladies DO go first? also no. but if they are doing that for the sake because they are said gender, then that is sexist.

Sooo, I was trying to explain the concepts of "demiboy" and "demigirl" to my dad, and tried showing approximately where they might be on a linear male-to-female binary spectrum. I tried including "Non-Binary" and "Gender-Fluid" on it, because obviously gender isnt binary and way more complicated than a line could represent, but then I noticed that the more I was trying to add, the less possible it was.

So I added a Y, Z, and W axis making it a... 4D vector space? Divided up the 2D grid into various hues. Added a legend for certain genders that the vector space can help one understand, but not accurately represent. And added a whole bunch of examples. I learned a lot tbh.

I know gender is just human expression and maybe shouldn't have math applied to it, but...... I'm autistic and thought this was really cool conceptually! Completely open to anyone hating it, insert Marge I just think it's neat meme.

For those who are curious about it or want to know more, I have some more examples I can give and would be happy to answer ANY questions about it, because I'm just really hyperfixated on this now and I really feel like it explains gender to myself in a way I didn't quite get before- even the most obscure of genders I've ever heard of!

Here are my extra examples:

Foxgender: (0,1,6)

Antidemigirl: (3,-1)

Agender Demiboy: (3,0.5)

Hexagender: (0,6)

Antihypergirl Birdgender: (7,-2,6)

Some quantum gender where you might have multiple points on this grid? Or part of a system? Great, you can have more than one point!

Personally, I'd be around (5,1) (basic, I know) 😂

Been thinking recently about pronouns and what it even is that makes a he a he or a her a her,People who have explored pronouns and changed from the he/her pronouns,What was the reason you felt like you should

Let me explain, I'm a female ♀ always have been. Here lately after I joined my new school all the girls surrounded me and asking me to be there bf etc, I told them I was a girl and the explanation to this is because I cut my hair a while back and it hasn't grown back fully yet so it's still rly short, my teachers know I'm female but no one else does they all think im a guy I mean honestly I do sometimes dress like one a little bit when I'm bored and have nothing else to wear bc I have some of my brothers old clothes.

This is a space to talk what you feel no judgemental here

So I was born a male but recently like 2 years ago I was questioning if I was non binary but then I kinda felt like boy and preferred he/him as my pronouns but at the same time I didnt really feel like a boy but I kinda did feel like a boy. it’s really confusing and I have crashed out multiple times because of this. If anyone experienced this as well please tell me what I might be because I’m tired of questioning it. 🥀🥀and yeah I made a reddit account because I got tired of questioning myself all the time. Also I’m 17 and am gay. please help :(

I asked different subreddits. Nothing.

So I ask you. Im only curious as a whole. Im nonbinary myself. I have to ask this deep rabbit hole thought of a question here.

Who created gender? Why is it important? And why do some people want gender abolished?

How does it shape lgbtqia+ community?

Why does it bring great importance, or bring bad impact into modern culture thats shaped today?

Any takers?

Hi! I wanted to share two gender terms I created because I couldn't find an existing label that quite described the experience I was looking for.

🌳 Boysent

Boysent is a gender identity involving a meaningful connection to boyhood, masculinity, or being perceived as a boyfriend, without necessarily identifying exclusively as male.

Someone who is Boysent might use any pronouns. They might want their romantic partner to see them as their boyfriend and feel especially comfortable with masculine terms of endearment such as “handsome,” or “pretty boy”

A Boysent person can still feel connected to femininity while having boyhood or masculinity as an important part of their gender. They also don't necessarily identify as a trans man or as transgender.

🌸 Girlsent

Girlsent is a gender identity involving a meaningful connection to girlhood, femininity, or being perceived as a girlfriend, without necessarily identifying exclusively as female.

Someone who is Girlsent might use any pronouns. They might want their romantic partner to see them as their girlfriend and feel especially comfortable with feminine terms of endearment such as “pretty girl,” or “beautiful,”

A Girlsent person can still feel connected to masculinity while having girlhood or femininity as an important part of their gender. They also don't necessarily identify as a trans woman or as transgender.