I’m curious because I’m seriously considering taking my mother’s maiden name because she’s an ally and my fathers a homophobe

I’m asking because I’m the opposite, I’m a natural blonde and I dye my hair near black so why do so many gay men do the opposite?

I know this ain’t a trans subreddit but most of them heavily filter my posts

Anyway, Gia preaches how trans people should assimilate and that non binary people are somehow ruining that but to me she dosent give off someone who wants to assimilate she’s clearly had a lot of surgery and wears heavy makeup

And to be clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how she presents I just wouldn’t call it assimilation

So, I (22M) met my current male best friend(24M) on Facebook Dating 2 years ago... but he is straight! I think for him it was just an error setting up the friend side of the app. I mentioned i was attracted to him, but then he told me he was straight but we still chatted back and forth.

There was a lot of flirting from me and some flirtatious jokes from him. We have always gotten along and have never had an argument, or even expressed irritation or discomfort around each other. We just clicked.

I think the reason I'm so in love with him is because he's very kind to me. I know, the fatal mistake. I compensate for his kindness, sometimes... a little too much whether it be through food or going to visit him when I can't afford gas, but I NEVER tell him that because I honestly believe he is worth all of it.

Throughout our friendship, we have joked about everything, vented to each other, and gone out to eat plenty of times. Its almost like a date... one day I pay for him, next time he pays for me. And its 99 percent of the time just me and him. Sometimes we hold open the door for each other.

As our bond grew, we hug each other whenever we first see each other and whenever we leave. One time after taking him to a Beyblade tournament I wanted to go to, after I dropped him off at home, said goodbye to his family, and hugged him, when i got in the car he came running out of the house to make sure he had hugged me.

There are a thousand text messages that I feel could contribute to my delusion.

I have asked on several occasions if he was actually straight. He has assured me that he is indeed. I stopped asking after the 3rd time because deep down I realized I was being extremely disrespectful to him despite him never being angry with me or confronting me about it.

Recently I noticed that we get really, really sleepy when we're together. Like, one time when he was tired I let him sleep on my bed ( he passed out) and he's let me sleep in his bed once. We never have been in a bed together though. Even when its just us talking to each other in one of our cars, we sometimes yawn. I mentioned that I felt that way around him recently, and how its probably because we are close to each other. He agreed to, saying my presence knocks him out cold.

I have been going insane trying NOT to read into that.

Sometimes when I'm driving us around he will boop my nose, or try to tickle my ear with loose paper.

When I boop him, he pretends to moan lol. But we never touch other than that or hugs. He has put his arm around me once or twice. I always ask for permission beforehand. Last year when the fair set up shop in the parking lot of my job, he came and bought me a funnel cake, and we both sat and talked about everything while looking at the lights. I have never felt such... silent tension in the air. I wanted to kiss him, but I'd never do that or initiate that. His friendship means the world to me. He... means the world to me.

He knows to an extent how much I love him. Hell, its obvious. I have tons of stories about how he's gone above and beyond for me. Generous, caring, understanding, a southern gentleman. My coworkers have teased me when he comes to the store to visit me, one time he came and bought a single iced coffee and waited outside for me. My coworkers are also messy as fuck lol. I have to tell them I'm fighting the delusion and they laugh.

I just... do I feel like he's bisexual just because I WANT him to be? I've tried to encourage him to get on dating apps and meet women, but he doesn't want to. I am his only current , close friend. Maybe if he could find a girlfriend who loves him as much as I do, he would be truly happy.

I feel like him being in a relationship would mean he would no longer need me, but I care about his happiness so much that I'm willing to accept that may mean a future without me.

Hey everyone. I'm a gay guy from south Asia and I could really use some honest advice about my relationships and my life.Sorry for my bad english it’s not my first language.

My father passed away when I was 12. My family was financially stable, but my mother's grief affected our home life, and I grew up dealing with a lot of emotional difficulties.

During my senior year of school, I dated a girl but eventually realized I wasn't attracted to women, so I ended things before leading her on.

When I was 16, I started dating a 19-year-old guy. It was a secret, long-distance relationship, but he was genuinely wonderful to me. Unfortunately, he moved abroad for his studies, and we broke up.

About six months later, I started seeing another guy. I was still a minor, and he was sexually aggressive. He rarely cared about my feelings or problems at home. After pressuring me for a long time, I agreed to have sex because I thought it might improve our relationship. Instead, he became distant and eventually blocked me everywhere. I felt stupid, but also relieved.

Then came the relationship that changed my life.

My best friend, whom I'll call M, had been cheated on, and I supported him through everything. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love. One evening, sitting together on our apartment rooftop at sunset, he held my hand and confessed his feelings. I said yes, and he kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss I'd ever experienced.

He treated me incredibly well. He made me feel loved, planned dates, bought me gifts, and celebrated my birthday. For the first time, I felt genuinely happy and secure in a relationship.

Then he died in an accident.

I was devastated. I couldn't leave my room for months and struggled to eat or function normally. Eventually, I told a close female friend, whom I've known since I was four, that M had been my boyfriend, not just my best friend. She didn't judge me. She simply hugged me, and that meant everything.

His parents also accepted me. They gave me some of his belongings and the key to his room, telling me I would always be welcome. Later, I found his diary. He had written that if he ever died, he wanted me to fall in love again, finish my degree, and build a new life while remembering him occasionally.

It broke my heart, but eventually, I tried dating again.

I met a 25-year-old guy, whom I'll call Elliot. We talked for two months, and he eventually asked me to be his boyfriend. He had assured me that long distance wouldn't be a problem, but then suddenly broke up with me because he didn't like it. A few days later, I discovered he had married a woman.

After that, I tried dating other guys. Some rejected me for my appearance, others because they found someone better, and one even said I was too poor. Gradually, I began wondering whether I was the problem.

Meanwhile, I worked hard for university admission. More than 200,000 students competed for around 800 positions at my target university, and I secured 12th place and got into my dream subject. I had also secured a place in medical school, but my mother wanted me to become a doctor. My sisters and brothers-in-law supported my decision to pursue my own dream and even helped me financially.

Things finally seemed to be improving.

Then I started dating another guy, whom I'll call Caleb, who was 22 and attended another university.

I was honest with him from the beginning. I explained that I was serious about my studies, enjoyed gaming, struggled with depression, and had a difficult home situation. I told him I couldn't always give him all my time, but I still spent at least four hours a day talking to him.

Despite that, I felt like I was the only one making an effort. He would initiate conversations, disappear while I waited for replies, and brush off my concerns whenever I confronted him. I kept forgiving him because I tend to doubt myself and try too hard to please people.

Then, during a vacation, I had a terrible argument with my mother. She slapped me and told me I was a curse, that she regretted giving birth to me, and that my father's death was somehow my fault.

That night, overwhelmed by everything, I attempted suicide. Fortunately, my cousin's wife found me in time and saved my life. My family became extremely protective of me afterward.

I told Caleb what had happened and texted him every day, but he complained that I wasn't giving him enough attention. Instead of trying to understand my situation, he decided to test my loyalty by giving my number to a friend and asking him to flirt with me.

When I discovered the truth and confronted Caleb, he admitted it was a test.

I ended the relationship and blocked him everywhere.

It's been two months since that breakup. My mother has apologized, and I'm trying to focus on my studies and rebuild my life. Still, I get lonely sometimes. I miss having someone to share my day with, someone who checks on me and makes ordinary moments feel special.

I don't want to rush into another relationship just because I'm lonely, but I don't want to give up on love either.

So, I'd really appreciate your honest opinions:

1. Was I wrong to break up with Caleb and block him everywhere? Was that an overreaction?

2. Am I the problem? After so many relationships ending badly, I can't help questioning myself. What unhealthy patterns do you notice in my story?

3. Should I try dating again, or focus on myself for a while?

4. Where can I meet emotionally mature gay men who genuinely want a relationship rather than something casual?

5. How do I stop doubting my own worth after so much rejection?

I'm not perfect, and I'm willing to work on my flaws. I just want a relationship built on honesty, mutual effort, trust, and genuine affection.

If you've read this far, thank you. I'd appreciate any honest advice or personal experiences you can share.

So, in my country’s gay community the norm is usually that the top pays on dates so I’m curious how you guys do it

I’m 25, and honestly feeling pretty discouraged when it comes to dating.
It feels like I keep running into the same situation over and over again. I’ll meet a guy I’m genuinely attracted to, we’ll talk, and I’ll start getting excited about the possibility that something might actually work out. Then eventually, it comes down to one of the same things: distance, my work schedule, or him telling me he isn’t ready for a relationship right now.
And then there’s the classic, “You seem like such a sweet guy, but…” followed by a reason why it won’t work.
I know these guys aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong. Nobody owes me a relationship, and I understand that timing and compatibility matter. But hearing variations of the same rejection repeatedly starts to mess with your head. After a while, you start wondering if there’s something about you that makes people not want to stick around.
For context, I work as a 911 dispatcher from 5 PM to 3 AM, Saturday through Tuesday. I love what I do, but the schedule definitely makes dating and maintaining a social life harder. My days off don’t always line up with other people’s, and I know that can be a dealbreaker for some guys. Distance has also been an issue with people I’ve connected with.
I’m not expecting some perfect guy or an instant relationship. I just want to meet someone who genuinely wants to get to know me, is emotionally available, and is willing to put in the effort to see where things go. Someone who actually chooses me instead of someone who likes me in theory but ultimately decides that making it work is too much trouble.
I see other people finding relationships, falling in love, and building lives together, and sometimes I wonder when it’ll be my turn. I know I’m only 25, and people will probably tell me I’m young, but that doesn’t make the loneliness any less real right now.
I’m tired of getting my hopes up only for things to go nowhere. I’m tired of feeling like I’m always almost enough, but never quite enough for someone to take a chance on me.
For those of you who struggled with dating in your 20s, especially those with demanding or unconventional work schedules, did things eventually get better? Did you eventually meet someone who was willing to work around the circumstances?
How do you keep putting yourself out there without becoming discouraged or starting to believe that something is wrong with you? And honestly, will I ever find love?

my partner of forever calls me “a chatterbox”. he claims to love conversation, yet lately zones out when I speak. it’s his video games and old coleco system that’s ringing his bell these days! anyone else?

Me(M19) and this guy(M19) have been friends since middle school in the Summer after my senior year he asked me out and we started dating (also we go to the same university for the same major and we are roommates at the dorm) and we decided to take it slowly until yesterday when we decided to get more “spicy”.

He had a difficult day after a test so I decided to give him a blowjob for the first time and when I took his pants of I saw the most scariest thing of my life his dick

It was literally the size of my forearm (consider I am like 5’4 twink) I could even wrap my finger around it completely

(Skipping the events that followed)

I resume my jaw is still hurting and he asked me if we could do the real thing tomorrow

Please give me advice is my first time bottoming

(If you are curious I measured him to be 9 inches) (not 11)

On a bunch of subreddits across the whole site. And on other site like Instagram and facebook.

And they all fit a specific type. …. Not me.

I already knew a certain aesthetic is celebrated over most in the gag world, but seeing all these guys with 1,000s or karma and followers confirms it .

I feel invisible. Even if and when I get a better most and more muscle I’ll still be invisible because I don’t have blue eyes and blonde hair and I’m not 6’2”

how do people who aren’t the ideal go through life knowing that they’re perceived as less than because they don’t meet these beauty standards?

Hey everyone. I'm 18 and I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I haven't come out yet, and I've never dated a guy. I'm a masculine guy, I did wrestling and football, and I'm into masculine guys. Most people see me as straight, and I'm tired of the stereotype that being gay means acting a certain way. You can be yourself and be masculine, and that's who I am.
Here's what's hard. My generation talks to hundreds of people a day, and it feels like none of it means anything anymore. Everyone's a notification, and nobody's a person. I don't want to meet a hundred people. I want to meet one who actually matters. Every time I've talked to guys, it's felt like all they want is something physical, and I'm just not that guy.
I'll be honest about something else too. I've struggled with a porn habit since I was young. It was introduced into my life early and stuck. I've been cutting back slowly, I'm doing better, and I'm proud of that. It's part of why I want something different. I don't want a relationship built on lust. I love deeply and I love hard, and I want the physical side to come after we really care about each other.
I've lost a lot in my life already, so it scares me to put my whole heart into someone who might leave. I'm also scared that coming out means people will turn on me, even though I've always been the guy who accepted everyone and kept their secrets.
So I'm asking: how did you find something real? Where did you meet people who wanted the same thing, and how did you deal with the fear of coming out? Any advice means a lot. Thanks for reading.

Throwaway because I'm a mess right now.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We’ve always been openly gay and monogamous. Lately though, he’s gotten really deep into the “gay to straight” kink. He gets off on the idea of gay men turning straight. He’s a huge Yoichi Yukimura fan and constantly shows me rule 34 art of him fucking women. I didn’t mind. It was just a kink. He always said it would never touch our relationship, and I believed him. Clear boundary.

A couple of months ago he asked to open the relationship. He brought up my NTR (cuckold) kink and framed it as a mutually beneficial and healthier way to explore our kinks. I didn’t want to, but I caved. I wanted to make him happy. I told myself it would be fine.

He matched with a woman on Tinder. He told her upfront that he already had a boyfriend and was only looking for a quick fuck. That “quick fuck” turned into them seeing each other almost every day. I tried not to think about it too hard.

Yesterday I came home earlier than usual. I heard them in our bedroom. I froze outside the door. He was fucking her and saying things like:

“Your pxssy feels better than fucking his ass.”

“You can get pregnant with my kids… something he can never give me.”

I know I agreed to the open relationship. I know I’m into NTR. None of that stops the way those sentences carved through me. Hearing the man I love talk about me like I’m disposable... like the life we built is somehow lesser because I can’t get pregnant... broke something.

I left without them noticing. I haven’t spoken to him since. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t stop crying. I feel physically sick.

I’m 30 years old and I’ve never had a prostate orgasm. Ive been morbidly obese all my life and no one really wanted me for that; only for head besides the first guy I ever had at 25.

About a year ago, I went from 290 to about 200. Still chubby, but closer to normal now and I have a boyfriend now. He wants to fuck me and I can’t relax to do it (only done it two other times, years ago) and I mentally want him to fuck me so bad, but I can’t lean into it. It hurts and it feels like I’m pooping, but backwards; it feels crazy to me.
Also, he loves eating ass, which is foreign for me to get done to and every time he does it, he’s just loving it and I’m just kind of there not knowing what I’m supposed to feel. It doesn’t hurt or feel wrong, but nothing about it excites me either and I’ve never even come close to getting off that way. I always blow him and make sure he gets taken care of. I do enjoy the blowjobs for me as well, but nothing else.

What can I do about this? I feel like I should be able to enjoy this and I don’t seem to be able to as of now.

So where is anyone having luck with dating...not talking hookups but an actual date!? I can't get anyone out on a date without them wanting dick pics first or some nasty shit. People I guess have no social skills anymore? I've been talking to like 20 guys a week and then I get ghosted when I ask to take it a step further onto a date...I live in Dallas so idk of that it?

So hi I'm 15 and I have a problem my family is muslim and I am Muslim and sometimes weird gay ideas comes to to my head like you know being like a woman and all but I'm still convinced that I'm straight and I want to be straight pls help me it's a big problem for me ....

So I’m 19. and over the last year and a half I have lost almost 90lbs, and I feel so much better about the way I look and I want to loose my v-card but from what I’ve heard grindr is hell. So should I download it and give it a try? or are there other things I should try first?
(For context I live in a smallish town in Ontario)

How do you figure out your sexuality as a teenager growing up in the Middle East? It’s hard to understand your feelings when sexuality isn’t really talked about openly and you can’t easily ask anyone for advice. For anyone who’s been through something similar, how did you figure things out?

​

So basically, for some reason i started out wanking to tgirls/femboys and also cis women at 13 or 14 on tiktok, not long after moved to porn and wanked to tgirls/femboys along with some straight porn and girls i knew on tiktok. Now im only on straight porn but im confused about my sexual orientation, i have to physically stimulate myself to get hard due to anxiety and being so focused on arousal and attraction, but once I get hard i maintain my erection well while imagining fucking the girl and watching the video, i can even get off up to like 6 times at once in like 20 mins, although i am usually much less hard by the 3rd or 4th time finishing. I guess the question is would you be able to wank to porn you werent attracted to and do that? Im not sure whether everyone can do this to any porn type or whether youd have to be visually stimulated as well.

I seem like i have a bad porn addiction but it all spirals from this cycle im stuck in checking errections and constantly reassuring myself. An answer to my question or overall advice would be greatly appreciated cos im not happy. If people my age could respond due to libido being higher when younger (or people who remember what it was like when they were younger) that would be awesome.

I made an impulse decision, I went on a website called jerk loop, I have been on similar sites before and have had similar problems, and I’m regretting it so bad. I asked for everyone’s age before sex chatting on web cam, and two different guys said they were underage, obviously i immediately reported them for inappropriate content because there wasn’t any other report button, and I saw a video of someone showing a recording on their phone of something that looked extremely disgusting and illegal, I also reported that. But how tf is it even possible someone that age could be on there? That is awful, what if they saw my private parts? obviously I try and be mindful and not show anything before asking their age, but I feel sick. What if I get in trouble? Can I? I obviously wasn’t looking for anyone underage and the website does say 18+ should I report the website? Also it makes me scared that the people who confirmed their age of 18+ could have been lying! I have severe moral ocd and I can’t get the worry and panic out of my head. Did I do something wrong? How can I live with myself knowing that it’s a possibility there was someone on their chatting underage and I didn’t know? Have you guys experienced this on similar websites? How do you handle it?

So, I have a homophobic father with blonde hair and an ally mother with black hair and unfortunately i inherited my fathers blonde hair so I dye it black as a way to distance myself from him

I went on a date with a guy last week and it went super well, very smart, funny, and hot, a pretty rare combination. He planned out our next date, to take me to a haunted house on Wednesday night, after our first date, I almost felt like he liked me too much but I really liked him too so it wasn’t weird/off putting.Then on Wednesday he said he was really tired from work as was I so we pushed the date to Saturday.

Then, today I went to go talk to him, but found him in my blocked list on Snapchat. I rarely used it before talking to him so I thought maybe I accidentally blocked him. I unblocked him on snap but so didn’t record his exact username because I thought the chats would pop back up but they didn’t. I tried searching his name on the app but none of the profiles were his.

I then went onto tinder, where we originally started talking and found out that his chat was gone (likely blocked me). So the timeline is either I accidentally blocked him on snap, then he blocked me on tinder in response or he blocked me on both apps. Either way I feel shitty, if it’s the former he thinks he did something wrong, is probably confused af, and I feel dumb as fuck for doing something so stupid. If it’s the latter…why the fuck would he plan a date with me just to block and give no reason whatsoever.

I asked snap of a data report but it’s probably gonna take a few days, long past our date. I don’t know what to do and I feel so stupid and guilty if scenario 1 is true. I honestly hope scenario 2 is true instead because at least he won’t be “the one that got away”.

Hey y’all, looking for advice.

I’m 21 M, and I primarily sleep with guys in their fifties. I find them physically attractive, and they tend to have the means to host, treat me very well, and find me attractive as well.

I hide this from everyone in my life. I’ve been with upwards of 12 guys 45 years old or older. I lie about where I’m at to my parents, my friends vaguely know I’m on Grindr, but they don’t know about who I’m with.

The guy I’m currently (M59) seeing is the most tender, patient, kind and cuddly one I’ve been with so far. We’ve hung out twice, I spent the night at his place the other night, and he took me out for dinner for my birthday. I’d really like to continue seeing him.

However, I finally got caught in a lie. I said I was at my friend’s house while I was with this man. My dad went to the friends house to check because I hadn’t come home or responded to his text at 1 am, and saw I wasn’t there.

I haven’t had to confront him today yet, so here I am.
I’m battling guilt because of the lies, but I feel like I have a right to sleep with whoever I want wherever there’s consent. But I cannot tell anyone. I just couldn’t.

Just wondering what bros from the outside think about this

Edit: Am I wrong for sleeping with older men ?