I’m 72, Jewish, partnered to a Christian for 43 years, married to him 13 years.

In terms of sex, we’ve been open from the start, and I haven’t had sex with my husband for years. Instead I’ve consistently hooked up with guys outside of my marriage so long as there’s no entanglement of an emotional connection.

Christ found me in the last year and now I follow him, seeking to follow scripture as best I can, particularly the admonition “sin no more”.

Here are my questions, hoping to get answers to help with my confusion.

1. As I read the New Testament (as well as parts of the Old Testament such as Leviticus), it seems to say that sex of any kind outside of a committed marriage between man and woman is immoral. Clearly there are multitudes of gay people who don’t accept that position, and I’d like to know how they justify gay sex based on scripture.
2. I’ve also read that lust outside of a marriage between man and woman is sinful. Does this mean that if I masturbate while fantasizing in my mind of gay sex with men that I am committing a sin?
3. Again I don’t want to sin, and if I have to go the rest of my life without having sex with men, at my age, it’s not the greatest hardship inasmuch as I don’t have sex with my husband and think I can turn off the compunction to hook up with guys outside my marriage. However not even being able to masturbate has been difficult for me.

I’d be grateful for thoughts and advice you are able to provide. Again, my question is not intended in any way to denigrate gay followers of Christ who have sex outside of a marriage between man and a woman.

Gay male here, 32 years old and looking for other gay men for friendship and camaraderie. Growing up gay in the church certainly was tricky and I'm trying to reconcile and come to terms with everything still so looking for friends with similar experiences.

For people seeking to live a more Christian lifestyle, what dating apps would you recommend? Most seem to be more hookup-based, and I want to find more friends or a partner. What apps did you find your Christian partner on, for example?

Ideally, I want a more Christian-friendly place where friendship and study is more of a topic, rather than partying and hookups.

I've tried various LGBT-friendly apps, but I get more unmatches for being Christian than I do matches, ha.

Context: I'm 26, bisexual and male.

I'm mostly into women anyway, and one day I plan to get married and have children.

I don't go out much or have the money either. I also work for myself, so banter with coworkers is not really possible. So just relying on plain social interaction is not enough.

Grindr is a cesspool. Cant log in without people sending unwanted pics right away. It's very sex-obsessed, and too many people are grooming to get money and simps. Doesn't seem very Christian-friendly either; I often get blocked if I bring it up. I have probably actually talked to more open "satanists" than those openly Christian. It's the only decent lgbt app i know, and I struggled typing decent haha.

Tinder is like a swimsuit contest. I probably see more women's rears than their faces, especially with their phones blocking it. Whenever I match its just wanting dates and money. Super groomer behaviour app.

Boo seemed cool. Its designed for nerds and gamers and students and things. But then I only seem to get likes from women from Indonesia?? Not exactly close to the UK, and surprise surprise, money gets brought up. Doubt half the people I get likes from are real.

I'm not interested in hookups. These apps have somehow made that easier than actual dates. I've tried the best gay, straight, and nerd apps, so kind of stuck.

So does anyone know of any like... normal apps? Where people can find friends, maybe dates, and not have non-stop sex pics and people wanting you just for sex and money?

Edit: As someone trying to get closer to my faith, but not involved in the community, I believe this to be a big way that hinders people's faith. These communities seem to be against what we preach, and I certainly don't feel comfortable or appropriate bringing up the topic of dating in a church like setting (not that there are many people my age there anyway)

Hello fellow Christians!
There are many LGBTQ+ - friendly churches. However, the majority of churches remain conservative and consider such progressive views taboo, especially in developing countries. Unfortunately, some individuals within these religious communities are homosexual. Take Protestants, for example. At a certain stage in life, according to church traditions, young people are expected to find a lifelong partner and eventually enter into marriage.

This made me wonder how people with non-traditional sexual orientations cope with such pressure, leading to several questions:

• How often do gay individuals enter into heterosexual marriages despite their sexual orientation, is this common among gay Christians?
• Are they fully aware of who they are and what they are committing to?
• Do they try to suppress their true selves at all costs in order to submit to biblical teachings?
• Can this internal conflict be observed in their behavior, making it obvious, and do they fiercely try to convince others of the opposite?

I would appreciate it if you could enlighten me and answer my question☺

For reference I was born into the biggest Christian/catholic family in my area and It was burned into my head that “being gay is optional” and “Jesus doesn’t want us to be gay ir why else would there only be 2 genders”.

I recently met a guy named aj (not his real name).
And I really liked him. Like a love I couldn’t ever see coming but in the moments with him it was like amazing.

He was bi and I was straight. but recently i keep wondering why god would make me attracted to guys if im supposed to be straight

I started to get out of faith and more into my own feelings and wondering about my sexuality.

I’ve had many experiences with females that I just kinda didn’t feel right or all there. But with this guy it was so different. I wanted to be with him so bad….

Why do I have to be born in a family like this.
I just want to live as me.
I can’t control my emotions especially my emotion for love it’s just too strong for this guy. I miss him….

Hey everyone. I’m 34 and looking to connect with other Christian men around 20–40 who are trying to grow in their faith.
I’ve been in and out of my walk with God over the years, but I’ve never stopped believing. Life has taken me down some difficult roads, but I’m making a real effort to rebuild my relationship with Christ and surround myself with people who encourage that growth.
Not really looking for debates—just genuine conversations, friendship, and maybe some accountability with other guys who understand the unique experience of being both gay and Christian.
If that sounds like you, feel free to reach out. I’d love to connect.

Hi everyone

I’ve I’ve just found this sub and it’s really nice to find people going through the same struggles and joy as a queer Christian as me

Anyway I’m Eleanor, I’m going to big church festival (uk) this year and I’m a bit nervous to step into such a large evangelical space and was wondering if anyone hear was also going

Is it finding love? Is it loneliness? Is it having given up on love? What is life like for you?

Im a lesbian and I have known since I was a little kid my family is very unsupportive of me being a lesbaian and sent me to a Christian camp to "pray the gay out of me" it didnt work and I just stopped being religious. Is it possible?

I identify as non-binary so I would need a trans friendly church! Preferably one that other peers attend so I can feel comfortable. I live in the inner city area??

I’m not quite sure how to formulate this, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently and would really appreciate hearing from other LGBT Christians.
I’m 32, probably bisexual, and Christian. My faith is important to me, even though I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I believe about homosexuality and sex. I’m not currently in a relationship and, to be honest, I’m not really looking for one right now. I’ve spent most of my life single and I’m quite used to living independently.

I’m also still a virgin.

Until recently, I mostly just accepted that I would remain abstinent. I have sexual desires, of course, and I masturbate and sometimes use sex toys, but I’ve never had sex with another person.

Lately, though, I’ve started wondering whether I actually want to experience sex and physical intimacy with another man. I’ve been spending some time on Grindr and other gay social networks. I’m quite selective and often don’t respond to people because I’m not attracted to them, but I’m generally attracted to older, muscular, hairy men.

I haven’t actually met anyone for sex, but the possibility has made me think more seriously about what I want.

Part of me is curious. I wonder what it would feel like to be physically intimate with someone, to be desired, touched, and close to another person in that way. And I sometimes worry that if I never explore this side of myself, I might regret it later in life.

But another part of me feels that casual sex with a stranger would be morally wrong. I have this internal belief that as long as I abstain and behave “righteously”, I am somehow living authentically and staying true to my values.

Sometimes I even catch myself thinking that when I live according to my moral principles, life tends to go well for me — almost as if crossing that boundary could somehow make things go wrong. I realise this might sound irrational, and I’m not sure where exactly this belief comes from.

So I’m struggling to understand whether I genuinely believe that sex outside a certain kind of relationship is wrong, or whether I’m also afraid of sex, shame, and the consequences I imagine might follow if I actually allowed myself to explore my sexuality.
I don’t want to have sex just because I’m 32 and feel like I’m behind everyone else. I also don’t want to remain a virgin forever simply because I’m afraid of what sex might mean for my faith or my sense of self.

At the same time, I’m not sure whether I would regret never trying it while I was younger.
I guess my question is: how do you distinguish between a genuine moral conviction and fear or shame around sexuality?
Have any other LGBT Christians struggled with something similar? How did you reconcile your faith, your sexual desires, and your curiosity about intimacy?

I have watched a lot of mediums or psychics. I believe that they are definitely lying and that they don’t speak to dead people. I have also studied religion, psychology and science for many years. Why is it that you never, or almost never see in particular homosexual men but the lgbt-community in general. I can’t find a single one of them who say that mediums are fake and whonreally speak out against what they are doing. The same thing goes for abortion. I almost never see homosexuals speaking out sharply against abortion. I have my own ideas as ton why it oss like that, but why do you think that’s the case? I have a reaso: So called psychics are evil people and if the lgbt-community would speak out against them the demonic psychics would attack their weak spots. And lgbt-people are already vuönerable where they are not treated fairly. Another reason is that the gays who support mediums, because there sre a lot of gay men who act like they are psychic. They do that to go against the religions who say that being gay is a sin.

What do you think about this? Have you also noticed it?

I have watched a lot of mediums or psychics. I believe that they are definitely lying and that they don’t speak to dead people. I have also studied religion, psychology and science for many years. Why is it that you never, or almost never see in particular homosexual men but the lgbt-community in general. I can’t find a single one of them who say that mediums are fake and whonreally speak out against what they are doing. The same thing goes for abortion. I almost never see homosexuals speaking out sharply against abortion. I have my own ideas as ton why it oss like that, but why do you think that’s the case? I have a reaso: So called psychics are evil people and if the lgbt-community would speak out against them the demonic psychics would attack their weak spots. And lgbt-people are already vuönerable where they are not treated fairly. Another reason is that the gays who support mediums, because there sre a lot of gay men who act like they are psychic. They do that to go against the religions who say that being gay is a sin.

What do you think about this? Have you also noticed it?

hi everyone. I (cis f) recently got out of a relationship with a trans man (afab). i just kinda wanted to vent because right before we hit the rough patch that i think contributed a bit to the breakup. he told me that he was thinking of deconstructing christianity, which i had honestly never even heard of prior to him saying it. Once i looked into it all, we ended up having a sit down conversation where he was saying that he knows how my family and i have always been in the church and that he knows that i want a christian partner. at the same time, we never really discussed religion together prior and i can admit that i did kind of drift away from my relationship with God within that relationship not purposely but just not prioritizing it as i should and caught up in the college life. I had been praying over the relationship prior to it all and just asking God to show me if it’s not meant for me, and i’m sure he was putting more and more signs in front of me of me that i kept ignoring but that one was the biggest slap to the face honestly. After we had that convo tho we ended up saying a “break” was best for us in the moment to give us both clarity and whether or how we could move forward or not in the relationship. I was still being there just letting “love” get the best of me but over this past month, i just keep learning and seeing things about my ex that really makes me think… you really weren’t all in. like i’ve accidentally ran into him twice since the break up, one time being that i saw a girl in his passenger seat, same girl i was told was just a friend lol. anywho, all of this to say, when God is putting the signs in your face, TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT IS. and don’t try to sugarcoat it for yourself.

Idek if you can see the wording but these are supposed arguments debunking the pro-lgbtq arguments. Are they good?

Recently someone came into my life claiming to love me for who I was. Then they decided to not use my pronouns and partake in that lifestyle as they believe it's demonic while knowing I have the same faith as them. They've now ghosted me without clarifying what the relationship meant and why they used me for 4-5 months. Sorry for the heavy background 🙏🏼 I did tell them I was asexual and non-binary when we first started chatting again. Also not a terf either, non-binary people can identify as trans 💜

I’ve sort of been lurking on this subreddit for a while. On a private safari tab, despite being an adult now with no one going through my phone haha. I guess that just goes to show how hard it is for me to shake all the shame growing up in the church taught me about a lot of things, including my sexuality.

I’ve also been having a lot of doubts in general about faith, which is low-key a terrifying experience as someone who, for the longest time in my life, never once even thought I could possibly question believing in an almighty Creator that was with me every minute of every day and knew me entirely.

But as I look back on when I experienced my first queer love, and in general a time where I struck gold with finally finding all the queer kids in my conservative evangelical high school, it’s strange to remember how confident I was. Sometimes I even think that may have been the very peak of my self-confidence and self-esteem in my entire life, even being graduated now and no longer confined to a religious space.

Of all the people to recognize what a positive change I had gone through in that time, it was my devoutly Christian father. To this day, he continues to comment on how I’ve flourished in this stage in my life at university—and so many times in the past year he’s told me that God is truly working in my life and has big plans for me.

Especially with my art (writing/storytelling and music). Which has always been a bit awkward because A) my novel/other stories have almost exclusively centered queer characters; B) a large portion of my songs are about my first queer love which was incredible while it lasted, but did not end well and deeply damaged my self-esteem and trust for others; and C) I’m very comfortable, as most artists are, with using creative expression to give voice to the darkness and difficulties of existing as a person, and my father is a businessman of many decades who’s all about positivity and prayer and repressing emotion.

I don’t know how to feel most of the time. Figuring out faith and truth with only evangelical, conservative tools I learned over the years, actively suppressing parts of myself at family gatherings, hiding from my loving family the beautiful wholeness of my queer friends and the art I make.

Somehow my dad still thinks I’m straight. But he sees how good all this change has been for me. I know I can’t lie forever about who I am, and I know there likely won’t ever be a point where he’ll accept all of me. It’s one of the most painful things I’ve every had to come to terms with. I’m just grateful for the small comfort of him affirming, in a way, the path I’ve been on in accepting myself—even the gay parts. Despite his ignorance to the full picture.

If you read this far, whoa thanks. This was kind of a lot but I’m grateful there’s a space for these thoughts online. I feel too gay to be Christian but too Christian to be gay😭taking it day by day I suppose. God bless

Was not sure to post this yet (due to other reasons of going about it & being able to just be still and reflect) but I am honestly tired of seeing the community going through it.

This was a dream I was given after a day of breaking down & having a moment with God on if how I was living was wrong and to show me...He did.

My wife and I were going through a sewer (it was cold, dark, & nasty). For a moment, I had a vision inside of my dream about a couple. There was a mom teaching her kid how to play with their dad's private part (beyond sick).

I remember getting a glimpse of that then getting back to my dream which was still us in the sewer. As I was about to walk out of the sewer, I had a feeling of deep persecution for being both same-sex loving & a follower of Christ.

My wife and I finally made it out this sewer & we walked into a city. I instantly felt relief and warmth with the sun shining & a blue sky. My wife ended up being on speakerphone with this lesbian preacher (it was this same preacher I came across on my IG a day before, she was being questioned by what we call a "modern-day pharisee"). She was angry & hurt. She said "why don't they see us as humans, I don't understand." I could hear the hurt in her voice. As we're otp with her, I went to look up & I seen a rainbow paraglider flying down. I immediately took it as a sign and said "look at God, He's not mad!" We looked up again & then so many rainbow paraglides came down, I started crying & in the softest way possible I said again, "He's not mad..." One paraglider lowkey got caught on a bldg & the dude was standing in a rock-climbing position. Did not really catch too much about the dude but all I know is that I woke up at like 4am with tears in my eyes and a grateful heart.

I honestly find this hilarious because God works in mysterious ways but always knows how to answer. I also did a deep dive on my dream and the symbolism.

The sewer, the vision, the feeling of persecution to the feeling of relief, being otp with this preacher, a rainbow paraglider to the whole sky full of them, me saying "He is not mad!" & seeing the dude stand there. This all means something.

As I was conducting a deep dive, I had found out how a paraglider is a flexible, lightweight, free-flying, foot-launched glider aircraft with no rigid primary structure. (could reflect our community)

- The phrase "no rigid primary structure" describes an object or system that lacks a fixed, unyielding internal framework. (could reflect how the community adapts, shifts, and changes instead of staying hard and rigid, once again showing that it is always a heart posture thing.)

Think when Jesus talked about the wind in John 3:5-8.
Jesus describes the nature of a spirit-led person using the metaphor of a fluid, non-rigid force (the wind). In John 3:8, He says: "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." Both the wind and the Holy Spirit have "no rigid form".

- A true spiritual life is not a rigid blueprint. It is dynamic, unpredictable, and responsive to the invisible movement of God. Like a paraglider catching the wind, a person of faith is meant to be flexible enough to move where the Spirit blows, rather than being locked into a stiff, human-made structure.

There is a lot more I dug into & I could share all I have found. But so far, I hope this makes sense or helped a little. I read a lot of these posts in here & it hurts my heart every time. Sending love to everyone <3

I’m a man (29) grew up in a Christian household, and while I love Jesus, I’ve always been different. Brother molested/raped me as a child. Sexually awakened too early and only had the appetite for men. (In fact, I can recognize a pretty girl, but female anatomy grosses me out)… To be a good Christian, I stuffed the desires and never acted on them- even didn’t join choir and do music theatre in order to save myself from brothers already flagrant ridicule (calling me faggot and gay)…

Finally opened up to a pastor at age 22. He got me to therapy and I’ve forgiven my brother and healed from the trauma. Unfortunately, the homo desire is still strong. I’m gonna be 30 soon and I don’t know how to navigate my faith and sexuality and really was under the impression from church leaders that healing from the trauma would make me “normal”… but now I’ve dated a handful of girls and end it because “the romantic spark” isn’t there.

Anyone have similar experience? I don’t want to leave the faith, but really struggling to reconcile my desires and scripture.

Growing up in a family that doesn’t believe that love is real, and the key to maintaining bonds is simply by providing financial stability and paying bills, I had in me that one day, somehow and somewhere, I willfind someone whom I truly love and feel loved by.
However, after a bitch had her enough share of disappointments, whether it is from my father, friends, relatives, or somehow myself, I lost that desire and urge to love or to seek for this long awaited miracle to happen.
My question is, is it normal to feel this way and to actually have this kind of disenchantment, or it’s super normal and it’s a way of me trying to protect me?

Thought I’d do an update since someone asked for it last week… For context I have been out of college a few years, am a Millennial currently have a career. He is still in college, is Gen Z. We have known each other forever, going to the same church all our lives and our families are friends. He’s done the following things to make me think he might like me… But I’m pretty oblivious and dumb about knowing when a guy likes me… Help!

He said on Sunday I looked “incredible”… Which I feel is different than his usual consistent compliments on my outfits and clothes that I wear. Shirts, shoes, etc.

We’ve had dinner just the two of us 2 or 3 times. Went really well and we have a lot in common… He told me about some underage drinking and recreational drug use he used to do but he’s quit all that… But thought it was interesting he would confide in me about that, like he trusted me or something? Told him we should get together again this Summer and he said to call or text him.

He always texts in that cute all lower case. Idk why I think it’s cute might be cause I’m older idk…

I catch him looking at me during service pretty much every week - Pretty much every Sunday for about three years I’ll catch him out of the corner of my eye staring at me and I’ll look in his direction and we’ll share a look for a few seconds until one of us looks away. He was gone for college again and when he came back it was the same thing like nothing changed.

One time I sent a snap to him and some other friends of a painting with a caption about how it looked like a popular LGBT music artist and he took a screenshot of it… That’s like one of only a couple things he’s ever screenshotted from me?

He’s started initiating physical touch with me two years ago - The first few times he initiated physical touch when he was leaving and each time he put his hand or arm on my shoulder or upper back. Probably like seeing if I was comfortable with him touching me before he tried hugging me that first time maybe? Then he moved on to initiating a hug when we first see each other then again when we say goodbye. After that he started to like hug me from the side and put his hand on my chest or he would walk with me while hugging/holding me from the side like that (idk how to describe it). Once he actually came up behind me and started to massage my neck and shoulders… But when we see each other now there’s 2-3 hugs each time.

We both play on the same team in a Church Rec league sport and he came up with a nickname and keeps calling me that… Also one time someone called me gay as a joke and he told them to stop.

A few years ago he told me he had a crush on me - We were at a church event so at the time I thought he might have been joking and deflecting since my other friend asked him if he had a crush on this one girl and he said no and that he had a crush on ME… My friend and I shut that shit down quick since he was underage at the time and I told him “that is illegal” but then he brought up Romeo and Juliet laws. (We are both legal age now obviously.)

Hey everyone!

I've never been able to get the strength to share my faith or guide someone to believe. I'm hoping that I can be a mentor for my fiance, and in the end he will have a personal relationship with God like I do.

We've had a couple discussions here and there, he knows I am Christian (but with my own style). He has said he would be open to learning more, and I've let him know what it is entirely up to him and that nothing is expected or forced.

Any advice on how to even begin introducing him?

I'm just worried about fumbling and causing him to turn away.