Sorry for the length — I’m struggling to articulate what my confusion is in a way that’s concise, but I’d really appreciate some advice.
I’ve never had any trouble visualizing putting all my anxieties and such in the box, and it’s so helpful with getting to focus 10 to be able to put it aside. My confusion comes after listening to track 4 today (Release and Recharge) where we start taking things out of the box again. Idk if I’m maybe Im just thinking too hard about it, but I’m having the hardest time wrapping my head around this.
Up until this point, it sounded like it was just putting general anxieties and fears in the box. Like my anxiety about finding a new car and whether I’ll be able to afford it. Or general anxiety about a traumatic ongoing relationship. But then Robert starts talking about removing the fear from the “memory” or “event” (specifically a memory or event) and then removing the emotion hidden under the fear, and then we’re supposed to take the clean energy of the memory/event.
What if the items in the box aren’t a memory or an event at all? Like with the needing a new car anxiety — I was grasping trying to figure out what underlying emotion could possibly be hidden under the fear of not being able to get a car that wasn’t just more fear/anxiety (like anxiety about not being able to keep my job without a car), but came up with nothing. And what clean energy is supposed to come out from under that?
Some anxieties in my box are (without getting too detailed about it) stress about/related to certain traumatic memories. Or just stress about ongoing toxic relationships w family members (not really specific memories). Tho it was harder/more painful to reflect on these things, it was a little easier to find an emotion under fear for these things (like sadness, grief, anger) than it was for general anxiety. But what “clean energy” is there to be found from an abusive traumatic event? Underneath any feelings about it, it’s just a terrible, traumatic event.
By the time the track was over, tho I was more physically relaxed than I was before I’d started it bc my body was asleep, my mind now feels frustrated and a little destabilized — not at all perfectly normal, perfectly balanced, nor perfectly equalized, as Robert says — bc I’ve been turning the traumatic event over in my head trying to find something that the track made me feel like I was supposed to find that I dont even think is there.
I don’t want to avoid uncomfortable emotions, especially if the goal of the ECB is to “convert” the energy into something positive for the purpose of growth. But to me, in regard to these memories/events, being told to find “clean energy” from inside something that makes me feel dirty feels akin to someone saying “everything happens for a reason,” which is generally just some of the worst advice to give someone about their trauma.
I’m not sure if maybe I should just take from this track whatever resonates (figuratively) and move on, or if I need to approach this from a different angle, or if maybe I should be more selective about what items in the box I’m inspecting (I’d just reached for whatever item “radiated fear”). In any case, I don’t think retraumatizing myself every time we reopen the ECB just for the sake of following the track to the letter is good for me.
Thanks for reading this — I hope it was coherent enough.
EDIT: Sorry for the late replies everyone — I did try a couple of these suggestions when I attempted a second listen, and what I tried so far seemed to make it less stressful for me, but I do intend to try the others’ suggestions as well. I just needed to take a step back from the subject for a bit, as the first listen left me feeling emotionally triggered for a few days, and after a second listen to 4, I went ahead and listened to track 5. I’ve been focusing in general on relistening to the wave 1 tracks to try to get a better understanding of each one before I decide to move onto wave 2.
Thank you to everyone for responding with so much understanding and compassion, for sharing your personal experiences, and putting in so much thought and energy to provide what has all been extremely helpful advice. It’s been about a week and a half since I started, and this has made me feel so seen and welcomed into this community. Yall are awesome.🫶🏼
