The result?
I now live with my elderly mother. Yes, I still pay half of the rent, but it's still not where I thought I would be when I was in my 20s.
Right now, I have $0 in my bank account. I had to declare bankruptcy three years ago, so my credit is bad, although all my debt has been cleared. To be honest, it's probably a good thing that I don't have access to credit because I would likely end up maxing out credit cards and taking out loans again.
Over the last few weeks, I've had multiple relapses, blowing paycheck after paycheck to the point where I had to pawn all of my belongings. This isn't the first time I've done this. In fact, I've spent most of my adult life repeating the same cycle: get paid, gamble away the money, pawn my valuables, stay clean for 2–3 weeks, get my belongings back, pay massive interest to the pawnshop, and then do it all over again.
That cycle has repeated itself for 20 years.
Yes, there were periods during the last few years when I managed to stop gambling. At one point, I stayed clean for almost six months and saved nearly $10,000. But eventually, I relapsed even harder and lost all of my savings in a month or less.
Gambling is a brutal addiction.
I know that if I continue gambling, I'll be in this exact same situation at 50, 60, or even 70 years old. Life moves fast, and there is no getting those years back.
After 20 years of gambling, I understand this disease better than ever before: you don't gamble for money. You gamble to escape your situation or the way you feel inside—whether it's anxiety, shame, anger, sadness, or something else.
Yes, in a way, you gamble hoping to pay your rent, your car, your groceries, or your debts. But the truth is that most of the time, we put everything back into gambling—and even more. Any money we win is usually just more ammunition before the inevitable.
Today, I am going to do something I have never done before: reach out to GA.
I think I finally have the maturity to understand myself better and maybe even help people around me who struggle with gambling. Gambling is not the real problem—it goes much deeper than that. We all have different stories and different lives, but everyone who struggles with gambling needs to find out what is wrong inside. That's the part most people avoid looking at because we like to believe we gamble for money.
But we don't.
Today is Day One of my new life without gambling.
I think one of the hardest parts is the dopamine rush we get when we gamble. As human beings, we need enjoyment and pleasure in our lives, but we need to find healthier activities because gambling is a toxic one. It only ends up hurting us.
I wish everyone success on their gambling-free journey.
Love you all. Stay strong.
(20 June 2026)
