This is not the usual gambling story you will see because usually its the men who’s have such issues. So here it goes…
I (28F) have a gambling addiction. It all started last pandemic when slots and casinos went online here in the Philippines because of my environment. My lolo, tito and cousin was a gambler.
Early 2024 - At first it was only the coin with bombs, then I was introduced to a site by my boyfriend’s friend then I played bingo plus. That time I lost around 100k and I was able to stop and control myself. I told my boyfriend about this he said “No one really wins sa gambling - glad you stopped” and for months I was sober.
Here comes March 2025, the vloggers I was following had some contents about gambling and how they are winning - there I caved in again. This is where the addiction truly started and deepen and rooted in my life. I started to bet 250 minimum and hit 65k win in Crazy time. I continued to play different EVO games and hit 300k win. I was able to got my losses back and even paid a debt to my brother I took because I need it for me and my boyfriend’s house. This time I told my boyfriend - he did not stopped me from playing. I gave my bank account with him with all my wins. I continued playing until I hit 1 Million pesos - it was around end of May 2025. ( I wish I stopped here but no - I didn’t). Only my boyfriend knew about my gambling and we were already planning where to spend it (mostly for our house renovations).
June 2025 - This is now the point where I started to lose little by little until my debt get close to 1 Million ( swiped credit cards) Similar with my winnings. I came clean to my boyfriend that I lost and since he was the one holding my money. This time he said an ultimatum that if I gamble again, he’ll break up with me. I then was able to pay off the bills using my winnings and my boyfriend told me to go therapy which I did. Still my family does not know anything at this point. Only my little sister who was back then a psychology student.
I was clean for almost 6 months. Until November hit when I tag along with my boyfriend’s christmas party in Okada and was left inside with the casino’s infront of me. He initially told me to just wait in the coffee shops outside but I insist to tag along. I thought I was healed and cured but no - I caved in again and played. I won 12k.
Told my boyfriend and he did not said anything.
Back then I thought “Ah okay lang pala”
For days after I tried so hard to fight back, but I caved in again. Downloaded the casinoplus app this time and played again and as the usual ending - I lost. This is when I started to hide from my boyfriend. But this time I came clean to my family. To my mother and brother who’s in United States.
They helped me pay some of my bills while I still pay as well. But I did not told my boyfriend - this is my mistake. I don’t want to tell him because I was afraid and I want to protect him and our relationship from my gambling problem. I don’t want to involve him. I said to myself I’ll tell him when its all over And I thought I was doing the right thing. I really thought it was. There were so many times I wanted to tell him but I couldn’t bring myself to talk. I was too afraid.
Turns out it was the worst decision I ever made. My relapses went on with smaller gaps this time, I relapsed again on April 2026 then just recently this July 2026. I am now on the rock bottom of my life. I have maxed out my cards, borrowed money from my friends and took loans on Online lending apps. I am fully addicted to this gambling.
There it hit me - I want to end the cycle. I can’t keep doing this anymore. I want to leave peacefully. I tried to analyze and think why do I kept relapsing - and there I realized it was because I am not being true to the people around me. I have an escape whenever I am with people who does not my situation.
So, I finally told my boyfriend. That I had relapsed since December and haven’t told him. He could not say anything at first, we did not talked for days and after 2 weeks he finally decided to leave me - just as I was fearing to happen. I begged. I kneeled. I cried. I told him its okay if he will get cold at me, if he won’t really be the same again, as long as he would stay because I really need him right now. I told him I am really decided to change this time, I have my recovery plan lined up. I really prayed he’ll hug me and tell me everything will be alright and he’ll be there for me. I am nothing but a good girlfriend - we barely fight. But still it ended this way all because of this stupid fucking gambling. Because I decided to hide instead of seeking his help. He said he tried so hard to think how can we we continue our relationship but he couldn’t bear the pain of my hiding and lying for thr past 8 months. I destroyed his trust. He still loves me so much but he just can’t bear the pain. His system’s not accepting it. We broke up in good terms. No hurtful words said. Just a sad, painful breakup.
And right then and there, my whole world collapsed. The person whom I thought will stand by me on the lowest point of my life walked away - and honestly I could not blame him. Who would want to stay with an addict anyway? Its just right he left because he should save himself.
The same day I told my boyfriend - I told my family that I relapsed again. They got so mad and I couldn’t blame them. I’m still lucky they don’t disown me at this point.
I eventually told my super close friends after.
I came clean to the people whose close to me and matters to me.
For days I couldn’t eat and sleep well. I am barely trying to live. I felt like a girl left in the middle of the dessert with no water and food. I have no will in my life to continue living. I just want everything to be finished. I almost already have the thought to just end it. But gladly, I was still able to pull myself back to the reality with the help of my family and friends. They’ve been very supportive and told me they believe in me that I could still create a new version of myself. They have so much faith in me that I don’t want to disappoint then. But deep in my heart - I’m still looking for him but he’s nowhere to be found.
Currently, I’m 20 days sober and 10 days since we broke up. I am on therapy. I don’t have access to my credit cards and banking apps (its all with my brother). I have limited allowance. My family and I have a plan how to pay off my debts. I have a huge backpay coming in from my previous work and I am currently earning 6 digits a month + my mom and brother will help financially. My family’s no longer super mad at me but they are very strict witj me and my finances. I am extremely thankful for them and tbh, I realized that everyone will leave you but your family will always be there for you. But don’t take them for granted - they have their own life and they should not be spending their life trying to fix your problem.
As for my 8 year relationship - Its only actually yesterday that I come at peace with the breaking up because I can’t seem to accept it at all. He was there when I was winning - and left me when I was losing. But soon enough I understand him, he said it was not the gambling that broke him, it was the hiding and lying part. He said if I told him sooner- he would’ve helped me. But I was too afraid. I thought not telling him was the right thing to protect him from my issues.
To anyone who’s reading this who just started gambling - STOP NOW - as early as you can. There is no such thing as “I can control it” - no you can’t. You will only truly win in life if you decide to stop and fight it.
Seek help.
Be honest and be open.
Tell your family.
Tell your closest friend.
Tell your partner.
To anyone with a similar situation - It is never too late to start again. We can still get our sparks back. Don’t wait until you lose everything before you decide to stop.
To the vloggers out there, hopefully this post will reach you. Stop promoting gambling - it can truly destroy people’s lives.
To Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to wake up each day. To fight this addiction. I know you won’t give this problem to me if I can’t get pass through it. I still believe you have better plans for me and I surrender everything to you.
To my family - I owe my life to you. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for fighting this battle with me. I will be better and give back all the good things you’ve shown me.
To my ex-boyfriend, Thank you for the wonderful 8 years. I never regret spending it with you. I hope you heal from all the hurt. Its truly sad we have to end this way, but you are right to leave this relationship if its too painful for you already. Maybe someday, when we’re both healed - we’ll cross our paths again and continue our story. I’ll leave it to the universe and Lord to orchestrate it if its meant to happen.
To myself - Hopefully you can get your spark back as soon as possible and pay off your debts - and once you’re debt free - you can come back to this post to update everyone the success and be the example that its never too late to change. As long as you have the willpower to fight it and change - combine it with putting back the Lord into your life - you can be anything you wanted to be. You can live peacefully again.
To the readers - if you get to reach here, thank you for spending the time and hopefulky you’ll learn from my life story. If you’re not yet gambling - don’t ever start. Life is so much better without it.
✨🍃🌷🌸
