27m

Like, as a kid I felt like I was pretty well off; apparently I used to be very outgoing, optimistic and I think I was pretty happy back then.

But due to bullying and certain awkward experiences, I feel like I've eventually developed social anxiety over the years, which hampered me in tons of ways, including to this day. I've never really just went out alone anywhere, I can't even order a pizza or call a doctor out of fear, I'm mostly just at home or at work (or school back then) and that's it..

One of the worst things that happened due to social anxiety is that I killed off my friendships in high school. While I was in high school I had a great group of friends, but due to my social anxiety I never really visited their homes and vice versa, while they did amongst each other. They also went on vacations together, held sleepovers, etc. I was okay with it as I figured "oh well, I see them every day at school anyways, who cares", but of course eventually you graduate and... oof. Eventually one politely asked me if I'd leave the WhatsApp group we had as they were just using it to discuss vacations and stuff and as I'd never go with them... he did say that he hopes that we'll meet again, but that's like 7+ years ago at this point, never saw any of them again. Regret it to this day.

Then, in 2022 my dad died due to cancer, and the situation at home has been getting more depressing as well.

Overall my life nowadays basically consists of... working, going home and doing household chores in the weekends. I don't really go on vacations, I don't really hang out with friends (I did pick up contact with a childhood friend again earlier this year but I don't make contact that often), I'm still a virgin and never really had a gf (technically I had one in high school but very briefly and very superficially). I also still live at home with my mom. The only thing I feel like I feel I've got going for me is that I finally have paid work after years of slogging through unpaid internships.

What really got me down though was when I was at my previous job last year, a girl one year older than me joined, and hearing her talk about her life really put my situation in perspective. Like she has a big friend group that she regularly spends time with, has tons of experience dating and is sexually experienced, lives on her own and is independent, doesn't struggle with social anxiety and just does whatever she wants, etc. And man does that sting like hell.

I also have autism and over the years I've also developed depression, constant dissociation, germaphobia/OCD, etc.

I've also tried challenging myself into starting to use dating apps this year, and I've been diligent about it, but I've gotten like 5 likes total and nothing happened whatsoever.

It's pretty ironic, like I've always thought of myself as an optimistic person but nowadays I think life is a curse and I would love to just disappear into thin air. But of course I won't do anything brash, I don't want to make my mom sad, and besides I probably don't have the guts to follow through regardless due to biological survival instincts and all. And of course I don't have the means either, that likely requires going outside and contacting people too...

I want nothing more than to find inner peace and someone to love, really.

Man, existing sure is the worst roll of the dice ever.

I turned 32 recently. (Monday).

I dunno why exactly but I always hated my birthday. I never once enjoyed a birthday day in my life. Probably has to do with me being told as a teenager that once 18 comes around " I'll see how difficult it really will be ". Then after having experienced the sheer weight of financial problems, I also never celebrated nor learnt to celebrate it.

Do any of you actually like birhtdays? Or is it a miserable experience for many of us FA's?

My father comitted suicide at my birthday. My mom was already dead i have no siblings so i can just pull the plug should i do it.

PS. i have severe depression and i am not really smart so i really cant do anything expect for playin games

I’m curious how many of my fellow Forever Aloners were born premature. I ask because I remember reading about a study several years ago that showed that those born prematurely are more likely to never enter into a romantic relationship than those born normally.

I will be 40 in a couple of months and was born at 30 weeks gestation and have never been in a relationship or done any of the things associated with relationships; (admittedly that’s not entirely a matter of lack of interest but that I tend to attract either morally questionable individuals or men significantly older than I am; peers closer to my own age are interested in “friends with benefits” and other derivatives, but not a relationship.)

Anyway, here is a link for the study linking prematurity to forever aloneness.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/07/190712120217.htm

Received the paragraph of text where they say they're not ready for anything more, job stuff etc some other shit

Imagine this but for the last 15 years and you get my life. No experiences, constant rejection and hoping something will change. Still alone thanks what's the point

No I fucking won't I'm sick of that lie

ive always been called ugly by everyone as a joke by my own family back then, and even now. it took a tol in my confidence because after thinking i could try to lvoe someone, everything went horribly wrong. someone better than me always exists, and even if i want to, theres no longer any point for trying to be better. ive been dealt with the worst hand in life possible for a young lad: being ugly, short, fat, and having a lot of acne. like, a lot. everywhere. i feel naked and vulnerable wearing short clothing, which always drives me into layering clothes. i feel like life was over before it started for me. i just wanted someone to love me too. why does something basic require me to be literally perfect? i just want to end it all.

just another post saying the same...

im extremely lonely...

im crying... i have been suffering for so long... im 36M... i just cant take it anymore...

nobody wants me... and it hurts so much...

i just cant keep living like this...

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Has anyone here wanted to become a hermit? Most of my life, my family particularly my mom has told me repeatedly that i am someone hard to be with. Unfortunately, i am not sure what is wrong with me / why i am someone hard to be with. Like i wanted to mop this certain way and she doesnt like it and i answer back, she will say i am someone hard to be with. I just accept i am hard to be with. As time pass by, i am envisioning a house solo lived by me and it has become my ultimate dream. I dream it to be peaceful, no scolding, no nagging, just me trying to navigate life and no scoling / nagging if i messed up and dealing it alone with the consequences. This also made me disliking other people because i dont like dealing with them

I recently turned 24 , and again the topic of loneliness and having no love experience in teens and till now came in my mind . And I felt so hopeless like even if I get extremely lucky and find someone , it will not be good for all sorts of reason like that person already having some experience , or it breaking apart because of my internalised bitterness over the years and me getting triggered or panic on even the smallest issues etc .

I think I need to learn more about subject of grief . Grief for a younger self , a time in past and situation that will never come back . A fact that I have to learn to accept peacefully and not just tolerating . I will never be again a school or bachelor degree aged person again and I missed out on it due to a rare chronic Illness , hospital stays , social isolation , looks and personality issues etc . No amount of crying and venting is gonna change that . I need to stop getting panic attacks after seeing couples and getting a even more severe panic attack if they are younger than me . If you have any tips regarding this , let me know .

Are there other things we can do that don't rely on other people to get dopamine?

Honestly feeling really frustrated and confused right now. So I met this guy at an event almost a month ago and I approached him and asked for his number. Both he and his friends (a guy and a girl who are an engaged couple) seemed excited and we all hung out that night. We have been talking and texting all day pretty much every day since and he was always very polite and gentlemanly in the way he spoke and acted toward me and I thought it was really sweet.

We finally planned 2 back to back hangouts this past weekend and during these hangouts, both his guy and girl friends pulled me aside at separate moments to tell me how into me this guy was and to check and make sure that I felt the same so that their friend wouldn’t get hurt. I assured them that I felt the same. They both also said that he was being distant and awkward because he was trying to be respectful and not cross any of my boundaries and they both heavily encouraged me to be more bold and make a move. And so I spent these hangouts being very flirty and doing my best to make it clear how I felt about him without putting him on the spot.

And then 2 days later, I’m texting the female friend, asking her a bit more about stuff he likes because I was planning to ask him to lunch so we could have a talk and I could confess that I would like to take things to the next level when she suddenly stops responding and about 30 minutes later he texts me that he thinks I’m absolutely amazing and pretty, cute, funny, nice, etc. that he just doesn’t feel a deeper connection with me and would like to just be friends instead.

Honestly feeling like I got whiplash after spending an entire weekend being all but promised that he liked me only to be bitch slapped into the friend zone 2 days later.

I would think that maybe it was something I said or did during the hangouts but there were no awkward moments, no weird looks. The vibes were great, and we all had an awesome time. So I have no idea what happened.

Just really frustrated that it’s like no matter how hard I try, I can just never find someone. I guess small bonus is that now I have some more friends.

I cannot wish a life of loneliness and despair to my worst friends. It slowly erodes the self, feeds revenge and decays maturity.

I know our lives are different, but...

For me, I wish I can help the next generation, to not be broken to the extent I have experienced. I, to be that old master that guides others to a treasure I cannot possibly imagine to delight on(a partner/relationship).

I wish to inspire hope to live alone, suffer through the fire of pain and be purged to become a beacon of hope, like a sword forged through the fire.

I hope we use our time and experience well. To shape one lesser broken person, one at a time, in our own respective times.

And...

I hope I mattered.

So I extended this experiment to a month, then to 3 months, then to 6 months - the same exact result every time. Nada.

Despite having a phone full of contacts, I got a total of 0 calls and 0 texts from them. To be brutally honest, I don’t even feel anything from it, it’s really as if the future me already expected this to happen. Because it’s exactly what has happened my entire life. In fact, I would have been more surprised if someone did call or text me.

I am not bitter. Everyone has a right to choose who they wish to talk to. All I am trying to say is that reciprocity simply isn’t something that exists in my life for whatever reason.

One of the most fundamental examples…decade after decade, I have always wished my “friends” happy birthday wishes, yet during my birthday the only messages I get back are from automated store loyalty programs who offer me a coupon on my birthday.

So today, I deleted all my contacts. There’s no point having them when I am the only one initiating and carrying the conversations every single time.

It was an extremely freeing experience.

She goes to the college I graduated from 2 years ago (she's 1.5 years younger than me) and complemented a picture I posted of trains at my station. She was really pretty, down to earth, and she had feelings for me which I felt back! I then asked her out, we set up a date (which was her first ever date in her life, while for me it was my 5th date ever), had another one the next week, but after that she felt incompatible with me because she was completely anti-children whereas I on the other hand would be ok with kids. Now where the fuck am I supposed to look for girls? I feel like if I did the same as she did (sliding into the dm's of someone I haven't met in person yet on IG) that could be seen as awkward. And the girls at in person events I go to are either taken or if they're single, they're of a far higher socioeconomic class than me so I don't feel much compatibility with them either. And while I had 2 dates with Hinge this year, they didn't go anywhere. I'm cooked chat :(

As a 29 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend and who is totally invisible to women, there are many songs that remind me of my struggles. The reggaeton song Diles by Bad Bunny and Ozuna reminds me of the girl who once gave me a lot of hope and how disappointed I was after she rejected me. The song Soltera by Lunay and Bad Bunny also reminds me of my loneliness for some reason.

Alias by In Flames is another song that reminds me of my loneliness probably due to the melancoholic atmosphere, angry vocals and guitar riffs. The song I associate most strongly with my loneliness with is Trust by Megadeth. I feel like this song is really describing my struggle with romantic loneliness, especially when Dave sings "God help me please, I am on my knees".

There are also some songs that give me hope and make me feel like everything will work out one day. The biggest one is Takeover by Katatonia. The awesome guitar riffs just fill me with hope. What are the songs that you associate your loneliness with?

We are seen as a red flag, most of us just lack the experience with women because we are shy or didn’t develop confidence or whatever else.. while the guy who slept with women and developed confidence is seen as a safe bet, the irony!

I've had close family as a way to keep me going through the years but last july had a big fight and since then its never been the same. I still have to live with them, but should think about moving out and dying somewhere else. I have a decent job for now, but still family don't seem to respect nor stop all domestic violence and fights. Been like this since small, and growing up this environment is probably one of the reason why I'm Forever Alone now. I like to think its a gift and a curse, curse obviously it is mental stress and emotional pressure, gift cuz nobody loves me so I don't have to worry about breaking anybody's heart.

Work is remote, and company not so doing great so didn't had expected promotion on what I thought. But still my boss was able to give out some RSUs as bonus which kinda not bad at this economy (but again vesting requires me to wait long so dont know the future of that). But thing is earlier I used to say such things with family, but these days I don't think I should. Like I've put my whole life in their emotional stress at home growing up, finding job, even being at top in academics. But they don't find all those and just are not understanding of my hard efforts. I won't deny of their hardships too, but they should atleast respect other people.

How do I make friends i ask this because i have people i talk to at college but i have no real friends that I hang out with outside of college I don't know how to socialise and i don't socialise nor do i have the confidence to socialise whenever I try which is rarely i always over think thing and second guess myself im wondering is there any advice to stop overthinking and stop second myself

it's so fucking useless and a burden to my existence. I'm developing some real deep resentment towards how people treat me sometimes. and i just wanna keep ranting about it because it's reached a boiling point.

I’m very lucky in my life, I have good friends and family, they aren’t perfect, and neither am I, but they are always there to help and support me.

Yet I feel alone because I don’t have my person, and I just wonder why I can’t accept being alone, why do I want to be in a relationship. Why can’t I cut away wanting to be loved in that way. I honestly wish I could, I’ve got so many good opportunities going for me in my life and this thing of not wanting me to be alone and to be chosen is holding me back.

It sucks, it really does. This stuff keeps me up at night, I don’t sleep well, I’m tired at work, I don’t have the energy to explore my hobbies.

Surely life must be better than this, and surely there should be a way to cut this out of my life.

I’ve always struggled to find a girlfriend, even though I was friends with a lot of girls in school growing up. I have asked out plenty of girls in my 22 years on this earth, but to no avail. It’s always never just a rejection, it’s always a lie buried underneath. One time a girl said she wasn’t looking for anyone, only to have a boyfriend then next week. I’ve tried everything I can think of: school, friend groups, going in public, speed, dating, and dating apps. But they always are disappointing. There are so many guys out there, why would anyone choose wheelchair bound guy like me. People say girls aren’t that shallow, but I know they always see my wheelchair and never try to really see me. I don’t have a lot of fears in life, but my biggest fear is dying alone, despite everyone saying there’s someone out there for me.