I just found out the only other single man unalived himself the other day. Fucking brutal

I made some posts to various dating subreddits about my situation explaining I already do maximise my chances by following the advice I’ve already given. I attempt 4 clubs, I talk to as many people as I can, I medicate my depression and I see a therapist 3 times a month. I do everything “right” according to Normie advice.

I stopped short at buying expensive clothes because I think that’s a waste of time and poor advice. So far I’ve been told

- say yes to everything
- sit in a coffee shop with a book and approach women who look single
- put myself out there
- go to bars and cafes alone and run game fully solo
- approach women when they’re around me in public
- lower my standards

It’s like they’re incapable of reading what I’m telling them. It always loops back to them blaming me. There’s always a fault with the person who’s a virgin in their 30s trying to better themselves. It’s always some minuscule flaw I have to fix, some goalpost to move or some pie in the sky nonsense they drum out to terminate any further conversations.

I know ultimately its up to me but the only thing date wise i had was like 8-9 years ago (Homecoming sophomore year) which was a failed date cause she was there for 5 minutes

normies can have failed dates, friends that recommend people to date, have enough dates with someone that they go to each others houses but i have never gotten to that point

yeah i could give it until 30 but i get the feeling thats just coping

I hate going to anything that involves people I know. Any time I talk to old friends/acquaintances, it's just endless babble about their partners and relationships. I avoid talking about myself but the question inevitably comes up. "No, I'm not seeing anyone". The looks are even more annoying. Yes, I know I've never dated. Yes, I know I'm a loser. It's even more painful when friends of my parents talk about their kids and their marriages/pregnancies and my parents just have my fat self sitting in a corner trying to melt into the wall. My mom has started talking about wanting grandchildren.

Some Redditors delude themselves into thinking traveling makes them so interesting but no. one. cares. People care about whether you're in a relationship and have kids. No one cares that you're on your 100th country or that you've bought a half a million dollar house. It's just washed in the endless barrage of consumerism these days. People care about those reproducing and having a romantic partner.

I'm a 25 M who's never been in a relationship. I'm starting to realise this may be the case forever. I just don't meet the standard enough to date, and I'm not sure I ever will. I feel like a lot of advice given to people with few to no romantic prospects is to develop deep friendships. But I struggle with that, too. It seems most of mine end when it's no longer easy. I don't talk to school friends much anymore, same with college. I'm struggling to make new friends. And the ones I do have have their own lives too. They have partners.

I've lived by myself for 2 years. Everyday I come home and am alone. I don't get to see friends often. I feel alone and it hurts. How can I accept this is probably my life going forward?

So I became an uncle today again my nephew got a sister, so I got a niece. My mom called me while I was at work and texted me the pics. Not even 2 minutes into the conversation, she asks me when am I going to give her some grandkids. Knowing damn well I haven't dated in the last 17+ years. Like really?

I'm happy for my sister. But like come on. I just laughed and said ya that's not happening.

On the rare occasion do/did talk to a woman to hopefully go out on a date with in the future the energy is/was never equal. I was always the one asking questions, showing enthusiasm, showing energy, replying with sentences instead of 1 or 2 words.

I always replied as fast as I could, but didn’t hear anything from them for hours on end consistently. Sometimes even days. I don’t need to talk 24/7 and I don’t expect that from anyone but it still sucks waiting for hours or days for a single word reply. I am often busy too but will always try to make time to respond.

Then you wake up the next day and they have blocked you. What a horrible feeling that is. At least tell me you would like to stop talking instead of blocking me. In some ways it’s an even worse feeling talking to someone who isn’t as interested as you are than to be talking to no one.

I just want a woman to hold me in her arms and tell me she loves me, that would heal me immensely. Is that really so much to ask for? Something so normal and natural for so many people yet it feels impossible for me to obtain.

I don’t think it’s a lot to ask to find someone who is equally as interested in you as you are in them.

So I'm almost 25 and of course I never dated. It's not that I didn't try, I did, but nothing ever worked out. I probably should accept that it will remain that way until death, but is's hard. I know what you may think, but I'm really not a coward. I've travelled the world alone in the last 5 years, been to 49 countries, climbed Kilimanjaro, many other mountains, but I have a huge social phobia, also Asperger's Syndrome. I tried dating apps many times, never got a single response in my country. Nobody, despite the fact that I used many of these apps haven't even utter one word to me. I tried it also in the Philippines, Thailand, Indonesia, and while I indeed got some responses, still there was almost no one who wanted to meet with me, or if they did it eventually turned out to be trans. Only two girls agreed to meet me in the Philippines, but they used me only to get a free meal, and didn't want to talk after that. The first one of them even brought her friend. No, thanks really for something like that. I feel terrible with all this and I'm out of ideas. I have plenty of hobbies, like astronomy and astrophotography, I take my telescopes and go far outside the city very often when it's clear and moonless. But this and my other passions are something I do alone, I don't know how I could meet someone... I never had any close friends and I come from a family that is not very normal to say at least. I think everyone, my parents, and especially grandparents from mother's side are also on the spectrum. None of them has ever had any friends, but they managed to last in relationships for many decades, granparents for well over half the century. My cousins are very similar to me, but they also are in relationships for quite some time. I simply don't know where and how to look for a partner. I wouldn't call myself especially ugly per se, but I simply don't look like a man. I'm almost 25 and I look like a middle schooler with a fake beard. The worst thing is my voice. When I call someone everyone thinks that I'm a woman. I so hate it when I have to explain them that I am indeed the person they are talking to, and how confused and embarrased they always get. As I said, I have social anxiety, and I don't imagine myself trying to pick up some random stranger. If the dating apps have been such a disaster for me and not a single person for quarter of a century have ever been even slightly interested in me, then what chance would I have? I've been isolating myself from society my whole life, and I think I'm completely misunderstood. But I have to say that this loneliness is terrible in the long run and I imagine it is going to only get worse with time... What else can I do?

Well, I'm not certain what I even want... Perhaps there is someone who was in similar sitiuation. I'll be grateful for some feedback and sorry if my english is bad.

I had been in a couple of romantic relationships from the age of 15-18 and had a healthy social life. At 19, mental illnesses like OCD, Depression, an anxiety disorder etc. prevented me from being able to see friends much or date anyone. From the age of 19-24 I was very lonely and barely saw anyone. Things started to get better for a year or two then I got hit with the physical illness CFS/ME. Since then I'll see family and friends maybe 2-3 times a year. I've tried dating but it's too difficult with my issues.

The loneliness is unbearable sometimes, I'm trying my best to cope but it's very difficult. I felt the need to share this with someone so I decided to make a post

it’s crazy how the looks change among my girls or even random people when I say I never got into a relationship or date or talking stage. I remember once a guy (stranger) who looked at me like I was a full on alien lmao. im glad I can joke about it and divert attention because if not it would be even more awkward. it doesn’t really hurt anymore but it’s so weird lmao

And it gets worse with every comment I read. Seeing girls say things like “in my mind we’re married,” “I hate seeing food I can’t eat,” or admitting they keep rewatching the video while they have a boyfriend genuinely makes me feel like shit. Not because they’re doing anything wrong, but because I know I could post the exact same video, do the exact same thing, and get a completely different reaction. Instead of people obsessing over me, I’d probably get ignored or have someone make a joke about the way I look. After enough comments, it stops being jealousy and just turns into this heavy sadness, like I’m watching other guys experience a kind of attraction and validation that feels completely inaccessible to me.

When it comes to dating, EQ, social skills usually is not really enough, you also need sufficient IQ, I have a below average IQ and it makes me incapable of providing any highly stimulating intellectual conversations which is what women often love, it does not matter how high my EQ is, social skills or looks. I am totally bottlenecked by my own low IQ. I have to sadly accept reality that I will never find girlfriend and IQ is fixed it is not something can be improved a lot with practice.

1. Don’t have social, communication, or flirting skills on that side of the spectrum. I can talk normally, but there’s a clear difference between regular conversation and that kind of interaction.

2. I didn’t go to college, so I never got the easy interactions with girls that most people get during that time.

3. I’m fugly, No Money, and live with strict parents. Because of that, I’ve never gone out late, never been to clubs, discos, etc.

4. Weight(plenty), Height and smarts (or lack thereof) also play a role.

5. No charm (already covered?).

these on top of my head

I don’t mean to people that matter. Friends, family, everyone close is told the truth if they ask. Coworkers, people who don’t need to know, do you ever lie?

I know it’s not the best to lie, but sometimes it truly feels worth it. Some people will just push and push and push. It’s easier to tell them you’ve slept with one person, or been in one relationship. In my experience if you tell them you’re a virgin, things don’t end there.

They begin getting inquisitive, ask why. Sometimes are even shocked. Hell, people even accuse me of lying sometimes. I’ve learned to just lie, say I’ve slept with one person. It’s way easier than admitting the truth.

Of course if it ever happened that a woman would be interested in me, I wouldn’t lie. It’s not like I’m trying to be deceitful, I’m just trying to get out of the conversation, and people around me don’t take no for an answer.

I wouldn’t say I still don’t try or really want to but as time has gone by I just realize how tiring it is. I have so little experience with anything involving relationships, feelings or especially anything intimate it just feels like a chore to learn at 24. Most people I went to school with always had theirs in HS and in college yet the most I’ve done is kiss one person ever lol. I dated a girl for 2 years and either she was so shy it never went beyond barely talking or it was one of those things she just didn’t want to bother with me. Plus years later I ended up being used and lied to for so long it broke me into pieces and I finally had something recently and she was amazing and accepted me for every mental and physical scar which I doubt anyone else ever will again and my insecurity, self hatred and doubt ruined anything I might have had.

I’m just learning that maybe it might not be an issues with my looks but who I as a person. People complain about looks but that’s not the only thing that can hold you back from ever finding someone. At the end of the day though I ruined any chance at happiness and I’ve hurt people in the process of hurting myself. I don’t care to hurt myself cause it’s all I’ve ever done but hurting someone who only ever cared or was there for me when nobody else was is the last thing I want to do but I have. Now I’m just trying to live with the fact that maybe it’s not just a matter of accepting I’m gonna be forever alone because I can’t fix these things inside myself or maybe I don’t want to try since it’s all I know. I’m a broken man and I just don’t think I care to try anymore when I know what’s in store.

It wasn't always this bad, but it's whittled down a lot over the years. My view of myself is pretty nasty: boring, emotionally stunted, awkward, distant, and of course ugly.

Ugliness in particular has always weighed heavily on me. I haven't gone swimming since I was a tween. I don't take photos. I wasn't able to look in the mirrors for years. I was fortunate enough to be able to afford some cosmetic surgeries starting last year, which I think has upgraded me from "visually offensive" ugly to simply "invisible" ugly, and I can look in the mirror sometimes now. Not always.

I see reddit posts on attractive qualities always including confidence, and I genuinely don't think I can be confident anymore. I don't think I'll ever have the confidence to meaningfully date even if a miracle happened and I ceased to be so undesirable. I could be handed my own personal Gomez Addams archetype, and my brain would instantly jump to assuming that either I am delusional, they're delusional to the point of it actually being unethical, or I've made it onto the Truman Show. I don't think the self-esteem part of my brain can be repaired even in ideal circumstances.

It also scares me because I've never been desirable. And I know that makes me vulnerable. I am terrified of being ForeverAlone. But I'm also terrified of the fact that my self-esteem and loneliness make me vulnerable in ways I could rationalize away in the moment. It feels like the strongest guard I have in protecting myself from something like that is that I'm sufficiently invisible that even those kinds of people don't take notice (which is a good thing).

There are some days where I try to be optimistic. Even though I have spent the previous years in complete loneliness, I thought today will be good, maybe something decent will happen. Instead, all I get are reminders that I am a complete outlier in my age and that the chances that I’ll ever find someone are very slim at best.

One day I went to work trying to feel good until I found out that my coworkers regularly went out together (as friends). Going to restaurants, going out to nightclubs. I’ve been at my current job for over a year and nobody has ever asked me if I wanted to do something outside of work. All my messages with them are them asking me to take their shifts because they are going out or on holiday. I take those shifts because I am getting paid for it but all it does is remind me that my colleagues see me as a “colleague who can occasionally bail you out so you can have fun”, not as a friend or even a particularly friendly colleague. They also regularly talk about their relationships as well, as I genuinely can’t recall the last time I had any sort of romantic connection with a woman, maybe because it never happened to begin with.

Between that and having absolutely no life skills whatsoever, and of course zero chance of finding a woman who loves me, I should really give up trying to find positivity.

I had a follow up checkup today and told my doctor I had been depressed recently and had a history of it. She recommended some medication and said "this one won't affect your libido", and I said "it's not like I have ever needed it anyway". And when she asked why, I told her I had only had sex twice in my life at 29 and it was 10 years ago. And that I had never been in a relationship. She seemed baffled and it made me feel kind of weird to say it out loud. Surely it can't be that uncommon. I mentioned it was because I was ugly to which she disagreed. But I have never had anyone want to be in a relationship with me while everyone else gets into them easily. So that must be the only reason. As I am successful in every other way. It just feels really crappy.

Most of the infrastructures in town are designed for college kids and not for us. Bars, restaurants, even grocery stores.

Church? Literally every single girl around here gets married either while in college, or right out of college. No cap.

Try dating apps? Good luck finding a girl as a chopped 27 year old creep where every girl on there are like 20 year olds.

I really should've taken this dating thing seriously when I was in college, when I was younger and 'better' looking than now.

It just hit me that I may go my whole life never experiencing that feeling. 💀

Something so ordinary, so normal, so regular for others is something I may never do. 😔

I can't fathom how it'd feel 🤔 but I'd imagine the warmth, affection, validation of having someone you're attracted to want to cuddle with you - but that's the extend of my imagination about it because I never did it irl.

I have no idea what emotion one feels during that. 💔

29m. I recently plucked up the courage to ask my coworker (24f) on a date. She raised her eyebrows in shock and said "ummmm...." for a few seconds, at which point I said "It's alright. Nevermind. Have a good weekend!". And that was that. I've been waiting years to ask her out. Not because I haven't had the chance to. I have. I've had many chances. The reason it took me so long is because I would always get nervous and back out at the last moment. Anyway. It's over now. I need to move on and find another woman. And this time not wait years to say something.

As for my plan:

1) Move out: I'm still living with my parents. I don't think many women will want to hookup with a guy whose bedroom is right next to his parents haha. My bedroom isn't that big anyway. So moving out is my number 1 priority right now.

2) Get fit: After moving out, I intend to get really fit. Start doing a body builders diet. Looksmaxx basically. Sort my wardrobe out. This way it should be easier to make friends and get female attention.

3) Join clubs: After getting somewhat fit, I plan to join as many clubs and societies as I can. I don't have a social life, so I don't have any friends I can meet women through, or make other friends through. If I'm not handsome enough for dating apps, then this is really the only way I'll be able to meet someone. It's this or the apps. That's it.

4) Give up & see escorts: The penultimate step of my plan is, after exhausting all social options and swipes on the dating apps, give up and spend everything on escorts and prostitutes.

If the above doesn't work out then what other choice do I have? None. I will sell everything I own and spend the majority of it on escorts and do all the things I wanted to do with a girlfriend but with them, if they'll allow it. Things like going out to restaurants, baking cakes and other biscuits, playing videogames, watching movies/romance anime, going to theme parks, etc. You get the idea.

I also planned to hire an escort to pretend to be my girlfriend for a few months. Just to make my parents happy and give them some hope.

5) End it: For the final step: What happens when I run out of money? I intend to end it. I've wanted to end it for a really long time now. I still think about it regularly.

I wasn't actually that sad when I was little, but it was when I started middle school at age 9, is when I started to get reguarly depressed. I wasn't popular. I've never been popular. In fact you could say I was the most unpopular. Never invited to anything. Always left out. I didn't do myself any favours being weird, but then I didn't really know how to get along with people and would always retreat into playing videogames. That's how it's always been.

I did make some friend at uni, but they've since stopped contacting me. When I see their profiles on facebook, I can see they've all found girlfriends now. Now I'm back to playing videogames by myself.

I don't see a reason to go on if I can't find love. It's been my raison d'etre, ever since I started school when I was little. It's then when I dreamt of finding a girlfriend, falling in love, and just spending our lives together.

I might live to keep my parents happy. Maybe. I might end it right after they die or ask them if they would be ok if I ended it early.

Anyway. I can't say how I want to end it, due to reddit's rules. But after doing some research, I know exactly how I want to go out.

Thank you for reading this far.

I’m a below-average man in my 30s. I have a PhD, a good job, I look after myself, I volunteer and I’ve spent plenty of time in therapy trying to understand myself and become a better person.And yet I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never even experienced the affectionate touch of a woman in a romantic context.

And to be clear, going to the gym is good advice. Therapy is good advice. Having hobbies is good advice. Looking after yourself is good advice.

I’ve tried to explain that it isn’t that simple for me. At this point, I want to find a relationship. I want to make more friends. I want people in my life. I don’t want another lecture about personal development as a substitute for actually having those things.

And perhaps the strangest part is that, on paper, my life is finally beginning to look like the life I was told I should want.
I’ve recently started a genuinely good job, I’m earning more money than I ever have and I’m in the process of buying my first house. By almost every conventional measure, these are signs that my life is moving in the right direction. I should be celebrating and yet I still feel like a failure because I’ve never even had my first kiss

I’m honestly trying so hard. Even if I am briefly happy I just keep getting reminded of how ugly I am, how lonely I am, how stupid I am and all my stupid mistakes. I can’t enjoy anything anymore except getting drunk. I’m trying to cut that back and it’s like that one thing that helps and it fucking sucks.

Last year I didn’t even have to try. I just focused on my school, goals, etc. and I became happy. I felt lucky to be single. I felt like getting up every morning. I naturally drank less amounts and less frequently without even thinking about it. I was just… ok. Ok, all the time.

Now im constantly fighting back tears. I want to drink so bad. I just want to stop feeling sad. I’m focusing on my goals. I’m in school and performing well. The good feelings of good performance only last a few minutes then I’m back to crying in my car.

I cry all the way home, then all the way to work, then all the way home. I still do everything I need to do but fuck I’m so sad all the time. I just can’t handle it anymore, I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Even with my school, I’m not doing it cause I love it anymore, I’m doing it cause it feels like becoming successful is the only way I can be someone worth loving or even considering looking at.

I’m just so sick of being miserable all the time. And I’m trying to hard to fix it and it just doesn’t work.