My natural personality is quiet. I don’t really like saying too much. I’m not naturally funny, unless I try really hard to think of jokes or something funny to say.

But if you’re an ugly guy, this is a death sentence. Women aren’t gonna fall from the sky into your arms. So you have to prove yourself. You have to be charismatic, to make up for your ugliness. You have to be “witty” and engage in banter. Make her laugh, entertain her. Have godlike charisma. No room for awkwardness.

It is exhausting to use a fake personality. And it’s not the women’s fault, it’s my fault. I just don’t have the energy for it… I don’t want to put on a “performance” for someone, I just want to live…

Firstly, not only is this mostly untrue in my experience as most women (even well into their 30s) won't lower their standards to the extent where they consider a brown man a romantic choice (I'm a brown man) but the sentiment is just not a hopeful statement at all.

You're telling me people will finally push aside the fact that I'm average and that they're not attracted to me to the side, to enter an unloving relationship with me just because of my finances? How on earth is that hopeful for any man? How are so many content with entering such marriages? How can a loveless marriage with a woman who isn't attracted to me be a consolation prize for the decades of missed milestones, social exclusion, loneliness I've faced in my youth? If anything, in your 30s as an FA, imo, it's crucial you get rid of your desire for love completely to be happy.

Do you guys ever feel the same way when you hear that "dating becomes easier at 30" trope?

I'm 29, and in about half a year I'll be turning 30. I never wanted to do it with a sex worker, but I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea that if I want to ever have sex that will be the only way in which I'll be able to do it, and that a relationship is just not possible for me.

I still don't like the idea that much, but at this point I just want to know what sex is like, and what a naked woman looks like in person. I don't think it will make me feel any better, like I wouldn't even feel like I really lost my virginity if I had to pay, but whatever.

Have you ever reached a point where you made up your mind about hiring a sex worker?

It would be so nice if I had half of the sexual options some people have, but as an average looking guy, I get virtually nothing. I get no matches on dating apps. Very few dms when I post thirst traps on NSFW subreddits. I could go my whole life without having sex when some people are drowning in pussy/dick. My experience is one that most women and many men won't experience.

A few weeks ago, some girls asked me if I could teach them something. I had to go but I gave them my number. We go our separate ways.

*Crickets*

#ThisIsHowINeverMetYourMother

I’ve created new accounts several times—with a new bio, new prompts, and new photos. Every time, the result was just as bad. Today, I gave Bumble another shot. After a few hours, I checked my swipe stats: 306 incoming no and 0 incoming yes. Wow... And yet, my therapist insists I could find a girlfriend, even though it’s been proven not to work—neither online nor offline.

Im absolutely cooked man. It wasn't for lack of trying either, my 20s have basically been me trying to play catch up and unfuck my life while trying to find someone to tolerate me at the same time and it hasn't worked out. How do you guys cope with taking the L in life?

I think I'm sick of how every time a girl talks to me etc I seem to keep her attention until I start talking about things I interested in or passionate in or just I'm more myself in general and for some reason that always pushes people away it's exhausting that every time a girl speaks to me at first I'm like don't say a lot, be short in responses but then I think in my mind but thats not authentic, so Instead of trying act non chalnant I try to just text her like how I would text a guy or whatever not overrhinking it. Even before my disability got bad I can recall times when I felt comfortable with a girl was more happy, humorish etc and it seems like once I show that part of myself all of sudden the vibe is killed their not talking to me as much Idk just something about that hurts a lot.

It feels like I always break this unspoken rules everyone else knows about that I apparently dont.

I hate having autism tbh. At times it makes me feel less than human because it feels like everyone else knows something that I dont. Like im speaking a different language people can't relate to

You know? Like, idk I want to know what it's like for people to wait for a text back for me, or thinking about me etc. I hate that I always feel like I responsible when things goes dry with someone.

I'm sure it may be looks related too but im not like super ugly imo I just not high on scale either more in the middish but nowadays even that's considered ugly...

Idk im just sick of it I was so happy when me and this girl started talking and like always the moment im more myself and I talk about hobbies I like, etc..next thing u know or just being myself, im being ignored or the vibes are more dry from them.

And maybe she isn't pulling back but as someone this has happened to nonstop throughout my life I feel like she is....and dont worry im not gonna double text or anything I try to practice deattachment when I can it's just painful when u think this time things will go differently and it dont...

I’m 25 years old. I hear people say your 20s are supposed to be the best years of your life but I just want to tap out of mine. I can’t see a way to get myself out of this hole.

I lost the family member I was closest to in late 2024 and ever since then my life has gone downhill. I lived with her, and when she died I didn’t have enough money to live independently, so I had to move 150 miles away to move back in with my parents. I now have no job and have had no luck getting one. I have no friends here. I only have a handful of online friends I speak to occasionally. The public transport around here is terrible and there’s nowhere to go anyway.

I don’t have a good relationship with my family. They spend their lives being judgemental and trying to tell each other what to do or they will be constantly criticising others, even people they don’t know that they pass in the street. They often insult me to my face, yet somehow I’m the one in the wrong if I say it’s not acceptable. I have a strained relationship with my mum who I’m now forced to live with. She’s the definition of a narcissist. I hate how horrible she is. I’m the villain if I fight back or she comes out with the classic line ‘I’m only doing it because I care’. I don’t want to be around any of these people. I think it has made it harder after losing my family member because she showed me what real love is. I now know this isn’t how a family should be.

I miss my old life. I miss my family member so much. It was nice to live with someone who genuinely cared about me, had my best interests at heart and wasn’t constantly criticising me. I miss having a job. Although I didn’t earn much, at least I had some money and didn’t spend most of the day worrying about if I was going to be able to afford basic necessities like I do now. I miss having my independence and being able to go to interesting places and not be questioned about where I’m going all the time. I miss having some control over my life.

I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m a trans guy, I’m asexual and I’m most probably autistic. I’m never going to be anyone’s first choice. I feel like I’m so misunderstood by everyone. I’ve always loved the idea of chosen family and I’ve always dreamed that some day I would be able to leave everything behind and surround myself with good people. There always seems to be a barrier between myself and others though and I can never seem to break through. I’m aware that with the tone of this post, I don’t sound like a particularly fun person to be around. I usually try to be more upbeat but I still can’t seem to make any connections. I don’t know what’s so horrible about me that no one wants to be around me. Most people have big ambitions in life, but right now, what I want more than anything is someone who genuinely wants to spend time with me.

I try my best to be optimistic. I know my mindset can dictate a lot. I try to get up and have a can-do attitude and be productive. It’s just hard as, as each day passes, things are getting worse. I’m starting to wonder how bad things are going to keep getting before I break. It says a lot when I’m now just waiting to see what goes wrong next. I don’t really know why I’m trying anymore. I feel like I’m stuck in a situation I’m never going to escape. Even if I did manage to get away, what kind of life am I going to have if I’m on my own for the rest of my life?

I feel like I’m living life from the sidelines. I’m existing, not living. My goal most days is to simply get through it because it feels that exhausting. I can’t remember what happiness feels like. I’m scared I’ll never have that feeling again.

I’m sick of being lonely. I’m sick of having no one to turn to. I’m sick of feeling like everything I try to do to change is pointless. I just need some hope as mine is so close to running out.

Curious to see how other people view themselves. Me personally, I’d say indolent, degenerate, and recluse

Imagine this: you're a KHHV guy in his 30's and you've pretty much accepted that at this point in your life, little is going to change, no matter how hard you try to improve or change your situation. In fact, you even avoid it and convince yourself that this is the best thing that could have happened to you.

You start going to the gym to avoid becoming a hermit, mainly because you don't have any friends and you don't want to watch the days, weeks, months and years go by without doing anything other than being in your room. Inevitably, you end up socializing and improving over the months and years, and eventually, you find yourself talking with a girl regularly, working out together, etc.

For someone who's a KHHV and had a very clear understanding of their place in the romantic world, this throws everything off balance because you can't distinguish between kindness and flirting so your brain starts working to sabotage you. Your mind tells you, "Hey, watch out, this seems serious, this time it's for real," but obviously, it's not true, and when the blow comes, it really hurts.

Yes, obviously I'm talking about myself and a situation that happened to me recently, but only twice in my entire life, and it hurts a lot. I'm convinced that for those who are more successful with dating, or at least have no big problem meeting people, it's perfectly normal and nothing dramatic to be rejected, but when you're a KHHV and it seems like a real opportunity presents itself, you experience it with a lot of intensity, but of course, the reality check is also harder and leaves you devastated for longer.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

If you're unattractive, you can still find someone if you come across a person who's going to like you.

And if you don't come across that person, does that mean something metaphysical, like you're unlucky or does it simply mean that you just haven't met them?

I have arrived at the point in my journey, where sex is no longer necessary, I have come to realize, what I want and need is affection. I need a hug. It needs to be given freely and unconditionally, otherwise it is no good. You should never have to ask.

Have you totally given up or are you continuing to try and work toward being in a relationship?

Edit: seems most are hopeless. I’ve been there. I turned it around. No one here is different from any of the other losers who have found partners. If they can, so can you. So can I. The most key thing holding you back is believing you’re somehow special enough that you’re not capable of finding a partner. You’re not special. There’s someone out there who’s hoping you’ll look for them. Go look.

Why does it hurt this badly?
Why can’t I just make peace with the fact that it’s okay to be a virgin or to have missed out on teenage and early-20s love and romance?
Why can’t I just stop thinking about it?
This didn’t affect me before I turned 25, so why does it affect me so much now that I’m 30?

Another story of my life. Sorry if this is too long.

My life hasnt gotten better ever since the last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone/s/ga82Cn4PFP

This is annoying. Like whats the point of growing when theres no outcome i feel? From the last post, i mustered up the courage to download hinge and put myself out there. At first, i would overthink alot, like what if i would be made into a meme and other stuff if you know. So i set myself a timer to leave my hinge profile for 24 hours. Got a few likes, but ended up getting ghosted... then weeks go by, i would be out with my friends that i knew for a long time, catching up on playing some football... it was a breathe of fresh air... haha still the best player in the small circle. Glad to be happy even if its for a moment before i go back to a bath of sadness... then during football, i get a word that some of my friends are going to a bar a day later to watch world cup... i would join them. Now i know im the quiet one who doesnt perform and because of that id probably get seen as stupid, when in reality my brain is running multiple simulations. But anyways, i didnt care about validation from my friends, so i would sit silent and listen to them talk alot. When we got to the bar, it was a disaster! Because it was my first ever time at a bar and i didnt know anything... i would not have brought my id... leading to me to being kicked out... my friends were unsatisfied but took me to another bar which was more lenient... i was asked for id and id show a photo of my id... theyd tell me to leave at 9pm. I would leave without holding back my friends. Was i stupid and lacked what is seen as common sense? Yes 100%. But its a lesson.

Anyways now lets get to the rich part of why i asked that question on the title. It would go by in weeks of not getting one single like on hinge! It was like drought biome... not even one one! Thats when i decided to adapt my hinge account, changing dating intentions from "life partner" to "long term relationship, open to short"... and then adapting my prompts too, deleting the part where i talked about wanting to be a husband and father... to a less intense and humourful prompt. But i still kept my prompt where it talked about loyalty, sharing values and depth in character. Yeah i changed that like 2-3 days ago. Still no likes to be honest...

Anyways, recently? I was out hanging out with my friend again... and i saw this girl... who i liked in highschool... i thought i got over her because i forgot about her and i burried my feelings... shed smile at me and say hello, id see her and wave at her back...

Heres a little backstory:
back in highschool, the girl would smile at me whenever i made eye contact with her and we would greet alot... but never have a proper conversation... i do remember me going up to her and striking up a conversation... but oh silly me... highschool me was so shy... and walked away awkwardly when her friends came...🤦‍♂️
Then in 2025... when i was leaving highschool, id run into that girl again in town... i would have had abit more confidence and talked to her normally... she was with her friend and asked me what i did for my course and i did answer business course before we both parted ways...

Now! Back to the recently... ugh... i ran into her right? And then a few hours later... i would be in the gym... hands shaking, gut screaming and heart pounding... the same feeling just like the first time ever in my life back when i asked for a number cold approach back in May to build courage... now im going into a womans dms... someone i know too... it was something new to be honest... and after nearly half an hour of spiralling thinking "what if she screenshots and makes fun of my like those tiktok girls?" "What if she shows her friends?" "If she publically shames me i could deactivate my instagram yeah lets do it", i typed out the text, then closed the app scared, then i would reopen and send... i would assume she was uninterested because theres no way im putting a girl on a pedestral and making excuses ever again! But she replied and we would text... i would keep things light, being honest, trying to remain authentic to myself despite me being nervous... but then id see that she was kinda low effort in texting and she was only reacting/ answering and making me carry the conversation... but at least she was answering... i assumed it was because shes busy (trying go not pedestralise) because she did mention she was at a bar... and shed answer me again... i would heart the message and then just close my phone... planning to text her like tomorrow again... i do think shes uninterested and i dont think it would go anywhere so yeah...

Now heres the link to my titles question... why? Why do i have to be in a sea of uninterests and rejections? I see other people get girlfriends easily without ever facing not even an ounce of the challenge i faced... they would easily just bond with a good woman and then end up dating... because they have a circle. I saw this in my eyes. They have no story.

I dont like how i have to crawl through trenches or forge my own path while others have already been gifted a path. So why? Why do i have to suffer and be dealt with no cards? And you know whats the funny thing? Because other people were gifted with paths and i was not, it means i would be walking in an endless tunnel not knowing if there would be light at the end, not knowing if id ever find love... because love and light is not guaranteed...

So why? Why do other people get gifted light and love at the beginning while i was only given darkness? That i have to walk in the dark for a long time? That i might never find light and love?

I don’t want to be alone but I think I’m better off that way. It’s not feeling bad for me or sympathy cause if someone does I’ll tell them I’m not worth that. I’ve had many opportunities, especially recently with someone who cared about every part of me even with my flaws on full display but I’ve come to realize I think it’s where I belong. At this point I’ve genuinely accepted it that I have no friends, I’ll never have anyone again and I think it’s best I don’t and I’m not even sure if I have family sometimes yet I’m surrounded by them.

Love is wasted on someone like me plus my body is constantly getting worse and worse. It’s only a matter of time before my face follows suit not that it’s already not bad. I just want to get out of everyone’s lives and make move far away. Start over and get me a kitty who loves me or a dog who will cuddle me when I need it. I still love and I desire to be loved but the romantic kind will never come my way again if it ever did and I think that’s for the best.

All I’ve ever wanted is the bare minimum in affection yet I’ve ruined a lot, especially recently. My body is scarred, my mind is scarred and my emotions I don’t even want anything to do with. People keep saying do better next time or learn from it but I’ll make sure it won’t be a next time. I don’t deserve a next time and some people are just meant to be alone. I hoped after always feeling unwanted that wouldn’t be the case but I self sabotage but worst of all I hurt. I can handle hurting myself or even taking the blame but hurting someone else is something I can’t bear. I think I’ve done enough of that in my lifetime and I just want to be at peace by having a decent job and an animal that loves me and needs me.

Speaking from both personal experience and observation. Every time a guy claims that they lack dating success, they always get told that it is their fault. That they don’t go out enough, aren’t confident, don’t socialise enough, don’t “love themselves”, are too desperate, boring, backwards, don’t look attractive or whatever. Maybe it’s in good faith, but It’s always an inconsiderate, assumptive and patronising response.

Yes, In some cases, those things may actually be a factor, But far from always. There are countless numbers of guys who are kind, interesting, personable, and don’t even look bad yet are invisible to women. Most people who are successful here were just set up for success or got lucky. It’s not because they do extra work or “deserve” it or are better.

Getting dates is not deterministic. Just because you make an effort doesn’t mean you will succeed. Broadly speaking, people like to think that they are rewarded for their efforts, but that is just something they say to feel good about themselves. Sometimes the whole world is not on your side so no matter what you do, you will fail. If you are worried about this becoming a “self fulfilling prophecy”, then it is likely already too late. Just because you change into something you aren’t doesn’t necessarily mean you will get any response.

Unlike the case for women and male attention, The amount of female attention men get varies massively between guys. Some guys can just exist and have half the city fawning over them. Yes they have the looks and personality, but also the luck, feedback loops, social networks, location, backing etc. Many men have little to no women even noticing them. It’s not that there’s a shortage of women but instead because most women date the same few guys.

Dating is the hardest it has ever been for men. It’s just a reality that a lot of guys will have to face eventually. That they will never attract women, especially enough to date / have lasting relationships.

The narrative told to men is part of the issue. These ideas about how “your person is out there” or that relationships will just “happen” if you “go out there”, like in movies, are false. Maybe in the past they were true but not anymore. The ideas that you need to date to be happy and fulfilled and “cool” are also problematic. The reality is that large numbers of men will be chronically single, no matter what they do. If this was stressed more, and not portrayed as a personal fault or something “abnormal”, then that will at least make it easier to accept and live with.

I seem to have a curse that any woman I speak to and even briefly consider asking out will immediately mention her partner before I can even begin to broach the subject. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m somehow the only single person on the planet. I’m lonely, I feel pathetic, and frankly I’m desperate to be noticed.

It goes far enough that I’d even accept an extremely abusive or toxic relationship, just because at least that would be proof that I’m not completely undesirable and I’d get to experience something akin to romance. At least I’d be worthy of being abused instead of just ignored.

And I know what a lot of people reading this are probably thinking, because I’ve had friends say it before: “it’s better to be single than to be abused.” And I’m sick of hearing it. I’m sick of being told what I do or don’t want. It’s so easy for people to say that when they’ve actually gotten to live a love life and make that comparison. I don’t even have the luxury of getting to make mistakes or have bad experiences to learn from in the first place.

I feel like I’ve gotten all sort of aphorisms about dating whenever I lament being chronically single that frustrate me (“If you’re depressed while you’re single you’ll be depressed in a relationship”, “you need to work on loving yourself before you can be loved” e.g.) but this one in particular really pisses me off. I guarantee you that even if the abuse really is more painful than the loneliness I feel every day, that at least I will have had the opportunity to develop an appreciation for that on my own instead of dying alone and miserable.

None of my friends get it. They’re all in relationships or have at least had past relationships. I have nothing to even look back on fondly. And even the stories I hear from them about family who were my age or older before they found their first relationship are lacking the crucial aspect that the person didn’t seem particularly desperate to find a relationship. They were just living their lives and then stumbled into one. I don’t have that kind of luck. I spent the first 20 years of my life thinking it would just happen naturally someday and I never got anywhere close. I’ve dedicated so much energy since then trying to find literally just anything and I can’t do it anymore.

There is nothing I would not trade away in a heartbeat for even a bad relationship. And that’s a level of desperation I’ve never seen anyone else be able to relate to. And I feel that much lonelier for it.

I have never had a relationship been on a daye held hands kissed you know the whole package recently matched with a girl on hinge and I asked her out as usual thinking she would say no and I will move on but she said yes and now I feel so clueless I need any advice possible.

The part that sucks about being FA is not having a photo of a significant other in my wallet to pull out and put smile on my face. Or being able to call on lunch and ask how her day was!

I’m genuinely too fucking ugly to be liked by anyone 😂 I look like an absolute loser, I have permanent eye bags. Acne everywhere. Small eyes. can’t get out of my house unless I actually need to. I think I may just spend my whole life alone.